There Can Be Only One!

As I've mentioned here before, during the first year of the Peanut's life, I was The Man! 

To my lovely little daughter, I was the living embodiment of Christmas, Elmo, and an all-you-can-eat ice cream buffet.

When she woke up in the morning, she demanded that I be the one who got her out of the crib, changed her diaper, and dressed her.  When she hurt her knee at the playground, it was me that she always came running to.  When she was hungry, only I was allowed to prepare her dinner and feed her.  And every moment of every day, all she ever wanted to do was hang out with me.

But back then, it was easy to win her affections.  I was the funny guy who would stuff baby carrots up his nose just to keep her entertained.  I was the one who would make yarmulkes and beards out of the bubbles in her bathtub.  And I was the one who would run around the apartment with my boxers on my head just to hear her giggle. 

But after her first year, I dropped in the standings.  BossLady was #1, the nanny was #2, and I was a distant third.  When we switched the Peanut to daycare, I thought I'd move up to the #2 spot but I was quickly displaced by one of the Peanut's teachers.  Damn!

Now, although I have a vicious competitive streak, I would never try and compete with the BossLady for my daughter's affections.  As l've said before, if parenthood has taught me anything, it's that everything I do is for the benefit of my daughter.  So, once again, I realized that I needed to change my perspective and alter my way of thinking.  I couldn't allow my competitive spirit to manifest itself. To paraphrase Mikhail Baryshnikov, "I do not try to parent better than anyone else. I only try to parent better than myself."

So, if the Peanut loved BossLady more than she did me, so be it.  C'est la vie.  I wasn't going to try and compete for her affections and I was just going to have to learn to accept that, in her own little way, the Peanut loved me too. Mature, eh?

Well, internet, I'm proud to say today that...I'M NUMBER ONE!  WOO HOO!  THAT'S RIGHT, AMIGOS!  NUMERO UNO!  WHO ROCKS THE PARTY?  I ROCK THE PARTY! NUMBER TWO IN YOUR PROGRAM, NUMBER ONE IN YOUR HEART!  I'M THE MOTHERFLIPPPING RHYMENOCEROUS!  HEY!  HO!

Ok, so I admit it...

A part of me had a hard time dealing with the fact that the Peanut loved BossLady more than me.  It wasn't that my little girl didn't shower me with affection.  It's just that whenever the BossLady showed up, the Peanut would go bonkers!  I felt like one of those stay-at-home-moms who deals with unruly toddlers all day, only to see them turn into little angels when daddy walked in the door from work. 

Heck, after all, I'm the one who prepares all of the Peanut's meals.  I'm the one who takes her to the playground every day, brings her on bike rides around the city, drives her out to Coney Island for the amusement rides, and takes her to the water park all the time.  Why shouldn't I be #1?

Anyway, I know my time as #1 is probably short-lived but I thought it would be fun for the Peanut and I to celebrate my newfound status over a few ghetto dogs this afternoon. 

Jacket and tie optional.

Meanwhile, I just caught the end of a funny commercial promoting some new sitcom.  In it, the father leans over to his son and says, "You know how they say parents love all their kids the same?  Well, you're in third place.  Better step it up!"

For some reason, I thought that line was hilarious. Do any of you pull that stuff with your kids?  And do you find yourself competing with you spouse over your kids' affections?  Consciously or sub-consciously?  And what about you childless folks?  Surely, you have a favorite niece or nephew, right? 

An inquiring mind wants to know...

Comments

[GatorJen]

I am the stay at home mom. I LOVE that my husband is #1. When he walks in the door, I run for the hills (or at least the bathroom). As for my two kids, I love them equally but differently. They are two totally different people. I "get" my son better than I "get"my daughter, so that makes him easier to love. BUT, my daughter is...well.. she's my daughter and we bond over girl stuff my my son would never understand. I remember growing up that one of my (2) brothers was my mom's favorite. It was never a big deal. There was never animosity. He was just the favorite. Ironic that he's now estranged from the family, no?

[Jamie E.]

Shhh...don't tell anyone but when my husband isn't looking, I slip the kids lollipops and candy. Then, I swear them to secrecy. No wonder they like me best!

[Morrisquads]

I'm the father of quads plus one, and my wife and I try not to choose favorites, although as they grow older it gets tougher and tougher. I find that my favorite depends the situation at hand, (along with the mood of the individual children (and myself) at the time.) I would venture to say that, at least for now, they use similar criteria when determining if Mommy or Daddy is #1. For example - Daddy has ice cream and Mommy is making us go to bed... Daddy is #1. OR Mommy is reading us a story and Daddy is at work... Mommy is #1. It's pretty simple if you look at it that way!

