The Lazy List of Fives

5 THINGS MY DAUGHTER HAS LICKED RECENTLY

1. The subway pole on the 2 Train
2. The sidewalk
3. The bottom of her sneakers
4. A random car tire
5. The entire left side of my face (while I was sleeping)

5 RECENT NON SEQUITURS FROM MY DAUGHTER'S MOUTH

1. "Can I have two ponytails for my monkey?"
2. "My feets have no stickers, Daddy!"
3. "The mousies are friends with the camels?"
4. "I eat your sneakers now!"
5. "I want donuts at Old McDonald's."

5 THINGS I TAUGHT MY DAUGHTER TO SAY FOR SHEER ENTERTAINMENT

1. "Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof!"
2. "Let's go, Mets!"
3. "Hit me on the flip side, yo."
4. "These are not the droids you're looking for."
5. "Yankees suck!"

5 CURRENT METRODAD OBSESSIONS

1. Breakfast burritos
2. The new Springsteen CD
3. "Gossip Girl"
4. Working out at 6:30 am
5. Macallan 16-year Scotch

5 THINGS I SAID IN ARKANSAS TODAY THAT MARKED ME AS AN "OUTSIDER"

1. "I'll have an egg white omelet with feta, tomato, and spinach."
2. "Who's Kasey Kahne?"
3. "My carbon footprint is extremely low."
4. "The suit? It's made by agnès b."
5. "Do you have any Macallan 16-year Scotch?"

5 RELATIVELY NEW "DADDY BLOGS" YOU SHOULD BE READING

1. Get That Out of Your Mouth!
2. The Daily Daddy Blog
3. Varsity Dad
4. Looky, Daddy
5. DadSmacker

A 5-PART BOOK MEME VIA NONLINEAR GIRL (slightly modified)

1. Total number of books owned? Over 1,000
2. Last book read? Falling Man: A Novel by Don DeLillo
3. Last book bought?  The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz
4. Most treasured book?  A signed first-edition of Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
5. Book I wish I'd written?  Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

Next post: Holy shit, my 20-year high-school reunion!

Comments

[Lena]

I think these lists basically sum up why I love reading your blog, MD: random, goofy, funny, and smart!

[mo-wo]

We did our high school 20 two weeks ago. It was quite a pleasant surprise aside from the facebook shit.

If 1. my take is on and 2.) you still have hair you'll be sure to make the top 5 Yes he's still amazing list.

In my experience there is a sad shortage of single malts at such events. In the experience of my best girl on the night DO NOT opt to substitute any tequila nostalgia.

[kuri]

yesterday i caught my daughter licking the dog bowl. i share your pain, md.

[Jess]

Your child knows to announce that the Yankees suck. I can only hope that my child will be as wise.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

Oh my god, Gossip Girl: YES. Even though it should really be NO, NO, NO. And again NO.

(Have you read the book? It's even more terribly awfully wonderful, apparently. I have it on my nightstand, although I should really take pains to note that it was BORROWED rather than bought; I haven't stooped that low yet.)

[mr. big dubya]

I, personally, like #5 on the list of things you taught Peanut to say. I also think #4 on the same list is great and I hope she throws in a wave of the hand for emphasis.

[Katrina]

Hmm. Breakfast burritos MUST be the same as breakfast tacos, right?

[Ellen]

How can someone smart enough to read Diaz, Don DeLillo, Ellison & Wallace also watch "Gossip Girl"?

[moe berg]

i just hope the face licking happened before all the other licking.

[Kristen]

Ugh. I'm soooo doomed in Little Rock.

You'll visit me, right?

[Halim]

never had the macallan 16. i drink macallan 12 and 18 on a regular basis. come to think of it, i've never even spotted the 16. most bars i've been to seem to only stock the 12 and 18.

[JJ Daddy-O's Baby Momma]

Sounds like you're raising an immunologically well-adjusted child.

[lawschoolmom]

Interesting enough, my toddler also says "Yankees Suck!" while his six-year old sis tells everyone within earshot "We don't like the Yankees."

[Jamie E.]

The first time that my city slicker husband came to visit my family in Texarkana, he asked a waitress at the local diner if he could get a latte.

Fifteen years later, they're STILL laughing at him! Since that day, my brother refers to the hubs as "Latte Boy."

[Amy]

For MY sheer entertainment: My 3-year old daughter seems to be really into learning song lyrics. She can do an awesome version of "You Gotta Fight for Your Right to Party" which she calls the "Kick it Song" (because the Beastie Boys yell "kick it" at the very beginning.) Sometimes I remember to push the mute button when they say the part about your mom threw away your best porno mag. Sometimes I forget.

We are currently working on "Candy Man" by Christina Aguilera.

[Leora]

Since my husband has been working long hours lately, I've taught our 5 y.o. son to greet him at the door by saying, "Mommy says I shouldn't talk to strangers."

Cruel, I know.

[Rattling The Kettle]

My brother taught my son the "Let's Go Mets" chant, complete with fist pump, at around 14 months. You have to start the Mets fan training early, especially given the propensity to choke at the end. I mean, who would willingly suffer through that unless the fandom was ingrained before potty training?

[Darren]

That list of things licked is just disgusting...except for your face I suppose.

I like Gossip Girl too (but I wasn't going to tell anyone). And who is Kasey Kahne?

[Phoenix]

Gossip Girl? Really? Please tell me it isn't true.

I caught my niece licking the checkout counter at Target today. When I asked her to stop, she asked me what was wrong with it. Talk about gross. Then again, she may not catch what Peanut will from the Subway Poll. What is it with three year olds?

[landismom]

Oh man, how was the DeLillo? I have it on my nightstand, but haven't gotten there yet.

