Peanut vs. Santa (Round Two)

When the BossLady and I were growing up, there was no Santa Claus. 

Being children of immigrants, we both grew up believing that Santa was this great urban myth created by white people (like yetis, the Easter Bunny, alligators in the sewers, and affordable child care.)  I think my parents even told me that Santa only visited the white kids.  And it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if I ever learned that BossLady's parents had taught her that Santa was a pagan devil!

Now I ain't complaining but, needless to say, when BossLady and I were children, there were no trips to the mall to tell Santa what we wanted.  We never visited any indoor Winter carnivals.  We never went to Sears for a family holiday portrait.  We never had Christmas trees, egg nog, or colorful fir wreaths adorning our front doors.

Anyone know how to say "bah humbug" in Korean? 

Anyway, it's only natural now that my beautiful wife and I, being second-generation citizens of this great country, would like to assimilate our daughter into some of the more traditional American aspects of Christmas.  And whereas I have chosen to pursue this goal by hauling giant Christmas trees into my apartment and elaborately decorating them with tinsel, my wife has selected a far different way to celebrate Christmas with our daughter.

She just wants a photo of the Peanut sitting on Santa's lap.

That's it.  She couldn't care less about any other aspect related to Christmas.  In fact, she believes that there's too much materialism involved with Christmas as it is.  But for some reason, she's insistent that, every year for the rest of our lives, the ONE thing that we absolutely MUST do to celebrate the holidays is get a photo of Peanut and Santa together.   In my wife's mind, capturing that photo represents all that a normal American Christmas should be. 

So on Saturday morning, we're waking up early in order to head down to the World Financial Center, where (in true NY fashion) they're having a joint Chanukah, Kwanzaa, & Christmas festival for the kids.  I love my wife immensely so I'm just going along for the ride and to provide some moral support.   

But, man, I sure hope it goes better than last year...

.

Full report (and hopefully photos) to follow later.    

Comments

[honglien123]

Good luck!

[cam c.]

Our building (a brand new urban family-oriented high rise) had a Christmas party for the kids who live here... the old maintenance guy is 6 feet tall, and a spitting image of Santa even in summer, so he did the whole routine. The minute he burst into the door, my (23 mo. old) daughter, who'd eagerly been anticipating meeting him, jumped onto my wife like a squirrel on a tree and refused to even look at him twice.

She calmed down enough to go accept her present and even said thank you, though... then proceeded to melt into a pile of screaming jelly when my wife tried to sit her down with Santa for a photo... so I say good luck to you and your wife! :)

[IFLYG]

Dude - that photo from last year is priceless!
Yoyo's daycare centre had a Christmas party on Tuesday afternoon. They had a clown making balloon animals, which really freaked her out, and then Santa came to visit. She was keeping a respectable, wary distance, but then he called her name and gave her a present (a book). Now she can't talk about anything else: Santa! Book!

[Barbara B.]

Holy crap, that's funny! I love how Santa looks even more traumatized than Peanut!

[Jonathon]

That Santa looks PISSED. Good luck, dude. I think by 2 you've got a chance that they won't freak out.

I'm pullin' for Peanut!

[Anne Glamore]

THAT is the best kind of Santa picture ever, and one that you should save so you can blow it up and display it prominently at her rehearsal dinner.

[CroutonBoy]

why the hell would you do that to yourselves. And with so much evidence as to why you shouldn't.

You should go to Macy's...I'll bet that's LOADS of fun this time of year...

[Andy]

We have a very similar arch back and slither down move at our house!

I haven't experienced santa fun yet this year, but our time is approaching. I'm anxious and a tad scared to see how it will all go. Last year she was still oblivious to it all, it was just snap as fast as you can and move on before she even realized what was happening.

[Emily]

That pic made me spit out a little of my soda. Nice work Peanut way to show mama who is boss. I am so dreading our trip to see santa this year.

[Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom]

God I love that picture.

SF won't even look at Santa let alone sit on his friggin' lap. At least you have one precious photo that serves as proof he was there.

Good luck.

[Melissa]

I freaking love that photo. I remember it from last year. That's her one thing huh? Santa pictures, good to know. I can't wait to see the Peanuts photo this year. Ours are passing on seeing Santa. They freak out every time we go to the mall, knowing he is in the area.

[Papa Bradstein]

Are you kidding? I hope it goes just like last year. I want to see another picture just like that one, which I still tell people about. Then again, I'm not sure how funny I'll find it when 3B does that while I'm trying to wrangle him onto Santa's lap.

Good luck, dude.

[candace]

Here's what we did: we surreptitiously gave Santa a piece of Christopher's favorite candy (at that time, Dum-Dum lollipops). Then Santa bribed him with it. Worked like a charm.

[KG]

Priceless photo! And nothing says "Merry Christmas" quite like a mall-Santa photo freak-out.

We almost had a freak-out this year, not because of the Santa but because of his evil sidekick Frosty the Snowman (so watch out!). A 6-foot-tall store employee, dressed in a furry snowman suit tinged grey because it hadn't been cleaned since last year, is a very scary thing --- to parents, too.

