Overrated.com: Fun with Deconstruction

“The four most over-rated things in life are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics.” - Christopher Hitchens.

I'm both a quote junkie and a Christopher Hitchens fan so I was kind of surprised tonight when I stumbled on this sentence and realized that I'd never seen it before. While I'm not sure I agree with the statement, I sort of liked the sentiment behind it. Hitchens’ list is interesting because it’s completely unexpected. Here are four modern indulgences that seem to define the laissez-faire hedonism of our aspirational society. Is there any real argument against any of them?

Let's discuss...

Champagne: I drink one glass of champagne per year. And yes, it's on New Year's eve. Does that make it overrated? I'm not sure. I can only think back of the old TV show "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" when host Robin Leach would close out every show with the benediction, "champagne wishes and caviar dreams!" I guess that means champagne is representative of the American desire for wealth and an upper-class lifestyle. However, as an adult beverage, I think I'd go with the smoky flavor of a good single-malt scotch or an ice-cold tequila.

Verdict: Symbolical significance loses out to nouveau-riche pretension. Over-rated.

Lobster: David Foster Wallace, in his brilliant essay "Consider the Lobster" wrote one of my favorite and best-crafted sentences of all-time: "Is it all right to boil a sentient creature alive just for our gustatory pleasure?"

Verdict: Fuck yeah! Lobster is delicious, yo.

Anal Sex: I am not being a prude when I say that I have never desired to have anal sex with a woman. I've just always simply believed that engaging in anal sex would be the equivalent of eating chicken when there was duck on the menu. There are further issues on this topic that I am too prudish to broach but I'll take Hitchens on his word here.

Verdict: Not my cup of tea but to each his own.

Picnics: On the other hand, I'm a sucker for a good picnic. In fact, I challenge you to find a man who is more heterosexual than I yet takes more pride in his 6-piece setting wicker picnic basket. For me, picnics have the same appeal as long afternoons at a baseball game. They harken back to an era of unrushed pleasure when time was not of the most immediate essence and life progressed at a slower pace.

Verdict: Under-rated.

It doesn't really matter whether I agree with Christopher Hitchens or not. The one thing I've always admired about Hitch is that nobody ever seems to agree with him and he seems to do an excellent job of offending a hugely wide array of people all for completely different reasons. Still, you can’t help but admit there’s something to admire about the guy in making a statement like that.

So with all due respect, here's my list of the top 10 Most Over-Rated Things in Life:

1. Harry Potter books.
2. The frozen tundra of Lambeau Field.
3. Spa Days
4. Sex on a beach
5. French food
6. Yoga
7. Al Gore
8. Mt. Rushmore
9. Derek Jeter
10. "Everybody Loves Raymond"

Honorary mention to Ben Affleck, breastfeeding, Maya Angelou, Bill Belichick, The DaVinci Code, cats, sliced bread, the Prius, Chipotle, Twitter, Crocs, and the Mona Lisa.

Oh yeah, one more thing...blogs. Specifically, this one.

Feel free to discuss, deconstruct, or disagree. More importantly, what's on YOUR list?

Comments

[Ian]

Coldplay!

[Eleanor P.]

Much more agree with your list than Hitch's, MD. I might have to disagree on the champagne part though!

[BL]

Newly discovered under-rated loves:
Roxy Music
Bike riding
DIY

Over-rated:
Jesus (Pierre, I will meet you in Hell.)
American Idol
Target's designer collaborations
Rachel Ray

[JDG]

Your list is fantastic. You left out SUVs, Obama and jet skis.

[Amy Sue Nathan]

Underrated:
Clicking 'thumbs up' on Facebook when you can't think of a list of your own.

[Aimee]

I agree with you on the picnics.

For some odd reason, I think you might enjoy a visit to The Greenbrier, probably because in some way, it harkens to days gone by when people were fashionable in travel and took time to enjoy themselves. Maybe you could come to WV for a weekend away and enjoy it!

[MT]

Champagne, especially Cristal. OVER-RATED!

[Jacob]

You're a weird dude, MD. I like you.

