Without getting too sappy, I'll just say that spending the week with BossLady and the Peanut in the mountains of Colorado was amazing. Living in Manhattan, I often find myself getting caught up in the day-to-day cycle of urban living. And being surrounded by so many type-A workaholics, it's easy to lose sight of the more important things in life. A week of decompressing in the great outdoors with the family was the perfect antidote.
The Peanut is almost 2 1/2 years old right now and it's an unbelievably fun age. We have the goofiest, funniest conversations with her and she cracks us up on a continual basis. As so many parents have told us, you never get these years back. So for BossLady and I to spend so much quality time with the Peanut was a luxury that we not only cherished but also will remember forever.
Here are some quick thoughts from the trip...
FEAR OF FLYING
What childless people often don't understand about traveling with kids on a plane is that, despite our best efforts, there are good plane trips and there are bad plane trips. Unfortunately, we never know which one we're on until we're on it.
Up until this past week, our recent plane rides with the Peanut have been a living nightmare. Screaming, crying, kicking...you name it. Heck, on the way home from Palm Beach at Christmas, I must have bought drinks for the entire plane (never underestimate the forgiving powers of free alcohol!)
In general, my philosophy on bringing kids on airplanes is similar to my philosophy on giving a speech at a wedding. You don't need to be good. You just need to be better than everyone else.
Thankfully, on both legs of this journey, the Peanut proved to be a varsity traveler. Despite long delays and crowded flights, the Peanut behaved so well that several fellow passengers remarked that they had never seen such a well-behaved child on a plane.
Of course being the cynical pessimist that I am, I jokingly cursed them for jinxing us. But I guarantee that, on her next flight, the Peanut will be back to being a hell-raising terror. So if any of you are on a plane and see a stressed-out Asian dude with a screaming baby and a stack of drink tickets, feel free to say hi!
THE BRUTAL HONESTY OF THE YOUNG
The weather in Colorado was amazing. Classic spring skiing at its best. Nice packed powder with clear, sunny skies. It was so gorgeous every day that I just wore sunglasses and no hat. The downside is that my face got completely sunburned and now I look like a fucking raccoon. Or possibly a burn victim clown. I shit you not. I look absolutely ridiculous right now.
The great thing is that everyone in my office is super-nice. For the most part, they're all in their 30's or 40's. And sure, they couldn't help but notice my absurd-looking face but thankfully, the only comments I heard were on the level of "hey, looks like you got some great weather!" or "sun was pretty bright, eh?"
I was just starting to feel less self-conscious about my face until this afternoon when I ran into a guy in our office who's in his early 20's. He immediately took one look at me, screamed out, "Holy shit, dude! What the fuck happened to your face?" and then started laughing hilariously!
Seriously, he laughed so hard that he let a fart slip out. That's how much of an idiot I look like. One look in the mirror and I started laughing so hard, I think pieces of my face started to fall off!
Thank god for the frank candor of today's youth, eh?
PARDON ME WHILE I SHOVE THIS CHOPSTICK UP YOUR ASS!
I don't think it's my racial paranoia speaking when I say that ski resorts are predominantly populated with white people. During our entire week on the mountain, I think I saw about five people of color. Hell, even the maids at our hotel were white! (Seriously, have you ever heard of such a thing? White maids! In this day and age!)
All kidding aside, I bring this up because about 10 times during the trip, BossLady and I held a door open for someone struggling with their skis or snowboard. At least five of those times, the person walked right by us without even saying "thank you." BossLady and I were completely and utterly shocked. Finally, we got to the point where we'd get in their faces and say, "you're fucking welcome, asshole!"
You should have seen the looks on their faces. First, they were clearly startled that we even spoke English. Then, they'd duck their head sheepishly, mumble an embarrassed "thanks" under their breath, and shuffle off.
What the fuck? Do we look like we're fresh off the fucking boat? And even if we were, what would prevent someone from saying "thank you" when a person kindly holds open a door for you? Were these people just rude motherfuckers? Or do you think that they were just racist assholes?
Want to know the worst part? A few of these people were with their kids. Nice way to set a good example.
EVEN MY FARTS SMELL LIKE EUCALYPTUS
Mother Nature has been dropping a few hints lately that my 38-year-old body ain't what it used to be. Hair is starting to grow in weird places. Hangovers last for two days. I can never find my keys. But the biggest reality bitch-slap came after a day of some hard-core skiing. I seriously felt like I'd been hit by a truck. Every single part of my body was in some sort of pain. For the past two days, I've been lathering myself in Ben-Gay and I'm starting to smell like an 85-year-old man. Boo yah! Who's bringing sexy back?
HOLY CRAP, I'VE TURNED INTO MY FATHER!
