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July 05, 2007

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ray lee

Hey MD,

I have been having a terrible day at work--got in at around 5:30am and found out that all the reports that were sent to me were wrong. I couldn't do anything until 9am when people finally decided to show up. Because of the lost time, I have not been able to leave my chair for 6 straight hours while I juggled 10 spreadsheets on my dinky monitor.

First thing I did after I finally went to pee at 3:30 was to check my email. Then I decided to check your blog just to see if it could brighten my day while I munch on my lunch.

You did the job man. This entry made me smile in like 6 different times. You the man. Thank you. =)

-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. That guy who was on top the bell tower in Texas with a high powered rifle did it because he had a tumor in his head the size of a baseball. Nothing could've prevented that one.

Susan

This post is brilliant. I don't even know where to start. As someone without kids, it's fascinating to read about someone who does. Thanks for the enlightenment...and the laughs!

Mrs J

Your Non-Sequitur Ramblings of a 2.5 Year-Old #1 made me literally laugh out loud. My son can't talk yet, but I'm just sure to get one of those when he does. :-)

Brent

I almost spit up my lunch when I clicked over to the HCWDB site. You should have warned me, MD! Man, if my daughter ever ends up with guys like the Rooster, Yellowtail, or Pumpy, I think I'll kill myself!

Pattie

I may not speak for all the other DINKs (dual income, no kids) who read you, but I enjoy reading your posts because they're well-written, entertaining, and, most of all, funny.

You're giving me a lot of insight into the world of parenting -- without scaring me into a lifetime commitment to birth control. That's really saying something.

Holmes

Dude, that story about crossing the street made my day. I'll keep that in mind as a cautionary tale when I'm teaching my son how to cross the street.

MetroDude

Nice.

From the "WTF, where did you learn that?" file, our 4 year old said to me yesterday when I asked her a question "Some things I know, some things I don't, Butchie."

Looks like I need to turn the sound down on my HBO.

halfmama

The first time I said, (before crossing the street), "We have to wait for the white man!" I realized what I had just said and looked around to see who else had heard me. Now I say, "Wait for the symbol that looks like a walking man who just happens to be white!" Really. They couldn't make him green?

(I'm kidding. I said that once. Now I just drag them across the street and yell, "Run!")

re: your picnics -- Dude, at LEAST eat your pasta salad with chopsticks. You're Korean, dammit! Don't you want Peanut to blog all about her crazy, weird Korean-American parents when she grows up? The Peanut needs material too!

enygma

Wait, so you guys don't grill kalbi?
re: parents being examples: There have been some students who were so completely obnoxious we (teachers) were all, "What is with these kids?" Then, we call the students' parents and then realize, "Ah, THAT'S why they act the way they do."

IFLYG

Great Post, MD! I especially appreciated your rant - Hear Hear!

mercybuttercup

I guess reflexive white people's guilt comes in handy sometimes - based on the scientifically significant sampling of me, two people I mentioned it to, and one blog I read between then and now, I believe our tradition is to say, exactly once: "OK, honey, when you see the red hand, stop, and when you see the whi- ... um, the walking man, go!"

(Hmm. I've never attempted to speak for all white people before. Kinda fun.)

This whole post was delightful. My own 2.5-yr-old is deeply weird in similar ways, but it's the specifics that are so great.

Christie

Your post made me laugh so hard I cried! My 1.5 year old called me into his bedroom the other day after his nap....one stuffed puppy on one side of the crib and one on the other....he walked over to one and pointed "GOOD dog" and then to the to the other "DAMN dog"...then for emphasis repeated this like 3 times... I guess I need to be careful what I call the dog when she is barking at the wind!!

Ms V

Re: Slim Shady and getting whooped for calling your dad by his first name, have you seen the skit Russell Peters does on this very topic? Think it's definitely one you'd appreciate! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

keep up the gold chaos theory posts, love em!

James

"We spent them massaging my father's calloused feet while eating beef jerky on the floor next to the fan."

Bwahaha! Glad to see my sister and I weren't the only Korean kids out there forced to do this. Too funny, MD! Great post.

whit

Wait until you have another, if you are so inclined. I see our 16-month-old act out, and I turn to the 4-year-old and lecture him about the fact that his little brother is learning bad behavior from watching him, which is true. The sad part it that the oldest son learned it from me.

Someday I'm going to find pot in a cigar box, aren't I?