[Don Mattingly]

Derek Jeter is more overrated than Jose Reyes? Could only come from a Mets fan. Go Yankees!

[Mama Bee]

I don't want to jump your shit, but how did "breastfeeding" get on the list?!

[Krista]

Lambeau cannot be overrated. It is amazing, and I don't even LIKE football. I have a chunk of it somewhere that Reggie White sent me as a kid (yes, I'm only 22.)

Over-rated:
Toy dogs
dog clothing
designer beer
knitting

[Nick D.]

Over-rated:

Merlot
Matching outfits
Singing in the rain
Reality shows
Twilight books
David Ortiz

[Julie Kang]

Huh, interesting list from Hitchens. I disagree with him on 3/4...totally on board about the anal sex, though. Although I don't have a prostate so I might be missing out on something there.

I also enjoy a lot of things on your list, but again, I will hand it to you about sex on the beach. All that exfoliating going on down there, oy vey.

If I made a list, single malt scotch would definitely be on it. ;P Joking! Seriously, I'm one of those Pollyanna types who can find something cool in everything. I'll have to think about it.

[Captain Dumbass]

Facebook

[Rachel E.]

Over-Rated:
Kanye West (what a jerk!)
Porn
Southern food
Marriage

Under-Rated:
Laughter through tears
Hostess Ho-Hos
Pino Grigio
Marriage (go figure)

[Jason]

Well, I do have to agree with everyone here, however, I'll make a few adjustments.

Not Obama...but the worship of him as if he is Christ, totally over-rated, like, gag me with a Oreo Blizzard.

Everything else is spot on. I even agree with marriage as over-rated as well. Some of my friends even agree more so than I.

Here is my thoughts on MD's list:

So with all due respect, here's my list of the top 10 Most Over-Rated Things in Life:

Mt. Rushmore, sure compared to driving THROUGH a hill in Arkansas it's over-rated, but it's still astonishing to see, at least once...and then never again.

"Honorary mention to Ben Affleck, breastfeeding, Maya Angelou, Bill Belichick, The DaVinci Code, cats, sliced bread, the Prius, Chipotle, Twitter, Crocs, and the Mona Lisa." Couldn't agree more, aside for Chipolte, that stuff is freakin metal \m/!

Oh yeah, one more thing...blogs. Specifically, this one. Really? You're blog is amazing, I always enjoy reading it, even if some of the subject matter is, well, I don't want to say over my head, but unfamiliar territory...well, I have to go, my cat's meowing is going to wake my kid.

[BHJ]

Dude you teased me about blogher and you have a 6-piece setting wicker picnic basket.

[Sara]

I hate "Everybody Loves Raymond" more than life itself.

[wn]

Under-Rated:

Strong Showers
Natural Hotsprings
Pete Townshend
GOOD dark chocolate
dutch cheese

Over-Rated

Australian Wine (with a few exceptions)
Paris
Hockey Fights
Chris Brown
Twilight movie(soon to be movies)

[ang]

Over-rated:
A spic-n-span house
sheets with a thread count over 800
bottled water
organic clothes

Under-rated:
grandma's kimchi
homemade tortillas
vine-ripened homegrown tomatoes
wait, everything on this list will be food. . . ha ha ha!

You blog is seriously under-rated. You RULE!

[Dave]

Hmmm...

OVER-RATED
Virtually any action movie
The Who: Really, wtf was up with that Tommy stuff?! Are we supposed to relate with that on ANY level?)
U-2: all sounds the same
Sledding: So I have to schlep this thing up the hill for 10 minutes for a stupid 30 second ride?
Shallow hookups with random chicks: I have to at least tell myself that, since I'm married.

UNDER-RATED
Pho
The author, T.R. Pearson (read "Blue Ridge", especially if you love well-used language)
Bourbon and coke

Note: The chicken wouldn't look more exciting than the duck if one were not barred from all other restaurants and the only one that lets one in refuses to serve chicken. It's known as the "Forbidden Poultry Effect." The chef gets a little cranky when you try to order things that are not on the menu. Also, she claims that "Dueling Banjos" is not appropriate music for making sexy-time.

