Parenting: The Last Laugh

I think most of you know that while I take parenting pretty seriously, the one thing that I DON'T take seriously is myself. 

I mention this because it seems that many of today's parenting discussions have become very serious and somber.  You can't joke or make fun of ANYTHING anymore!  In fact, I read recently that adopted children no longer wish to be called "adoptees" anymore.  Can you believe that?  They all got together and decided that they now wish to be referred to as Asians! 

Now, somewhere out there, there's an adoptive parent getting ready to shoot me an angry e-mail. And I want you to listen to me...walk away from the computer, it was a joke.  A bad joke.  Let it go. It was just a comment on how pathetically neurotic we've all become over our own little pieces of turf.

Anyway, I bring this up because I've found that nowhere are the humorless more rampant than on today's parenting message boards. 

As I mentioned before, when the Peanut was first born, I used to hang out over on the UrbanBaby message boards.  At first, I went there seeking advice but after seeing so many judgmental people criticizing other people's parenting choices, I decided it would be fun to start messing with them and their self-righteous attitudes. 

Like pretending to be a woman and starting a thread asking whether it was ok for me to stop breastfeeding my 16-year-old.

Or the time when I read that all these mothers were planning to attend the "Million Mom March" and I wrote a comment saying, ""hey ladies, while you’re all up, can you get me a beer?"

Pretty funny, right? 

Not to some people.  Apparently, parenthood makes some people completely lose their sense of humor!  Man, I got flamed off that board so quickly, my head is still spinning!

How did we get to this point in contemporary America?  When did we become so damn serious about parenting that we stopped seeing the forest for the trees?  C'mon, folks.  Parenting is supposed to be fun.  Sure, it's stressful but that doesn't mean that we can't make light of it, does it? 

If I had more free time, I'd spend my entire day going onto these parenting forums and inciting them.  Unfortunately, I'm too busy leaving my child in front of the television with a set of steak knives while I drink scotch and watch baseball all day. 

Thankfully, I have my buddy Mark.

Although Mark is childless, he and I share the same sense of humor.  He also generally agrees with my assessment that most people have lost perspective on their lives and don't realize that their "BIG ISSUES" are really just the privileged whines of people with too much time or money on their hands (or, as my buddy James calls them, "high class problems.")

Anyway, whenever Mark has free time, he loves going on the Washington Post message boards and messing with all the indignant and self-righteous parents who take EVERYTHING so seriously.  I have to admit.  Reading his comments always leaves me giggling like a little school girl. 

Want to read some of his most recent work?  Check it out... 

On a discussion about the whole Club Libby Lu "controversy," Mark wrote:

"I am taking my 10 year old twin girls to a shooting range so they can take NRA courses on gun handling. Personally I think this type of activity counters the tween marketing hype and the Club Libby Lu phenomenon. Also, on the drive home, we talk about strategies for shooting and target ID at laser tag and, when they are older, paint ball events. I put my foot down when both girls asked that instead of donating their Barbies and Bratz dolls to charity can they use them for target practice...I said no.

I wonder if I am countering all the good I am doing by allowing them to wear lip gloss on the range."

Another time, there was a ridiculously heated parenting discussion about when a child should get a cell phone.  Here's Mark's comment:

"Here in TriChester (Tribeca: The new Westchester) we try to make sure both the moms pushing their $800 strollers and the child have matching phones and the child knows how to text message.

At PS 234, part of the reading and writing classes for third graders are BlackBerry techniques. The school, located in one of the wealthiest zip codes on earth, wants parents to donate their old BlackBerry's so no child is left behind other entitled children.

It is never too soon to begin to use those thumbs."

Proving that when it comes to parenting, the aggressively childless (aka "the anti-breeders") can be just as humorless, Mark found a forum of childless people complaining how they have to constantly pick up the slack at work for their co-worker parents. Again, here's his comment. 

"I am sorry but it is HARD being a working parent and if you are not a parent you should help to pick up the slack for the parents of the world. That’s your role to serve those of us who breed.

My wife is lucky she is allowed to work from home and raise our twin daughters. She is a senior girl with an escort service and is on outcall three days a week. I have a full time job but my boss understands. So when my wife has an outcall during the day, my boss lets me work from home. It is a blessing to be able to have conference calls and watch Barbie and Trixie play and feed them. And usually the outcall is only for a couple hours so when my wife comes home, we can both parent. And her boss lets her do phone chats and online video work from home as well. We are so lucky.

