Food, Glorious Food: From Cradle to Ladle

"I come from a home where gravy is a beverage."---Erma Bombeck

Me? I come from a home where nobody ever made dinner. They made reservations.

We joke that our entire family lacks the genetic ability to boil water but I'm not kidding when I say that, one Thanksgiving, my mother served us boiled turkey and stuffing. My father's idea of cooking can best be summed up by his signature dish, ghetto fried rice. Even the dog won't go near it.

The sad reality is that none of us are very good cooks. However, the ironic part is that we're all obsessed with food. Hence, our family memories surrounding food are quite unusual.

Those wonderful smells that conjure up childhood memories of your mother's homemade pot roast? The mental image of your family gathered around a giant feast whipped up by three generations of your family? The thrill of grandpa cooking up his famous five-alarm chili while grandma bakes homemade apple pies?

Yeah, I got none of that.

Our family's shared memories of food revolve around great meals we've had at restaurants together. Like when we discovered that little restaurant in Harlem that made the best Chinese dumplings. Or when, twenty years ago, we knew Tom Colicchio was destined for future greatness when we tried his braised rabbit. Then, there was that time in Italy when we said "screw the Sistine Chapel" because we found a place that made the world's greatest hot-pressed spinach and mozzarella paninis.

Friends of mine consider our family's dining habits to be weird. However, as a wise man once said, "it ain't weird if it's the only thing you know."

"In Mexico we have a word for sushi:  bait."---José Simons

Of all the foods about which I'm passionate, sushi holds a special place in my heart.

I eat it at least 4 times per week. I love the quiet precision required to handle the fish. I love the subtle flavors. I love the artful presentation. And I love sitting at the sushi bar, drinking a few beers, and talking to the chef about his craft.

I've always had this fantasy of quitting my job and opening a tiny sushi restaurant in Manhattan with myself as the chef. The restaurant would only seat 8 people at a time and would allow me to create high-quality sushi in a serene and peaceful setting. It's a dream that I think about all the time.

Unfortunately, there's only one real sushi school in the United States and it's in California. Real sushi chefs apprentice for years in Japan under a master. Top sushi chefs have been known to spend several years learning solely how to properly prepare rice. Many don't even touch a knife until they've been apprenticing for at least five years.

I'm no spring chicken but, at the same time, better late than never. Don't be surprised if someday you come to this site and there's a post saying, "Sayonara! Gone fishing."

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food."---George Bernard Shaw

On the other hand, I know that a passion for food isn't enough. Hell, I've worked my ass off in enough restaurants in Manhattan to know how difficult it is to survive in the restaurant business. That's why I'm always amazed by chefs who are so passionate about their cooking that they couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Living in New York, I've been fortunate to hang out with a lot of these amazing chefs. During the summers, I've barbecued with Rocco DiSpirito at The Doctor's house. I've downed shots with Mario Batali. I've played hoops with Bobby Flay. And I've broken bread with Jean-Georges Vongrichten. They're all normal guys who just tend to be exceptionally passionate about what they do. I always love hearing what they have to say about food.

It's also why I'm hopelessly addicted to food shows on television. Between all the shows on the Food Network, BBC America's "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares," and the Travel Channel's "Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations," I find myself watching an enormous number of television shows that revolve around food.

How bad have things gotten for me?

Well, last night, I had a dream that Paula Deen was my best friend; Giada De Laurentiis was my second wife; Bourdain was my drinking buddy; Bobby Flay was my next-door neighbor; and Gordon Ramsay was my personal chef.

Thankfully, in my dreams, I still hated Rachel Ray.

"Life expectancy would grow enormously if vegetables smelled as good as bacon." ---Doug Larson

Two months ago, I had my annual physical. I discovered that I had abnormally high LDL cholesterol, blood pressure, and triglycerides. Now, I generally eat pretty healthily and I work out on a regular basis so it was pretty clear to my doctor that these are genetic traits. However, he's fairly conservative and doesn't like the idea of putting patients on statins (like Lipitor) unless it's a measure of last resort; his rationale is that once you're on them, you're on them for life.

Instead, he proposed that I work with a nutritionist and together we would conduct a three-month experiment to determine whether a change in diet could significantly improve my blood health.