When I was a young boy, my father would give me homework assignments outside of what was required for school. And even though I was always a good student, he'd often hire me private tutors to ensure that I always stayed ahead of my classmates. Now, as anyone who understands the high value that Koreans (especially immigrant parents) place on education, this might not seem so unusual.
Truthfully, I didn't mind the homework so much. What fucking killed me though were our family road trips. While spending hours driving, my father would grill me about foreign capitals, economic statistics, and politics. I'm pretty sure that I was the only 9-year-old who could reel off the line of presidential succession or tell you all the member nations of NATO.
Naturally, I swore to myself that this was bullshit and I would never do the same thing with my child. Instead, we'd play fun car games like "I spy" or license plate poker.
Well, lo and behold, parenting hypocrisy smacks me in the face again!
On our way back from the mountains, we learned that our flight back to NYC was delayed so we'd have to spend at least 4 hours in the airport. Thankfully, a very cool rep from Continental Airlines gave us a private conference room in the first-class lounge.
The room was equipped with a giant white board, markers, and erasers. Immediately, the Peanut started demanding that I draw pictures of horses, moons, and fire trucks. But after a few minutes of this, I decided that I'd use the time to work on the alphabet with the Peanut and started writing various letters on the board. I'd write a letter, say what it was, ask her to repeat it, erase it, and then start all over again with a different letter.
Naturally, the Peanut got bored with this pretty quickly and thought it was much more fun to torment me by saying every letter I drew was an "A!" She'd see me shake my head in frustration and laugh her little head off. Meanwhile, the lovely and beautiful BossLady was doing the same thing every time I turned to her and yelled,"Good lord, woman! Aren't you concerned? THE PEANUT WILL NEVER READ!"
That led me to go online in a panic, where I started maniacally researching educational guidelines and developmental growth charts. I quickly realized that I was a fucking idiot and that it was perfectly normal for two-year-olds not to know the alphabet (FYI...it seems most kids learn the full alphabet between the ages of 3 to 4.)
Elated to know that my daughter would eventually learn how to read, the two of us then proceeded to spend the next few hours in the conference room throwing cheese at each other, making funny fart noises, and spinning around in the office chairs until we got dizzy.
Good times, yo!
QUICK AND EASY BOOK REVIEWS
Is there any greater luxury on vacation than staying up late and reading? Knowing that you don't have to get up for work the next morning? Since a few of you asked, here are the latest MD book reviews...
"Special Topics in Calamity Physics" by Marisha Pessl...I'm only halfway through this but it's turning out to be one of the most impressive first novels that I've ever read. Comparisons to young peers such as David Eggerts and Jonathan Safron Foer are probably inevitable (and well justified) but this highly ambitious book is greatly entertaining. Although Marisha Pessl is clearly brilliant and not ashamed to show it, the book is uniquely innovative and unlike most anything you've probably read.
"AlternaDad" by Neal Pollack...With the release of this book and all the ensuing hoopla over grups and hipster parents, it's easy to overlook the fact that this is a genuinely hilarious and poignant memoir about one man's modern journey into fatherhood.
"Theft: A Love Story" by Peter Carey...The book revolves around a nefarious art scandal and alternates between the narrations of former art boy wonder Michael and his mentally-damaged brother Hugh. Honestly, I was expecting to a much better book. While it's certainly readable, it's probably not for everyone (unless you're a big Peter Carey fan.)
Meanwhile, I need some new books to read. Anyone got anything interesting to recommend? What else is going on with all of you?
I just put "Catherine the Great: Love, Sex and Power" by Virginia Rounding on hold at the library. I am something of a czarist Russia history nut, and this was just published and sounds really good. Apparently it runs a little lighter on the political and economic situations and is more a character study. I probably won't get to read this until December (being hold #146 in contention for 4 copies), so in the meantime I finally got my mits on Timothy Zahn's "Star Wars: Allegiance." Because, um, I'm a nerd.
Posted by: Deanna | March 22, 2007 at 03:56 AM
Must be a dad thing, MD. We were on a road trip a few weeks ago. I got sick of seeing the kids just zone out to DVDs in the back seat so I started grilling them on their homework (I secretly brought their textbooks with me.) Man, they were pissed!
Posted by: Scott-O | March 22, 2007 at 08:54 AM
Just discovered your blog and have spent the past 2 hours combing your archives. I love it. Great to read about a dad being so involved. I look forward to reading more.
Posted by: Danny B. | March 22, 2007 at 10:45 AM
I second Irene Nemirovsky's "Suite Française." Just finished and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Posted by: Lena | March 22, 2007 at 10:49 AM
the echo maker by richard powers. brilliant.
