You Never Forget Your First Fish

When my father-in-law was diagnosed with interminable cancer, I spoke to several child psychologists and read various books on how to approach the subject of death with my daughter.

Simply put, it's virtually impossible for an infant or toddler to fully comprehend a human's death. Up until the age of seven, many children believe that death is a reversible condition.

The experts advise you to never say that a loved one's cause of death was sickness or old age. The reasons for this are fairly straightforward. If you ever get sick or a loved one gets old, your child will be petrified with fear that death is impending.

We explained to the Peanut that death means one's body stops working. Grandpa can no longer eat, sleep, walk, read books to her, or go fishing. Naturally, this brings up various questions like "where did Grandpa go? or "what happened to his body?" These are issues that may involve your faith or sense of spirituality and it's ok to have those conversations with your child.

As most of you know, my father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer in April. From that moment on, we flew from New York to Texas on a weekly basis. Each weekend, we rented a small fishing boat so we could not only indulge his passion but also so we could create as many wonderful memories as possible together.

Ironically, we caught very few fish this summer. 

Since he passed away two weeks ago, my wife and brother-in-law have been staying with their mother to help her grieve. Every night at 7:00 pm, the three of them hike over to a local lake and silently fish for a little bit. It's partly just to get out of the house but it's partly as a way of remembering dad.

This weekend, the Peanut and I joined them for the first time. Although the lake is filled with striped bass and catfish, we were just fooling around near the shore. I bought Peanut a cheap little toy Dora fishing rod at Wal-Mart and my brother-in-law rigged it up so it could actually cast.

As we sat there quietly in the darkness, the Peanut suddenly yelled "I see the fishies moving." As we ran over to her, we yelled at her to reel in her line. Sure enough, at the end of the hook, was the Peanut's very first fish. She was so excited I was sure that she was going to piss all over herself.

Now, when it comes to bugs or insects, we have a very pacifist approach to all God's creatures. If we catch a fly in the house, we'll release it outside. If we see a spider, we'll escort it into the woods. Sure, we'll beat the shit out of another toddler but, when it comes to animals, we firmly believe in the sanctity of life.

However, we'd never had the fish discussion with the Peanut before. She loves fish so she knows people eat it all the time. However, we also tend to be catch-and-release fishermen. So, as we all gently crouched around her, we asked her what she wanted to do with her fish.

She thought about it very carefully before she said that she wanted to take it back to Grandpa's house and put it in his little pond. That way, whenever she came to visit Texas, she could look at her fish and remember all the fun times that she had while fishing with Grandpa. She then looked up at us with her big bold eyes and said, "Do you think that would be a good idea, guys?"

Yeah, kiddo. We think that would be a great idea.

Comments

[1969]

I am certain Grandpa would love that! Very sweet.

[Jessica]

Only the Peanut would go lake fishing in a pretty white dress. So adorable, MD!

[Writer Dad]

That was a beautiful, bite sized story. Thanks.

[Pamela]

I'm in tears. While I'm not a very spiritual person, it sure seems to me like someone was watching over your little Peanut.

[Amy Nathan]

Tears in my lunch.

It needed a little salt anyway.

[Sleepynita]

That is one of the cutest things I have read for a long time.
Also congrats on keeping a girl clean in a white dress while fishing. Amazing.

[Issa]

Kids are just amazing. They understand things in a way that I wish I was capable of.

[angie]

Why is that every time you post a photo of the Peanut, my uterus starts screaming at me to have a baby? She's so absolutely precious. I love a girl who fishes in white dresses!

[Tara@From Dawn Till Rusk]

What age do you think we stop thinking so simply? When my son talks about my grandpa he is so matter of fact. "You loved your grandpa very much, but he died and now you can't see and that made you very sad, but you're OK about it now aren't you mummy?"
I guess so!

[Helena]

My daughter caught her first fish this summer too. She was so excited, her first words were, "Can I sleep with it mommy?"

Uhmmm. NO!

[Amanda]

That was so sweet it made me cry. It was wonderful that you were able to really cherish this summer with your family.

I'm sure she won't forget that first fish, and I just so happen to believe that your father-in-law may have had something to do with her catching it.

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

I love that she's a 3rd generation Texas lake fisherperson.

[Papa Bradstein]

The Peanut's beauty both comes from within herself and is a reflection of her beautiful family.

[3boys1mommy]

Only a child raised in the center of the universe could be this profound. My boys are Peanuts age and I doubt that they could wrap their head around death... but they do enjoy crashing their heads into the walls.

[Julie]

I just cried all over my McDonald's fries. Peanut, you're the coolest. MetroDad/BossLady, awesome parenting moment. High-fives all around.

[Tyler @ Building Camelot]

That's amazing. My daughter isn't quite her age but she still amazes me when she gives me a glimpse of her universe through her thought processes.

[honeybee]

When she's not pushing other toddlers around, she's absolutely adorable ;)

[Missy]

Such a beautiful little girl, with such a beautiful soul! Wonderful story!

