It Takes a Village: Questions for Other Parents

How many times can a grown man watch "The Sound of Music" with his daughter before he completely loses his sanity?

What are the future ramifications if a young girl watches "The Sound of Music" 43,287 times between the ages of two and four? Will she want to move to Austria? Pursue a career in child services? Abandon a career in the nunnery?

Why do toddlers feel compelled to unravel an entire roll of toilet paper? Is the fun in watching it unroll or in watching your parents go completely bonkers?

Is baby perfume really necessary? Febreeze and scented baby wipes seem to work just fine for us.

If you are otherwise happy with your nanny, should it matter that her cellphone's ringtone is Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me?"

McDonalds Happy Meals: Ruthless case of aggressive fast-food marketing? Or greatest parenting tool ever?

If a little girl in the playground keeps pushing your adorable daughter to the ground, is it acceptable to give her an eating disorder? Or should I just confuse her by threatening to kick her in the nuts?

Is it wrong to feel completely smug and self-righteous when your kid is the only one not screaming and crying during the entire 5-hour plane ride?

Am I the only one who listens patiently to other people's boring parenting stories, waiting until they're done so I can tell my own boring parenting stories? 

By constantly telling kids to "use their words," are we raising the next generation of wussies?

Why would anyone let their pre-school son get a mohawk? Is life just not that interesting for him anymore? Is he rebelling? Against what? Vegetables?

Wait a second. High fructose corn syrup isn't just like corn? Uh-oh.

Why does everyone freak out about potty training? Do you have any adult friends who "just never quite got the hang of it?"

Anyone have any tips on how to get my toddler to take a bath? These nightly battles are driving me crazy. I'm thinking about throwing Happy Meals in the bathtub to entice her. It makes me feel like a lion tamer.

At what age do children learn to carry their own tissues and blow their own damn noses? I'm getting really sick of reaching into every single pair of my pants and pulling out a half-used snot-ridden emergency tissue.

Has anyone else gone into an important client meeting and taken out their laptop to do a PowerPoint presentation, only to find it covered with 50 Cinderella stickers?

Is it really possible for a human being to greatly enjoy a food but then one day decide never to eat it again? Or is that done solely to drive one's father insane?

What lasts longer? That fresh new baby smell or that fresh new car smell? I'm just wondering because my car still smells pretty good but my daughter's feet smell like vinegar.

Why do the worst tantrums always occur in the most public spaces with the most number of spectators?

The screaming and the whining. Does it EVER end?

Your answers to any of these questions are greatly appreciated. Feel free to add your own. Sometimes I think it really does take a village.

Comments

[darthfoofie]

If a little girl in the playground keeps pushing your adorable daughter to the ground, is it acceptable to give her an eating disorder? Or should I just confuse her by threatening to kick her in the nuts?

I am so with you on this one. I know other children only know what they are taught and/or see at home, but that does not mean that my child and I have to endure their lazy, shitty parents.

I had to laugh about pulling out something with stickers all over it. Definitely understand that one.

[jamie]

I saw that article about baby perfume too! I thought it was a joke. Like something out of The Onion. I can't believe it was real. What is the world coming too?

[Derek J.]

I don't know about "Sound of Music" but, after two kids, I'm pretty sure I've seen "Finding Nemo" at least 50,000 times. What has it done? Driven me crazy. I now speak only in quotes from the movie.

Last week, a few of us were going to work and I asked one of the interns if he was hungry. He replies, "hungry? why?" My response "'Cause you're about to eat my bubbles!"

Somebody help me!

[Rachel E.]

Maybe The Peanut will be over The Sound of Music when she's oh, I don't know...sixteen going on seventeen...? (Sorry, couldn't help it.)

Bath fight: My daughter did the same thing and it was driving me crazy because she couldn't seem to tell me what the problem was. Finally she was able to put to words the she was merely COLD!! (She really is bright. Really. She is.) We got a small space heater that we'd turn on about 30 minutes before her bath and that was that.

[Celeste]

If you're watching TSOM and you haven't yet started to root for the Nazis, you're doing pretty good.

My DD had a thing for Mary Poppins the year she had all the ear infections. I remember this because she HADDA HAVE it playing for medicinal purposes. DH called me to see how I was doing on Day 2 of the hostage crisis. I sang my response.
A LARK, A SPREE
THE TODDLER'S KILLING MEEEEEE.

[Mama Nabi]

I didn't watch but listened to "Sound of Music" over and over again as a child... there is NOTHING wrong with bursting into song every time one sees a hill, mountain, or a molehill.
If a kid seems to pick on LN routinely, I take the parent(s) aside and rip them a new one. In front of their kid. Just to show LN's potential inner bitch.
And yes, I am positive that LN suddenly decided to hate mandu just so that I would be minus one lunchbox idea. Grrr.
I bribe LN with different 'monster friend' who will give her the bath... sometimes I also tell her that stinky girls will have no friends.
...screaming and whining doesn't end at age 3? I was a re-do.
Potty-training... trust me, I do know a few adults who have issues making it into the 'potty'. Genetically speaking, I have a reason to be very very afraid.
What, you find my parenting stories boring...?

[kittenpie]

Mohawk=projection of the parent's fear that they are now terminally unhip.

Snugness is fine if you're willing to have it come around and bite you on the ass at an inopportune moment.

The whining just becomes more articulate. And is mixed with manipulation, which is a new treat once the actual tantrums stop. Something to fill the void.

Crayola sells tablets that color bath water. The kid will get in the "magic" water evertime!

