Overrated.com: Fun with Deconstruction

“The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” - Christopher Hitchens.

I'm both a quote junkie and a Christopher Hitchens fan so I was kind of surprised tonight when I stumbled on this sentence and realized that I'd never seen it before. While I'm not sure I agree with the statement, I sort of liked the sentiment behind it. Hitchens’ list is interesting because it’s completely unexpected. Here are four modern indulgences that seem to define the laissez-faire hedonism of our aspirational society. Is there any real argument against any of them?

Let's discuss...

Champagne: I drink one glass of champagne per year. And yes, it's on New Year's eve. Does that make it overrated? I'm not sure. I can only think back of the old TV show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" when host Robin Leach would close out every show with the benediction, "champagne wishes and caviar dreams!" I guess that means champagne is representative of the American desire for wealth and an upper-class lifestyle. However, as an adult beverage, I think I'd go with the smoky flavor of a good single-malt scotch or an ice-cold tequila.

Verdict: Symbolical significance loses out to nouveau-riche pretension. Over-rated.

Lobster: David Foster Wallace, in his brilliant essay "Consider the Lobster" wrote one of my favorite and best-crafted sentences of all-time: "Is it all right to boil a sentient creature alive just for our gustatory pleasure?"

Verdict: Fuck yeah! Lobster is delicious, yo.

Anal Sex: I am not being a prude when I say that I have never desired to have anal sex with a woman. I've just always simply believed that engaging in anal sex would be the equivalent of eating chicken when there was duck on the menu. There are further issues on this topic that I am too prudish to broach but I'll take Hitchens on his word here.

Verdict: Not my cup of tea but to each his own.

Picnics: On the other hand, I'm a sucker for a good picnic. In fact, I challenge you to find a man who is more heterosexual than I yet takes more pride in his 6-piece setting wicker picnic basket. For me, picnics have the same appeal as long afternoons at a baseball game. They harken back to an era of unrushed pleasure when time was not of the most immediate essence and life progressed at a slower pace.

Verdict: Under-rated.

It doesn't really matter whether I agree with Christopher Hitchens or not. The one thing I've always admired about Hitch is that nobody ever seems to agree with him and he seems to do an excellent job of offending a hugely wide array of people all for completely different reasons. Still, you can’t help but admit there’s something to admire about the guy in making a statement like that.

So with all due respect, here's my list of the top 10 Most Over-Rated Things in Life:

1. Harry Potter books.
2. The frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.
3. Spa Days
4. Sex on a beach
5. French food
6. Yoga
7. Al Gore
8. Mt. Rushmore
9. Derek Jeter
10. "Everybody Loves Raymond"

Honorary mention to Ben Affleck, breastfeeding, Maya Angelou, Bill Belichick, The DaVinci Code, cats, sliced bread, the Prius, Chipotle, Twitter, Crocs, and the Mona Lisa.

Oh yeah, one more thing...blogs. Specifically, this one.

Feel free to discuss, deconstruct, or disagree. More importantly, what's on YOUR list?

Comments

[KATY.]

Honestly, how do you come up with these ideas for your posts? I love the fact that they're all so random. Sometimes serious. Sometimes funny. I'm so glad I found your site via BHJ.

[mrs.notouching]

YES! Harry Potter books! Finally! Somebody said it!

[Muskrat]

Living in Atlanta, I have to say the Georgia Bulldogs are overrated. Every year in the preseason.

I too have a kickass picnic basket. We use it all the time for "screen on the green" at Piedmont Park. BHJ can eat a dick.

[Lisa]

Anal sex. For sure.
And sex on the beach.
And Harry Potter, Twilight, Family Guy and, I hate to admit it, but The Dark Knight.

[britt]

I'm with Joan on the oyster issue I once declared (after indulging) that the answer to all relationship problems can be found with a cold beer a good oyster and a sad country song. I also agree about breastfeeding. Overrated- expensive purses and shoes Underrated home grown veggies bacon good babies

[amyB]

MD: You are awesome... my new, all time favorite quote ever: "I've just always simply believed that engaging in anal sex would be the equivalent of eating chicken when there was duck on the menu."

Anytime a boyfriend asks, I'll give them that reasoning.

(And the underlies if that means...I'll think of you when guys are trying to enter the "exit only" region. I feel weird about it, too.)

[Cindy]

The Mona Lisa
Starbucks
Theatre
Designer clothing
Oysters - gross
Diamonds

[Carolyn K]

I love your list of overrated things in life. I agree with all of them. Especially yoga. When will that hyper-annoying trend end? Enough already!

Namaste!

[Jenny]

Overrated: hot tubs, shellfish, vampire books/movies, fruity cocktails, handguns

Underrated: literary fiction, caprese salad, Irish whiskey, marriage, Texas

[Jason F.]

Following anal sex with a lobster at a picnic, champagne is utterly devine.

[KH]

I love anal sex. I like champagne. I fucking hate picnics. If I want bugs, I'll eat the ones I choose (lobster), not the ones that crawl all over me while I try to get comfortable sitting on the ground.