J-Dog

These are some awesome musings, MD. As usual, I love reading your unique perspective on all matters related to parenting. The Peanut is lucky to have you as a dad.

Tawnya

Love it! All of it was great!
Especially the rant... so true! Gave another kid hell the other day for beating on my munchkin... with his mother standing right there not doing anything about it... and I got the F-off!
I love hearing my munchkin repeat stuff we tell her, too. It's a riot. I can relate, however... therapy is going to be VERY expensive when she's older!

Pamela

Overall, a great post that I can relate to. Thanks for the link to "the doctor" -- nice eye candy.

Jason

You sure those rolling papers were from 10 years ago? My kid recently dug underneath the kitchen sink and found my old college bong. When he asked me what it was, I stupidly told him it was a bubble-making machine. Now the kid won't shut up about it. I'm just hoping he doesn't mention anything to the missus!

vickie

I struggle with how to describe traffic lights to my son. Somehow saying "white guy" doesn't seem right!

pnuts mama

4 hours out east? sounds like the peanut is about to learn the joys of rail travel. let me know how she does on her first trip to the boardy barn (btw my whole life i thought it was the bawdybahn, how bad is my accent?) and definitely take her up to jamesport and get her a treat from briarmere farmstand on sound avenue- the pies are amazing!! 17 bucks worth of amazing!! i tell you this as a food lover, md, you'll love them.

i am so with you on the sense of entitlement with so many of the kids (and adults! the adults!) around here. i hate to be the one to break it to them but the only kid who has the right to be called princess is the one whose daddy is king. so get over yourselves, people.

great post, md. happy july.

mo-wo

We live in a frappe neighbourhood of Filipinos, Sikhs and Hindus, Chinese Canadians.. some Germans too. I have quite often cowered for teaching me daughter to cross on the word of 'the white guy. the white guy, Mommy'

Last Fall Girl Friday.. told her Daddy to 'Get a move on J.'.. I felt horribly responsible for that. It is just wrong.

the mad momma

it is an Asian thing! we dont call parents by their name in India either. well, i did as a kid, but i outgrew it without them having to correct me.

and yes.. the upbringing of kids thing ? - i think other parents do need to pull their fair share of weight. my kids are going to grow up with these as their contemporaries....

Rach

When I was a kid, I hated my mom because she made me do things like go to bed at my bedtime and she said no sometimes. That's what's wrong with my peers (I'm 20) and (god forbid) their kids (yes, they have them). say no to your kids. Don't be worried about them being mad at you. They'll get over it.

I don't think I'm ever going to stop laughing about the Peanut saying, "You're Minnie Pearl?" to that homeless guy. It's going to be especially bad the next time I see a homeless guy.

Papa Bradstein

Crap. I'm so busted as a bad parent--I don't know if I've ever even seen Lion King. I guess that 3B will take care of that, just like he took care of the absence of Goodnight Moon in my childhood. My favorite moment with that book came as I was lowering the blinds, listening to Mama point out to 3B all the little things to say goodbye to. There was a pause, followed by, "Where's the fucking comb and brush?" Now that we've read it so many times that it might as well be tattooed on our fronal lobes, I could point out everthing in that room from across the kitchen. Blindfolded. Goodnight nobody.

Waya

You DA MAN Pierre! Amen to the "monkey see monkey do" rant. They should put the parents-wannabe to a series of questions/tests before they decide to have kids, or expose their kids to their potential boyfriend or girlfriend, like they do before you get married (I think if you're Catholic, right?).

It sickens me to the core when a child's lip has been bitten to disfigure and her ear was mutilated by a mother's boyfriend, which happened 2 days ago in our state. Not sure if you've heard about it. I was in a middle of writing a post about it, but was too disgusted to finish it.

The Peanut's story always brings a chuckle to my day. My Sophia's favorite thing to say is "I know!" as if for a 2 y/o kid.

Mademoiselle M

Amazing.. as always!

I am in love with Peanut by the way.

William

MD it is always good to see you post.

Rachel

We call the walk signal the "walking man." Apparently this has saved us a lot of grief! My daughter also yelled my name one day when I didn't respond to "Mommy!" (I was on the phone.)

SciFi Dad

"You have to listen to the white man"

That had me laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. Thanks.

And I totally agree with you about your rant.

(And I could have done without learning about that douchebag site.)

1969

New to your blog. I love it!

As a mom of two boys, ages 5 and 2....I relate. Great post!

