The Rules: 25 Life lessons for my daughter

My father has never given me any advice.

The one time I remember him even trying was when I was 18 and on my way out of the house for the evening. As I recall, he briefly looked up from his newspaper and said, "You know about condoms, right?"

End of conversation.

Thank you, Obi Wan Kenobi.

In all seriousness, it always deeply wounded me that we never had any of those father-son conversations where he would counsel me about life and give me lessons of an admonitory or hortative nature that might provide a road map for how to live my life.

Needless to say, ever since my daughter was born, I've been bombarding her with advice on a near-daily basis. It's almost pathological. It's as if I'm trying to imbue her with all my knowledge before I go gently into that good night. 

My list of lessons that I want to pass down to her is virtually endless and constantly changing but I thought I'd write some of those lessons down here. Not only for posterity but also as a daily reminder to myself that one of the keys to parenting is consistency.

Some of these lessons are humorous. Some are serious.

However, all of them are true...

(1) When posing for any photos, assume that the only people who will see them are me, your mother, your boss, and the dean of admissions.

(2) Lennon, not McCartney. Keith, not Mick. Page, not Plant. 

(3) Life is too short not to order the fries.

(4) Never date a man who is rude to waiters, doesn't say "bless you" when you sneeze, or won't offer you his jacket when you're cold. 

(5) Never order drinks that are pink or come with an umbrella in them. Don't be fancy.

(6) Don't worry about being popular. The "weird" kids are much more fun and will end up being your most interesting friends. Also, when it comes to friends, you can't trump quality with quantity. Choose wisely. Who would you call to drive your white Bronco?

(7) Give charitably, generously, and anonymously.

(8) Crocs are for people who have given up on life.

(9) Never cheat. Not on exams, the crossword puzzle, or your boyfriend.

(10) If you love someone, tell them. Don't hold back.

(11) It may be a small world but it's a huge planet. Grab every opportunity to see as much of it as you possibly can. Most people don't.

(12) Keep your eye on the ball and follow through, both in sports and in life.

(13) Speaking of sports, pick a team and stick with them. There are few things more important in life than loyalty. It's a dying trait currently in short supply. Trust me. I'm a Mets fan.

(14) Never regret staying home alone with a good book.

(15) If you feel the need to reinvent yourself, at least be original. No tattoos unless you're in the armed forces. No body piercings unless you become a pre-Columbian tribal Aztec. No orange hair unless you join the circus.

(16) Learn from the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess, break something occasionally. And always remember that the story is never over.

(17) Don't make a scene.

(18) Learn how to entertain yourself. Close the door, crank up the stereo, and dork out. Invent new dance moves. Play the air guitar. Practice your touchdown moves. Too many people are self conscious even when they're alone. Don't be one of those people.

(19) While you're at it, learn how to laugh at yourself.

(20) When you realize that everyone comes from a dysfunctional family, life gets a little easier and you feel a little less crazy.  The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.

(21) Thank you notes are to be written promptly by hand on personal stationery. E-mails, phone calls and text messages don't count.

(22) Remember that nice guys do finish first. If you don't know that, then you don't know where the finish line is.

(23) Learn to cook one thing really well.

(24) Happiness is not fame, money or power. The key to life is finding your sweet spot.

(25) Take every piece of advice anyone ever gives you with a grain of salt.

What advice do you want to pass on to your kids? What's the one life lesson that you wished someone had taught you earlier? What's the best piece of advice you ever received from your parents? Am I the only one who never received any?

Spill it, folks. An inquiring mind wants to know.

Comments

[Tulip]

When going to college my father told me "I don't care what you do, but I'm going to be pissed as hell if you are stupid enough to get caught".

[Stephanie L]

I love this. I will share with my son.

The best advice from my dad: Pay yourself first. Sadly, he didn't give it to me until I was in my early 30's. I wish I would have had a better understanding of money when I was younger. Now, I put money in our savings just as if it was another bill.

[Tabitha]

Advice from my Mum:

Always put yourself in the other persons shoes before you open your mouth about their situation.

Advice from my Dad:

If you can't drive a stick shift, you can't drive! (he made me take my driving test with a standard)

Life is too short to be mean to others.

If you want it done right, do it yourself!

Never sleep past 6 in the morning. Anything past 6 is a waste of your day.

[EmmaL]

One thing I will always remember is that it is your actions that count, not your intentions.

