Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “Battle not with monsters lest you become one.”
Normally I'd say that, in the grand pantheon of parenting literature, this is the wisest and most profound philosophical statement ever proffered on the subject of dealing with an unruly toddler.
However, I tend to discount anything ever said by Nietzsche because (1) the dude was German, (2) homeboy was fucking crazy, and (3) he never had kids.
I much prefer the words of the late 20th-century Brooklyn philosopher Pat Benatar, who not only looked much better in black leather pants but also famously crooned, "love is a battlefield."
In my ongoing battle with the most stubborn toddler this side of Leipzig, here's the latest weekend scorecard between me and the Peanut:
I was like the Miami Dolphins of parenting this weekend. I went 0-7 on almost every single battleground. Damn!
For those of you who think I'm one of those coddling modern-day parents who lack sufficient backbone when it comes to disciplining his child, I invite you over for a weekend of "Survivor: Tribeca." If you can control my daughter, you get a million bucks and permanent employment in the MetroDad household. If you lose, you owe me a bottle of Advil and some Johnnie Walker Black.
Yeah, that's what I thought. Wussies!
Next post: Do you have to be white to be Cinderella?