(1) Aside from the fact that I will never get used to seeing Christmas lights on Palm trees, being in Palm Beach for the holidays was like celebrating the minute differences between the median and the mean.
(2) Half the time, we got great weather. Half the time, it was overcast and crappy. On the flight down, Peanut was a nightmare. On the way home, she was an angel. Sometimes she'd let me sleep late. Other times, she'd wake me up by smacking my head with a book at 7:00 am. Half the time, she was charming the pants off everyone in the Sun Belt. The other half, she was terrorizing the world around her. Aahh...to be two years old and control everything in your entire universe. THAT'S power, my friends.
(3) The Peanut now refers to my parents as Babba and Nana. Since their entire existence currently revolves around golf and their granddaughter, this was possibly the greatest thing to happen to them since Calloway (or as they say in Korean, "Carroray") invented the Big Bertha driver.
(4) Although the Peanut is in that awesome phase where she can generally repeat anything you say to her, for some reason she cannot pronounce the word "Uncle." So, one night at dinner, BossLady leaned over to the Peanut and said, "Can you call him Tio?" Of course the name stuck. So my pale-faced Korean-American brother is now referred to as Tio. The irony of this is fantastic since my brother has always greeted out-of-town visitors by saying, "Bienvenido a Nuevo York! Habla Espanol?"
(5) Holiday Thumbs Up: "Dreamgirls," David Foster Wallace's "A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again," Matthew Kneale's "Small Crimes in an Age of Abundance," Claire Messud's "The Emperor's Children," NAS' "Hip Hop Is Dead," and the complete DVD set of Aaron Sorkin's "Sports Night."
(6) Holiday Thumbs Down: Ali Smith's "The Accidental." Not sure whether this was an exercise in mastubatory self-indulgence or an experiment in post-modern literature. However, the book has no plot, no ending, and I just wanted to smack every character in the head with a mallet. NY Giants head coach Tom Coughlin could also use some mallet smacking.
(7) BossLady and I have always been very romantic with our Christmas gifts to one another. Since we both grew up in immigrant homes where personal gifts were never exchanged, we tend to overcompensate. In past years, we'd spend months searching for those special gifts that would truly capture and express our love for one another. However, this year, we decided that nothing really says "I love you" like a bad-ass motherfucking giant HD plasma television and a home theater system that can shake the shit out of your neighbor! Boo ya!
(Since our current television is 20 years old, weighs 800 lbs, and is partly made out of wood, I'm like a kid in a candy store. I may never read another book again!)
(8) The Peanut received a fantastic toy kitchen that I think might actually be bigger than our real kitchen. Her obsession with kitchens has been growing exponentially and we are utterly perplexed by it. Our own kitchen is used so infrequently that I actually store my ski boots and goggles in the oven. However, I will say that having your daughter sit you down so that she can cook you an imaginary pizza while asking you if you would like some milk is quite possibly the funnest thing to do in the world. The best part? Last night, after our fake meal, she spent 20 minutes pretending to wash the dishes.
(9) Since we have the world's greatest babysitter, she offered to spend New Year's Eve overnight at our place with the Peanut so that BossLady and I could go out for the evening. Since we had no idea whether this opportunity would ever happen again, BossLady and I booked a hotel room and decided we were going to party all night like those crazy college kids. We ended up grabbing some pizza for dinner and joining some friends at a truly great 80's-themed New Year's Eve party being held at a private club. The theme was "Enchantment Under The Sea" (anyone remember the reference?) and I'm not sure which was better: seeing all the incredible costumes (big props to our waiter Billy Idol and the two gay guys dressed up in the original Wham! costumes) or playing Name That Tune after every song and singing every single word to every single song by New Order, The Cure, Tom Tom Club, Run DMC, and Depeche Mode !
(10) I'm 38 years old and it's clear that I don't bounce back like I used to. After dragging myself out of the hotel at 2:00 pm and going straight to McDonalds, I spent the rest of New Year's Day in my bathrobe making canine figurines out of Play-Do and watching "Bear in the Big Blue House" with the Peanut. I was so hungover that I could barely understand what Treelo and Tutter were talking about. And the whole thing with their friend Shadow scared the crap out of me. She's so existentially frightening, it's like she's a Kafka character.
I ended up putting the Peanut to bed early and then tried to watch the movie "Layer Cake" but I couldn't understand the Cockney accents so I dragged my sorry ass to bed and swore that I'd never drink again.
Of course, it's now three days later and I'm feeling MUCH better. In fact, I'm feeling so much better that I'm off to a local bar where Greg, Tony, LOD and I are going to get drunk and rub Liz's pregnant belly while feeding her french fries and ice cream!
What's up with all of you?