[6th Floor Blogger]

Gossip Girl? Seriously? .. I can't imagine getting up at 6:30 to work out.. by 8am I'd feel like I accomplished a lot today and go back to bed.

[JJ Daddy-O]

1) Holy shit, she licked the pole on the #2? Take her to Fort Detrick, stat!
2) Speaking as a Daughter Dad, better licking the pole on the subway than dancing around the pole on stage....

[Whit]

I'm teaching my oldest all kinds of things to say for fun. I can't print them here.

[Kate C.]

I can't wait to read Oscar Wao.

I can wait to have my future 3 y.o. licking the public transit, though.

Looky, Daddy is terrifying reading right now.

[nonlineargirl]

I like the addition of a book you wish you'd written.

Given your obsessions and those of my family, it sounds like you can have breakfast with my daughter and a nightcap with my husband.

[JDF]

LOVE the things you said in Arkansas. I can only imagine how you stuck out there.

[Celeste]

Wow, my kid calls Mickey D's "Old MacDonald" too!

[Fiona]

I'm always amazed that you have time to read, considering you have a full-time job and a family. Have you read the Diaz book yet? How was it? It's next on my list.

[the other amy]

Ah, the old face licking. I remember it well. My kids were the masters of that, I tell you.

I read Falling Man because you had mentioned in a post awhile ago you were reading it and when I saw it at the library later that day I thought I'd give it a try. Perhaps you have to be a New Yorker to appreciate it, but it depressed me all to hell and I didn't like it at all. I found myself morose for days afterward. Maybe that was the author's intention, but it bothered me.

[Mitch McDad]

we're on our way to TX tomorrow for my wife's 20 year reunion. We'll have to compare notes. Have fun.

[Ashley]

Honestly, sometimes I think you and my husband were separated at birth. Those things you said in Arkansas could all have come from his mouth too.

Of course, I know you're not really related because the hubs hasn't read a book in years!

www.paperbackswap.com

[p-man]

What's the behind naming novels "Name Of Novel: A Novel"? Is the purchaser so unaware of his own intent as to require this additional cue? "I came to the book store looking for tampons, and here I am... holding a novel! That was close."

[Spencer at pinkbluecafe.com]

Great post!

Was it a new 2 train or old one?

Probably does not matter.

Have you found a website that measures a household's carbon footprint?

Great tip on 'Get that out of your mouth'.

[Penelope]

My daughter is about the same age as the Peanut and she's in the same licking phase too. I yell at her all the time but she thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. How do they even get their tongues on all that gross stuff so quickly? Half the time she does it in the blink of an eye!

[Lucas]

In regards to your book list. I have a signed copy of "Infinite Jest" which I received after having coffee with 3 friends and David Foster Wallace at a Steak -n- Shake in Goshen, IN. Mr. Wallace was a friend of a friend who was, by virtue of this relationship, asked to give a reading at my small, Mennonite affiliated, liberal arts college. Though progressive, Goshen College was and is a religious school. Mr. Wallace, perhaps knowing this, decided to read a passage that contained the most use of the "f" word and sexually explicit material. This wasn't lost on the Chair of my English Department and all but cemented Mr. Wallace's status from the students as the coolest author to ever read at Goshen College. After the reading, he and my friend invited myself and another to have coffee and discuss our experiences in school and hopefully gain life-changing insight from David. He was cordial and as I remember more of a listener than a talker.

[stella]

GREAT POST!!!

[Mark]

I love how you are always pushing and promoting other "daddy blogs." Through you, I've discovered some great ones. I'm a bad commenter but just wanted to delurk to say how much I appreciate it. I love reading these blogs. I just don't know how to find them. Thanx!

[OTRgirl]

Having been to rural Kansas recently with my Asian husband, I don't think you needed to say anything to stand out in Arkansas. Though each of those comments certainly branded you 'foreigner'!

[Helene]

Did you finish the Junot Diaz book? I bought it based on your older post about how excited you were that the book was coming out. It's amazing. I've never read him before and now I can't wait to go back and read some of his earlier writings.

Thanks for the book recs, MD!

[Mom101]

I thought it was bad that she licked the 2 train pole - but then I saw you were in Arkansas.

[Matthew]

I licked that same pole in 1992.

I was drunk. What's her excuse?

[Bradley]

Had my 20 year reunion last week. All the cliches held true. Not as painful as I thought it was going to be. The alcohol helped.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Our kids should get together and lick random car tires.

I honestly thought that was just Ian.

[adil]

I'm a lurker and I NEVER comment but I had to come out today and say that my daughter (2 & a half) has been licking a whole hell of a lot of odd things lately, including my face and the bottom of her shoe. What is up with that? And we also recently taught her to say "Yankees suck!" (We're from Boston).

[rjt]

I actually like the Yankees (I know, I know) so for my sports-based rabble-rousing I had to go college football:

I grew up in Ohio, so to support the home state I have trained my 4-year old son thusly: "So what do you shout when you see someone in a navy blue sweatshirt with a big gold M on it?" I ask.

"GO BUCKS!" he dutifully replies. That's my boy.

I have warned him that he has about five years until that starts getting him socked in the face...

[honglien123]

You have a signed first edition of Invisible Man? How??? WOW!!! Totally awed and impressed. We have about 1000 books too but none so cool.

[OTRgirl]

The worst part about moving every few years has been that we've had to cull our book collection to drastically low levels. In high school (before the internet...), I never had to go to the library to do research. My parents always had books I could use.

[Stella]

I came here via the Blogger's Choice Awards and I just wanted to say how much I am enjoying your writing. It's great when something you read makes you laugh out loud! And your little girl is gorgeous. Keep up the good work.

[Henri]

Dude Macallan 16. Bros mang.