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May 23, 2007

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Teresa

What about Zombie Mom? The ones who are so stressed out from parenting that they're constantly walking around in a daze with that deer-in-the-headlights look on their faces?

Spacecasie

You forgot Forgetful (or Cheap) Mom. Mating call: Hey can I bum a wipe or two? Can you spare a diaper? All because they cant be fucked to bring their own......

dadinprogress

this list is the bomb. i've enocuntered all of them out here in the suburbs of Connecticut, too. one possible addition is "organic mom/dad" whose distinctive marks are yoga pants/windpants and t-shirt/tank top/hoodie and crocs with socks. natural enemies: anyone un-organic. the organic parents love to fancy themselves at one with the earth. they add wheat germ to everything and brag about being organic and all natural, but it's all for show. they secretly devour cheetos and pints of edy's ice cream when the neighbors aren't looking, but they put on the charade of being health conscious and are snobs about a food's origins. oh, it's not still ditry from being yanked out of the earth? we don't want it. it tastes like something other than cardboard? nope, not for us. we're organic. snacks at the playground consist of soy milk and rice cakes. children are usually bland and uninspired, and a faint grey color.

Tyler

That. Was. Rad.

Is being a combination of a few of those bad?

haje

One of the funniest posts about parenting that I've ever read. Funny how we all try to avoid these stereotypes. In reality, I've found that we're all individually all of these.

Brat

Man, you have to post more than once a week for me in order for me to keep you in my faves.

Kathy

Yes, EVERYone is a stupid asshole and worthy of derision, right? I guess I'm a Hoverer. Pardon the hell out of me if I'd like to keep my child safe on the playground, since she was a preemie and almost died many, many times during her long, protracted hospital stay. I already hate your oh-so-superior blog entries.

Oh, and contrary to what someone else said, please *don't* write a book.

Joesmomma

Kathy, honey, relax. You are taking this ALL too personally. We are all these people and personalities that he lists. It's satirical anthropological observation. We ALL see ourselves in these people. He is talking about ALL of us.

and...I am a hoverer too. I just am. Nothing wrong with it. I'm OK with it. I don't have to explain why I am...

Get it?

And if you are so offended by his writing - why do you keep reading his blog?

aimee/greeblemonkey

I came over from Doodaddy and had to comment. My husband is totally Peter Pan. Totally. Meanwhile, I think I am mix of all 8 actually. Well, except that Coach Dad thing.

CroutonBoy

totally awesome, dude. I think your list is a little Manhattan-specific (Soho Moms are hard to find in Brooklyn) and I might add some category for the dad who clearly only gets the kid on weekends and has no idea what he's doing, but otherwise spot-on.

You could add a whole chapter on playground nannies, too, just to frighten the bejesus out of anyone considering it...

Wilson

Great stuff. I'm a work-at-home consultant dad, which means I've got the (occasional)phone calls of the Execu-dad , the immature clothing of a hipster, and turn into a Peter Pan without much encouragement . And we've all got a bit of the hoverer in us, right?

Shouldn't there be a category for the SAH Dad/Mom that is desperate to engage in any conversation at all with another adult? I used to be that dad and I meet those moms all the time.

CapeBuffalo

You only pretend to be a fashion exec... you're really a parental anthropologist, right?

You forgot the
Upper East Side "Mom"
Species: anorexus menopausus Mayfloweria
Signature Behavior: not eating, staring at her watch
Distinctive Markings: paralyzed forhead, white, veiny hands, $700 loafers, sun hat
Natural Enemies: INS agents, earth mothers, admission committees
Mating Call: The act of speaking is too taxing~ Nanny has been off all afternoon.

Upper East Side mom is a rarely seen species as she perfers to spend most of her time indoors. UES Mom is amazingly well preserved but looks ill at ease with and bewildered by her own children. UES mom breeds because she's 'supposed to', also because offspring are insurance against inevitable Wife Number Two.'

big daddy

what about stoner dad? he's the one eating his kids snacks off in the corner of the playground. he's attentive to the safety of his child but kind of mellow and hates conversing with the other parents because of his paranoia that he'll come across as strange.