I'm currently subsisting on a diet of egg whites, spinach salads, fish, almonds, whole-grain bread, flax seed, and steamed vegetables. I'm allowed to cheat off the diet for one meal a week. I know this sounds limiting but my cheat meal last week was General Tso's chicken wrapped in two slices of pizza.

In all seriousness, I feel great. Without even trying, I've lost 10 pounds. I've never crapped so well in my entire life. And I've discovered that jogging 5 miles while watching the Food Network doesn't make me want to kill myself.

My blood is getting tested again in two weeks but I don't know if I can hold out any longer. Today on the subway, I almost licked someone's face because she smelled like butter. Yesterday, I saw a short guy in the elevator wearing all brown and I thought he looked like the cutest piece of foie gras I'd ever seen.

I know this diet is healthier for me but this is really no way to live. In the grand scheme of things, I drive way too fucking fast to be worrying about my cholesterol.

"How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?"---Charles De Gaulle

Despite my love of food, I'm no food snob.

The French? Those cheese-eating surrender monkeys are food snobs. Every time I go to Paris, I end up getting in an argument over my belief that the only new contributions of French cuisine in the past 50 years have been Au Bon Pain and the Croissanwich.

Screw them!

As much as I love food, I hate eating pretentious food that has no personality behind it. Give me good old-fashioned American road food any day of the week. Serve me some ribs from Dreamland BBQ or The Salt Lick. Throw me a couple of lobster rolls from Red's Eats. Order me buffalo wings from The Anchor Bar. Or what about cheesesteaks from Gino's? Pizza from Grimaldis? Burgers from the Shake Shack? The curry chicken puffs from Yank Sing? The chili dogs from Pink's? The fried chicken from The Horny Toad?

Good Lord, is it any wonder my cholesterol is through the roof? Damn!

"We are the only culture that can stand in front of a microwave with a burrito in it and scream 'FASTER! FASTER!'"---Ross Brown.

Since BossLady works longer hours than I do, I pick the Peanut up from daycare every day. When it's warm out, we'll go to the playground for a few hours. Otherwise, we'll come home and read or play imaginary games together.

One activity that we like to do is make dinner together. When she was younger, I'd let her nuke things in the microwave. She would put some mac-and-cheese in the oven and I'd lift her up so she could press all the buttons. While it cooked, she would squeal with delight.

Now that she's almost 3.5-years-old and has a little more patience, I've been teaching her how to cook. We started off making some homemade tomato sauce. Then, we moved on to making sandwiches together. Now she even knows how to cook fish and steam vegetables.

However, I think I've created a monster.

Last week in daycare, the teachers cooked pasta with the class. My little 3-foot gourmand was so shocked that she felt compelled to tell the teachers that they were doing it all wrong! When I asked her what her teachers were doing wrong, the Peanut gave me a look of disgust and said, "Daddy, they put Ketchup on their noodles! Isn't that gross?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I now bring you the first in a recurring new series of videos called "How To Cook Like a Three-Year-Old." Today's lesson is "Pasta"

Cooking Pasta with the Peanut from Pierre Kim on Vimeo.

THE LAST SUPPER

Recently, I've been reading a slew of food-related books. In the past few weeks, I've finished Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential," Bill Buford's "Heat," and Michael Pollard's "In Defense of Food." Lately, I've just started reading "My Last Supper: 50 Great Chefs and Their Final Meals."

It's fascinating to read what 50 of the world's greatest living chefs would want to eat for their final meal on the planet. Laurent Tourondel wants nothing more than a BLT sandwich made in his own kitchen. Alain Ducasse would have a simple roasted quail in Madiran wine sauce, then smooth celeriac puree with nutmeg, and a finish with apple slices. Thomas Keller says he would begin with half a kilo of osetra caviar, followed by some otoro, a quesadilla and a roast chicken, Brie with truffles, and for dessert either profiteroles or a lemon tart.

Some chefs pick the food of their youth, the simple dishes that remind them not only of home but also of why they became chefs in the first place. Others are less sentimental and simply pick their favorite dishes from their favorite chefs. Everyone has a choice and it seems to verify the old adage that you can tell a lot about a person from what they eat.

Personally, I think my last meal on this planet would be a Peter Luger's porterhouse steak with sides of creamed spinach, bacon, and German-style potatoes. I'd finish with some Junior's cheesecake. And I'd wash it all down with a bottle of first-growth Bordeaux. I'm not quite sure what that says about me.

