The Rules: 25 Life lessons for my daughter

My father has never given me any advice.

The one time I remember him even trying was when I was 18 and on my way out of the house for the evening. As I recall, he briefly looked up from his newspaper and said, "You know about condoms, right?"

End of conversation.

Thank you, Obi Wan Kenobi.

In all seriousness, it always deeply wounded me that we never had any of those father-son conversations where he would counsel me about life and give me lessons of an admonitory or hortative nature that might provide a road map for how to live my life.

Needless to say, ever since my daughter was born, I've been bombarding her with advice on a near-daily basis. It's almost pathological. It's as if I'm trying to imbue her with all my knowledge before I go gently into that good night. 

My list of lessons that I want to pass down to her is virtually endless and constantly changing but I thought I'd write some of those lessons down here. Not only for posterity but also as a daily reminder to myself that one of the keys to parenting is consistency.

Some of these lessons are humorous. Some are serious.

However, all of them are true...

(1) When posing for any photos, assume that the only people who will see them are me, your mother, your boss, and the dean of admissions.

(2) Lennon, not McCartney. Keith, not Mick. Page, not Plant. 

(3) Life is too short not to order the fries.

(4) Never date a man who is rude to waiters, doesn't say "bless you" when you sneeze, or won't offer you his jacket when you're cold. 

(5) Never order drinks that are pink or come with an umbrella in them. Don't be fancy.

(6) Don't worry about being popular. The "weird" kids are much more fun and will end up being your most interesting friends. Also, when it comes to friends, you can't trump quality with quantity. Choose wisely. Who would you call to drive your white Bronco?

(7) Give charitably, generously, and anonymously.

(8) Crocs are for people who have given up on life.

(9) Never cheat. Not on exams, the crossword puzzle, or your boyfriend.

(10) If you love someone, tell them. Don't hold back.

(11) It may be a small world but it's a huge planet. Grab every opportunity to see as much of it as you possibly can. Most people don't.

(12) Keep your eye on the ball and follow through, both in sports and in life.

(13) Speaking of sports, pick a team and stick with them. There are few things more important in life than loyalty. It's a dying trait currently in short supply. Trust me. I'm a Mets fan.

(14) Never regret staying home alone with a good book.

(15) If you feel the need to reinvent yourself, at least be original. No tattoos unless you're in the armed forces. No body piercings unless you become a pre-Columbian tribal Aztec. No orange hair unless you join the circus.

(16) Learn from the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And always remember that the story is never over.

(17) Don't make a scene.

(18) Learn how to entertain yourself. Close the door, crank up the stereo, and dork out. Invent new dance moves. Play the air guitar. Practice your touchdown moves. Too many people are self conscious even when they're alone. Don't be one of those people.

(19) While you're at it, learn how to laugh at yourself.

(20) When you realize that everyone comes from a dysfunctional family, life gets a little easier and you feel a little less crazy.  The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.

(21) Thank you notes are to be written promptly by hand on personal stationery. E-mails, phone calls and text messages don't count.

(22) Remember that nice guys do finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

(23) Learn to cook one thing really well.

(24) Happiness is not fame, money or power. The key to life is finding your sweet spot.

(25) Take every piece of advice anyone ever gives you with a grain of salt.

What advice do you want to pass on to your kids? What's the one life lesson that you wished someone had taught you earlier? What's the best piece of advice you ever received from your parents? Am I the only one who never received any?

Spill it, folks. An inquiring mind wants to know.

Comments

[IzzyMom]

You know, I'm the say way—I have a never ending list of advice I MUST impart to my children. I thought I was the only one with that particular parenting quirk!

[rita]

Good advice, Once my grandpa told me " its better to ask for forgiveness than permission." I thought that was pretty good advice.

[Le]

My favorite advice is "It is our job to make the world a better place." My husband and I both emphasize this without regard to religion or politics. It's easy . . . follow your heart. (That one is my fave and one I'll share)

[S]

My dad has gems. The best for my teenage years:
"Be good. If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, don't name it after me."

[jaz]

i remember a few my dad gave me....
the whole point in getting them down is to kick them and run.
y fight with a fool? anyone watching will wonder who the real fool is.

[Main0]

My dad has always lived by the book,
His advice to his daughters:
1.Never do anything that wont let u sleep thru the nite.
2 take the criticism some one gives u on your face and the applauds after u r gone, seriously. If its the opposite, find their selfish motive.
I think it has helped me see thru false flattery in my life and know my real friends. Thanks dad.

[Rebec]

I'm fifteen and this is really great advice

[Stan]

Great list. Interested to know who was most influential in your life and taught you what you're teaching your children?

[Chayna]

My dad's advice that I always remember: Never do anything half-ass, be kind to animals.

My mom's advice: Vote. Vote. Vote. Volunteer and don't let today's sun shine on yesterday's problems.

My advice: Always hold open the door for someone else and always give up your seat to someone who needs it more.