Explaining that our youngster would visit Santa only if Frosty left, the photo people told the Snowman to go to the other side of the store. It did. :)

[Rachel]

Yeah, my parents told us Santa was a pagan devil. I went around telling all the other kids at school.

Good luck with the photo. Can't wait to see the results.

[Baun]

Best Santa picture ever! :)

Coincidentally, I was at Costco the other day and I was shocked to see that they had a Santa there too (Something about seeing "Santa" at Costco, which is just a huge warehouse, that was weird to me).

Then I started to think about the concept of "Santa" himself, and how odd it was that people so willingly go along with make-beliefs. To be honest, it was a little disquieting to think people had no qualms about putting their precious children on some strange old dude's lap, just because he's dressed as "Santa". But it's just some old dude! Is it me?

It's a good thing I don't have kids, eh? But I think the Peanut knows what I'm talking about, judging from the picture. Then again, I'll probably change my tunes when I have children.

Good luck this year! Looking forward to the pics.

[Buck]

What's taken you so long? My wife and her sister had our son and his cousins out to see Santa the day after Thanksgiving. And they only had to wait in line for three hours at Nordstrom for the privilege.

One more question: How much less could your wife care? ;)

[Sue]

That photo is so f-n funny! I can't tell who looks more terrified! There is a picture of me, older than that, trying to look brave, lips all white from the overwhelming fear caused by being so close to God. Moses had the same look when he saw the burning bush. I am surprised that more kids hair does not turn white from these experiences.

Being converts to Judaism we have similar issues with the Claus. I rue the day my husband and I had our picture taken in front of our xmas tree before we converted. when she saw it our kid was all--you used to have a CHRISTMAS TREE?

While I was angsting about whether to let her believe that Santa is an anti-semite who ignores Jewish kids, our overly mature five year old very quietly worked out that some parents pretend to be Santa, but fortunately she does not try to disabuse her friends of the notion that he might not be real. And she is probably hedging her bets since her grandparents have a Christmas tree.

[Ian]

My daughter is completely terrified by Santa. She met him a few years ago and has no desire to ever see him again!

[landismom]

Okay, first of all, let me just say this: http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogallery?index=1

Secondly, the Bee wouldn't sit on Santa's lap until she was 5. And you know what she asked Santa for this year? A flat screen TV. Good to see I'm succeeding at raising the anti-materialist child.

we had a moderate tree, no santa claus (but my younger brother's had santa claus for some odd reason) gift exchanges (the kids all 'bought' something for everyone and we each received 3 gifts from our parents). we'd have a small feast (roast, mash potatoes, sweet potatoes cranberry sauce, a pie and a random veggie - thanksgiving, but roast instead of turkey) we'd also drive around and see christmas lights for one night in december and call relatives/send cards. nice and simple. my kids get the huge spectacle that is a traditional christmas eve at my inlaws, complete with a huge dinner that involves more items than I could ever list, and the whole family. :) though with the increase in grandchildren it appears to be toning down, as I'm sure the crowd is more than enough excitement. Santa fills their stockings the following morning (and we tell them he doesn't give them the big gifts cause he knows grandpa likes to do that :D) we have never done pics with santa (though there are numerous old pics of my husband as a child)

love last year's picture, btw, can't wait to see this years.

[KC]

Hmmm...we had Christmas but it was like a broke Christmas. Broke plastic tree. Broke stockings. Like they wanted to give us an American Christmas jubilee but weren't exactly sure what the hell was going on.

Your family tradition is very sweet. And you've inspired me to go stick Joles on some fat guy's lap this weekend. Thanks Metro!

[Oh, The Joys]

That is, hands down, the world's greatest Santa photo ever.

[Matthew]

That photo is one of my all-time Santa photos. We're trying for our photo this weekend too. I'm secretly hoping for a photo like this b ut I wouldn't count on it.

[Leora]

Being Jewish, we obviously don't celebrate Christmas. However, that hasn't stopped our 5 year old from begging for a X-Mas tree and going to see Santa at the mall.

OY!

[Chelle]

Thank god my kid isn't the only one out there who did that! That is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

Seriously, though. Go early. Don't wait in any lines. Get her on his lap and done before she knows what happened. Worked for me this year!

Good luck!

[Mike]

Oy! to the World. That picture is priceless. Love how Peanut is goin' "boneless" and why do all toddlers have this move? It's like learn to walk, learn to go boneless.
So we do the interfaith thing around here. Christmas and Chanukkah and yes we lie to our little dude about Santa. We're whiteys Metrodad!, with great holiday memories of family and trees and family and menorahs and family and Santa and family and whiskey+eggnogs and Manhattans for the serious adults... We refuse to give this up now that we're crusty ol' parents. And as our boy has recently turned three and is very much noticing all festivities, rituals, conversations, we feel that we need to celebrate everything starting now! Lie now! (Yes Santa is this big freakin' Cracker who will shimmy his a$$ down the chimney and vomit presents all about the room provided you've been good...) Buy now! Tree now! Mass now! Shofar now! Make those sugar cookies now! Our only three holiday rules:
1) Celebrate family and friends
2) Celebrate the beliefs that give meaning to said family and friends whether they align with ours or not,
3) most importantly, never spell Hannuka the same way twice all season long.
3a) Manhattan's are good.

