Dear Andy

Dear Andy,

We all place bookmarks in our life to highlight and chronicle the passage of time. While some people delineate those milestones by happiness and joy, I tend to mark mine by pain.

When I turned 40 last November, I couldn't help but think back about those defining periods in my life. In retrospect, this probably wasn't the best idea. Not only was my marriage in serious trouble at the time but I was also having one of the worst years of my life. Between life, loss, work and family, it seemed as if everything was close to unraveling apart.

To make matters worse, some of my fondest memories in life were always of you, me and Paul celebrating our birthdays together. So naturally, the sadness of missing you always hits me especially hard during that time of year. Aside from 9/11, that's when I truly miss you the most. Even in the best of times, those memories of our birthday celebrations always cast a shadow of melancholy over everything in November.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I found myself in a pretty dark place.

During those tough times, I couldn't help but think about how you would never allow me (or any of our friends) to ever suffer in our sadness alone. Sometimes we'd sit and talk for hours late into the night. Other times, you'd make it your life's mission to put a smile on my face. Your genuine kindness and inherent generosity knew no limits. Was there anyone's face on whom you couldn't put a smile? I often think that was your greatest gift. Over the course of a lifetime, is there any greater gift one could ask from a friend?

It's still hard for me to believe that it's been eight years today since we tragically lost you. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. Other times, it feels like eons ago.

But no matter how much time passes, the pain never really goes away. It never escapes and truthfully I never want to it to. In a weird way, I think I consciously choose to embrace the pain more now because it makes me feel closer to you at a time when I feel like my memories of you are slowly starting to slip away. Sometimes it's almost as if the only thing I have to remember you by is the pain. Does that make any sense?

It's strangely disconcerting how time has changed how I miss you, Andy. For years, I used to painfully miss all the things that so tightly bound our lives together: your daily telephone calls to my office precisely at 8:00 am, the weekly dinners with you and Kyle, the serious late-night talks out at the beach, Sunday night movie club, those absurdly fun vacations all over the place, or all those long, lazy afternoons watching the Giants game and then tossing a football around in Central Park. 

Somehow things have changed now. The ways that I miss you are all so different from one another. Sometimes I'll hear a new song on the radio and my first immediate thought is "Man, Andy would love this tune." Or I'll see someone on the street and my heart will jump into my throat: not because the person looked like you did eight years ago but because he looked like how I'd imagine you would look now. Then there are those momentary pangs of sadness I feel when I stop and realize that I'll never have another friend who was just like you.

I still miss you terribly, Andy, and I think about you all the time. We all do. It doesn't matter how often we all see each other these days, you'll always be the glue that will forever keep us connected. You always were. There's something very comforting in knowing that.

Speaking of "la famiglia," we don't see each other as much these days. Life, work and children have gotten in the way. But man, you would laugh your ass off if you saw us now. Shary is the lazy, old man that we always joked he would become. We went skiing in Utah this year and, at one point, he asked me and Kyle to pick up his socks. Needless to say, all three of us were sitting on the couch together at the time. Russell is still Russell. Last time I saw him, he was going on a macro-vegan-organic diet, absolving from alcohol, and hitting the gym every day. Vegas had the over/under on that at about 8 hours. Roy has become fully Persian and continues to make babies on a near-annual basis but he's still the same lovable low-talker that he always was. And your old roomie Kyle is still the fun-loving single guy that we've known for years. Since Sofia and I decided to get divorced, he's alternated between being my partner-in-crime, my surrogate spouse, and my therapist.

So yeah...basically I guess I'm saying that although things have changed, everything still remains the same.

I know I always say that I won't cry on 9/11, Andy. This year, I don't think I'm I'm even going to bother fighting the tears. Instead I'll embrace the pain of your loss and use the time to remember all the many things that I loved about you and the many ways that you affected all our lives.

You were one of the best friends a man could ever have and though our time together was tragically cut short, I consider myself lucky to have had you as a friend. For that, I will always be grateful.

I will always love you.

And I will always miss you.

Rest in peace, Andy. 

Love,
Your friend Pierre

Comments

[Haley]

Your Dear Andy letters always get me choked up. I worked in the South Tower and 8 years later I'm still not quite sure why I made it when so many others didn't. It's head spinning and easier to just brush to the side and go about day to day life. Kudos to you for allowing yourself to really feel the pain of losing a loved one.

[tys]

its been a long time i visited u...but iam glad i did..sometimes it feels like i get to know myself thru strangers..maybe its the jd talking but its when u r alone that u realize how many lives have touched urs....

[Steve]

It is nice that you had a friend that you could share so much with. I am sorry for your loss. I am happy that you still care for him in your every day life. True friends never die.

[Stacy]

Nothing like this will ever happen in my family. It is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

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Jemma - I just love number 28 priothealosm at its best this is what really goes on behind closed doors! Removing nasal hair from the father of bride is just one of those hysterical but magic moments that ensure every little detail is just right for the perfect wedding day! A fabulous insight Ian!February 13, 2011 3:56 pm

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We have a very simple picoly for health care, we give you what you need, not what you can buy. It's very frustrating to hear such bull shit, in France we saw a video of a black woman dying on CCTV in a New York hospital because no one took care of her, please, don't take this like an attack, I just want you to realize that people in your country deny health care to people so that they can build a new swimming pool in one of their mansions.

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I encourage weahevtr jackasses gave me a thumbs downs to speak up.What matters is that they are alive. Why should I be expected to pay their bill? A European style health-care system in the United States simply will not work for reasons others could state far better than me. There are improvements we can make but we can't adopt the European/Canadian solution.And I would rather have my tax dollars going to the defense of the nation.

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I have no idea about where you get your news, but seriously I am skhoced by the ignorance of your comment, especially after what I went through last week. I live in Paris, I broke my meniscus, I went to the Hospital and I was operated yesterday for 200 $ all for all (about 10 thousand dollars in your country). I'm saying this for your own good, you are being ripped off by corporate thugs and you read the news of people that work for them.

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Ohhhh Anda. I feel like my heart is going to burst after looking at these. These are so wudfernol and, knowing Andy in that way that you know people after spending three days with them at Jesh's workshop, capture his devoted and caring spirit. After hearing him talk about his Jess, I love being able to see their love in action in these photos. So so beautiful.

[Bello]

we give you what you need No, you get what they can afford, which isn't much. That's why our medcial tourism trade is soo much bigger than yours. i'd rather get that cancer taken care of now, at a cost to me, than a year from now when it's too late.There are worse things than expensive healthcare. Oppressive government

[Sheylamendes]

That b+w frame (in the field): They're hugging, you see the back of his head, and her geouorgs, Oh my goodness I LOVE this man face. That's exactly what her face, her eyes, though closed, say.And you, only you, could make me hear those exact words, so audibly.Without a sound.xoA

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[Billa]

This little fella was my very first nworebn shoot. Logan is so small and cute ♥ And the little sounds he makes is sooo adorable! You cana0tell I don't geta0to do with nworebns often! Haha! A few months ago I dida0Rocco and Lizelle's pregnancy shoot as well. You can see that here.

[Otto]

Half an hour! A whole 30 minutes. Stupendous! Well done you. We're still hvinroeg around the 10 minute mark, well 10 minutes painting and 10 hours clean - up! [I do tend to exaggerate of course]Cheers

[Alice]

I'll bet they were really proud of their work too. These piutcres warm my heart. My 2 year old grandson has done piutcres for me that I have up on my bedroom walls.

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