As many of you already know, I am a self-confessed grammar nerd.
I'm not especially proud of this. If anything, it's a curse. Unlike other people, I can't enjoy the newspaper, casually watch television, or listen to talk radio. Bad grammar seems to follow me everywhere---and it practically drives me insane.
When I was younger, I had an almost pathological obsession to single-handedly eliminate bad grammar from the planet. I'd catch gaffes in multi-million dollar print campaigns and call up the ad agency. I'd find mistakes in the NY Times and shoot letters off to the editor. If someone in conversation improperly said "if" when they should have used "whether," I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. If I didn't correct their grammar, I'd practically start twitching!
I'm telling you when I was younger, I had to beat the women away with a stick. Especially when they found out that I also liked to read the dictionary for fun. Woo hoo!
As I got older, I became much better at ignoring all the bad grammar plaguing the world in which we live. My obsession with grammar had even started to annoy myself. Besides, it was like trying to plug a leaky dam with only one finger. What could one man accomplish by himself?
Anyway, for the past few years, I thought I'd fully beaten my addiction and could now live a normal, care-free life.
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
For the past few months, the Peanut and I have been going to the Whole Foods near us in Tribeca. Whenever we were in the checkout line, I'd start twitching and muttering under my breath. My adorable four-year-old daughter would look up at me and say, "What's wrong, Daddy?" I'd lovingly reply, "Nothing, Sweetie. Let's just get out of here as quickly as we can."
The source of my tension? This sign...
A few weeks ago, I was at the Whole Foods by myself when a customer service representative approached me and asked me if I was finding everything I needed and whether there was anything that Whole Foods could do to make my shopping experience better. Partly as a joke, I pointed at the checkout line sign and said, "Yeah, you can fix the grammar on that."
Naturally, the young woman looked at the sign carefully, read it, and then replied, "What's wrong with it?"
I was going to let it go but naturally I couldn't. I just replied, "The grammar is wrong." Then I quickly walked away. As I looked back, I found her staring dumbly at the sign, trying to figure out where the mistake was.
Anyway, last week, the Peanut and I went back to Whole Foods. Guess what I saw?
Call me crazy but that totally made my day.
That's right, my fellow nerds. You too can be an agent for change!
P.S. Only two more days until the charity auction is over. So far, we're now at $350. If we get it up to $500, I'll come to dinner in my Batman costume! Okay, maybe not. Anyway, keep the bidding going so we can help raise money for a worthy cause. Bid here.