Over-rated:
Starbucks coffee - a big ol' cup of burnt
Andrew Lloyd Webber - the same freakin' thing over and over again, for $100+ a seat
U2 - sanctimonious posturing disguised (poorly) as music
LA - poorly designed city, full of crime, noise, pollution, and assholes

Under-rated:
Breastfeeding - Nutritious, cheap, and fun
Flyer chocolates - Yummy domestic chocolate
Old style social networking, like topic-oriented bulletin boards... remember ruthless troll hunting? :sigh:
Eddie Izzard - Genius in high heels
Sloth - the best original sin EVER
Langos - best crap food (eastern European fried dough)

On the fence:
Multiple orgasms - So fun, and yet exhausting and not entirely necessary.

[NG]

There's a story that gets told whenever my family gets together about our pilgrimage to Mt. Rushmore. Apparently, 5 year old me asked when we were going to get there and see Mt. Rushmore every five minutes of an 8 hour car drive. When we could finally see it out the car window, my father turned around from the driver's seat and said, "Look there it is! There's Mt. Rushmore!"

And I, as the story goes, looked up from my coloring book, took a gander at the great mountain and said, "Big deal."

Jesus take the wheel, yo!

[JoJo]

Has anybody considered the fact that while considered individually the four things on Christopher H's list may be overrated, but when aggregated sound pretty damn good.
I mean, who would not pass up a lobster and champagne picnic with a side of anal sex?

[momomax]

brownstones
hangovers
lombardi's
capitalization
breast feeding (has nothing to do with ejaculation)
love, actually
picnics with no restaurant underneath them
caviar
bruce willis

[Audra Cherry]

Over-rated:
status cars
pot
reality tv
newspapers
Nobu Miami

Under-rated:
The Weather Channel ( nice shows)
reading books
Joe's Stone Crab coleslaw
pheromones
hugging as foreplay
ironed sheets

[Rachel E.]

Kissing! I forgot about kissing! SO under-rated!!

[eileen]

OVER: the Europe backpacking experience, Harry Potter, "girls night out", cupcakes, baths, weddings, Dave Matthews Band, irony

UNDER: breakfast for dinner, disco naps, running in the rain, handwritten correspondence

[Celeste]

Over-rated:
lobster
work
politics, lip service, and kudos
funerals

Under-rated:
really connecting with people
being there and actually helping
kindness

[ShotgunDaddy]

MD...
I plan on spending a Sunday afternoon in Cooperstown, NY, about eleven years and eleven months from now. Perhaps we can get together for a picnic to discuss the fallacy of #9 on your list.

[HH]

Who else that I know can reference Hitchens, Wallace, Lambeau, Jeter, etc all in one post? Great post, MD.

[Jill]

PICNICS! I love picnics too. Way underrated.

[gabriella]

"I've just always simply believed that engaging in anal sex would be the equivalent of eating chicken when there was duck on the menu."

That might be MY favorite and well-crafted sentence ever. Love the way your twisted mind works, MD.

[papa2hapa]

Overrated

Sleep
Water
Exercise
The Super Bowl
Picnic baskets
Reading blogs
Maya Angelou & Toni Morrison

Underrated

Literary critics
Asshole Literature teachers like me
Sarcasm
Political Incorrectness
Frivolous spending

[KC]

I am so glad you mentioned BREAST FEEDING. over-the-hill over rated.

[mm22]

overrated:
Obamam
Facebook

(I just don't get it.)

[Alexa]

Over-rated top threes right now:
1. Exams-- Yes, I understand the need to examine students' knowledge, but honestly it just favours those who can cram like hell and memorise the textbook overnight.-- fyi: I am one of those people who can memorise a textbook for an exam and then forget everything straight after the exam.
2. War
3. Mornings-- not a morning person.

[Lola]

"Daughter's First Paycheck" post is underrated. That is hilarious!
www.jenesgems.blogspot.com

[mo-wo]

Yeah Bacon is underrated even when it's overrated.

That's my Canadian answer, eh!

(psst.. also co-parenting ... overrated. thinking of ya.)

[Gray Matter]

Question--Sex On The Beach...of the drink or the sand in your crack variety.

Eh, doesn't matter, you're right either way.

[Ann]

Underrated:
Authentic southern sweet tea
Mom's fried chicken
Walking on the beach at night
Homeschooling
Watching your child sleep

[Kila]

Sitting here in shock about #2. You just lost any Packers-fan readers you had. But, that's probably not your market anyway.

Lambeau is an other-worldly experience, even for a non-football-watching girl like me.

Agree with the rest of your list.

