Twenty of My Favorite Things About Being a Father

Being a father is one of my favorite things in life. 

This is somewhat surprising to me because my father was not a very good role model and, to this day, he and I are not very close. In fact, when I was younger, kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Oh yeah? What time?"

In all seriousness, my fractured relationship with him has forced me to spend a lot of time thinking about parenting and what kind of father I want to be to my own child. It's not easy. In many ways, parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. I like to compare it to shaving. No matter how well you shaved today, you have to get up and do it again tomorrow. That's really the key. 

Today, I planned on writing one of my annual sappy Father's Day posts. However, I started thinking about how being a great dad involves having a good sense of humor. Because let's face it. When it's 5:00 am, you haven't slept in three weeks, your colicky baby is screaming, you're trying to change his diaper and then, all of sudden, he pees straight into your face? You have two choice. You can laugh. Or you can cry.

I'll go with laughter every time.

So, in honor of Father's Day, I quickly wrote up 20 of my favorite things about being a father. They're not the deep-seeded emotions that I feel about my relationship with my daughter. I know I'll remember those forever. These are just some of the smaller things that, on a daily basis, make me glad to be her dad.

20 of my favorite things about being a father:

• Spinning my daughter by her arms for five minutes and then watching her stumble around like my drunk uncle.

• Low expectations. To a child, everlasting love can be expressed simply by adding hot dogs to their mac-and-cheese or giving them an extra piece of bacon. 

• Knowing your child so well that you recognize her back-seat vomit look. Nothing fills me with more self-congratulatory pride than driving 90 mph on the Long Island Expressway with one hand and sticking a  bag under her mouth before a drop of vomit hits the leather seats. I'm a Gold Glove vomit catcher.

• Having a boy tell you that he really likes your daughter and realizing that you have a newfound respect for the Amish...and handguns.

• Looking for the television remote control for hours and then suddenly discovering it in the freezer. Good one, kid. I never would have looked there.

• Bringing your daughter to the office so she can meet everyone and then, five minutes later, finding her completely covered in toner ink and Post-It Notes.

• Logging on to Amazon and discovering that ALL of their recommendations for you are child-related: a Dora the Explorer Dehumidifier, a giant case of Huggies, a year-long subscription to Parent Magazine. Fifty recommendations and not a single peep about the new Updike book or Mos Def CD!

• Kids are a wonderfully blank canvas. While some people see this as an opportunity to impart serious knowledge, I prefer teaching my daughter how to stand on a chair during music class, hold a crayon up in the air, and yell out, "Play Free Bird!"

• In a related way, I also get a huge laugh when my elderly Korean parents ask her to sing a song and she breaks out into "Bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat!"

• Children are an excellent excuse for buying Nutella by the case.

• Watching an episode of The Dog Whisperer on television and picking up some good parenting tips. Cesar Milan is a mad genius, yo!

• Similarly, going to the bookstore and laughing at parenting guides written by childless PhDs.

• Remembering that the funnest things in life are unexpected surprises. Like biting into a donut and discovering it's filled with chocolate.

• Gathering a bunch of kids for an Easter egg hunt and then laughing at them because you never hid any eggs. Fun game that can also be played during Christmas or Passover.

• Skipping down the street and holding hands with your daughter while singing the "Tigger and Pooh" theme song and wearing funny hats. Running into model ex-girlfriend eating at trendy restaurant with a rich old guy. Realizing you won.

• Related revelation: Much easier to pick up single women with cute baby than with cute dog. Reason for recent success of my new company, Rent-a-Tot. Act now. Special summer lease rates still available.

• Eagerly awaiting the day when my daughter rolls her eyes at me and says, "Dad, you're embarrassing me!"

• Discovering that true love is when you voluntarily give your child the last piece of bacon in the entire house.

• Being completely mortified when your daughter spins around on the subway pole and starts licking it yet laughing because you took a photo and you can't wait to show it to her in 10 years when she's failing Algebra.

• Putting the child to bed and cooking dinner for yourself but realizing your gustatory options are limited to dinosaur chicken nuggets, grape jello and baby carrots. Again.

Feel free to add your own to the list. I'd love to hear them all.

Meantime, Happy father's day to all of you dads out there. Always remember that men who change diapers change the world!

Comments

[Holmes]

"...going to the bookstore and laughing at parenting guides written by childless PhDs." I love listening to my childless friends speak in authoratative tones about child raising. I just keep my grinning mouth shut and let them talk.

[Ben of BenOBrien.net]

Entering a room where Mom is unsuccessfully controlling the children, not saying a word, and getting instant silence!

[Eric]

This is quite a list! Hope u had an awesome Father's Day... even if this is a little late.

[Deborah]

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

Deborah

http://maternitymotherhood.net

[Corner Bathroom Sinks]

My kids are grown now and looking back it is hard to limit it to just 20 great things about a father. The things you list are all great, but there are so many more.

Nice Post!

[Mary]

Those are great. I have a few wonderful memories of my own. I will treasure them forever.

[Kay]

I like the way you look at life and how it should be. There are many good times and a few bad. I know that you can not wait for her to roll her eyes at you, but it will happen for to soon and it will not stop. Have fun being a parent. Kids are the best.

[Ajf 6]

You and I have common interests! You are my part of the story!

[Mark]

Enjoy her while you can. They grow up so fast. Good Story (as always)!

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[Stacy]

The rolling of the eyes will happen sooner than you think. I have a three year old and he has it down pat. I think it is great that you are looking forward to all of this.

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[Mikel]

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[Gianna]

I like the Father's Day cards. I will have to get this magazine.( The local store that I uaullsy get it at doesnt sell it anymore though. ) The memory that I have of Father's Day is when I young I would make him a card for on this special day. I was always a daddy's girl and loved him dearly and he always made me laugh.

[Ana]

WARNING: FATHERS DAY right here! Fathers Day Tips & Guide! | Keluarga A freely avbaalile guide on fathers day, including fathers day tips and tricks .

[Brendy]

Please keep thrownig these posts up they help tons.