LATHER, RINSE...REPEAT!
Although I curse like a fucking sailor, I'm extremely diligent in never doing
this in front of the Peanut. Toddlers are experts at parroting
anything they hear from their parents. Things that you whisper under
your breath will come back to haunt you. Maybe not tomorrow or next
week...but sometime.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I banged the shit out of my thumb with a hammer. Wincing in pain but seeing the Peanut right next to me, I yelled out under my breath, "GOSHDERNIT, MODDAFREAKING OW!"
Needless to say, the Peanut started laughing hilariously and began hopping around on one leg around the apartment while holding her thumb and yelling, "GOSHDERNIT! GOSHDERNIT! GOSHDERNIT!"
I'd wash both our mouths out with soap but really, it's too damn cute for words.
3 PHRASES I'VE TAUGHT THE PEANUT FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT
(1) "Mommy, there's something in your eye. Oh, it's a sparkle!"
(2) "What are we ordering for dinner, lady?"
(3) "Hey pretty mama, you want some fries with that shake?"
3 MOVIE LINES I'M TEACHING THE PEANUT FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT
(1) "Luca Brasi sweeps with the fishies. "
(2) "I drink your milkshake. I dwink it all up."
(3) "I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod!"
3 PHRASES I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD COME OUT OF MY MOUTH
(1) "PLEASE stop walking around the house with your finger up your butt!"
(2) "Did you eat two packages of Starburst while I was sleeping?"
(3) "For the last time, stop putting your dresses on the dog!"
LIES, DAMN LIES, OR STATISTICS?
Here are three recent parenting news headlines that I find EXTREMELY hard to believe...
(1) "The average mother of a child under 15 spends more on fast food every year than on books, music, movies and video games combined."---NY Times
(2) "A new study shows that mothers argue with their toddlers an average of 20-25 times per hour."---CBS News
(3) "Nearly HALF of all pregnancies each year are accidents."---Boston Globe
NOTA BENE TO THE THIRD POWER, YO!
(1) As many of you noticed, I finally have a new design for this blog. Long-time readers may remember the first version of this site (which we all affectionately decided looked like a pumpkin had thrown up on a chalkboard.) The last version wasn't much better. The type was so small and the background was so dark that I could barely read it.
Kudos to the wonderfully talented Half Mama, who not only designed the winning banner but also won herself a brand-new Apple Shuffle, a full ensemble of athletic apparel, and a $50 American Express gift certificate.
I'm still going to tinker around a little with the site design. Feel free to offer up ANY suggestions!
(2) The last post? Holy cow! Almost 300 comments? It made me feel all Doocey inside. Anyway, it seems that slightly more than 90% of you would want to be woken up from a coma to say bye to your loved ones and then be told that you were about to die. Andrew believes that the polling data is skewed by demographics. He thinks that people who would read a "daddy blog" are most likely parents with young kids themselves and therefore more inclined to want to be woken from the coma. He still believes that, in the general population, more people would NOT want to be woken up.
And since many of you asked...No, Andrew and his wife do not have kids. Should that make a difference?
(3) We've been so busy going back and forth to Texas to see BossLady's father that I just realized this is the FIRST time in my life that I don't have a song of the summer. Where's my "Hey Ya," my "Brass Monkey," or my "Since U Been Gone?" I can't believe I have nothing!
Every summer, I burn a CD of summer pop songs so I can listen to them while I drive in the car. This weekend, we're going out to the beach and all I've got are Donna Summer's "Stamp Your Feet" and Coldplay's "Viva La Vida."
I'm looking for suggestions, people! What's YOUR song of the summer for 2008? What's rocking YOUR ipod right now?
P.S. I can't stop watching this video of one of my favorite bands, The Roots, cover U2. Check it out.
You know, I never swore until I started teaching. That's also when I started drinking.