[mr. big dubya]

What are the future ramifications if a young girl watches "The Sound of Music" 43,287 times between the ages of two and four?

What about Cars? Is NASCAR in my future?

If you are otherwise happy with your nanny, should it matter that her cellphone's ringtone is Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me?"

Would you prefer The DiVinyl's "I Touch Myself"?

Or should I just confuse her by threatening to kick her in the nuts?

I'd go for option 3 - kick the parent in the nuts.

[Hannah]

Hahaha....Our daughter just turned two. A few months ago, her breath smelled sweet like peaches and ice cream. This morning, she breathed in my face and I thought I was going to throw up.

[nikki]

I'd love it if my three year old would let me give him a mow hawk.

[Deirdre]

Yes, I'm pretty sure that my daughter unravels the toilet paper every day just to see my reaction. She thinks watching me totally lose it is the funniest thing in the world.

[Backpacking Dad]

"If a little girl in the playground keeps pushing your adorable daughter to the ground, is it acceptable to give her an eating disorder?"

Only if you have one on you somewhere. I'm always leaving my extras in the glove compartment.

[Paige Jennifer]

Um, a few years ago I went to Sound of Music Sing-a-Long. Did I mention I'm thirty-five? Right, so apparently girls NEVER outgrow that film. Sorry!

[jdg]

Are french fries considered a vegetable?

Is television an acceptable babysitter?

Does anyone else open their briefcase at work and find Elmo sitting inside?

[Colleen]

*be happy if it's only Def Leppard and not Pussycat Dolls
*we don't bathe our kids every day...about 2-3 times per week unless they come home with the entire sandbox in their butt crack or hair
*when my kids behave on the plane (and they always have...we're very lucky), I almost always feel smug and self-righteous. I sometimes look down my nose at parents that don't think to bring extra-special toys/books/movies for their kids. Or benadryl.

[Malcolm]

If you are otherwise happy with your nanny, should it matter that she's got the world's most annoying valley girl accent? She's awfully nice but every time she opens her mouth, my ears start to hurt. Even though my daughter is only 6 months old, I don't want that to be the voice she hears all day!

[rebekah]

Mary Poppins for us.

No baths for us.

Son just admitted to unrolling the toilet paper and then rolling it back up fast so he wouldn't get in trouble. Loved it.

[jen]

I don't have any kids, but the word on the street is that I watched SOM every.single.day growing up and I turned out relatively okay...

...wellll, except for that one time my family went to Austria for a ski trip and I insisted on making a detour to Salzburg so I could tour the SOM sites on a cheesy tour bus (note: I would never be caught dead on a cheesy tour bus in any other situation).

other than that, I think you're good.

[snickollet]

Do you seriously wash the Peanut every day? M&R are lucky to get a bath twice a week. I tell myself that it's bad for their skin (which does tend to be very dry) to take a daily bath. The truth is that I find baths to be a stressful time suck. As a point of reference, the twins are almost two.

[dadshouse]

My daughter watched way too much Sound of Music along with Mary Poppins (and later, Princess Diaries). Now 16, she's totally obsessed with Julie Andrews! A little freaky, but her brother and I just sort of bury our heads and hope her obsession goes away with time. At least before she has kids of her own.

[clammy]

wait... ketchup's not a vegetable?

[Becky]

1. As many times as it takes. That’s what daddies do. Never fear, studies have discounted any correlation between overindulging in musicals and insanity.

2. She may join the high school drama club, and believe in the power of good to triumph.

3. Not sure – cats sometimes do the same thing.

4. No - clean babies smell good without any help.

5. No – your own musical preferences at the same age? – or maybe even now? – just sayin’

6. Greatest parenting tool ever. No more sure fire way to get a few moments of uninterrupted conversation with another adult. Throw the happy meal into the pit of bacteria balls and say, “Go get it sweetie!”

7. Neither – just call her a Stinky Doo Doo Meany Head. She’ll run crying to her mommy, and you’ll have vacated the park by the time Doo Doo head’s mom finds you.

8. Yes – but be aware that fate makes parents take turns at feeling smug and self-righteous. Your turn to be on the other end of this equation will come soon enough – so enjoy your moment.

9. No, although you are a rare breed indeed. Most people just interrupt and start in on their own boring parenting stories before you are finished. …. Did I tell you about what my son did the other day?

10. I believe so, yes. Sometimes you gotta kick a little @$%.

11. These people are USING their children to make statements of their own. Beware.

12. Sorry, no.

13. Two words – kiddie pool. Set it up in the kitchen. Have a “beach party”. Viola' clean toddler.

14. Still waiting for that one – you should see the sleeves on my teenager’s sweatshirts. Ewwww!

15. No – but I ended up at a job interview with a Batman band-aid on my hand.

16. Sadly yes – and this will happen well into the teen years. It’s a fact that frustrates me on a daily basis.

17. It depends upon whether or not you transport said baby in the vehicle. Feet of vinegar – car smells like vinegar too.

18. Easy – that’s in the book “What to Expect when you are A TODDLER” Chapter 3 – Getting the Most Bang for Your Tantrum Bucks. – Public displays of bad behavior throw your parents off their game and make them vulnerable.

19. Sadly not by age 15.

[Johnson]

I haven't had the Cinderella stickers on the laptop thing happen to me but I did go into a meeting the other day and found that all the ballpoint pens in my briefcase had been replaced by Crayola crayons.

[emeraldalison]

My son throws up every single time he gets in the car. That new car smell? Lasted about two days. A world record!