[Leora]

Where did you get that shirt? It's the cutest thing ever!

[Amy]

My husband and I are both the youngest kids in our families, so when our 6 year old son teases his 3 year old sister, we tell him how we're always rooting for his sister because we used to be the youngest kid and we know how she feels. I think it's my way of finally getting back at my own older brother for tormenting me, just 30 years later. Too bad for my son, huh?

[moe berg]

i'm just happy to be on the list. and honestly, being #1 is just too much work sometimes. you can slide when you're #2.

that said, my heart sank a little this week when our 7 month old pulled his first 'i don't want to go to dad, i want to stay w/mom' pouty face.

[navi]

I've always been #1, there's no need to compete, and my hubby doesn't want the title, as he doesn't have to deal w/ the kids once I get home from work....

[kim]

I'm a 99% SAHM and my toddler daughter ALWAYS picks me as #1. While this does have me smugly rejoicing on the inside (most of the time), what I wouldn't do for just a few days of her turning into a Daddy's girl... I could use a little break! And gosh knows what will happen when #2 shows up... eek!

[Phoenix]

I love that commercial too. Yes, I have a favorite niece. But they'll never know it. She's a little me. Her mother tells her that all the time too.

I think kids go back and forth. One of my nieces is a complete Daddy girl, but the younger one goes back and forth. Your time is probably short, so enjoy it while you've got it. Or have another and you'll have a chance of being someones number one more often. She's so dam cute anyway....I really think you need another one. See, how helpful I am?

Hey what does BossLady think about all of this?

[Kat]

I have been #1 for going on 4 years now and sometimes I wish I was #2 or #3, just so I didn't have to hear "mommy" whined to me one more time that day. Can you tell I am a stay at home mom?

[AJ]

I have a favorite godchild but I will never tell which one! Though I treat them all the same on the outside, I actually like one of the 3 better than the others- this one is just calmer and has always been extremely affectionate and loving with me - and this one does not throw fits or freak out all the time. :-)

[Matthew]

I'm so #1 that I have to coach the kids on how to make Mommy happy.

Don't tell her I told you.

[Anne Glamore]

I'm with GatorJen. You'd think I could pick between 3 boys, but one is me but with a penis, one is so much like his father, and one is such a wacky dude.

One of them is EASIER to love than the other 2, but the others arouse different, more passionate feelings (loving and hating) depending on the situation.

PS_ Not eating the dinner I cooked for you puts you in the hateful category.

Saying it's because "you're not worthy of my food" makes me laugh and love you again!

[Lunasea]

When the 2-year-old wakes up at 5:30 am, I mumble to him that he's my least favorite. But to be fair, I also give him the information he needs to become my most favorite: Sleep until 7am. I think I'm quite reasonable.

[KEYNOTER]

I am a stay at home mom. I live in Ireland and I went to the USA for a weeks holiday at the start of this month. I left the husband in charge of the housekeeping budget which is usually about €300 or $420 for the food for the week. To make a long story short he spent the grand total of €850 or $1,180 on food, sweets, and anything else they wanted. No wonder they adore him weren't as happy as they usually are to see me return home. See.....money CAN buy you love!!!

[mrsfortune]

Well, since I only have one kid, I can say that I do like him more than the dog. And DEFINITELY more than the cat. I hate the damn cat. He's a total mama's boy, always wants me, all the time, which of course, makes me feel GUILTIER THAN SHIT considering I am at work 8+ hours a day. So yeah, there's that. The less your kid likes you, the less guilt you have to feel when you're not around. Hopefully he'll fully hate me by the time hes 4.

[wn]

Way to rock the party MD!

wow...all of these things to look forward to...just when I was getting a handle on the whole bringing a human into the world...I keep realizing that it's gonna be DAMN Complicated...in a good way...I think!

[BOSSY]

Bossy likes to give out Favorite Son awards, and Best Daughter awards. Of course she only has two kids: one boy and one girl.

[Susan A.]

We only have one child, a 3-year-old girl, and she has been Daddy's #1 fan ever since birth. There's a small part of me that believes that she thinks I'm just the maid.

[Papa Bradstein]

I don't compete with Mama for 3B's affection. She would whup my ass in that realm as easily as she used to whup up on me in Tae Kwon Do--seriously, is a kick to the head a sign of affection? I'm just glad that I'm still ahead of Barky in 3B's eyes. So far, anyway.

[J-Dog]

I know it's completely unhealthy but my wife and I compete for our kids' affections all the time. We're both competitive bastards and hate to come in second in anything. We even talk trash to each other!

