I think most of you know that while I take parenting pretty seriously, the one thing that I DON'T take seriously is myself.
I mention this because it seems that many of today's parenting discussions have become very serious and somber. You can't joke or make fun of ANYTHING anymore! In fact, I read recently that adopted children no longer wish to be called "adoptees" anymore. Can you believe that? They all got together and decided that they now wish to be referred to as Asians!
Now, somewhere out there, there's an adoptive parent getting ready to shoot me an angry e-mail. And I want you to listen to me...walk away from the computer, it was a joke. A bad joke. Let it go. It was just a comment on how pathetically neurotic we've all become over our own little pieces of turf.
Anyway, I bring this up because I've found that nowhere are the humorless more rampant than on today's parenting message boards.
As I mentioned before, when the Peanut was first born, I used to hang out over on the UrbanBaby message boards. At first, I went there seeking advice but after seeing so many judgmental people criticizing other people's parenting choices, I decided it would be fun to start messing with them and their self-righteous attitudes.
Like pretending to be a woman and starting a thread asking whether it was ok for me to stop breastfeeding my 16-year-old.
Or the time when I read that all these mothers were planning to attend the "Million Mom March" and I wrote a comment saying, ""hey ladies, while you’re all up, can you get me a beer?"
Pretty funny, right?
Not to some people. Apparently, parenthood makes some people completely lose their sense of humor! Man, I got flamed off that board so quickly, my head is still spinning!
How did we get to this point in contemporary America? When did we become so damn serious about parenting that we stopped seeing the forest for the trees? C'mon, folks. Parenting is supposed to be fun. Sure, it's stressful but that doesn't mean that we can't make light of it, does it?
If I had more free time, I'd spend my entire day going onto these parenting forums and inciting them. Unfortunately, I'm too busy leaving my child in front of the television with a set of steak knives while I drink scotch and watch baseball all day.
Thankfully, I have my buddy Mark.
Although Mark is childless, he and I share the same sense of humor. He also generally agrees with my assessment that most people have lost perspective on their lives and don't realize that their "BIG ISSUES" are really just the privileged whines of people with too much time or money on their hands (or, as my buddy James calls them, "high class problems.")
Anyway, whenever Mark has free time, he loves going on the Washington Post message boards and messing with all the indignant and self-righteous parents who take EVERYTHING so seriously. I have to admit. Reading his comments always leaves me giggling like a little school girl.
Want to read some of his most recent work? Check it out...
On a discussion about the whole Club Libby Lu "controversy," Mark wrote:
"I am taking my 10 year old twin girls to a shooting range so they can take NRA courses on gun handling. Personally I think this type of activity counters the tween marketing hype and the Club Libby Lu phenomenon. Also, on the drive home, we talk about strategies for shooting and target ID at laser tag and, when they are older, paint ball events. I put my foot down when both girls asked that instead of donating their Barbies and Bratz dolls to charity can they use them for target practice...I said no.
I wonder if I am countering all the good I am doing by allowing them to wear lip gloss on the range."
Another time, there was a ridiculously heated parenting discussion about when a child should get a cell phone. Here's Mark's comment:
"Here in TriChester (Tribeca: The new Westchester) we try to make sure both the moms pushing their $800 strollers and the child have matching phones and the child knows how to text message.
At PS 234, part of the reading and writing classes for third graders are BlackBerry techniques. The school, located in one of the wealthiest zip codes on earth, wants parents to donate their old BlackBerry's so no child is left behind other entitled children.
It is never too soon to begin to use those thumbs."
Proving that when it comes to parenting, the aggressively childless (aka "the anti-breeders") can be just as humorless, Mark found a forum of childless people complaining how they have to constantly pick up the slack at work for their co-worker parents. Again, here's his comment.
"I am sorry but it is HARD being a working parent and if you are not a parent you should help to pick up the slack for the parents of the world. That’s your role to serve those of us who breed.
My wife is lucky she is allowed to work from home and raise our twin daughters. She is a senior girl with an escort service and is on outcall three days a week. I have a full time job but my boss understands. So when my wife has an outcall during the day, my boss lets me work from home. It is a blessing to be able to have conference calls and watch Barbie and Trixie play and feed them. And usually the outcall is only for a couple hours so when my wife comes home, we can both parent. And her boss lets her do phone chats and online video work from home as well. We are so lucky.
You may ask why my boss and co-workers are supportive. Well my wife throws my boss a freebie now and then, but it totally makes my working and parenting so much better. The girls have full time parenting!
So you childless adults shut up and help us all raise the next generation right."
See why we're friends? And don't you agree with me that he really needs to start his own blog? I think he should call it "The Caustic Caucasian" or "The White Shadow." C'mon, you'd read him, wouldn't you?
Anyway, is it me or do many of you find that we've turned parenting into such a serious topic that we can no longer joke about ANYTHING? Because really, parenting is a hard enough job as it is. A good sense of humor can go a looooong way.
Gotta run. My daughter is trying to flush the dog down the toilet!