Posted by: mr nice guy | March 22, 2007 at 11:07 AM
i'm going to go out on a limb and say both rude *and* racist...even in good old nyc there are still tons of racists, so i can't imagine it's any better in less diverse areas.
case in point: we had pnuts 1st bday party in our backyard, and a bunch of our friends came, and many come from a variety of asian backgrounds. the next day as we were hauling our trash out to the curb, two *different* neighbors (also trash hauling) communed to chat with us, and asked us *who the asian people were at the party.* (i mean, jesus christ, we live in queens for god's sake, you've missed all the asian people here??), to his credit, my husband didn't skip a beat and replied "those are my brothers" and enjoyed their look of surprise. i probably would have been snarky and said they were the hired staff for the day and hope they would have heard the irony, but my husband is quick like that. he also loves to rudely yell "you're welcome" to jackasses who don't say thank you when he holds the door for them, and he's a big white guy, so there's that. good for you for speaking up. that kind of shit just pisses me off.
i wish i had time to read books for pleasure...as it is, most of my pleasurable reading is good stuff like this!
Posted by: pnuts mama | March 22, 2007 at 12:24 PM
"Seriously, he laughed so hard that he let a fart slip out."
HAHAHA! Now I've done it, too!
Posted by: Charlie | March 22, 2007 at 12:34 PM
I've been reading the comments about Colorado.
Now I want all of you to stay out of my home state.
Especially Texas.
Posted by: Mikeymike | March 22, 2007 at 01:24 PM
Welcome back!
And I totally want to see a picture of your face.
I'm in my 20's, and I will be brutally honest (grin)
Posted by: samantha Jo Campen | March 22, 2007 at 01:58 PM
Welcome back MD! I would go with rude and snooty before racist but then I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
For the Peanut, I'd go with singing the ABC song and then making up songs with the letters before going into the actual letters.
And finally, ah books. I've been reading a lot of textbooks lately and right now the only thing I'd read is some comfortable old sci-fi. Robert Heinlein's Moon is a Harsh Mistress or Friday.
Posted by: honglien123 | March 22, 2007 at 02:38 PM
FYI...
(1) Peanut did NOT get up on skis this year. I wanted to but most people thought it'd be better to wait one more year. Meanwhile, BossLady and I decided that there is nothing cuter in the world that seeing a little 3-year-old on skis. Every time we saw one, we practically started cooing.
(2) No way in Hell am I posting a photo of my ridiculous looking face. Vanity and pride prevent me from doing so. It's bad enough that I'm still getting weird looks from people on the subway!
Posted by: METRODAD | March 22, 2007 at 03:17 PM
I'm happy for you that you got out of the city and had such wonderful times as a family :)
My oldest, the "exceptionally gifted" one, learned the entire alphabet in less than one month when he was exactly 2 1/2, just by reading the same alphabet book each night at bedtime. I didn't drill him or anything, just read the alphabet book. He learned the letters AND which letter each of the objects started with. "Mom, apple! Apple starts with an A!" Fun times :)
Posted by: momto3cubs | March 22, 2007 at 03:32 PM
Get your girl on a snowboard.
You don't want her to be taunted with cries of "Two planker!!" for the rest of her life.
Posted by: Mikeymike | March 22, 2007 at 04:02 PM
I got my 2 kids up on skis when they were about 3 years old. They skiied between my legs. It was great and now they all kick my butt down the mountain.
Posted by: Robert | March 22, 2007 at 04:20 PM
I always think the SAME thing when we are skiing - about there being no minorities. We skied Tahoe this year and it was the worst I've ever seen it.
I'm always super friendly to people I think are foreigners - I like to help erase the rude American image.
Posted by: keeper | March 22, 2007 at 05:24 PM
"A Civil Justice", "The True Story of Hansel and Gretel", "Our Lady of The Lost and Found". Enjoy!
Posted by: virginia | March 22, 2007 at 06:15 PM
Here's a great suggestion for a book:
EVERYONE POOPS by Taro Gomi.
Excellent read.
I found it in a Goodwill for 25 cents with the spine uncracked.
Some southern grandmother must have thought that it was too graphic for her grandkids to read.
It's by a Japanese author/illustrator and I believe some publishing house here in the states thought that it would be a really good introduction to potty training (a very honest, real introduction to potty training.
"Everyone eat so...EVERYONE POOPS!"
The Peanut will love it.
Posted by: Latia | March 22, 2007 at 08:36 PM
Perhaps if you didn't look like part of a Triad, folks would talk to you more :-)
Given my circumstances, I must apologize for being behind on blogreading. If I'd known you were in the mountains, I would have come up to meet you for a daddyblogger drink or two.
Anyhoo, I'm glad that, for the most part, you had a good time in colorful colorado.
Posted by: How About Two? | March 22, 2007 at 08:59 PM
White maids? You obviously must have been in the Twilight Zone or 1955.