[Holmes]

Ghetto dogs! Those sound good, whatever they are.

We've got son # 2 on the way in December, so I've started thinking about the whole "favorites" thing a bit here lately. My wife and I can be two very sarcastic people, both with dark senses of humor, but we've recently had the big "duh" revelation that little people don't understand sarcasm yet. We would definitely be the types to make favorite-related jokes, but we've decided to try to watch our mouths a bit, and keep the joking to our private time.

[Delilah]

Does that shirt come in adult sizes? I LOVE IT! So Annie Hall.

[Amanda]

I found your blog in a roundabout way several months ago and have been enjoying reading your funny and engaging writing ever since.
I am posting because my parents TOTALLY did the thing you wrote about. While we were younger, it was more subtle (although my mom kept telling me that "as the oldest you are like the first waffle, you make all the mistakes on that one and throw it out, the rest of the batch is good :) ) Now that all of us are older and out of the house, we even have BCS rankings (Best Child Standings). They talk about my siblings and I dropping or rising in the BCS standing based on things like how often we call, whether we make fun of them when we are together etc. These BCS rankings have been occuring for almost 4 years now and I am proud to say I am currently ranked #1!

[hapa dad]

I'd pay good money to see a photo of you with baby carrots shoved up your nose, MD. I'm sure that's not just funny to toddlers.

[Rachel E.]

I find in parenthood that there is always one SUCKER! parent at any given time. Sometimes it's me, but most of the time it's my husband (aka-#1 SUCKER!) He's the one that can't resist my daughter's requests and puppy dog eyes - she has him totally wrapped and she knows it. Me? She knows I have her back in life but that I'm much tougher on her about things. When she wants something she'll ask SUCKER! daddy first but then won't proceed until I say it's okay. Drives SUCKER! daddy crazy. (heh, heh, heh...)

[Daddy Dan]

Our baby just turned one and I've definitely been #1 with him since day one. I really do feel a little sorry for my wife, because I think she always thought that she'd be #1. We'll see how long I hold onto the title. I do feel a slight shift in my dominance lately.

[Mama H]

Well, I was #1 with my little guy until about a week ago. I don't know what happened, but Daddy is at the top now. I have to say that my feelings were a little hurt at first, but it's overwhelmingly heartwarming to watch them together.

[Kay]

this is a great blog that i stumpled upon, i hope you're getting paid for this with all the readers you've got hahaha.

K

[SunSpotBaby]

My third child is "secretly" my favorite child. At least I hope it's a secret.... The first was, well, the first - the one I had to see if I could even conceive. Then it was "try for a boy." Got my boy. Then, the third one was just for me, my "just because" child. Of course, it didn't help matters that she was also what one easily could describe as a "perfect" child. No tantrums, no "terrible twos," no teen-age angst, just the sweetest, get-along-with-everyone child. And I DID love all three of them dearly. It's just that she and I were very, very close. But, one thing always bugged me - whenever I was in an argument with my 2nd husband (her step-father, whom all my children adored), she ALWAYS took his side in the argument. (Obviously not big, knock-down drag-out arguments, just the little day-by-day arguments everyone has with their spouses.) It wasn't until YEARS later that I found out HE WAS PAYING HER MONEY to take his side!!! I couldn't believe it when I found out. When I confronted her, she just said, hey - I had to get spending money some way, and that seemed the easiest way to do it. He never made the offer to the other kids since she took him right up on it. Besides, all four against me would have been suspicious!!

[S. Lieberman]

It's uncanny, MD. My DH and I were having a conversation about this last night. He was once #1 in our house too but lost the title a year ago and has been fighting to get it back. I've even caught him bribing our daughter with candy! Can you imagine?

[Regina]

My mom used to tell me I was her favorite. Out of 5 kids, she always said that I was the most like her. She always swore me to secrecy about it.

Now that I think about it, maybe she was saying the same thing to all my siblings. Hmmm!

[kittenpie]

Pumpkinpie makes no bones about who she likes best. "I love you a little bit, mommy. I love Daddy SOOOOOO much!" Hey, it's better than back in the day when she'd tell me, "I don't love you, mommy. I only love daddy." The first few times it nearly killed me, but I quickly grew a thick skin. Now I say, "Enh. You'll love me tomorrow."

[Jon]

I think my wife tries too hard with our older daughter, and she sees right through it -- which makes ME Numero Uno!

Our son (younger) is just too easy, and tells anyone who's close by, "I love you."

[Rachel E.]

Okay, nothing to do with parenthood here but I'm watching JT on Oprah and you're right - he kicks ASS!! Must have been awesome in person.

