The Juggle: Parent Hacks for the Inherently Lazy

The creative well runneth dry these days, my friends.

All my free time is being spent wrapping up the year at work, attending a flurry of holiday parties, updating my facebook status, and figuring out what books to give my family as presents. I've also been spending a lot of time trying to figure out how much I need to tip everyone for the holidays. How much does one give to the newspaper delivery guy?  Do I really need to tip every single garage attendant?  Most importantly, what's the policy on holiday gifts to teachers at daycare?

Speaking of not having a lot of free time, I've been getting a lot of e-mails from readers lately asking me how I manage my time. Most of the e-mails come from single people, married couples without kids, or expectant parents. They all want to know how I can spend so much time with the Peanut yet still have a life.

I'll tell you the same thing I always tell them. How do I do it? Easy. Crystal meth and scotch! Yee haw!

Actually, as any parent will tell you, it's damn tough balancing out everything in life once you have kids. Trying to find the time to fit everything in can get downright exhausting. See, my friends, until you have a kid, you never quite realize how much free time you had. In fact, you never even realize how many hours there even are in a day.

Nothing quite crystallizes that fact like the weekends.

Remember those Sunday mornings when you used to sleep in until noon, drink some coffee in bed, do the crossword, turn on the latest Radiohead CD, and then go back to sleep for an afternoon nap? Well, once you have a kid, that shit is all over.

As the old joke goes, God might have rested on the seventh day, but that's only because he sent his son to live with another family!

Once you have a kid, weekend mornings are spent waking up at the crack of dawn because your kid is licking your face, sticking a finger up your nostril, and demanding that you watch "Happy Feet" for the 8 millionth time.

It's actually amazing how much time you have in a day when you're forced to get up so early. However, it's not just the extra hours in the day that help you find time to do things. You'll find that having a kid forces you to have better discipline with your free time. That makes all the difference in the world.

I've also come to learn that in my quest to best utilize my free time, I've invented my own set of time-saving parent hacks. I'm sure every parent has their own set of "shortcuts." Here are just a few of mine:

• Instead of bathing the Peanut every evening, I sometimes just wash her with a bunch of wipes. I'm embarrassed to admit that, more than once, I've had her just stand in the bathtub while I hosed her down.

• Since she hates putting pajamas on to go to bed AND she hates getting dressed early in the morning, I'll sometimes put tomorrow's clothes on her before she goes to sleep at night. Once she wakes up, she's good to go. Two rocks, one stone!

• Eating dinner with a three-year-old can often take HOURS. Want to move the process along? Promise her some ice cream if she eats quickly. When said ice cream fails to materialize, feign shock and indignation. Instigate serious investigation with daughter as to who could have stolen all the ice cream from the house!

I'll admit it. Sometimes I feel a little guilty for being lazy about certain aspects of parenting. On the other hand, I like to think hacks like this free up space for more quality time.

How about you guys? Any time-saving tips you'd like to share? Got any that you're too embarrassed to submit to parenthacks.com? Here's the place to share them. No shame or judgment on this site. No sirree, Bob!

Next post:  The infamous annual Santa photo. We weren't going to even go this year because of last year and the year before! However, so many of you have e-mailed me about it, we're going to give it the old college try. Wish us luck!

Comments

[HandsFree]

If I think they'll get up early or I'm getting to bed especially late, I'll fill some plastic containers with cereal (the bigger and less-crumbly cereals are better, like Quaker Corn Bran or Barbara's Puffins). I place them on my bedside stand with a sport-top water bottle. The computer is in our bedroom and we have logins for the kids (ages 1-1/2 and 4) setup so they can't delete or change files on the computer. The 4-yr old knows how to login and put in a DVD. They simply ask me to open the cereal containers and they sit at the desk and watch educational videos at a very low volume. If the 4 yr old isn't up, I'm sure to put the video on "repeat title" so that when it's done, it starts over! LOL! If we do this, I don't give them any more TV time unless absolutely necessary for my sanity.

Baths only once every 3 nights or so, definitely together, and I can clean the toilet and sink while they play in the tub.

For laundry, get a washer/dryer onto the main floor of your house (or even upstairs with the bedrooms)! My laundry room connects to my kitchen and the playroom, so I can do all aspects of laundry (except putting away) while my children play or eat. Love it! Never want a basement laundry room ever!