[Chelsea]

I agree for the most part with what people are saying, except the Jesus, marriage, Obama, champagne, and breastfeeding I think those are good.

My own over-rated list:

blackberries
texting
facebook
eating out

[Liberal Banana]

After reading yours and everyone else's, the over-rated things I agreed with are religion , marriage (even though I just tied the knot), bottled water and super high-thread count sheets (good call, ang)!

[Lucia M.]

What does it say about me that 4 of my most favorite things in the world are champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics?

[JennyLouWho]

Over rated:

*cell phones and the ability to speak to anyone, anywhere, at anytime.
*fucking scrapbooking.
*lolcats
*DisneyWorld

Underrated:

*Family road trips to Nat'l Parks
*Unplugging from technology
*A game of darts that includes copious amounts of shit talking
*the emotional healing power of dog kisses

[whoorl]

Chipotle? Chipotle? Oh, I love it so.

[jiveturkey]

Over: cosmetic surgery, smooth jazz, pajamas, reality tv, padma lakshimi.

Under: age, phineas + ferb, GU, solitude, clifford brown.

[ml]

over:
baths
poetry
twitter
expensive chocolate
champagne and mixed cocktails

under:
books
talking
walking
sleeping
quiet

[Estelle]

Underrated: the randomness of all the posts that you write here. I love it!

[Rob O.]

You forgot to add the Harry Potter movies to your overrated list. And what about Twilight? Ugh!

Also overrated (in no particular order):

Oysters on the half-shell. Those are just simply gross - and overpriced.

Getting Things Done. C'mon, some GTD geeks spend more time planning than the actual doing will take!

Tim Ferris! 4-day work week, my ass.

Hot tubs. Can you say "human soup?"

Shrimp cocktail. Toss those bad boys in the oven for a few minutes with some garlic butter and I'm your man. But cold shrimp? Blech!!

Michael Bay (& Jerry Bruckheimer) movies. Gratuitous explosions, fast cars, & babes - all mindless fluff, no substance. Plus, I can Google better pics of Megan Fox and save my $8.

[kaylen]

These are all so good!
Ugh- hot tubs, I just don't get that. Why would you want to bathe with other people?? Gross.

What about high heels? Hello, bunions?? I hate me some high heels.

Yoga! It's slow-motion stretching!!

Marriage--why do over half end in divorce if it's so wonderful??

[talda]

are you talking the drink or the activity?

i see your harry potter and raise you twilight.

oh and poker references. overrated and overdone.

[Issa]

Sex on a beach is not worth the though. Ouch.

Overrated: Facebook. iPhones. Pilates. Kaballah. Smart Cars. Twilight series.

Underrated: Books. Music and art in schools. Board Games. Crossword puzzles. Phone calls. Letters.

[Jenna]

Omg, please take Harry Potter off the over-rated list, I about had a heart attack.

[Neil]

I think most sexual fantasies seem better to be left in the head, and overrrated. Who really wants to have sex on the beach, with the sand getting into everyone's crevices? For years I have heard about the wonders of joining the mile high club. Yeah, like where? I can hardly fit into my seat in coach? The bathroom? That is utterly disgusting. I'm not sure I would go for sex at the picnic either, with all the ants. Call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with the bed? Or maybe to spice it up -- on a special event -- the couch...

[Rob O.]

Oh yeah... poker! When the heck did poker become a sport?!! They broadcast poker tournaments on ESPN, fer cryin' out loud! What, it's a slow bowling week? No dodgeball matches to cover?

With the possible (maybe) exception of fishing - and I'm pretty iffy on whether that even qualifies - any activity you can do while chewing on a toothpick ain't a sport.

[Michael K.]

Overrated: golf, the suburbs, trophy wives

Underrated: jazz, skiing, irish whiskey

[teufelkindsvater]

Overrated:
Cellphones, texting, twitting, facebooking, movies in general - going to the theater even more so. Stephen King. Anything made in a crock pot - casserole ISN'T cooking folks. Baseball, basketball, football, Nascar - just because I'm male doesn't mean I want to talk about sports. Male bonding.