[D]

A couple that someday I wish to teach to my children - painful, but I wish I knew before I learned them...

Love is the closest thing we have to magic.

Have the strength to be vulnerable.

If you love someone tell them because hearts are ofter broken by words left unspoken.

Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end.

God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.

There are so many more, but those stick out the most!

[Charlotte]

I sure hope that when my son is older, he will do whatever he feels he wants to do. Whether that's getting 100 piercings, 100 tattoos, rainbow colored hair, or ignoring my advice and do whatever is in his heart.

You should never regret not doing something because someone told you their bad experiences. What is good for one, might be terrible for another.

I am very happy to not be like my mom in many ways, yet I still love her.

[Jenny]

That was an awesome post. Great job :)

[without prescription]

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

[Alice]

I really like 18#

I never get any advise from my parents, only occasionally from my mom, and she's all safety xp
I learn from my actions, and luckily I tried the most before 8th grade when it comes to things I'm ashamed off.
Otherwise, I try to be as positive as possible.

Nobody cares whether you can dance or not.
Just dance!

[Cala]

These are great and I have a few that I am passing down to my kids.
1) Put it back where you got it. I don't care if it was on the other side of the store, they don't pay the employees to be your maid.

2) If you are mad, take it out on the person that deserves it, don't take it out on random people that don't deserve it.

3) When someone messes up your order, be nice when correcting them. You could just get your meal for free.

4) Remember that the telemarketer on the phone is a person too.

I could go on forever, but that is a lot more and a lot better advice than what my dad gave me.

[MrDifficult]

'Half of your old man's advice is probably wrong'

[mrdifficult]

Punk ass pussybitch.

[Cloe]

My dads advice is:
-No dating until after you're married
-The truth will set you free
-I would rather drive you to soccer practice at 3 in the morning than take you to the movies with a guy at 7 at night
thank you daddy =]

[Mataya]

Great list. I particularly love 8, 11, and 17.

[Air Jordan sale]

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[John]

nice. Especially

"When you realize that everyone comes from a dysfunctional family..."

and

"Remember that nice guys do finish first....

[Jordan Shoes]

In me memory,ma father hadn't given me an advice.

[Dave Kaye]

Think for yourself!

[Girl Who's Dad is her Hero]

It doesn't take much effort to stand out from the crowd.

[kelly]

hmm I like your advise except for the fancy drink one. Let her be fancy if she wants to, she's a girl and if an umbrella in her drink makes her feel good and girly, then so be it. Besides, a piña colada is not as potent as a cutty on the rocks- let her have the umbrella.

Also, why can't she make a scene. It could be healthy to let out a rage in the appropriate space and time ie: she finds out a bf cheated?
Holding it in may cause therapy down the road, no?

[George Angus]

Oh, can I just say awesome?

Wonderful! So glad I found this when my daughter is six. I am following this advice like a mantra!

Cheers

George

[Sandra Chin]

"When constipated, try oatmeal and orange juice in quick succession"

[Sally]

Those are great. I hope you are keeping a book about all of this wisdom. She may not know it now, but she has a great father who only want the best for her.

[Judy]

There are no rules in life. Children follow what their parents do, right and wrong. If, I did make a few rules, I would make mine like some of yours. You must be doing something right.

[MIKEY SEAGS]

EVERYTHING'S RIGHT ON BUT LETS GO WITH PLANT OVER PAGE AND MICK OVER KEITH. ID ALSO REMIND HER THAT "PHILOSOPHY BAKES NO CAKES AND BUILDS NO BRIDGES."

[T]

never be afraid to encounter risks..this is how we learn to be brave..tr

[Hellosad]

The best advice I've ever received was "Life's a bitch and then you die, so until then, lets get high."

[Munaf Manyar]

Once upon a time My father always use to taugt me that time it was only his words now its reality.
Munaf Maniyar

[MS]

I love this advice. My dad past away before I turned 7 and Im now 21. After reading this my advice is to cherish any advice given to you by people older and wiser than you. They might just know something you dont

[Tracey]

Great advice...I am stealing some of it for my four daughters.

My parents always said, "Can't can't do anything." My grandfather always said, "Don't believe anything you hear and very little of what you see."

One thing I always pass to my daughters and my son is a quote from Samuel Johnson, "Great works are performed not by strength, but perseverance."

