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May 29, 2007

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Sara in San Diego

"She's so exotic looking" - I wish people were that tactful! As a caucasian Mommy with a chinese Daddy I usually hear "What are your kids?"

Stacy

Wow, she's really beautiful = Is she adopted? How did two ugly people like you have such a gorgeous kid?

Andy

I've gotten four out of the last five - no one can tell what she is :)

 Xdm

Sort of related. Actual post-birth hospital nurse conversation:
Nurse: You have a beautiful baby!
Me: Now, I KNOW you say that to everyone.
Nurse: Mmm! mmm! I do NOT!
Me: Then what do you say?
Nurse: Oh now, I say, "You have a healthy baby!" or, "You have a happy baby!" But girl, there are some ugly babies.

Mark

My dog is sometimes not friendly = Keep your mini Jeffrey Dahmer away from my living pet.

All children get runny noses = Keep your little typhoid Mary away

How was your day at school=I hope your parents leave me some money in their will obviously they are RICH

He is so bright=I have a hammer with a higer IQ

What a great smile= With an overbite like that she can eat corn through a picket fence

Look how big he's gotten = Obesity is an American epidemic and your urchin is leading the charge

Phoenix

I love those. I've used one or two of them myself and I don't even have kids.

How about: Yes, he seems really smart. He must get it from you. Translation: Did you sleep with your cousin or something? I've never met a more idiotic family. Please make him stop licking my floor.

Andy

I've gotten three out of the last four- no one can tell what she is :)

Joanna

Breastfeeding isn't for everyone = Clearly you don't love your child!

Jess

From my mother-in-law
"What an interesting name, how did you come up with it?"
Translation: I hate the kid's name. Were you drunk when you filled out the birth certificate?

ank

Hello, what's your name cutie?
*to baby* = they can't tell if it's a boy or girl

daddy in a strange land

Dude, you need to be cross-posting some of this stuff on RD! :)

China doll. Heh.

Exotic. Heh.

It's funny--and painful--cuz it's true. ;)

NG

Her skin is so fair! = My, but you've got a wasp-y white kid there... I'll bet when you go out in the sun, she bursts into flames.

Jackson

This is some funny shit and right on the money, MD. I'm black and I can't tell you how many times strangers have mentioned my daughter's lovely curls.

honglien123

I spent both my pregnancies hearing, "If they look like their dad, they'll be really pretty."

Another favorite is, "They're SO cute, they must look like their dad."

Do I need to translate?

merseydotes

We hope to have another one someday. = We're having fertility problems and/or just had a miscarriage, you nosy insensitive a-hole.

Lawschoolmom

I agree with you Sara - people should learn to be more tactful. I've heard: "Are they yours?" more times than I'd like to remember.

Leslie

This is awesome! We're expecting our first child next month. Thanks for deciphering the lingo for us.

Darren

I got a lot of "Where did she get those blond curls?" when people meant "Are you sure she's yours?"

I just smile and laugh. It's easier than admitting that I had blond curls too.

Jenny

I'm sure she'll learn to use the potty soon = I can't believe your kid isn't toilet trained yet.


Smiling Mom

"He sure does have a lot of energy!"

"It's nice that he has such a good appetite."

The first one is said about my son, all the time!!

And the second one is said about my daughter, constantly! :-) Oh Metro Dad, you are so right on!

Lena

mostly from the dad side...

We love our nanny = Our nanny is really hot

I've got a late business meeting tonight = steak and strippers

I have to be in Chicago for a 2-day conference = good luck with the kids

Can you tell how I feel about my husband?

susan b.

Right on, MD! I think at one point or another, I've heard every single one of these comments said to me. Why is it that parents talk in this weird double speak?

Glennia

"Are you sure you don't want another child?" = "Only children grow up to be self-centered social retards" or "Want to take one of mine?"

Sisco

Are you sending her to preschool next year? = You don't care about your child's education?

She has such pretty eyes = Dude, your kid has a huge birthmark on her eye (I mean that's just for our special case)

Is she tired? = Why is your child clinging to you like that? Does she always do that when people say hello?

jimmy

Not a "common phrase" but...

My wife "looks white" and I am korean, and so one time when she was out with our daughter, she got a "It's so wonderful that you adopted" comment. I don't even want to know what that translates to.