What about you? What would be your last meal on the planet? Give me all the juicy details.

Comments

First of all, I have to say that your monkey joke? Made me cry laughing. And of course I sent it to all my friends who are parents.

Second? My final meal would need to be the perfect sushi meal. Gyoza dumplings (fried), hijiki salad, the chef's selection of his best sushi, only with red wine, old growth, something really meaty (not sake). Yes, they don't go together. Who cares, I'm about to croak, anyways, right?

[Linda P.]

OMG, the Peanut is so cute, I could just eat her up!

[BJ]

That video is adorable. Lord, I miss having a toddler in the house.

Last meal? I think I'd go with a massive surf 'n turf special, huge sides of potato salad, and fried mac-and-cheese. It's like a white trash heart attack on a plate!

[eddy]

I'm with you on watching food-related shows on TV. What do you think about Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern? Fascinating? Or absolutely disgusting?

My last meal would not be so much a meal but a feast consisting of a big plate of hot wings, a mess of salt-and-pepper pork and a huge pile of kalbi. And maybe some spinach on the side to balance things out.

[thom]

I have a similar fantasy as you. I'd love to one day open an oceanfront sushi restaurant somewhere in Hawaii. The fish would come in fresh from the boat and I'd chop it up right on the beach. How great would that be?

For my last meal, I'd have to go with my grandmother's homemade lasagna, a side of her meatballs, and a case of Anchor Steam beer.

[saucygrrl]

LOL! I couldn't quite tell but is the Peanut eating McDonald's french fries while giving those instructions?

Last supper? Hmmm... Grilled rare tuna, barley risotto, asparagus, two cosmos, finishing it all off with organic french roast coffee and a hot fudge coconut sundae with real whipped cream from the Sundae School in Cape Cod...

[halfmama]

Um, can I borrow Peanut to make some pasta for me? She is adorable and well on her way to superstar chefdom!

I recently had the most succulent braised rabbit dish that was unbelievable. Your mention reminded me of it once again... but for my last dish, I can't think of anything better than some good old-fashioned Korean comfort food. Jigae (at least 3 varieties), kalbi, etc.

Thank God you still hated RR in your dreams. I would have been disappointed.

[nancy]

If Paula Deen were my best friend, I'd probably weigh 500 lbs. God bless that women and her massive sticks of butter.

Last meal would be steak and corn barbecued in the backyard, surrounded by friends and family and a keg of beer.

[jdg]

Three words: Maple. Bacon. Lollipops.

http://www.lollyphile.com/maple-bacon.php

Now I've seen everything.

[Mama Nabi]

What bucket? You boil your water in buckets?? :-)

I, too, come from a home where the greatest food memories are from various restaurants... like the BEST sweet & sour vegetables ever that we found at a Chinese restaurant in Bangladesh, the most scrumptious coconut sundae at an Intercontinental hotel in Bangkok (owned by Koreans), best cream soup in now-defunct hotel (it's Holiday Inn, now!) in Mapo-gu, Seoul...the sad part is that those restaurants are not within driving distance. :-(

Last supper? Sheesh, I can't choose... sogum-gui from this one restaurant in Busan (from 30 years ago!), sushi (lots and lots of shiro maguro and ika... ama ebi... mmmm), tangsuyook (Korean style), flan (from Agrabad Hotel in Chittagong, Bangladesh - best EVER!)...
GREAT. Now I'm starving.
Peanut's (who, by the way, is scrumptiously cute, smart, and adorable!) pasta is starting to sound pretty good now, even in a bucket.

[Jen]

My family has spent summers on a small island off the coast of ME for several generations. The lobstermen bring the lobster right to our house...and put it in the fridge for us if we're not home. We go down and pick mussels off the rocks in front of our cottage and dig our own clams. We then down several bottles of wine and have a feast! My kids asked me the other day what my favorite thing to do in the whole world... and this was my answer: Family lobster dinner on Chebeague Island.

Good luck with the diet experiment, MD! I sort of hope that it doesn't help so that you can get back to the business of eating! Better living through chemistry....

[Paige Jennifer]

Sweetie, I might have you beat - I have been known to road trip for up to eight hours solely for the sake of food. You haven't had a lobster salad until you've dined on the deck at Barnacle Billy's.