Underrated:
Alfresco drinks in the afternoon. QUIET. Dark night skies. The Talking Heads. Terry Pratchett. Green Tea. Nightswimming. Blasphemy. Scuba diving. A TRULY well mixed Martini.

Personal Pet Peeve:
Schmancy cocktails - They are NOT Martinis gang. A Martini has 3 ingredients. Gin, Vermouth, and a lemon OR olive. Add an onion and it's a Gibson. Vodka instead? Then it's a Vodka Martini.

Anything else is just a cocktail. Please don't call it a Martini if it's green or has chocolate drizzled in it.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Overrated:
U2
Weeds
American Idol
Kurt Warner
Kevin Costner
Sookie Stackhouse books
Coldplay

Underrated:
Bacon
Fight Club (book and movie, not the fighting)
System of a Down
Studio 60

[Chris]

I agree with everything you wrote except I kinda dig French food. Or, maybe it's the wine I dig.

Overrated: natural childbirth

[Jemma]

Overrated: Marriage

Underrated: Children

[Jen]

Sand fleas are a fucking nightmare.

Over rated: Reality TV.

[michelle]

Twilight, sex in a swimming pool, The Notebook, youth, camping, obsessive exercising, CUPCAKES.

[cj4]

They may throw me out of California for even thinking this, let alone saying it out loud, but:

In-n-Out

It should be a member of the inaugural class of the Over-rated Hall of Fame. Sorry, folks, but it ain't all that. And, no, the fries suck, too.

[Whitney]

The overrated stuff it's easy. It's everywhere these days. How many things live up to the hype?

Underrated is more interesting. I'm going with:

Good scotch
Campfires
Good t-shirts
Homemade bread
Long hugs
Even longer kisses
Fresh strawberries

I guess I could go on and on and on.

[Jake D.]

I'm with Hitch. I hate lobster, champagne, anal sex, and picnics. Only tried 3 out of 4 though!

[joan]

Red wine is my choice.
(Laughing), lobster is not delicious!
Anal sex - don't even want to go there.
picnics - under-rated!

4, sounds good.
8, it is beautiful!
The DaVinci Code - Are you sure?!

[KC]

Man, you just can't list breastfeeding unless you have mammary glands and have used them. Just. can't. That's like me saying 'ejaculation.'

Also, I must take issue with someone's mention of oysters on the half shell. To that person: You don't know what you are missing and you are a wussy.

Spa days- this also falls in the Estrogen-requirement category. That's like me saying 'playing poker with the guys, drinking good scotch and smoking cigars, all at once.'

Underrated: Minivans, baby. Honda Odyssey minivans rock the freaking house.

[Libby]

Overrated:
Nirvana (the band)
Brazilian waxing
In-n-Out
Having to make everything in antibacterial form
Organic food
iPhone

Underrated:
Developing film, rather than uploading
Getting dressed up just because
Jell-o salads

[Becmaha]

I have to ask...how many Maya Angelou books have you read? A few lines from her books:

I took [my home town's] being for granted and now, five years later, I was returning, expecting to find the shield of anonymity I had known as a child.

The greatest compensation for youth's illness is the utter ignorance of the seriousness of the affliction.

Thus we had lived through a major war. The question in the ghettos was, Can we make it through a minor peace?

I sensed a wrongness around me, like an alarm clock had gone off without being set.

The Depression must have hit the white section of Stamps with cyclonic impact, but it seeped into the Black area slowly, like a thief with misgivings.

It was when the owners of cotton fields dropped the payment of ten cents for a pound of cotton to eight, seven, and finally five that the Negro community realized that the Depression, at least, did not discriminate.

Without willing it, I had gone from being ignorant of being ignorant to being aware of being aware.

Few, if any, survive their teens. Most surrender to the vague but murderous pressure of adult conformity.

You as a writer must appreciate that writing!

Really? Over-rated??