Sal

"She looks exactly like you" (knowing that she's adopted)= How can I explain to my own kids what adoption means? or I can't deal with my own flesh and blood, how can you possibly deal with a kid that "is not yours"?

Linda

HAAA

You need to write a book. I promise I will buy many copies.

Kathy

And sometimes, people just say what they mean. But if you admitted that, you'd have no comedy material, would you? It's a lot more cool if you just pretend that you're the only one who sees the truth behind the lies. Oh, the irony.

whit

Your kid smells like a Tom Petty concert = Do you have any more weed?

Papa Bradstein

There are those, and then there are the plain stupid comments. The one we always get is, "He just keeps growing, doesn't he?"

What is the proper response to that? "Well, yes, that's generally how it works. Until he gets to be as big and stupid as you are."

Sarah

I get "So, is she home with you?"
Translation=poor baby who goes to daycare. For the record, we prefer "baby school". And she LOVES it!

Sarah

I get "So, is she home with you?"
Translation=poor baby who goes to daycare. For the record, we prefer "baby school". And she LOVES it!

landismom

Here's my favorite:

she looks just like your husband! = the poor girl got his nose

a.bo

I'm not sure what is better, your posts or Kathy's comments!

Pattie

The ethnic ones kill me. I know sometimes when I tell someone how energetic their child is, really I'm saying "Tranquilize it! Stat!"

Matthew

As a parent of twins I get...

Do twins run in your family = Did you use fertility treatments?

Laura

I used to babysit a girl whose mom loved the colors yellow and green. This meant that she was always dressed in some combination of yellow and green jumpers. She also had little to no hair because it just hadn't grown in yet. Whenever I would take her out, people would always say:

"Oh, what a cute little baby! (While making little faces and grabbing her hands) Hello, sweetie, what's your name?" which means "I really just want to know if your baby is a boy or girl since you insist on dressing them in gender neutral clothing."

Jen3 @ amazing trips

Wow, you've got your hands full!!!

Translation = what kind of crazy fool would have a set of triplets and 2.5 years later, a FOURTH baby?

HCG

I hear "he's so handsome" all the time AND "he looks like his father". Actually he doesn't look like his father, it's just painfully clear that I've AGED.

pnuts mama

from someone else: "oh, she must need her bottle" = "wow, your kid is a handful, eh?" (btw, my kid is nearly two, has never had a bottle, and IS a handful. thanks.)

or- from me: "oh, sorry, it takes her awhile to warm up to people" = "you are scaring the shit out of my kid, please stop it and get away from us"

or- me to another parent: "well, we all raise our kids our own way, right?" = "wow, i'm debating whether or not to call child protective services on you right now"

L.

I think that other than the racial ones, the worst one I ever got was from a woman at a party who said to me, "MY kids DESERVE a stay-at-home mother."

No translation needed!

so spot on, MD! lol..as someone who has her hands full with 1 kid, i always say the one up there: "We're not sure when we're having another one." and we mean EXACTLY what you typed...lol

ellen

Haha that was funny. My youngest had a rash all over her face after she was born and a woman once walked up to the buggy and looked in and said. "Oh what a lovely buggy" Ya gotta laugh. Nothing stranger than folk

coach

We believe in reasoning with him rather than punishment = he is completely out of control and we have no idea what to do about it.

Great list.

Jaeffrey

As the frazzled veteran of 4 kids, I've certainly had my fair share of dealing with many parents over the years. This list is hilariously on point. I've heard ALL these comments over the years and I only WISH that the hidden subtexts were as subtle as these. Most of the time, people seem to be downright idiots.

Joesmomma

Does Kathy need a nap?

Aaron

Kathy needs an enema. Lighten up, girlfriend. Life's too short to be taking stuff so seriously!

Meghan

Your daughter has such a powerful voice! = Can you please tell your little rugrat to stop screaming?

Your son is so healthy. What are you feeding him? = Does your child live off anything except fast food?

Brent

Hahaha...I've actually had that "She has your ears" comment said to me before. The funny thing is that my daughter is adopted!

This is hilarious, MD. Someone needs to give you a book deal.

Bethiclaus

We get the last two a lot. Although I was pretty impressed yesterday when a young woman told me, "Your daughter looks Mexican." She didn't find some fake way to say it. I thought it was awesome.

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