I was over at my buddy (and fellow NYC daddy blogger) Mr. Nice Guy's site today and was happy to see that he was celebrating his 500th post. Naturally, I wondered how many posts I had written over here and was shocked to see that this one right here is #318. I also discovered that, lo and behold, my 3rd blog anniversary just passed in July.
It's hard to believe that, for the past three years, I've been sitting down 1-2 nights a week with a glass of scotch and banging out late-night musings on my love of fatherhood, marriage, the NY Mets, being Korean, beef jerky, and the luxuriant black hair on my head that gives me my Spidey powers.
Of course, during those same three years, I've also spent a lot of time perfecting this sense of detached bemusement that seems to be hardwired into my personality.
You know what else I've really noticed in perusing my writing of the past three years? A lot of "fucks." Honestly, I say the word "fuck" more often than Rudy Guiliani changes his politics.
But in all seriousness, aside from the fact that writing is a lot cheaper than therapy, this blog has turned into my own personal soapbox where I can discuss the truly important issues of our day. Like when I was changing my daughter's diaper yesterday, I jotted down an observation that I wrote on this napkin. Here it is: SAY SOMETHING STUPID ABOUT BABY POOP!
You see, that's the real joy of writing this blog. Taking on the big guys.
In all honesty, I truly have enjoyed writing this blog. I don't know when I'll stop doing it. So much of what I write here focuses on being a parent for the first time. However, I think there will come a time when my source material will eventually dry up. What happens when the Peanut leaves for college? Will I follow her to school so I can still mine some good material? I doubt it. By then, I'll be too busy working the night shift at Wal-Mart to help pay for her tuition.
Besides, I never meant for this blog to last forever. Originally, I just wanted a little corner of the internet where I could be a little self-introspective about my journey into fatherhood and find a community of like-minded parents. Unlike others, I never started this blog to make money. I never started it to get a book deal. And I certainly never started it to try and become popular.
See, for me, being popular means being liked, and there's a certain responsibility that goes along with being liked, because you are no longer in a position to let people down. See, if people think you're an asshole, you can't disappoint them. And that's how much I love people. To prevent them from being disappointed in me, I act like an asshole. Now, I know what you're thinking. Are people disappointed if I'm not as big an asshole as they expect?
All I can say is, so far, it has not been a problem.
I will admit, however, that this blog has unintentionally developed a certain amount of popularity that I'm rather conflicted about. I like to be the outsider, the rabble rouser, the iconoclast, but I also dig the fact that people seem to respond to what I'm writing about. See the problem? On the one hand, I don't care what other people think of me; but on the other hand, I want to be remembered as the guy who didn't care what other people thought of him.
You know, when this blog first started, I didn't care who was reading. But when I started getting a little traffic, I'll admit that I would check my stat counter more often than I would my stock portfolio. Thankfully, for both me and my retirement fund, I stopped doing that about a year or two ago.
But anyway...on this auspicious anniversary, as I think about where I want to go with this blog, I keep coming back to the sage advice offered by my crazy-ass friend BMC who, in discussing the rising popularity of personal blogging as a means to an end, proffered these words of wisdom, "git back to your roots, bitches!"
To that end, I think I'm going to take her advice.
While I'll still continue to spout the verbal diarrhea that seems to clog the plumbing of my brain on a near-daily basis, I think I also want to get back to writing for myself, my wife and my daughter. This site originally started as a way for me to not only work out my issues of becoming a father for the first time but also to reach out to a bunch of really cool men and women who not only relished being parents but also didn't want to subsume their individuality to their new roles as parents. I cherish the friendships I've made from this blog and, in the end, this means more to me than I ever could have imagined.
So, going forward, whether you're a like-minded parent or a single person reading this as some sort of cautionary tale, I hope you'll stick around. I'm not really sure where we're going from here but shit, then again...who does?
Three years indeed. Happy anniversary to me.