Back to the computer video thing again... if I really need to work on the computer, I'll put a DVD on in a small corner of the screen, "stay on top" setting on, and work to my heart's content using the rest of the screen. Or I'll play kid-friendly videos right from the web.

[HandsFree]

If I think they'll get up early or I'm getting to bed especially late, I'll fill some plastic containers with cereal (the bigger and less-crumbly cereals are better, like Quaker Corn Bran or Barbara's Puffins). I place them on my bedside stand with a sport-top water bottle. The computer is in our bedroom and we have logins for the kids (ages 1-1/2 and 4) setup so they can't delete or change files on the computer. The 4-yr old knows how to login and put in a DVD. They simply ask me to open the cereal containers and they sit at the desk and watch educational videos at a very low volume. If the 4 yr old isn't up, I'm sure to put the video on "repeat title" so that when it's done, it starts over! LOL! If we do this, I don't give them any more TV time unless absolutely necessary for my sanity.

Baths only once every 3 nights or so, definitely together, and I can clean the toilet and sink while they play in the tub.

For laundry, get a washer/dryer onto the main floor of your house (or even upstairs with the bedrooms)! My laundry room connects to my kitchen and the playroom, so I can do all aspects of laundry (except putting away) while my children play or eat. Love it! Never want a basement laundry room ever!

Back to the computer video thing again... if I really need to work on the computer, I'll put a DVD on in a small corner of the screen, "stay on top" setting on, and work to my heart's content using the rest of the screen. Or I'll play kid-friendly videos right from the web.

[ShotgunDaddy]

I have a very vivid memory from when our oldest daughter (now seven) was only a few weeks old. My wife and I were lying in bed on a Sunday morning, the type of morning that used to hold the promise of hours of rest and relaxation, when our daughter started crying from her room. I turned to my wife and said, "It might be another twenty years before we can sleep in on a Sunday morning again..." It's been seven years, so I guess we're about a third of the way there.

[Shannon Best]

We have twins and here are some of our life saver short cuts......
1. If you use formula - Pre-make and pour all bottles for 24 hours.
2. Keep cooked (100% whole wheat - it stays with them)pasta, beans, frozen waffles ready to eat.
3. Baths every 3 days.
4. Lots of onsies, bibs so you dont have to do laundry everyday.
5. I've used wipes to bathe. ;)
6. Make your life clutterfree by ebay-ing or CL-ing nick nacks, junk.
7. A good wine in the evening and lots of Tylenol.
8. Happy Feet, Cars, Annie and Oklahoma are our lifesavers when we need to do chores.Remember, the sun'll come ouuuuuuut tomorrow.
9. Dust Buster
And most of all, if you're too busy, simpify your life by saying no to some things. It's ok!
Blessings to your family MD!
Shannon and Family in Austin

[Lena]

Setting the clock ahead...saying "oooh, look ,it's bedtime." When it's really 6:30 or 7. Sa-weet!

I used to do that "dress 'em the night before thing too"
that soft cotton doesn't wrinkle.

But usually they would wet the damn bed in the clean "day clothes"

and then (seriously) I read that those little kid pajamas are fire retardant.
Sorry, the day clothes. No they are not.

Sumthin' to think about.

Love your blog.

[Lena]

Setting the clock ahead...saying "oooh, look ,it's bedtime." When it's really 6:30 or 7. Sa-weet!

I used to do that "dress 'em the night before thing too"
that soft cotton doesn't wrinkle.

But usually they would wet the damn bed in the clean "day clothes"

and then (seriously) I read that those little kid pajamas are fire retardant.
Sorry, the day clothes. No they are not.

Sumthin' to think about.

Love your blog.

[Yashodhara]

The Peanut's picture of last year's is even funnier than the one from year before last. Eagerly awaiting this year's!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the three of you.

[OTRgirl]

My parents did this to us and it worked like a charm during my babysitting years:

When the kid doesn't want to go to sleep, tell them, "OK. Here's the deal. You go lay in bed for 15 minutes in the dark. If you're still awake after 15 minutes, I'll come get you and bring you back downstairs. Sound good?"

Of course, you never go to check.

[creative-type dad]

Baby wipes, eh? That's the fancy way. I use Windex.

[Amie]

Keep an emergency lollipop with you at all times.