As for Rachel Ray (insert pre-vomit noises here), have you ever seen the infomercial for that pocket press thingy? The red head with the goofy gray haired dude following her around? She makes stuffed soup, a 'meal' of cream of mushroom soup and stuffing. She's more of a chef than the Rayster.

Now excuse me while I go fetch some eggplant parm pizza.

[winston]

When my wife was pregnant, she would have these enormous cravings for those chicken curry puffs from Yank Sing. They were literally the only thing that she would eat.

As for my last meal, it would have to be at Georges Blanc in France. Best chicken I've ever had in my life.

[MetroDude]

Carne Asada Burrito from Roberto's in San Diego after a 3 hour surf session. Aaaahhhhhh. Nothing finer.

[SPark]

My brother used to hide packets of Sapporo Ichiban noodles in his closet because there was never any food in the house. If there was food in the house, you better damn eat it or it would be gone.

I remember mom, making as peanut would say, "buckets" of curry that we were expected to eat for the whole week.

To say that we are obsessed with food would be an understatement. My pantry is filled with food. You would think WW3 was around the corner.

Last meal would be this amazing Gryo I once had in Florence that was stuffed with french fries. Best ever!

[Sarah]

So, um, how DO you cook fish?

I've got some talapia in the fridge and I'm not sure what to do with it.

[lawschoolmom]

"Thankfully, in my dreams, I still hated Rachel Ray"

Thank god for that.

[woojum]

For my last meal I would hook up with Peter Mayle and take a dinner tour of Provence. Wine, truffles, wine, souffles, more wine, quiche, more wine, desserts, wine, cheese...

http://www.petermayle.com/

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Metrodad, what a deep voice you have!

My last meal would be two soft-boiled eggs, perfectly salted, on some insanely crusty white bread, with lots and lots of butter. A tall glass of ice cold milk, and a molten chocolate cake for dessert, all gooey in the middle. And then a truly decadent cheese plate, with about 12 different varieties, all of them sharp and strong. With fig jam and tiny thin black pepper water crackers.

Oh my god, I have to stop. I'm starting to hate my stupid oatmeal.

[Bradley]

Because I haven't gone to one in over a decade (due to health reasons,) I think my last meal would be at McDonalds. I'd eat two Big Macs, a filet-o-fish sandwich, 20 McNuggets, fries, a baked apple pie, and a strawberry milkshake.

[JenMilo]

My last meal would be one from my youth. My grandmother (RIP) was from the South and was the best cook ever. What I wouldn't give for one more fried chicken dinner with biscuits and gravy. Green beans simmered for hours and home grown tomatoes on the side. Now dessert would be toss-up between her fried apple pies or chocolate pie. Ahhh, my mouth is watering!

[jen]

oh man, that is an impossible question - much like you, food makes me ridiculously happy. kudos to you for trying the crazy diet to improve your health; I don't think I'd last a day.

my last meal - hmm. my mind immediately went to sushi, Korean BBQ, melted brie, pho, a huge cheese plate, a whole table full of delicious tapas and wine... and I ended up with a big bowl of my mom's noodle soup with homemade kimchi and maybe some mango sorbet for dessert.

it's all about the simple things sometimes, I think.

[Ian C.]

There seem to be two kinds of people in this country: those who love Rachel Ray and those who hate her. Glad to know that you're the latter.

Last meal? I'd have to go with the $400 twenty-course tasting menu at French Laundry. I've always wanted to do it but just never had the dough.

[jb]

The meatball parm hero from Frankie's Spuntino in Brooklyn. Best food I've ever had in my life.

[nicki]

Doesn't your mom cook good ol' Korean food? Seems to always stuffing their kids me that Korean moms are with homemade kimchi and making them go home with frozen bulgogi.

For me it'd definitely be my gran's Chinese New Year eve's reunion dinner feast. We always have a whole poached-to-perfection chicken, and nope, it's not just any old tasteless meat. You can taste the delicateness of the white meat, well seasoned with salt, pepper and sesame oil.

And pan-fried shrimps with salt and pepper, chicken soup with napa cabbage, homemade meatballs, wontons, fishballs and cooked quail eggs, sinful roast pork with that crispy crackly skin, broccoli and carrot stir-fried wih oyster sauce, and lastly there's steamed whole fish with salted veggies, ginger, green onions, chinese mushrooms and a salted prune. There. Now I miss home :(

And yep, the Peanut is adorable! I love how she says: "...and then you mix it up and eat it..." hehehe