You may ask why my boss and co-workers are supportive. Well my wife throws my boss a freebie now and then, but it totally makes my working and parenting so much better. The girls have full time parenting!

So you childless adults shut up and help us all raise the next generation right."

See why we're friends?  And don't you agree with me that he really needs to start his own blog?  I think he should call it "The Caustic Caucasian" or "The White Shadow."  C'mon, you'd read him, wouldn't you?   

Anyway, is it me or do many of you find that we've turned parenting into such a serious topic that we can no longer joke about ANYTHING?  Because really, parenting is a hard enough job as it is.  A good sense of humor can go a looooong way. 

Gotta run.  My daughter is trying to flush the dog down the toilet!

Comments

[Maureen]

I want to be friends with you and your childless friend!
I have a few pals who lost their sense of humor when they had children and a few relatives-in-law who never had a sense of humor to begin with. The world has gone crazy and not just about parenting. You really can't poke fun at anything these days.
But if I can't joke about my kids and my lack of parenting skills, then I will go mad very quickly.

Your friend should definitely start his own blog.

[Casie]

I think parents get all freaked out and caught up in the choices they made regarding their children because it is the most important job they will ever have. It like if you choose the wrong method of parenting, your child might turn out to be Ted Bundy or worse, Ann Coulter. And then you will forever be labled as BAD PARENT.

That being said, I go the instinctual parenting route. Which is why my son thinks beans are jelly bellies.

[Jason]

Personally, I think it's an even more insidious problem - people, in general, are losing their sense of humour all over America. Of course, when it comes to raising children - as one poster already mentioned, having the fear of Bad Parent labelling on you - everything multiplies to oh-my-gawd-itude levels. I'm happy there are people like you and your friend around to give some people a good kick in the rear.

Oops, John's found the vodka. brb.

[momto3cubs]

I can't imagine getting through parenthood without a good sense of humor. We'd all be 6 ft under by now.

[Kelly]

Read him? Of course! It's fantastic to find parents who don't take themselves to seriously.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I agree. Everyone is getting too uptight. Relax... smoke a cigarette... have a drink.

[Kelly]

And also parents who don't proof their comments before hitting "post."

[iflyg]

I have to agree that there seems to be a general sense-of-humour crisis over there...this is why your friend Mark must start a blog. He should think of it as a community service.
Also, I believe that making outrageous comments on media blogs are the "crank-calls" of the 21st century (Caller ID having killed the art-form we grew up with).
And finally - loved the "adoptees" gag :)

[Tawnya]

Echoing the other posts... it is sad to see people lose their sense of humour. I work in a pretty humourless environment. While I'm not the only person with a young child in the department, I'm the only one who hasn't lost my sense of fun about the whole crazy working mum life. I credit my almost three-year-old daughter with the fact that I'm the most laid back, easygoing and fastest to laugh person in the place. I guess the biggest thing I've learned is that every little stressful work event can be erased by doing a silly dance in the kitchen.

[Rachel E.]

I call them SCARY MOMS!! And they scare the hell outta me. I knew a mom that actually color-coordinated her sugar crystals for each season or holiday - green and red crystals mixed in with the regular white for Christmas, pink and lavendar for Easter, black and orange for Halloween, etc. All I want to do is give them a joint, grab them by the shoulders, shake the shit out of them and scream, "IT'S OKAY! IT'S OKAY TO RELAX AND LAUGH AT YOURSELF! DON'T TAKE IT ALL SO SERIOUSLY!"

[Matthew]

Let me guess... You got some pissed off emails after your last post, didn't you?

That's what you get when you post stoned.

[Mrs. Q.]

It's because parents are insecure and terrified of messing up their kids that they preach their point of view to anyone who will listen. For me, it's even worse with fellow stay-at-home moms, because many feel that their child is THEIR JOB. Jeezch. Have a laugh and a drink.

de-lurking here. I think I have a crush on you. hahahah. I hope you can take a joke.

Seriously, my kid is 17 and I have been through all the 'overly' parental phases. Laughing with my kid is the most important ingredient now. And loving my man.