[Glennia]

Best Santa photo EVER! We have a similar one of our boy with the freaky plastic-headed Easter Bunny, only he was slithering and screaming at the same time (the boy, not the bunny). Good luck on the next try.

[AdventureDad]

I don't know who looks more scared and pissed, Peanut or SC.

Nice weekend

AD

[Angela]

Now that's the picture to show at her wedding! Freaking fantastic, I'm still laughing.

My children are 9 and 5 and until they were at least 3 or 4, wanted nothing to do with Santa-so most photos are of my husband also on Santa's lap holding the kids who are desperately trying to escape...classic.

Good luck.

[Kristin]

Quite frankly, I am shocked Santa has managed to hang on to his job for as long as he has considering he scares the hell out of little children everywhere...

[Jenny R.]

Hubs, like you, had immigrant parents who never got swept up with the Christmas spirit. He's making it up for it with a vengeance. The kids laugh at him and call him Mr. Christmas because he goes completely over the top-lights on the house, indoor/outdoor tree, giant wreaths, and yes...mandatory trips every year to go see Santa.

If it weren't all so endearing, I'd have him committed. Good luck!

[swampgrrl]

that 2005 photograph of peanut with that freaky white man is priceless!

i agree with bosslady on the materialism. still it's nice to have an excuse to bring some greenery inside your cave.

[William]

That picture is priceless.

[Jason]

Hope this year goes better for you, MD. We gave up on having the kids pose for Santa after Jake (age 5) punched Santa in the mouth. Fun times.

[Woman with Kids]

I think Santa's face is worth the picture alone!

[Ranger Rick]

That may quite possibly be the greatest Santa/Child photo that I have ever seen. I literally laughed out loud. I really do hope that you guys are using that as your Christmas card this year. It's too funny.

[Ranger Rick]

That may quite possibly be the greatest Santa/Child photo that I have ever seen. I literally laughed out loud. I really do hope that you guys are using that as your Christmas card this year. It's too funny.

[Waya]

Oh my goodness, that picture is priceless! Are you sure you didn't photoshop that? The look on Santa's face says it all. And poor Peanut, I hope she's not traumatized from last year's experience. Good luck to you!! If all fail, how about you dressing up as Santa and take the pix in the comfort of your home?

[Rachel]

As my sister so eloquently says, "Ho, fucking, ho."

[s@bd]

Classic.

[pnuts mama]

love the pic!! awesome!! expecting my kid to do the same this weekend!

i remember being surprised when i brought gifts (ornaments) for my friends at school and my korean friends informed me that while christian (non-denominational) they didn't celebrate christmas, no tree, no gifts, no feast, etc. what an idiot i felt like giving them an ornament for their imaginary tree.

[Mama Nabi]

Thanks, Metrodad - I needed to see that picture after the month I've been having! THAT HAS TO BE THE MOST HILLARIOUS SANTA PHOTO EVER!!! You guys should submit it somewhere, seriously... We didn't even attempt it last year so keep your fingers crossed for us next week... PN wants to videotape it so I've begun to show friendly pictures of Santa to LN so she thinks he's just like Elmo.
Again, thanks so much for posting that picture - I so needed that, so much that I'm all teary being thankful...

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Best. Picture. Ever.

[Steve-O]

I think it's safe to say that it's posts like this that confirm why you're the greatest daddy blogger on the block. And the fucking funniest.

[Stewart]

That really is the greatest Santa photo I've ever seen. You can actually FEEL the Peanut's pain and anguish. Good luck tomorrow, MD and Bosslady!

[creative-type dad]

Dude! That's THE BEST Santa picture I've ever seen.

She even has that Malcolm X fist thing in the air going.

[RA]

My parents didn't promote Santa either because he represented all that was capitalist and greedy in the world. In any case, the whole breaking and entering, below-cost production practices, and factory located where there is no land mass was just not computing in my 6-year-old head. I was never that irritating kid in school who was all, "Santa doesn't exist, suckah!" I knew that much not to get beaten up.

On another note, isn't it correct to say that Bosslady "COULDN'T care less about any other aspect..."? Because it loses its zing if she could not care a bit more... right?

[A.Tsai]

Must be an Asian thing. My parents also taught me that Christmas was only for the white kids.

[Shannon]

Wow! That picture made me laugh so hard I got a stitch in my side.

If not for the BossLady, I would say skip the Santa photo. Once upon a time, this little white girl was forced to sit on Santa and the Easter Bunny's lap, and let me tell you, few things terrified me more. My husband and I decided that it (the standing in line for hours, screaming, wrestling,...) just wasn't worth it. Although, if we had pictures like the '05 Peanut picture, I might just consider it.

Good luck, MD.