Mitch McDad

I've turned my wife on to your blog, and now she's hooked. And she wants to know why my blog sucks so bad after reading yours. Thanks.

When she sees the Hamptons blurb--I'm dead. She's been pushing me hard to move somewhere near the water, but even worse, she's been pushing hard to visit her girlfriend in NY, who, by the way owns a place in the city and a 5000 sq. foot place in the Hamptons. Her girlfriend married much better than she did.

So, she's going to read this post and it's going to cost me 5 grand to travel to NY. Thanks Bro.

Leora

Fantastic post, MD. I especially loved the parenting rant at the end. I used to work at the local school library and frequently I'd have to discipline unruly kids by keeping them in detention until their parents came. Once I met their parents, it usually became clear where the bad behavior came from.

landismom

I'll just be over here, quietly sobbing in a corner. "white man!"

Also, I am the parent that I didn't want to be. Every time the Bee yells at her brother, I think, "now why did I teach her to do that?"

Mademoiselle M

BTW, I just read this article and thought you may find it interesting. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118358476840657463-search.html?KEYWORDS=mr.+rogers&COLLECTION=wsjie/6month

tell me what you think

Mama Nabi

"...listen to the white man" - oh that's priceless.
Amen, brother - I do wish there were more parents who think the way you do. Well, except the nose sticker part...

Mikeymike

Rolling papers from TEN YEAR AGO?

Suuuuuuuuuuure.

Sarah

Before I started reading your blog, I was unaware that men even HAD feelings about fatherhood. I never imagined that there were men out there like you who spent so much time thinking about it. As a single woman who was abandoned by her asshole father many years ago, I get great hope from reading your blog. Your daughter is luckier than she could ever realize.

Hygiene Dad

OK, here's a thought...increased posts and fewer words. How's an ADD guy like me supposed to make it through this? F--ing brilliant as always.

Lion King..check. Good parent...check.

Is is wrong that I find the Doctor utterly hot? Good god...WOOF!

BOSSY

See - there you go again: typing all those Words and making The Rest Of Us feel very blog-o-boring.

Cara in Exile

Like Rachel, we call it "Walking Man".

Last year A (at 2.5)walked in on Daddy peeing, and asked "WHAT is that?' He told her it is a penis, and she responded, "No. Tail" and walked out. I laughed for days. I figure none of her stuffed animals have a penis.

Thanks for the laughs.

Brat

"You have to listen to the white man!"

I laughed so hard I wet my pants. Thanks for that!

When I was growing up we were NOT allowed to call our parents by their given names. We were allowed ONCE... and after that we got our asses whipped.

And I am Polish/Irish, so I don't think it's an Asian thing.

Jenna

This was AWESOME! Thanks for the laughs, MD. As for your rant? I couldn't agree more!

the weirdgirl

Sooo... Peanut won't be helping you fill out porno mag subscriptions in acts of revenge then?

dadofgage

Having been raised in a fairly liberal Indian family (is there such a thing?) and having married a fairly liberal Chinese women, our two year old son fits right in. He calls my wife by her first name (actually the term of endearment name I gave her) rather than mommy. He still calls me daddy, but will throw out my first name (with emphasis) if he needs to get my attention. This just freaks out the relatives.

RxMom

You'll be thankful that she knows your name if you're ever in a large crowd and somehow lose her (i.e Disneyland). Imagine looking for her and only hearing Daddy from 20 other kids? I guess there's always GPS tracking devices.

Maybe you have the next real Mensa Kid...

Gloria

I always tell my friends and families about your latest posts because they are too funny to keep to myself. Peanut is HILARIOUS, but don't worry, I'm sure she won't need toooo much therapy. After all, you didn't need much, right?

As for the name thing.. I think it's an Asian thing too. Even with my older siblings/cousins, I rarely even mention them by their actual name. It's always "My 3rd sister this, my 2nd sister that". It just feels weird saying their actual name!!!

However, RxMom has a good point. I have to stop and think what my parents' Chinese names are because I don't evenn think about it much.

creative-type dad

"When the white man is there, then you can go."

I'm going to be laughing all day...

But then again, that
Hot Chicks With Douchebags" site makes me stop.

Alison

This post (especially your parenting rant) was great! The love that you have for your daughter is so touching. She's a lucky girl.

Lisa T.

You really are the coolest dad on the internet. Great post, MD. Love hearing the stories.

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