Jane

My husband shared this with me and I chuckled a bit. I am a bit of a hoverer and absolutely a sore thumb (you are not alone merseydotes!) but I can understand why kathy above would be so annoyed. Do we really need more stereotypes? Is it healthy to go to a playground and judge people because of their clothes and other demarcations? Is this what we want to teach our children? It's funny, but stereotypes can be damaging, and I think it is wise to be openminded about people and their ideas rather than belittling them via stereotypes. Just a thought.

Kathy

Thank goodness, another person agrees that some of this is downright insulting. This is the point where I saw RED: "When the kid is climbing the jungle gym, she puts her hand on his behind. When he's going down the slide, she's always right there to catch him at the bottom."

"The hoverer is usually a woman, most often the mother of an only child . . ." I also fail to see Teh Funny. Perhaps there is only one child because conceiving even one child was damn hard to do. In any case, hardly a cause for derision.

That really stung. That an observer would look at someone trying to prevent their kid from being hurt as a cause for parody is beyond me. It's already hard enough to have full-time care of a toddler, but to be criticized in a mean-spirited manner is just beyond.

Believe me, I know good parody. This ain't it.

me


I think the observer spends a lot of time at parks and realizes that, at times, he acts like that too.

you forgot over-whelmed mom/dad

over-whelmed parent has two or more children, who get to the park and run in opposite directions. While he / she is catching one kid who is falling off the slide, another kid runs straight into a garbage can.

Kelsey

Okay first, this made me laugh my head off. Im not a parent, but my parents were divorced so i would say my dad is 75% hipster dad, 25% peter pan dad and my mom was a bookworm but i would also want to say she was a soho mom because she left us with a nanny because she was a single mom

Kelsey

My mom was the gluten free mom too, her and my dad were also the hectic "where'd you go" leave without your kids type of parents. i totally agree. go round the state and write a book. it would be a hit

Kelsey

My mom was the gluten free mom too, her and my dad were also the hectic "where'd you go" leave without your kids type of parents. i totally agree. go round the state and write a book. it would be a hit

Tessa

i'm the hoverer...>.<

Julia

I was a Bookworm Mom for my first child and those early playground years. Three kids later and I've basically given up. So I'll be reading Us Weekly instead of the New Yorker and the stain will be special sauce instead of hummus.

What do I care I'm the only parent at the playground in Brooklyn Heights.

Richard

The mating calls were ingenius. Had me laughing my ass off.

halfmama

Whoah. I avoid clicking through to your comments because I get sucked in and then it takes me twice as long to get through your comments as it does your post. Since you, like, could start a TeenBeat-sized Fan Club. But I just sifted through for Kathy's comments, which are kind of entertaining me.

Keep on keepin' on MD. You're fucking hysterical. I love that BL wrote back to Kathy. She kind of kicks ass.

Mommy Poppins

Hey, wait, I'm a PTA Mom and I can prove in itemized detail and fewer than 100 words why you are wrong about people like me...oh, wait. DAMN!

Yes, controlling my children and my children's school wasn't enough. Now with my blog I can help all parents over-schedule and over-educate their children. Bwah hahahaha!

"Sippy cups are NOT for Chardonnay" is a boook that has similar musings about the various types of moms. (kinda like here)

orpha

http://www.ohjjl.com

Val

So funny, Mike. Love love loved it :)

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Great article. I found it very informative, and am bookmarking it now. Thanks again. Will need to go over it later to see which one I am... lol.

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I'm probably one of those hipster dads or something, although I still wear something formal like my old coat and my purple tie when I play with my kid in the park. I enjoy bonding with my kid all the time, in fact I treasure every moment. You guys should too, since when your kid finally grows up, opportunities like these won't come again; or at least not so often anymore.

-Cliff Spears

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This is an amusing look at different parents that are usually seen around with their children.

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