[Jason (aka Second Time Around Dad)]

Oh gods, I want to adapt a lot from everyone's list...so here we go, I hope I catch everything here this time:

Over:
CGI! COME ON! If you can't do it with practical effects, at least somewhere in the mix, then don't do it!
The new Fast and Furious movie...really horrible plot, and not a lot of great action...and by extension, Hokeyo Drift. Lame. Lame. Lame.
Reality TV
Twilight (Vampires don't fucking sparkle! Unless they're gay)
Marriage (it's not worth the effort, let civil unions become the same as marriage with easier dissolution routes)
Starbucks (tastes like liquid shit)
Under- and over-rated lists...tee-hee!

I also agree with the superhuman thread count sheets (WTF is the purpose? I like the cotton T-shirt style sheets!), and pretty much anything else anyone has ever said.

middle-ground: basically I like but don't think these things are under- or over-rated:

Weeds, How I Met Your Mother, Rachael Maddow, The Daily Show, MSNBC, Playstation 2

Under-rated:

Metallica, Megadeth, Playstation 3, Saving money on everything possible to save money on, Queen of the Damned, Waiting, Clerks 2, independent film, The Movie Channel, American Movie Classics (AMC), Fox Movie Channel, Showtime, Starz, Comedy Central Roasts

[Jason (aka Second Time Around Dad)]

and finally, I forgot the things that make me the most giddy, and in series are SOOOOO OOO O underrated!

Beer, Karaoke, Good friends, great cheeseburgers and sex for the sake of sex.

BTW, As far as multiple orgasms go, being on the fence on those is ok i guess. I'd kill to have a multiple orgasm again. I did it ONE time, and it was the most blissful experience ever, a great symbiosis of sex, love for my wife and the powerful ejaculation encountered.

PS: Breastfeeding is awesome, its a great thing, and I enjoy being able to utilize the heightened sensitivity during sex, and WOW! Life is good! Hell, SEX is good!

[Jason (aka Second Time Around Dad)]

RE: Kila...Kinnick Stadium is an experience in and of itself as well, and I'm holding out to get tickets for an Iowa/Iowa State game there, F the Packers!

[Kim]

Hostels - definitely overrated.

[Mrs. Q.]

Plymouth Rock.

I never get tired of seeing excited kids walk up, look over the railing and go "What? That's IT?"

[Abha]

ok except Harry Potter, Everybody Loves Raymond AND breastfeeding i agree with ya! ofcos the pain of BFing is underrated is what i mean! :p

otha than natural birth (i hate pitying looks when i say i had a c sec), size zero is terribly overrated!

cheers!

[Keith Wilcox]

Derek Jeter, definitely overrated. Sex on the Beach is not something I've ever tried, but it sounds sandy and a little weird. I have to admit that I really enjoyed Mt Rushmore with the kids, although I admit it wasn't as much because of the mountain as it was all the activities; the actual carving is a bit distant and small (ok, you're right about it.) I too am a huge Christopher Hitchens http://www.mekeliki.com/education/teaching-god-to-kids-you-decide/ fan. I used to be Christian before I started listening to him and Richard Dawkins.

Thank you for the amusing article.

[Mitch McDad]

Dude. I knew I like you for a reason. I'm a huge Hitchens fan and I had never seen that quote before.

My ratings on Hitchens' picks: 2 are underrated and 2 are overrated. That's all I can say.

[Terrified Dad]

Totally with the comment made here about Twitter being over rated... the more I read people's Tweets the more i lose total respect for them!
We all lead relatively banal lives, I just don't need to know you had pineapple for breakfast... again!

[Dumb Daddy]

At my last picnic, I get loaded on champagne and had anal sex with a lobster.

I think Hitchens may be right.

[kittenpie]

No, no, sliced bread is good for people like me who manage to cut pieces one inch thick on one side and one foot thick on the other. That's good stuff, that.

I'm with you on the champagne, though.

[Natasha]

Well, sex on the beach is just dangerous. Didn't you read that Cracked.com article? Terrifying.

Breastfeeding is not overrated even a little bit. Okay, maybe a little bit. But only a little.

Overrated:

-owning a dog
-having a fancy, decorated house
-shower sex
-Twilight books (not that I've read them and I'm Mormon so that's really saying something but I have it on good authority that they're not well written)
-traveling first class

[Learn Korean]

Great blog! Kim from http://www.koreanclass101.com/. Let me know when you get a chance to read. Thanks!

[Dave]

All too funny!Have I reached a sad spot in life if I say sex is over rated or am I just having it with the wrong person?

[Fiona]

Dude, I knew I liked you when the first thing on your over-rated list was the Harry Potter books. You friggin' rock.

I agree with you about breast-feeding too.

Overrated:
blonde hair
high heels
cigars (the smell is yech!)

[Tony]

Maybe those four things are overrated but if I knew I was having a picnic with lobster and champagne and then topping it off with anal sex, I'd be pretty excited.

[Rerto Jordans]

If everyone wants to have his own house. With their own power to realize. So we are good refueling! To create a better tomorrow!

[Retro Jordans]

The things attracte me in your blog is what you write and the style you demonstrate. Thank you. Best wishes to you.

[Sue]

I like the way you think about things. At least you are honest!