One of my best friends, James, is not only a fellow foodie but also a very well-known restaurateur here in Manhattan. We've been friends since the 7th grade and there's a good chance that our friendship was forged in the cafeteria discussing the culinary origins of that day's mystery meat.
Anyway, to celebrate the Chinese New Year, James and I decided to organize a special banquet for 15-20 of our closest friends at Ping's Seafood in Chinatown. Ping's is one of the most authentic Cantonese restaurants that you will ever find in the U.S. However, some of the dishes take over 3 days to prepare so we wanted to set a date about 10 days from now. We figured this would be enough time for people to coordinate work schedules and babysitters.
Now, don't get me wrong. I love my friends dearly. However, trying to coordinate dinner plans with just ONE of them can be difficult. Making plans with twenty of them is practically an exercise in futility and, logistically speaking, always makes me want to slam my head against a wall.
To make matters worse, we all tend to share a very sarcastic New York sense of humor. This morning, I sent out a quick e-mail to everyone advising them of the plans.
Within 15 minutes, the following e-mail exchange took place:
MD: "Jimmy G and I are planning a Chinese New Year banquet. We want to go to Ping's Seafood for an authentic banquet dinner. Some of the dishes (like the 8 pound lobster, the winter melon soup, and the HK abalone) take over 3 days to prepare and you won't find them anywhere else in NYC. Who's with us?"
Tulse Luper: "Put me down for two bowls of finch eye stew and a dozen eel flapjacks! And did Senor Ping mention whether they're still serving the pan-seared aardvark? Also, The Doctor is requesting no-carb HK abalone."
James: "Just make sure Senor Ping is the one cooking on Saturday (by the way, Senor Ping is the chef, not the name of your johnson!)"
Meg: "An 8-lb. lobster would have survived on this earth for at least 35 years, but possibly as many as 75 years. He or she could take up to 15 minutes to die in boiling water!"
The DR: "I hear with a lot of melted butter, mayo and an adept use of tongs, it's not a bad way to go."
BossLady: "Damn it! Somebody help me! I can't stop rolling me eyes!"
Milty: "Some say that you can 'hypnotize' a lobster by rubbing the top of its head or its abdomen, thereby pacifying it before boiling. Then, you press the point of the knife into the head and bring the blade right down between the eyes. This kills the lobster as quickly and painlessly as possible."
MD: "I saw a bumper sticker that said, 'I love all of God's creatures...right on my plate next to the mashed potatoes.'"
Tulse Luper: "I have an 8lb lobster now and no matter how long I boil it..it just won't die."
The DR: "Take it out of your jacuzzi and put it in a pot, bitch."
This banter ended up continuing throughout the day. Meanwhile, 6 hours and 20 e-mails later, not a single person has even replied whether they're coming to dinner! I swear, sometimes I'm amazed that they let all of us become parents. Shaping young minds, indeed!
In other MetroDad news...
(1) Today, The Doctor and I were talking about Britney Spears. I told him that she shaved her head because she didn't want to get drug tested. The Doctor retorted, "No way, man. I was interviewed on "Inside Edition" last night and explained why that theory was wrong. If they wanted to drug test her, they could have just taken a court-mandated blood or urine sample." Turns out that the DR examined high-definition close-ups of Britney's head and speculated that she's having medical problems with her scalp. All the stress and drug use may have been causing her hair to fall out in clumps so she abruptly shaved it off.
See, that's what I fucking love about The Doctor. The dude doesn't know squat about football but he can discuss Britney Spears' head for hours.
(2) Last night, I cooked up some mac-and-cheese for the Peanut. When I asked her whether she liked it, she nodded enthusiastically and said, "High five, daddy!" After we high-fived, she put her hand behind her back and, with a mouth full of food, said, "heemeeonhefwepsy." I had no idea what the hell she was saying but she kept muttering the same thing over and over again. "Heemeeonhefwepsy! Heemeeonhefwepsy!"
Finally, after she swallowed her macaroni, she wiped her face, turned her back to me, stuck out her hand, and clearly enunciated, "I. Said. Hit. Me. On. The. Flip. Side!"
Man, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. I swear...some days, kids are better than TV.
(3) Only 24 hours left until the MetroDad blog name contest is over! We've got a few more surprise prizes to give away so go over there and put your entries in the comments section. Hurry1
"I. Said. Hit. Me. On. The. Flip. Side!" Dude, she kills me. She's too fucking funny.
I'm glad I have until tomorrow. I have ideas for you, I swear I do. I'll be back in the morning. Peace out. ;0)
Posted by: Issa | February 22, 2007 at 09:29 PM
Ha to all of you, I'm number 1.
Posted by: Issa | February 22, 2007 at 09:29 PM
They sound like my crew...that's why I quit playing Julie McCoy.
Posted by: Mitch McDad | February 22, 2007 at 09:57 PM
I've heard that if you make the lobster watch this season of American Idol it will fall into a deep sleep, making the boiling process much more humane.
Posted by: Mrs. Chicky | February 22, 2007 at 10:26 PM
Imagine having that kind of witty email banter for 3 solid months before we join our friends on LBI every summer. The exchange is exhausting. It is also done on a smaller level just before we go stay at some cabins in the mountains of PA every April.
BTW--My husband just taught my girls to say "Hit Me on the Flip Side." The 4 year old can also say, "Yo yo, let's bounce." I PRAY she doesn't say that at daycare.
Posted by: misfithausfrau | February 22, 2007 at 10:38 PM
What does it say that I instantly knew "heemeeonhefwepsy" was "hit me on the flip side"? I must be fluent in mouth-full-of-mac-and-cheese.
