I've got this theory that if you could somehow harness the destructive tendencies of toddlers, you could solve the world's energy crisis.
I mention this because as I sit here typing, the Peanut is here in the office with me and has been a non-stop whirlwind of living chaos. In a misguided attempt to avoid the crush of Friday afternoon NYC summer traffic, I figured I'd just bring her here for a few hours and then we'd leave early to hit the beach. I'm such an idiot.
In the past 3 hours, she's done the following:
- Eaten two of my business cards ("Look, daddy. I'm chewing gum!")
- Spilled apple juice on my laptop
- Thrown a huge tantrum because I wouldn't let her play with the stapler
- Drawn all over her face with a magic marker
- Covered my briefcase with FedEx shipping labels
I finally got her sedated with some Chicken McNuggets and "The Sound of Music" DVD. Look how happy she is now:
Five minutes ago, she was Satan incarnate. I swear, these toddlers come with an On/Off switch. Flick the switch on and they're certifiably insane. Flick it off and they're sweet as molasses. Someone really needs to develop a remove control for toddlers. How great would it be if this really existed?
By the way, Chicken McNuggets and "The Sound of Music" are my "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" tantrum stoppers. They've saved my ass a million times. Sometimes, if I don't have either one, I'll start singing "Do, Re, Mi" and the Peanut will stop freaking out and start singing with me.
Speaking of the sounds of music...
One of the reasons I love Tony and Warren so much is because they share my love for classic 70's rock. Lately, Warren and I have been ribbing Tony because, every night, he waits until his wife and baby fall asleep and then he starts rocking out to Rush's YYZ on Guitar Hero 2.
This week, the three of us have been e-mailing some funny shit to each other. One was the mock Onion article on the sluggish sales for Sousaphone Hero 2. The other was the new Verizon commercial with AC/DC.
Then, last night, I stumbled across a blog post asking readers which band they would have liked to have fronted. The rules are simple. As my friends at KSK put it:
"You can pick any band from any spot in time. This may not be your favorite band, just the band that would promise the awesomest life experience should you be the lucky person who fronted it. You sung. And possibly played the lead guitar. You did all the coke. And you nailed all the groupies. If your frontman died young, so did you. Hip hop bands and solo artists welcome."
Me? Despite my love for Bruce Springsteen, the Replacements, the Cure, and Public Enemy, I think I'd have to go with Pearl Jam. I saw them open for the Stones once and it was amazing. Eddie Vedder drank on stage, mumbled a bunch of words, had the audience sing half the songs, and then got swarmed by a million adoring female fans. Plus, if you can look good in flannel, you can look good in anything.
What about you, MD readers? What's your choice? And why?