It's been almost two years since I revealed my hatred for text messaging.
However, this only seems to have spurred my weird friends to text me even more. So, in lieu of the fact that I have nothing substantial to write about today and also because I just spent twenty minutes trying to figure out how to erase all the text messages from my phone, here are the latest batch of text messages deleted from my cellphone:
"Don't fuck with me. I know you are not at Olsteen. I'm at Olsteen. You are at Soho House with Jim. You are both going to hell. Heathens!"
"That bar in Harlem on Nicholas Ave is now a Chuck E. Cheese. I am upstairs very much enjoying myself."
"Girl arrived at 2:51 pm. 7 lbs. Toes. Fingers. Hair. All good. 5 pushes for mommy. No cursing or bruises for daddy this time."
"I'm in therapy. Why aren't you?"
"The only thing making me feel better today is the fact that you're older than me."
"Donna making me see SATC. Just being on tic holders line a joke. Woman in line said she needed to look up words while reading a review."
"Pork butts are the new short ribs."
"Bummed about Omar. A young'n did him."
"I gave up pot for Lent. Yes, I do know I'm Jewish."
"Download new Duran Duran album. Serious. And no, this is not 1986 texting your cellphone."
"I know you're a Korean Jew and it's Sunday but I don't want Chinese. I want stone crabs."
"I am sixteen going on seventeen. On repeat. Over and over again."
"My daughter just licked the pole on the subway. Another proud parenting moment."
"Just ran into RZA at a deli. Never saw a rapper order a blueberry muffin before."
"Don't come home. The A/C went out! I'm melting. Save yourself."
"Why does every toddler in NYC have a better haircut than me?"
"Living my life with new philosophy. WWPDD? What would P.Diddy do?"
For the record, all of the above text messages were sent to me by friends over the age of thirty-five. Notice how none of them used that retarded shorthand internet slang? That's because my friends know if they did (or used an emoticon,) I'd cut them.
What's the most random text message that YOU ever received? An inquiring mind wants to know.
Most random? That would be
"meeage"
I still have no clue what it means. I am pretty sure she was drunk when she sent it.
Posted by: Little Bird | July 02, 2008 at 10:35 PM
Um, someone texted me asking if I had any weed. I have no idea who they were.
Posted by: beloved | July 03, 2008 at 10:36 PM
this is a good one from my sister last night...
oic hope they sleep for you tonight.channel 300 is hbo on demand. if i find a porn on our bill i know who's to blame!
i was staying at her apartment, and my girls wouldn't go to sleep..
Posted by: angela | July 07, 2008 at 06:27 PM
I know I'm late to the party but given the subject, I couldn't resist. I apparently now have a phone # which used to belong to a very popular twenty something guy and every once in a while I get calls and text msgs from people who don't realize he's changed his # or are too lazy to change it in their phone. I once got a text that said "Using his amazing aquatic powers, josephman summons sean and abby to the shop!"
Posted by: jenny | July 10, 2008 at 02:15 PM
My favorite was "Frozen food in car, also husband"
(reminding me to hurry up and get back to the car)
Posted by: Genevieve | July 13, 2008 at 12:09 AM
Was just surfing the web and I came across you site and I have to say that I am greatly impressed. Thank-you!
Posted by: Penpals | September 21, 2008 at 02:24 PM
I've gotten quite a few...Good thing I save them for laughs...Here's a couple good ones...These ones are from male friends that are quite honest and don't hold back.
"So I had a dream last night me and another dude had a threesome with you. Fucking weird."
"I want to give you my yum yums."
"Dude I'll jerk off on cam for you."
"la la la i ran 4 miles in 32 mins today i feel like trash" (just how he sent it)"
"i love pics of you because youre gorgeous :D its ball breaking and miserable" (how he sent it)
"Come visit me" (ok, you're in Serbia...)
"i am way too drunk for public" (he was)
"are you drunk hun?" (he was)
"Heading to Ireland. Phone going off. I miss you. Talk to you when I get back." (we talked for 2 weeks months ago? Not a clue really...)
Posted by: Not Telling | September 24, 2008 at 11:06 PM
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Posted by: SMS | December 31, 2008 at 06:38 AM