Posted by: enygma | June 11, 2008 at 07:02 PM
my morning jacket's new album is nice, esp I'm Amazed
Posted by: chunky930 | June 12, 2008 at 10:39 AM
Right now I'm rocking to the soundtrack to Juno,Ingrid Michaelson's boys and girls and The Be Good Tanyas. I'm a newbie to the blogging world but your the first dude I've found roaming around. Hat's off to you daddy-o! I think your blog rocks! I will have to catch up on all your posts.
P.S. I cuss like a sailor too and my fucking husband rides my ass about it daily. I try oh so very hard not to especially around my 7 year old who loves to repeat my phrases like ooohhh mommy just said fuck. She knows It's hard to punish her for saying it when she is just repeating what i just said. Needless to say we have a very large cuss jar on our kitchen counter.
Posted by: Monica Ingle | June 12, 2008 at 11:41 AM
New Summer Song (ish):
Prince's version of Creep that he played at Coachella this year.
Old (and best) Summer Song:
Pacifics by Digable Planets
Posted by: ThisGuy | June 12, 2008 at 12:00 PM
Love the new design. You've also inspired me to teach my son some phrases for my entertainment. Although he already makes me laugh.
Posted by: jason | June 12, 2008 at 02:02 PM
Summer Listening, Girls Around the World by Lloyd ft. Lil' Wayne. It's on repeat!
You gotta get this!
Posted by: Ro | June 12, 2008 at 02:09 PM
It's clear that your priorities are firmly where they belong, as you are teaching your child to say whatever will amuse you the most.
I loved when my daughter was about 6, and I was tickling her, and she wanted me to stop, and she said, "Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!"
Oh god, she has a sense of humor of her own. LOVE IT.
Posted by: J | June 12, 2008 at 02:26 PM
Love the new look
In love with New Soul by Yael Naim!
Posted by: Lesley | June 13, 2008 at 08:30 AM
"A new study shows that mothers argue with their toddlers an average of 20-25 times per hour." Ok, this had me cracking up. It might not be true, but almost :-)
On a separate note: Hey, good point, I still don't have a song for the summer either! But for some reason I cannot get that stupid "I kissed a girl" song out of my head. I was singing the chorus (without thinking) while making dinner the other night and my husband went "what?? what are you singing?? what is THAT?" LOL
Posted by: Elisa | June 13, 2008 at 09:48 AM
Duffy
Posted by: Daddy Dan | June 13, 2008 at 10:41 AM
Jason Mraz's - I'm Yours
Katy Perry - I kissed a girl
Posted by: Angela | June 13, 2008 at 03:38 PM
Happy Father's Day, Metrodad!
You're a great dad. Not only is Peanut turning out to be a wonderful lady, you're obviously still deeply in love with her mom.
Think I speak for many when I say we really appreciate your tales from the front lines.
Enjoy today!
Jen
Posted by: Jen | June 15, 2008 at 07:27 AM
Happy (belated) Father's Day, Metrodad!! Hope you had a great one, and that your father in law is hanging in there :)
Posted by: Phoebe | June 16, 2008 at 05:28 AM
nice look... and loved the phrases Peanut has been taught.. too cute!!!
Posted by: preethi | June 16, 2008 at 03:58 PM
Mariah's new cd. Tracks 2&3 are good up beat songs.
Posted by: ashley | June 17, 2008 at 08:59 AM
'that's not my name' by the Ting Tings...
Seriously.
x
Posted by: ebeth | June 25, 2008 at 10:14 AM
One of my twins now yells, "Give me the blood, Eli! Give me the blood!"
Posted by: RagingDad | July 03, 2008 at 05:48 PM
hi, i'm a reader of your blog who is eighteen and certainly not a parent. and neither do i have an immediate desire to be one.
thought Andrew would like to know.
Posted by: bulhaa | July 07, 2008 at 08:48 AM
Was just surfing the web and I came across you site and I have to say that I am greatly impressed. Thank-you!
Posted by: Penpals | September 21, 2008 at 02:25 PM