[Mitch McDad]

WOW! My parents made a point of telling me from day one that I was adopted; that way I never knew any different. What they didn't tell me was that I was ASIAN! Holy crap. No wonder I'm so damn good with chopsticks, and can't drive for shit. (sorry…cheap joke).

And instead of "adoptee," I prefer to be referred to as an "I-promise-I'll-pull-out-ah-crap-hey-are-you-on-the-pill American."

Also, what is the answer on the breastfeeding 16 year olds??? Or does it just depend on which pundit you happen to adhere to?

And tell Mark he's money.

Great post—People taking themselves too seriously are right up there with inconsiderate axe-murders in my book.

[William]

He sounds hysterical and I think the White Shadow is a perfect blog name. (I loved that show)

[prescott]

My wife started going on parenting message boards back when she was pregnant with my oldest, now 8. The stick up their collective asses was just as big then as it is now.

[Lori]

I totally want a spend a weekend with you and Mark prank-commenting on all the parenting message boards. It always amazes me to see how humorless many of the people find their way there!

[Waya]

OMG! You crack me up every time I read your post! You and your friend sure have a sick sense of humor...BUT I LOVE IT!!!

Sense of humor is what gets me through the day, otherwise you might as well put a strait jacket on me NOW! And we must have a really sick sense of humor to be bringing a 4th one into the world soon.

[Holmes]

That is hee-freakin-larious. Make that dude start a blog.

[lisa]

You want to see humorless? Come to my office. I don't think anyone there has cracked a smile in the past decade.

[Heather AKA Epiphany Alone]

People, puleeease! Don't encourage him to start a blog!! A normal, well-adjusted adult doesn't troll parenting forums. This man clearly has a PROBLEM. Surely, there is an effective 12-step program to help poor, adled Mark.

His dog even thinks he's deeply uncool.

[erica]

"hey ladies, while you’re all up, can you get us a beer?"

That cracked ME up, MD! If the parenting board mommies didn't laugh, they really don't have a sense of humor.

[Cee Kay]

Hilarious!! Loved the letter you wrote to the Toddlers too.

And yes - all this "Politically Correct" crap irritates me no end. Love the joke about adoptees :) I would definitely read your friend's blog. Judgmental parents kill me too - I have been thinking of doing a post on that for a long time but you beat me to it and yours is far better than what mine would have been. Scrapped from the drafts!!!

[Keeper]

So hilarious - you know who really can't see anything funny about themselves - Christians. (I can say that, I am one and I go to one of the biggest bible churches in the land.)

[the new girl]

Ahh.
Never too early to start using those thumbs.
Priceless.

[Anne Glamore]

Yesterday I sat at my computer and watched the parents on my twins' soccer team write EIGHT emails back and forth over whether to have snacks and drinks after the game on Friday since it will end close to dinner time.

I almost pulled my hair out but I just colored it.

Personally, I'm bringing a flask of gin and POM wonderful to enjoy on the sidelines. My boys can fend for themselves.

[RJC]

I can't believe that there's even a Libby Lu controversy. How can ANY parent think that it's ok for their daughters to go there to get primped up like a bunch of street walkers? Talk about sending the wrong message!

[Josie]

My teenager routinely tells people I'm driving him towards therapy because I'm so anti June Cleaver. Maybe its the "For Sale" shirt I had made for him or trying to sell him to a total stranger in the supermarket??

[lucy b.]

Mark...please start your own blog!

[Roger]

Keep it up Pierre, many of us still think things are funny.

[Woman with Kids]

OMG, that's hysterical. Barbie and Trixie, huh?

[Belinda]

I am so with you, MD. Want to know what the world's greatest living nightmare is? Serving on the PTA. I've been on it for 3 months now and I'm about to lose my mind with some of these parents.

Good lord, just shoot me now!

[Celeste]

MetroDad, you ROCK.

I would read Mark for sure. Encourage him!

[Shannan]

I got kicked off a Mommy group for being too funny. They can all kiss my "slacker mom" ass.

[Jana]

As a member of the Toilet-Acceptable Solutions Society (T-ASS), I'd like to remind you of value in teaching your daughter the do's and don't of acceptable items that go inside the throne.