[Connor Adams]

So far i have 153 daily life lessons that i share with everyone on facebook. If you want any of them, please let me know

[Anon]

All pretty good advice, but you guys seem to be missing a very crucial part of this advice giving, which is to eachother, not just your kids. My dad was and still is a great dad, but he wasnt always there. While we lived in Japan for 5 years, we lived in a nice house in the Setaguyaku area of Tokyo, but my dad worked so far away that he lived in a flat about 5 hours away during the week. I hardly ever saw my dad other than at weekends for those 5 years, and sometimes even longer because he sometimes went on month long business trips. I guess what I am trying to say is it's all well and good to tell your kids what to live by, but you need to show them how to live as well. Be there for them, life is too short for you to put work infront of your family

[single dad]

Interesting post! isn’t it?

Thanks for sharing this.

[Ghanapriya]

Be Courageous Be Brave is my father advice always time said to me.

[Jennifer]

Though I completely ignore #16, I thoroughly love your list. I also love that you are working to bring back the tradition of passing knowledge along to your children. My father's advice was never depend on someone else for my lively hood unless I trust that person with my life. I want my children to know the world doesn't have to be the way it is, and the only way to change it is to make the change yourself. You are never alone, there is always someone, somewhere, that has a similar mind. What a great thing to think about, and encourage me to make sure I am sharing with my children.

Jennifer, visiting from www.naturalparentsnetwork.com !

[M]

always close the kitchen drawers after you get something out/put something away ... cupboards, too, but the drawers are much more important

[Lisa Assouad]

My dad was very inspirational. Two of my favorites: 1. The plate spinner at the carnival is only successful because he keeps all of the plates spinning at the same time. Sure, some fall down but you just pick them up and get them spinning again. 2. You don't need the whole pie, you just need your slice.

[Bryan Badesheim]

"Don't waste time regreting the past. Anything that happened made you who you are now. If regreting anything it should be what you did'nt do when you had the chance, And remember to Live each day so not to have those kind of regrets again down the road"

[Sam]

The best advice my mom ever gave me is "Listen to your heart and dont let anyone get in the way of your beliefs"

[Mario]

Nice list. I totally agree with all of them.

[Family Dentist]

Happy father's day to all Dads in the world! I'm soon to be one of you guys I am so excited.

[Jon-Paul]

About driving: "Always assume everyone else is an idiot!"
Probably the biggest reason that after 13 years of driving I've never been in a wreck.
My own addition to this piece: PAY ATTENTION and don't be an idiot.

[Jon-Paul]

About driving: "Always assume everyone else is an idiot!"
Probably the biggest reason that after 13 years of driving I've never been in a wreck.
My own addition to this piece: PAY ATTENTION and don't be an idiot.

[AJ]

absolutely awesome. How about "having kids hurts. In more than one way. So wait as long as you can. But when you finally decide with someone who will support you (at your worst) to have kids, it's worth it.

[Garion Masterson]

My father is a man who is humble and knows he screwed up. So once, he says to me, "Garion, if you don't want to live the same kind of life I have, don't do the same shit I did. Be yourself and live your life different from your family. Even if they don't appreciate it."

I have received a lot of advice in my life. Many from my grandfather, such as...

"Rain is the blood of the earth. You should always ask for it."

"Enjoy a hard days work. You ain't got much more you could do. One day you'll retire from work. I never have."

He's a farmer. Most of his advice was in his action. Which clarifies the, "Don't listen to his words, watch what he does," advice

[Michelle]

:)

[Angela Stinnett]

The only "Birds & the Bee's" Talk I ever got from my parents were "Don't get pregnant or I'll send you to an Un Wed Mother's Home & I mean it!" I didn't know what an Unwed Mother's home was but I was pretty sure I didn't want to go there ;) Keep up the good advice for your daughter, there will come a day when she will remember & appreciate those words.

[elisha]

MY dads advice is always "keep the shiny side up" untill recently i always thought he meant keep a smile on and show people your better side....

turns out he was talking about my car.... shiny side = roof....

[Jann]

My parent's advice was "Regardless of how smart you are or are not - using cuss words at any time will automatically lower your intelligence level. They are senseless and unnecessary." I have since found out that most people are in this world have really low IQ's.

[xXTheLookerXx]

my grandpa actually told me that " more than a handful just goes to waste"