It's a given that my weekends haven't been the same ever since the Peanut came along. Normally I wouldn't bore you with the ennui of my daily existence. However, this weekend was a strange one so I thought I'd share the minutiae (along with, of course, a bunch of throwaway lines that belie the type of lazy writing that I usually detest. Oh well. Screw it. Strange weekend indeed.)
The Peanut was sick and we had to keep her home from daycare so BossLady covered the morning shift and I volunteered to take the afternoon. However, by the time I got home from the office, the Peanut seemed to be feeling much better and was itching to leave the apartment. I decided to take her out for some afternoon tea at a local cafe, where she then proceeded to charm the pants off everyone entering the restaurant by greeting them with, "Hi, people! I'm eating cake!" Later, we spent the rest of the afternoon dancing around the apartment together to Dan Zanes.
There are very few things more life-affirming than sharing a cupcake with your two-year-old daughter and spending a few hours together doing silly dances.
Most of my disposable income is spent on books, films, or scotch. However, I've had my eye on the FoodSaver V2840 vacuum sealer system for quite awhile. It finally arrived Friday afternoon and the reviews are right. It's the greatest single kitchen invention since the microwave. I spent a solid 3 hours vacuum-sealing everything in my fridge that wasn't nailed down. BossLady practically had to pry my fingers off the damn thing.
I wish I still smoked weed so I could start buying marijuana by the pound.
I thought my street cred as a parent had been firmly established by now. However, Saturday proved that the path of initiation is far from over. As the Peanut and I strolled through Wal-Mart (looking for FoodSaver bags and accessories,) she threw up all over me, herself, and a good portion of Aisle 7. Ensuing drama included a trip to the pediatrician and the dry cleaner.
My cashmere sweater now smells like an interesting admixture of cheerios, hash browns, Elmo juice, and bile.
MetroBro came over to play with the Peanut and have dinner with me and BossLady. For some reason, the three of us decided to order in barbecue. This is a total amateur move, kind of like going out partying the night before New Year's Eve. Needless to say, we stuffed ourselves silly and I started frantically worrying about what we'd eat during the Super Bowl. I spent the rest of the evening perusing delivery menus online.
As I searched various restaurants, I couldn't help but think what foods would be best suited for some good old-fashioned vacuum sealing.
A good friend's mother passed away and I needed to go to NJ for the wake. I've known Chris since he was 7 years old. Almost 31 years. He's an only child and, in a short period of time, has lost both his parents. Even worse, they both suffered horribly painful deaths after long bouts with cancer. Although Chris is 33, he's much too young to be an orphan. I vow to give Peanut siblings so she'll never face the loss of her parents alone.
Afterwards, with tears still streaming down my face, I drove to a Korean grocery store so I could load up the car with kalbi (you know, for the vacuum sealer.)
We put the Peanut to bed. I threw a couple of logs in the fireplace. And BossLady ordered a bucket of chicken wings. Super Bowl Sunday is about to start. In all my life, I've never heard so much about race and religion as I did during the pre-game show. At the end of a long weekend, can't a man just watch some football in peace? Anyway, after 14 seconds, it becomes apparent that Jesus hates the Colts. But wait! Here come the Colts. It looks like God wants the Bears to lose after all. Hallelujah! Go Indy! Bears will burn in hell! (By the way, does anyone else think that Rex Grossman should have been named MVP? And can anyone settle a long-standing bet with my buddy Andrew about whether Rex Grossman is Jewish?)
With all the talk about God during the post-game show, I begin to wonder whether my vacuum sealer can turn water into wine.
If you could pick one thing from New York City for me to vacuum-seal and send to you (aside from a pound of marijuana,) what would it be? I'm thinking of starting another contest soon and I could use some ideas for good prizes.