[Jessica]

I found your site via the article about you in Parents Magazine. I just spent the whole afternoon reading your archives and I love it. Count me in as your newest fan!

[Mama Nabi]

I don't think I've ever been #2... at least not yet! It's a mixed bag - it means I get hugs and kisses on demand but it also means I get to do EVERYTHING from diaper change to digging out crusty boogers. No one else is 'good' enough for LN.
LOVE Peanut's shirt...

[Janet]

I'm with Mama Nabi. With great power comes great responsibility. If your daughter is anything like ours, I think you'll find that being #1 has its downside as well.

[WorkingDad]

MD, great post. It is so great that I ripped off your Mikhail Baryshnikov paraphrase, with due credit and a link back to you of course.

[wedbliss]

i've been a reader for awhile now but this will be my 1st comment. i just can't take it any longer...peanut is the cutest little thing i've ever seen! =)

[Wendy]

On an unrelated subject, I just had my first Metrodad sighting today, which has prompted me to end my lurking and post for the first time. We crossed paths on 7th Ave. and Bedford, right in front of the fire station at around 4:30 this afternoon. You were drinking a coffee and talking on the phone. I was the hapa lady in the D&G shades with the honky huz and the quapa baby. Unfortunately, I was way too star-struck to say hey, but it was awesome to see you out and about.

And on the subject of your post, I guard my current #1 position with the Fabulous Miss M like nobody's business.

[Missy]

Much to my utter dismay, my husband has been the apple of my daughter's eye ever since the day she was born. Four years later and I can't belive he's still #1!!!

I think you'd like him a lot, MD. Whenever our little girl cries out for him, he looks at me with a devilish grin, and shouts, "Whoever pulls the sword from the stone, he shall be king!"

Fucking loser!

[Kim]

We have one daughter and she is already 17 yrs. old. I think I have been in competition, but my husband is laid back, while he enjoys the #1 position. Whenever I feel like he is way ahead, I just take her shopping. I win!!!! In Scrabble, always go for the corners! You will win every time.

[momto3cubs]

Congratulations on being #1!

I've always been #1. Wonderful yet exhausting, especially for 10+ years straight.

I have 3 boys, and honestly I love them all equally but differently. They are each unique in their own ways. There are different things I love about each one. I could never pick just one as a favorite.

[R2Dad]

I have a different perspective on this. R2Mum is always #1 with both rodents. I am the taskmaster, and this enables our good-cop, bad-cop routine. I love both of them to no end, but I'm not the go-to parent when one gets a boo-boo. That doesn't prevent me from asking for a cuddle from R1 and R2, but more often than not that is the domain of Mum. There will come a time when both will want more support from Dad, but the waiting is tough. That is kind of the way Mum and I set it up. If I was the unconditional love parent it would be different, but my wife is so wonderful with the kids I don't blame them! We sound like a traditional family with a stay at home mom, but both of us work.

[Mitch McDad]

Easy homey. I've slipped into first place with both my girls and my reign was short lived. The turncoats flipped like SeaWorld dolphins. Don't get too used to your status.

And I have whispered to my two year old that she was my favorite since the 4 year old is suffering from (temporary, I hope) demonic possession.

[n i c k i]

I have 2 younger sisters and we all baby and love this lil cousin of mine to death (my mom took care of her when she was just 2 months old til she was 4 years old, so she's at our house Mon - Fri). She's like our "unofficial youngest 4th sister". To her, my 2nd sister is #1, my 3rd sister #2, which naturally puts me in last place. :(

It shows too, like if my 2nd sister is not around, she'll look for my 3rd, and if they're both not around, then it's me. It kinda hurts, but seriously, I think it's no rocket science. My 2nd sister is ALWAYS the one who pampers her, gives her everything and anything she wants. I'm always like the "disciplinarian", always telling her, no, you can't swim in the pool at 9pm, no you can't do this nor that. Sometimes I wonder why I'm this way too, perhaps being the oldest kid made me such?

P.S. Oh, me and my sisters are all adults, my lil cousin is only 9.

[tys]

Iam no 1 on my son's list...I know its becoz he see me the least and whn i get home, he tries so hard for my attention ..it just breaks my heart...wifey gets all knotty abt it but i dont care, i just get it all in those few hours before he drifts off to sleep on my lap...love it

[William]

With my two kids I know that I am the older one's favorite and My wife is the younger's favorite. I will eventually win him over though.

[Lillian]

Single mom with an only child...

I AM ALWAYS #1 !!! So is she :)

But it's a really tough road to travel, it means NO off time for either of us.