[Captain Dumbass]

You're a lucky man, MD.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Oh man, this kills me. Should have gone with the waterproof mascara today.

[SciFi Dad]

Fuck dude. You made me cry.

[Liberal Banana]

Aw, so cute. Great story, MD. And boy is Peanut cute as a button. Or rather, cute as a puppy. Because puppies are way cute and buttons, actually, not so much. But I'm not trying to compare your daughter to a dog, of course. Oh jeesus, I'm just gonna shut up now.

[LeeMarvin]

I'd say, in this instance, she 'used her words' fairly well, didn't she?

[Lillight]

Beautiful. She'll be very glad you're writing all this down - they'll make wonderful memories for her and all of you.

[Vampdaddy]

Kids...They can break your heart with their beauty, can't they?

[ellen f.]

God bless the Peanut and her wonderful soul. It's no accident that kids turn out like that. Well done, MD and BossLady!

[Soul]

Sometimes the littlest most precious nuggets of love come out of the mouths of babes. I cried when I read this, this kind of stuff can't be faked, and that's why it's so special

[kim]

Beautiful story, beautiful girl. Love the fishing trip fashion sense too!

[Matthew]

Oh man. I can't see through the tears welling up in my eyes.

What a sweet, sweet little girl.

[Stephen]

That is such a beautiful story, thanks for sharing it. We practice 'catch and release' with insects in our house and have tried to teach our 2 year old son to be gentle and respectful of all creatures too ... except for mosquitoes, he's allowed to smash those.

My Father-in-Law is anxiously awaiting the day he can take his first grandchild fishing.

Kudos to you and BL on raising such a wonderful child.

[enygma]

What a sweetheart!

[Adrenalynn]

... and now I'm crying. That's a wonderful story, thanks for sharing!

[Kellie]

MetroDad, I'm a childless twentysomething and I am hooked on your blog. This kind of post is the reason why.

[Eunice]

I don't remember how many time i have cried while reading your post. Thanks for sharing. *sob sob*

[kingthorin]

"I love that she's a 3rd generation Texas lake fisherperson."

Seriously? "fisherperson"? If you're going to try to make a statement why be neutral. I personally see nothing wrong with calling a girl/woman a fisherman but if you have some issue with that then why not "fisherwoman" or "fishergirl"?

"fisherperson" makes it sound like the person doing the fishing is gender neutral, which I'm pretty sure the Peanut is not.

[Eric's Grammy]

Thankfully she'll have her wonderful father to show her this picture and recount how her beautiful words touched so many strangers around the planet. Stay beautiful, Peanut. You're a wonderful child.

[Christina]

Were you and the Peanut together in the Whole Foods Tribeca last night? My husband and I were positive it was the two of you. The Peanut is much more beautiful in person as are you!) It was totally cute watching the two of you give each other rides on the shopping cart. I think it made my husband want to have a baby girl.

[Rene]

What a great family photo to treasure for years to come!

[Vicki]

She has a magnificent soul. You guys are doing a wonderful job raising her. That is the sweetest thing that she wants to have a fish to remember her grandpa by. My pregnancy horomones can't handle all the sweetness. My keyboard is soaked now. Nicely done, MD.

[Elyssa]

She is too cute for words!

[jeramy]

wow. what a great memory. i'm sure you will all remember that forever. my prayers are with you and your family. take care.

[MyKianaKeiki]

Peanut is an amazing girl. As my Keiki would say with much gusto, "That's a GREAT idea, guys!" Congrats, Peanut, on catching your first fish.

[Leora]

What a great photo! Congratulations to Peanut on catching her first fish. She's probably talking about it nonstop these days. Gotta love kids and the things that come out of their mouths.

[Ed (zoesdad)]

This post took me in so many different directions. Congratulations to your daughter on reeling in her first, and kudos again as she revealed just how big her heart is.

[Bryan]

As a new reader to your blog, I just wanted to comment on how great it is to see you do so many outdoor activities with your daughter. I just read about your camping trip and taking her skiing for the first time.

We live in NYC also and our daughter is about the same age as the Peanut. I'm only now realizing how lazy I've been in exposing her to the outdoors. She thinks the outdoors is when you go to the playground in the West Village. You've totally inspired me, MD. Thanks!

[Mama Nabi]

ah, Metrodad... shit, you got me crying. Peanut's first fish and a beautiful memory... thanks. Warmest regards to you, Bosslady, Peanut and the in-laws. Especially to your mother-in-law.

[Always Home and Uncool]

Nicely done. We have a photo of Thing 1's first fish, too - a flounder that was bigger than anything anyone us caught that day.

[tj]

From the mouthe of a babe.

[muskrat]

I hope Peanut's words helped her mother and uncle smile during an otherwise sad time. Actually, I don't need to hope. I'm certain they did.

[mortimersmom]

cudos to you and boss lady, you did a wonderful job because that is one kiddo with a giant heart.