Dude, *that* can be the name of your new blog. I'm running right over to post it. I know it's a winner!
Posted by: April | February 22, 2007 at 11:15 PM
Your friend Tulse Luper had me cracking up with his pan-seared aardvark comment. You New Yorkers are too witty!
Posted by: leora | February 22, 2007 at 11:27 PM
Ping's Seafood sounds great. I'll have to try it when I'm in NY. The only Chinese restaurant around here is Panda Express. I don't think they're serving up anything special for the New Year (except maybe some $1.50 eggrolls!)
Posted by: Lisa L. | February 22, 2007 at 11:29 PM
Kids store up all kinds of shit just so they can surprise you with them later. Never fails.
Glad to know that everyone's friends suck equally. I mean, yeah, we love them...but what a pain.
Posted by: Jay | February 23, 2007 at 06:37 AM
I laughed out loud (and I'm in a cubicle farm at a client's site right now) at hit me on the flip side.
Posted by: SciFi Dad | February 23, 2007 at 08:45 AM
"Pilot was cool. He didn't trip. He lay that plane upside the runway like a mutha...."
Posted by: William | February 23, 2007 at 08:54 AM
Regard Britney Spears: my first thought was that she's got Alopecia Areata too!
...your dr friend & I think a lot alike... (damn that makes me feel smart...)
Posted by: Lainey-Paney | February 23, 2007 at 09:29 AM
Let me know the time and date and I'll be at Ping's with my lobster bib on! ;-)
That's classic from the mouth of babe stuff!! Peanut needs her own blog!
As for the contest...hmm, nothing clever comes to mind at all today.
Posted by: Waya | February 23, 2007 at 09:54 AM
New blog name: "Hit Me On The Flip Side" (I'll put it on the other entry, too; just had to say it here!)
Heather Armstrong suggested today that Britney may be suffering from some post-partum issues; I totally agree. It's the first thing I thought of when she first left K-Fed. I hope she gets help.
Posted by: candace | February 23, 2007 at 09:55 AM
Gems.
These are all gems.
God's creatures on my plate and hit-me-on-the-flip-side?!
I can't take it.
You rule.
Posted by: the new girl | February 23, 2007 at 10:07 AM
Your friends had me trying to stifle my laughter here at the office! Sheesh, they are something else! I don't claim to be very witty myself but I love that kind of humor!
And the Peanut! Hysterical! What a cutie!
Posted by: Leeny | February 23, 2007 at 01:11 PM
The lobster thing reminds me of the time my uncle dropped off some crabs and I stuck a huge one into our steamer. It kept tapping on the sides and I was home alone so I kept thinking it was trying to tap out, "Help Me! Help me!!!" I felt so bad and took the poor thing out and put it in the sink. It lost one of its legs in the 5 minutes it was in the steamer but was still alive.
Cut to one hour later and I was really hungry. So what did I do? I stuck it back in the steamer and put on some earphones. (And steaming is better than boiling people. It holds in the juices.) Me the Buddhist (I am SO going to spend a few lives as a crab to make up for that one.)
And of course, Peanut is as cute as ever. I love reading about her now that she's able to talk.
Posted by: honglien123 | February 23, 2007 at 01:45 PM
My brother is getting married to a Chinese woman in three weeks. I just threw her a wedding shower on Sunday - nobody done told me it was Chinese New Year! Oops.
But love those Red Envelopes - she got over three thousand dollars from relatives that day. I'm ready to abandon all of my sorry ass pauper customs and convert.
I need some time to think about my contest entry, but to be honest I'd try for the third place bacon.
Posted by: sweatpantsmom | February 23, 2007 at 04:37 PM
No "flip side" comments out here, but Ada did look at me yesterday and declare "crappy". Guess it's time to schedule that hair appointment.
Posted by: nonlineargirl | February 23, 2007 at 05:07 PM
I already knew I loved you but now I love your friends too.
Remind me to share with you some of the email oneupsmanship that occurs at an ad agency...
Posted by: Mom101 | February 23, 2007 at 10:38 PM
I like this doctor.
We can sit around and talk about how we know nothing about Football so we can talk about the flip side.
Posted by: creative-type dad | February 24, 2007 at 01:13 AM
"Heemeeonhefwepsy"? I think what she was saying was "Sae hae bok manhi baduseyo" - "Happy New Year" in Korean... 'cause she's a natural-born genius like that.
Posted by: JJ Daddy-O | February 24, 2007 at 09:44 PM
Go, Peanut! Tell it like it is!
I love it when kids talk wise like that. Today our Pumpkin told me, "Mama, you're just not making any sense!" He gave me the both-hands-up-in-the-air gesture, too!
Of course, he was right.
Posted by: KG | February 25, 2007 at 12:47 AM
Note to Peanut: word.
Posted by: Jonathon | February 25, 2007 at 03:42 PM
I really miss NYC. Atlantans don't have a clue.
Posted by: Mickysolo | February 25, 2007 at 08:43 PM
Poppycock Lobster.
Contest over.
Posted by: whit | February 27, 2007 at 11:05 AM
Only TRUE friends discuss Britney.
Posted by: Queen of Ass | February 27, 2007 at 05:20 PM
My best friend, who has shaved her head twice because of chemo, was not at all amused at Britney's latest 'do.
As for the origin of the mystery meat, didn't it occur to you to go down the hill to Burger King, where you had a better shot at it?
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Hi Mrs. Chicky... It's totally true what you said, but it's even more effective if you make the lobster listen to Paula Abdul's comments! Try it and you will see.
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