[Drunk Mummy]

Hi Metrodad - love the blog. I think you are a great antidote to the hordes of self-righteous competitive parents out there (on both sides of the Atlantic). I sincerely hope your friend Mark continues to prick the inflated balloon of parental pomposity. Cheers!

[Carol]

Oh for heaven's sake, RIGHT ON! MD, if people would lighten up, world peace might actually BE a possibility!

And yes, I would totally lurk in the Caustic Caucasian's blog if he would start one. I loved the bit about the Blackberry.

[the weirdgirl]

Oh my god, I love you and your friend Mark!

Thanks, you made my day.

[AM]

As a novice parent -- 10 weeks -- take my comment for what it's worth, but I think parents become much too uptight about doing a good job, so whenever someone else does something differently or has a varying opinion about something, they take it too personally. And I think that often extends beyond parenting, as well. People just need to become thicker skinned. And learn not to care so much. Love your kid like crazy, and the rest usually falls into place.

[Julie]

No offense to the joke. I am one of those parents that adopted a PRECIOUS child from China after being told there was NO WAY I would get preggars. SO I belong to some of those boards you speak of - good to know it is not just the adoption parents! Some of those folks take it all so literally. Thanks for keeping it real!

[chandra]

Rock on, MD! I can't tell you how many humorless parents that I meet on a daily basis.

[Julie]

I loved this post, Metrodad. I have to admit that since the birth of twin daughters, I'm slightly addicted to parenting forums and message boards. For the most part, people are generally ok but you're right. There are some seriously annoying and judgmental people out there. Drives me nuts! Good for you and Mark for helping people realize that there is a (much) lighter side to parenting.

[Pamela]

Those comments are effing hysterical! Mark definitely needs his own blog. I'd love to see him become a guest blogger at ClubMom.com.

[Stay at home dad]

In London we're too busy avoiding street crime and arranging our next appointment at the dentist to have a sense of humour.

I shall try to educate myself by coming here more often though.

Rgds,

Sahd.

[mrsmogul]

Last night me and my husband couldn;t find the baby and we immediately jumped up and shouted "Hooray!" (the baby was in his room playing in the darK)

Now if I posted that I would get some angry bitches yelling at me for being a bad parent. I understand brother!

[S]

You're hilarious...!

I'm a family law lawyer, no children, and I think I share your sense of humour....

our local Children's Aid Society lawyer was talking about how serious a job parenting is... and how it was hard, time consuming and not to be taken lightly (you know, especially for a professional, explaining to the young childless girl how serious and difficult it was)...

I responded by telling her that if I ever had kids I didn't see what the big fuss was... I'd just crate train my kids and crate them during the days. If its good enough for dogs, why not a 2 year old?

Needless to say she didn't find it as funny as I did.

Anyway, great blog and great attitude on life.

[ray lee]

But a joke is only a joke when it is known to a be a joke? Some of those parents on that forum will never know it was a joke and it is understandable that they took things seriously. I mean, that's what the job of those forums are for right? It's like a support group kind of thing. Imagine an AA meeting where someone comes in and starts drinking in front of everyone. Maybe to that person, it's a joke and it's funny, but it sure doesn't help those around them.

And the problem is, maybe you and your friend are just pretending, but there is really a possibility of people out there that would do such things! How many times do you see on the news about parents allowing their kids to do some crazy shit and you look at yourself and say, "WTF were they thinking? Why would you allow a 2 year old to smoke cigarettes?" Or how about, "The child burned the house down cause the parents allowed them to play with fire IN the house?" Might sound surprising, but we live in a world where there are many fucked up people who really endanger their kids. It is understandable for other parents to be really uptight and OCD about how their kids are raised.

However, I completely understand that some parents really need to get that stick out of their asses and stop treating parenting like a chore. Sure, it's a thankless fulltime job and their kids might not turn out to be what they wanted, but as much as it is a growth process for the children, it's also a growth process for the parents as well. Might as well make the best of it right?

-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Jason Crabtree]

Man, I totally agree with you. My wife reads the message boards over at BabyCenter. Some of those people are quite fond of themselves. Like their shit doesn't stink. The sad part is, their kids are only going to grow up to be the same way.

[Paul]

I've always thought that babycenter and urbanbaby were for suburban moms with too much free time on their hands...and too many poles up their butts!

[Red]

When did you get a dog? I don't remember that you had a dog...wow.