It's a well-established fact that you dearly love your wife and mother.
However, your daughter is only 2 1/2 years old and your only sibling has decided to spend the weekend partying with friends in Vegas. Therefore, the entire Mother's Day holiday falls squarely on your broad shoulders.
Ignoring your pleas to sleep in until noon, your daughter instead chooses to wake up at 6:30 am. Determined to let your wife sleep in, you drag yourself out of bed to make waffles for your daughter. After an hour of throwing play-dough at each other while watching "The Sound of Music," you decide to go out and walk the dog. The only problem is that your daughter insists on pushing her baby doll in her stroller; so a normally 5-minute walk around the block ends up taking you 45 minutes.
You drop the dog off and then go out again to buy your wife some coffee and breakfast. Then, it's over to the flower store to buy some lilies. After that, you run over to Kinkos to print out some Mother's Day photos and make a homemade card. In the store, your daughter knocks over two store displays and gets her fingers stuck in some packing tape. You decide to pick her and everything else up and go back home. By the time you enter your building, you look like an overloaded yuppie Sherpa carrying Ivanka Trump's wardrobe up Mt. Everest.
However, it's all worth it when, at 10:00, you and your daughter jump into bed and wake up your beautiful wife. While changing your daughter's diaper, you tried to explain the concept of Mother's Day to her. Somewhere in your tiredness, you must have made a comparison to birthdays. Now, your daughter is cheerfully singing, "happy birthday to you" to your wife. You both laugh at her silliness.
Because you love your wife, you announce to her that the entire day is hers for the taking. Never missing the opportunity to take you up on your offer, she cheerfully announces that you will all be going to Target. Although you too are a fan of the giant discount store located in nearby NJ, the last time you and your wife were there together, it cost you over $250 and took over three hours. You never knew how much stuff there was that you never knew you needed!
The Target venture goes relatively smoothly...except for the fact that your daughter sits in a puddle of soda and soaks herself completely. Thankfully, you're at Target so you can pick a new outfit out for her. While you select an adorable floral print dress, your daughter chooses a Little Mermaid Ariel bathing suit, replete with an attached tutu. An argument ensues and you get a brief glimpse of what life will be like during her teenage years!
Afterwards, you decide to take advantage of the fact that you are in NJ by going to not ONE but TWO different Asian food markets. One is Japanese. The other is Korean. Both are completely packed with your fellow Asians. Apparently, nothing says "Happy Mother's Day" like kimchi and fried gyoza.
You then head to one of your favorite secret NYC-area spots, a private non-profit nature preserve with over 65 acres of wildlife trails. For two hours, you hike through the forests and marvel at the sheer beauty of the gorgeous day. Unfortunately, 20 minutes into your hike, your daughter gets scared by a squirrel and insists that you carry her for the rest of the time. By the time you finish hiking, your back is sore and you feel like Larry Bird in the '92 NBA playoffs.
Somehow, your daughter has managed to cover herself completely in dirt. Her pockets are filled with acorns. And when you take off her diaper, you're not entirely suprised to find twigs in there. You wipe her down with some wipes and put on her new dress from Target.
Back in the car, you entertain your daughter by singing "So Long, Farewell" while your beautiful wife wraps presents and writes out cards for your father (birthday) and for your mother (mother's day.) You drive 20 miles to an amazing Japanese restaurant where you all enjoy a multi-generational family gathering. Your daughter behaves surprisingly well, except for the moment when she leaves the table and decides to lie down by the hostess stand to take a quick nap.
Finally, you drive back to Manhattan. You drop off the groceries. You return the car to the garage. You go walk the dog again. When you get back home, you assume your daughter will already be asleep. Instead, she is racing her Hot Wheels cars all around the apartment. The dress that she hated from Target? She now refuses to take off and is insisting that everyone watch some more "Sound of Music" before she'll go to bed. Too tired to put up a fight, you acquiesce.
Soon after, your wife also goes to bed. You turn on the TV to watch highlights of the Mets game. You think about the day's events and you decide to write a blog entry. While writing it, you realize that although your day was completely exhausting, you come to understand that these are the types of days that you will cherish forever. You remember how lucky you are to have such a fantastic wife who is an even better mother. You remember how your daughter will never be two years old again and that this really is a great age to be her father. You think about your own mother and are grateful not only for everything she's ever done for you but also for the person that she's helped you become.
In the end, you realize that this was the greatest Mother's Day you've ever had...even though you're not a mom. Maybe it's not such a Hallmark holiday after all.
Happy Mother's Day, BossLady! Look, we made a toddler! Holy crap!
Hope all you mothers out there had a great Mother's Day as well!