[Alyssa]

My parents were great with advice, but my dad always had one favorite. Before we would leave the house with friends he would always make us say, "All boys are bad." This was fine until college when my sister replied with, "But all men are good!" haha

[rick salot]

the best parking spot at the supermarket is closest to the cart return, not the front door.

[Chris]

My grandfather's favorite saying is the #1 rule I live by. It works on so many levels. "when you sh*t in the snow, in the spring it's gonna show".

[Rita]

One that is missing.... If everyone jumps off the Brooklyn bridge, do you have to?

[Xibee]

Mom gave me all the nervous upright(uptight) stuff:

1) Clean as you go (when cooking) (I now do this, it is in fact helpful. Ok. )
2) Keep your hands inside windows and away from moving parts (this actually worked! I have never had stitches or broken bones! Well done, Ma.)
3) Make your bed every morning. (Oh hell you didn't think I was that goody two shoes, did you? So I bought a duvet. Plop. Done.)

[Gretta]

My dad: "Fall in love as much as possible."

My advice to my kids: People in love shouldn't cheat on the one they love.

[Brittany]

I got little bits of really good advice from pretty messed up parents. This alone taught me that you never know when brilliance and beauty might strike.

Other really good pieces of advice I've received over the years include:

* Be a duck wearing a raincoat. Let insults roll off you twice.

* Never ever hit first. If someone else hits you first, make sure you hit last.

* At some point being abused becomes your responsibility. Stop going back to people who treat you like shit.

* Birth control is your responsibility. Only date men whose mothers taught them the same thing. Cover your bases twice.

* You can do anything, if only because there will always be someone telling you that you can't.

* Anger can be a good thing. Sometimes it's the only thing that will get you out of bed when you are depressed.

* The three most important times to look someone in the eyes is when you meet them, when you say thank you, and when you apologize.

*Saying sorry means you are going to try to change the behavior.

* Some fights aren't worth winning. Weigh the relationship as a whole against the thing you are fighting about.

* Ask yourself every time you are faced with an ethical dilemma, does this change who I am at the core? Will I wake up in 20 years still hating myself. Does this endanger more people than it will help?

I turned out pretty well.

[Scott Yoste]

So many beautiful and funny tenets to live by. Thank you all. Here are a few from my dusty path......
From my dad (a quote he "borrowed" and passed along)
"Within every adversity lies the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit."
For my sons,
"a transparent life guided by faith allows you to place whatever skeletons your past has created on the front porch for everyone to wave at as they go by...."
For my daughters,
"You will always be able to have a loving hug from your daddy regardless of the circumstances."

[Carolina]

"Pole swirling is for fire fighters alone"

[Wiwik]

oops posted my alopogy in the wrong spot! Threw my back out and so the challenge post didn't get up until now. These cupcakes were great. So sorry for the delay. hope I can still play along!

[Derek]

I'm so ready to participate this month! I <3 Cupcakes. Just cuurois, as I'm new to this, do you make a special album or just post on that date to your blog? Thanks. Jeannette {photographydiva@mac.com} or www.jeannettesiciliani.typepad.com

[Layla]

My dad gave me so much advice, I can't remember it all, most of it I have just incorporated into how I view everything.
A few gems:

- Don't go looking for happiness, you will only find it inside yourself.

- Be your own person.

- Never trust anyone who wants to lead desperately.

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[Rosa]

As always these are incbedirle!! Erin as been my favorite photographer since before she did this professionally! I still have a pic she took of us at her brother in laws birthday party that caught just the right moment of us dancing! That is what she is so good at- always catching the right moment! Thank you so much!!!!!

[Warnakulasooriya]

Ok, that is seriously a stinnung couple! I don't even know them! .And, you better enter that doggie pic into some canine contest! I could just see that pic on the bag of some wholesomeTexas dog food! Not to mention a commercial! You work magic Pledge sis!

[Farhad]

I'm a web designer and a PHP prmeraomgr and worked with the internet for about 8 or so years now. I'm familiar with setting up the actual site, generating traffic, and creating a good image for the site but what I need advice on is the legal issues. Would I go about setting up an online store the same way as any other commercial business? How do I get a tax ID? and would I have to register my business with the state?

[Comercializadora]

This was a complete waste of of 5 miutnes of my life.All he did is repeat himself saying it's science and learn how to get the systems . This gave ZERO information. We KNOW people set up systems we were looking for HOW to set up those systems.Fail

[William]

Everything is way too expencive, best opoitn go to bar and find boy/girl either preference and go home with them, the swedish are generally quite into that ;)lol and just jump the metro gates, I never paid and never got caught.Malmoe has a good student music scene and is a place you can actually afford to live!

[James]

Someone's sense of humor needs adjusting.From my eeenrixpce, most 'women's' advice columns usually center around communication and perhaps therapy alone or together. I realize that both of those things are horrible for men (JUST KIDDING). But usually the advice given is for the women to wake up!I love that book 'He's just not into you' because it speaks to women who will sit home and obsess about why a guy will not call them. If you only knew some of the crap these women think up to avoid the obvious - HE'S JUST NOT INTERESTED!!!!!