And yes, those people that don't have basic courtesy are @ssholes and live in the woods and eat squirrels.
Posted by: creative-type dad | March 23, 2007 at 02:11 AM
The level of rudeness these days never ceases to amaze me anymore.
Posted by: Jillian | March 23, 2007 at 08:51 AM
I must say that I'm frightfully concerned about your excessive use of "fart" references. 3 of 6 stories contained them! It's no wonder your child can't do the quadratic formula with all these flatulence comments!
Pull yourself together, man!
Posted by: L.A. Daddy | March 23, 2007 at 01:25 PM
We LURVE Taro Gomi! Highly recommend Everone Poops and My Friends, a very sweet book. I like to think the little girl in My Friends looks like Peanut....He's the Japanese Eric Carle!
Posted by: Bosslady | March 23, 2007 at 01:42 PM
I'm glad you gave those assholes at the ski resort hell.
Personally, I think it's a little bit of racism, but even more I think it's just the complete breakdown of civilization. Nobody gots no manners no more! I think being brought up in a traditional Asian family, we had 'please' and 'thank you' seared into our brains, but nobody says those words anymore.
These days, I'm just grateful not to be asked if I'm the nanny.
Posted by: sweatpantsmom | March 23, 2007 at 04:29 PM
Hmmm... new reading material.
I've been heavy into CanLit for a while, reading as many authors as I can get my hands on.
A few I'd recommend:
- Stanley Park by Timothy Taylor (a slow start but stick with it)
- Bloodletting and Miraculous Cures by Vincent Lam (I'm only halfway through but am loving it. It won the Giller Prize this year. It's the largest Canadian book award.)
And (watch out, shameless plug ahead...) my sister-in-law's book, Belle Falls. It's not available on Amazon.com, but Amazon.ca or chapters.ca will ship to the U.S. I'm not just plugging it because I'm related, I've read most of it and it's a compelling read.
Posted by: Tawnya | March 24, 2007 at 12:44 AM
Oh man, I'd forgotten I totally got grilled about world capitals and naming all the states in alpha order over dinner... now that's fine, fine dinner conversation, that is. NO wonder I suck at small talk!
Posted by: kittenpie | March 24, 2007 at 04:48 PM
I'll recommend a high falutin' book and just a fun read:
1) Saturday by Ian McEwan
2) World War Z:An Oral History of the Zombie Wars by Max Brooks
Posted by: NFPD | March 24, 2007 at 08:12 PM
I think I've got you beat, MD. On long car rides, my dad used to grill us on the periodic table! To this day, my sister and I know hundreds of chemical elements. Since neither one of us is in science, this info usually only comes in handy at cocktail parties and crossword puzzles.
Posted by: PdAg! | March 24, 2007 at 11:42 PM
When my husband was in navigator training and we would take long car trips I would read aloud to him from the KC-135 Emergency Procedure Manual.
16 years later I can tell you without hesitation how to lower the nose gear manually and warn you to stand clear of the lever or you will take it in the nuts. (well, it says it a differently in manual.)
Posted by: Devra Renner | March 25, 2007 at 01:03 AM
I love your blog!
I used to live in Colorado.There were a lot of things I loved about the place. But I do recall someone shouting at me ,seeing my Texas license plate ,"go home trailer trash"
I was young and white at the time.Maybe even cute. So...yeah...how rude!
Until the Peanut vomits through a 6 hour flight EVERY flight is a good flight.
Posted by: Half old girl | March 26, 2007 at 08:31 PM
For what it's worth, no one ever thanks me for holding open the door either. I usually scream YOU'RE WELCOME really sarcastically. But maybe I should add "asshole" to that.
Posted by: Mom101 | March 27, 2007 at 05:26 PM
I love reading your blog - my girl is 2 years old too and it's quite a fun age.
One of my fave books is Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides - he won a Pulitzer for it and it's a very unique, funny, and touching story about a.. hermaphrodite.
My other recommendations are:
A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby
Empire Falls by Richard Russo
Cheers
The OO
Posted by: | March 29, 2007 at 07:11 AM
When you are the 82nd to comment you wonder whether the blogger will even read your comment!! honestly though... i think you need to smack ppl in the face if they dont thank you.. hired help or not! and you sound like you lucked out with the peanut..i have yet to take a trip with the Brat behaving well on the flight... and finally... thank God.. in india we set impossible standards like the age of two to know your alphabet etc.. i feel like less of a failure!
Posted by: the mad momma | March 29, 2007 at 01:30 PM
The perfect break for the lady skier who would like to enjoy some, quality time on skis, with excellent, fun instruction in a relaxing, non-pressured atmosphere.
Posted by: | December 03, 2009 at 09:52 PM