[Jenny]

I've been trying to post my comment for days but haven't had time. I bought some this morning by giving Monkey frozen waffles (I did toast them) and turning on the TV.

In my world lately, it's either play with the kids or do house-related chores. Usually I chose the first option because it's really more important but occasionally the house just has to get clean. I've started to make a game out of it. I'll set a timer and have the kids "race" to see who can pick up the most toys or let them spray furniture polish (which they love), etc. But their all- time favorite (and mine!) is
the "skating game." It looks like this: I spray windex on the floor and the kids have to "skate" across the floor on rags to wipe it off. I spray one bit at a time and they race each other to get there. The kids get to play and I have a somewhat clean floor. Everyone's happy!

[croutonboy]

"a flurry of holiday parties"...wah wah wah

Merry Christmas! The parental hacks smells like a book pitch...

[gabriel christou]

please visit
www.gabrielchristou.blogspot.com

you will see PHOTOS of WHO and WHERE Bin Laden and his NETWORKS ARE….

URGENT…PLEASE HELP…. I CANNOT FROM HERE….. I AM BLOCKED ALL AROUND
FORWARD THIS INFORMATION TO THE FBI.

gavriild@gmail.com

[JC]

Happy holidays, MD. Looking forward to your next post.

[spain dad]

Merry Christmas from Madrid!

The biggest time saver for our family was moving into the city and getting rid of our car. We live in a small neighborhood where we can do all our shopping on foot. No getting in and out of car seats. Very little travel time.

[Velma]

We routinely bathe our son maybe twice a week. He's got eczema, and bathing more often aggravates it, so I just let him play with bubbles in the sink whenever he wants to keep his hands clean. As soon as our daughter was old enough, I showed her how to work the shower and now I'm rarely involved in her ablutions. (Woo hoo! SAT word!)

We have a bread/snack drawer in our kitchen where we keep bread, bagels, individual portions of cereal in sandwich bags, chips, cereal bars, etc. and the kids can just help themselves.

And of course, the old divide and conquer - one of us takes the kids somewhere fun (or not)while the other does whatever errands need to be done. Any kind of errand (or work) goes much more quickly without the kids along, so one of us gets it done alone and then we can all chill out later.

[KG]

1. Crockpot.
2. De-clutter -- get rid of all but the essentials. This saves time for me when I misplace things and have to look for them without -- I don't have to sort through a ton of junk. Cleaning doesn't take as long either.
3. Never go out anymore and use old going-out time for sleeping and cleaning -- HA! I don't know many who do this extreme timesaver. ;)

Hope you had a great holiday...no Santa photo, I see.

Happy New Year, MD!

[AK]

Hey MD,

I'm a long time reader, first time commenter. I thought you and your readers would appreciate the following link.

http://www.freerice.org

Happy New Year!

[BOSSY]

The dinner hour can be cut in half by strapping on feedbags. Just don't forget to chop the ice out of the water dispenser.

[SDF]

MD, where are you? Don't tell me you belong to the Screen Writer's Guild!

Happy New Year!

[Didi]

Everyone keeps mentioning pajamas so I though I'd throw my hack out:

No pajamas. Noodle and I both get way overheated while we sleep, so everyone just sleeps in their undies.

[Mama]

Yes, you are lazy indeed. Can't you post something really great at least once a week?! Jeez! Where is the Santa picture?!

[mo-wo]

Parent hacks? Us. you betcha.

And, did you miss this? I always hate for you to be left out.

http://motherwoman.blogspot.com/2008/01/letter-from-occupant.html

[mo-wo]

now with hyperlink

you are a busy man.

[Sweet Yorkie Bella - I am a cute puppy I sware]

Wow a 7 pound Yorkie, thats not too big unless she is suppose to be 4 pounds. Bella is about 5 pounds now and Bubby is at 4.5 pounds. Both very sweet and healthy. Never thought to feed them cheerios though.

[Kishan]

Kori - I'm just getting back into sancpbookirg now that I have a new baby and this is so beautiful and is giving me so many great ideas! Thanks for making this website!!

[Zhanalinov]

it. i entered a csotent to win and iPod nano AAAAAND chocolate! that's exactly how i read what you wrote in your post. so, to me it was funny. yeah. =) can't wait to see you tomorrow!