[santi]

At least the author of these jokes didn't see man as one dinaismonel.I'll give you women a hint, good food, for me any way, keeps me happier much longer than good sex. (And, there's no such thing as bad sex.)It is a joke, albeit not very funny one, tired humor, etc. Now, did you hear the one about the blonde on the airplane?

[Soledad]

One of the funniest tighns about these comments is that some people want to compare a joke to serious advice columns. This suggests some serious problems with perspective.Didn't Helen and some commenters fall for the same thing a while back when a man penned a satire about the phone conversation he heard between his wife and a friend? Get a life, folks.

[Ciungwanara]

Melissa,You're right. That photo does make me look buxum. The goodies are on their way. Woo Hoo. Katherine,I think CJ is svinag his kilt wearing for Dan's graduation. Should be exciting. hugs

[Umer]

You look very "buxom-bomb shell" in the top picture :) Roger and I are so etxecid about the Mississippi treats! Now that we are here, we miss being down there...not too much though

[Steeven]

Trey,Yes, it was funny and sexist--but it is suppesod to be humor and really, can a blog be that serious all of the time? and really, it is no worse than some of the trash they have on Oprah or advice columns for women where they talk about what a bunch of selfish dogs men are.

[Muebles]

I'm going to agree with Emmie, The Con is just an incredible song/record and has been a great out let in recnet times. The back story to my question goes like this. I was an elite athlete and wentask all girls school and practically no contact with boys my whole life. When I finished school I finally came to accept that this was because I like girls. I met a girl and she'd been in a 3 year relationship and I'd obviously never been with anyone. She had chased for about 5 months and I finally let her in but then soon after I got too scared and bailed. Now she is dating another girl but I'm still really good friends with her and we hang out all the time. As the year has gone on I've liked her more and more and we both still know there is still chemistry etc, what would be your advise in going about getting her back, or should I just give up? Thanks, Brittanie

[Harry]

My husband is an evyreday-hero to us. He has weathered the storms of life with us. He is also a hard working farmer and we love him very much. With the strain of being a working father and husband, and with all the manual labor a farmer does, Francis, is a great candidate to win a prize!

[Ritu]

Hey Tegan and Sara.So I'm 16 and I'm about as gay as it gets. My problem is that I'm only out to about 4 close freidns. I don't go a day without hearing something very offensive and geared toward the LGBT community. No one is out at my school, but I'm so sick of hearing these things, and I'm afraid for the kids who are still in the closet. For them, as well as me, to hear those comments it would keep them from coming out. So do you think, for my sake and theirs, I should come out to show that they are effecting people, who may be some of their best freidns? A few of my good freidns are often bashing gays, and I think if I came out, it could change their mind.Hope to hear from you!- SageP.S. I've been a fan for a long time, and you've inspired me to want to make a career out of music. So thank you!

[Kim]

Awesome List!!!

[Jonni]

i know I'm posting to an older blog but, my dad's only advice has always been work hard. from the time you clock in to the time you clock out. Play hard, and never ever be afraid to stand up for your family, your country or for what you believe in. For everything else he leads by example.

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[Callie]

My dad used to say, "Everything in life is bullshit and you're either buying it or selling it. Which do you want to be Callie, the buyer or the seller?"

Yes my dad was a salesmen of sorts ;p. But Honestly, one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten.

[amanda]

My dad always told me to (Think before you do or say & be happy)

[Aravind]

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[Valentiina]

Hi Danielle,It sounds like you're haivng as busy as Summer as I am.It's good but breathless and my house is a total wreck. But I have too many hobbies to care much about dusting.Kudos on the aquittal!I am off to a Women's retreat in a cabin this weekend and will be bringing this super yummy ice cream as part of my contributions for meals. I was wanting something reminiscent of apple pie to go with a fancy hamburger-type meal. So as always, many thanks for the inspiration you provide.

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[Amy King]

I'm the only girl in our family, that's why my father is so protective. But even though he is like that he is also sweet, he always bought something for me whenever he is out of the town. Although sometimes I feel mad at him for he wants me to do what he wanted, not what I want. Like choosing my course, school and even friends. But despite of it I love him because he is a responsible father. and if someday I'll become a parent like him I'll be a responsible parent to my daughter like my father. I want my daughter also to remember that "She has to enjoy what life has to offer, but always remember to keep right and rational". Because that's what my father taught me.

[Erbay]

You don't give very much information to go on. You didn't say if one or both of you are under 13 or what, or how much you make or any of the inaptront info.The best advice is to contact a realestate agent and have a telk with them. They should be able to tell you if anyone in your area will work with you and what you could expect.For goodness sake, stick with someone local to you. Don't use anyone from the internet for financing.

[Lisa]

This is a sweet post. Because my boys are only 4 and 7 we aren't at the life lessons stage but there are a few basics that we have been driving home that will hopefully serve as building blocks for more complex tips later.

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