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November 08, 2006

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Mommy de gallo

Unfortunately for us all, the tie that binds my daughter and I together is our skank ass feet. How a 4 year old has feet as stinky as mine is a mystery.

And my prison name is
Howard Sperm. How nice.

creative type dad

That 'gas problem' sounds pretty cool to me.
I would take that on the road and make some college money on that one. I bet her future dates would enjoy that one.

Oh and that OCD while eating would drive me nuts. My daughter is the complete opposite, everything has to be on her face before eating it.

IFLYG

So since you & the Peanut eat dinner like you are prisoners, and you have to wipe her hands and mouth after each bite she takes - you are the Peanut's prison bitch. How cute!

Pattie

Gotta say, your "bean-eating 75-year-old lactose-intolerant truck driver" gave me the biggest laugh I've had all day. Rumsfeld's "resignation" aside.

And it turns out my prison name is Man Hole. Now, that's going to impress the husband.

MetroDude

My 4 year old is definitely mine. She is a smart ass like her dad.

When we told the little monkey that mommy was going to the doctor to check on the then baby in her tummy to make sure it was ok, my 4 year old turned to us without missing a beat and said "Does daddy have to go to the doctor to make sure the beer in his tummy is ok?"

Go Bears.

Mom101

Well based on this, I'm definitely not related to any of you with the exception of talking to anyone who will listen. Maybe not sandwiches, but definitely sandwich makers/sellers/fellow buyers

Mom101

Oh, and that last comment was from me: Turd Burglar.

Mama Nabi

From the first three, I'd have to say both LN and I might be related to you... then the 4th one goes to both PN and LN... 5th one, it's all PN - so we're all related... daddy? Oh, yeah, and my new name is Squeal Piglet.

Emily of Redwhineandboo

Mine's 3 Dollar Bill, I am not sure what to think about that.

Melissa

Mine is Famous Anus. LMAO.

The diva thing is most likely a two year old thing...then again Maya is almost 5 so I'd better think of a different reason. Maybe they're just born that way. TV rules our house right now. If I say do this or no shows tonight, I get complete compliance. It's almost scary really, but I'm going to milk it for as long as possible. If only I could figure out how to get my husband to do whatever I say so easily.

enygma

I recently learned that one way you can tell a student has been smoking pot (aside from the smell and the glassy stare) is when the student keeps bringing his/her fingers to his/her nose and sniffing them. Is that part of being OCD?

Waya

She's too cute! I think the Peanut and my bunch of kids (hubbie included) can have a farting contest. I mean talk about SBD (silent but deadly!)on your face while horseplaying! That's worse than the fire cracker ones.

There's a book called "The Napping House" by Don & Audrey Wood, I was contemplating writing a post about it (seriously) and change it to "The Farting House".

And as for my prison's name...I'm embarrassed just writing it down, ready? It's "butt whore". I'm so changing my name!

Melissa

That site is killing me, Hubby's prison name is Donkey Schlong.

Hygiene Dad

OMG, I went totally OCD after smoking too. My favorite thing to do was to smell those handiwipes after smoking. Proves yet again that the dope ain't good for you.

Moustache Girl.

Rachel

Glory Hole from GA here - NICE!! Be comforted to know that kids go through phases of HATING to get messy. It's cyclical so this too shall pass - only to come back again around Kindergarten. Also, the whole changing the rules about what's okay is common at this age too. It was only the red shirts for my daughter for weeks and then she changed the rules one day and didn't bother to tell me and proceeded to throw a fit because the new rule was BLUE shirts. Sheesh!

Ian

I had the same exact OCD issue with smoking pot too! It got to the point where I would sometimes smoke pot in the bathroom just so I was closer to the sink. I guess that's the definition of a stoner, huh?

Oh yeah...my prison bitch name is Fudge Sucker!

honglien123

Dude, what gives?! I feel cheated for I too am
Donkey Schlong. Hmm, and if I had one, wouldn't that be a compliment?

Seth

Greetings from your prison mate, Pony Boy!

KC

You mean it's not a normal toddler thing to sound like a tootin' truck driver? Because, JP and I have been stunned into silence by some of Joles' thirty-second long gaseous interludes. Must be from his side.

-Shit Eater

J

I love that she talks to her sandwich. SO CUTE. When my daughter was almost 2, we could get her to do anything we wanted, but our elbows would have to tell her. "Maya, it's time for your nap," I would say. "No, I'm not tired." she would say. "Nap Time for Maya!" the elbow would say, in a high voice and kind of wiggling..."Oh elbow, I love you. OK." she would say, then promptly lay down and go to sleep.

I wish that still worked.

Lisa V.

I laughed my ass off at the WebMD reference. My husband refuses to go to the doctor and is constantly diagnosing himself via WebMD. Let's see. In the past 6 months, I think he's contracted Lyme Disease, Legionnaires, Crohns, and Epstein Barr. I'm thinking of cutting off his internet access!

Vampdaddy

"Cream of Meat" is apparently my Prison Bitch Persona.

Yummy!

Papa Bradstein

B.F.--
When 3B let go with his first farts, we were sure he'd torn a hole in his diaper. The bonus is that I can blame anything I do on him, since his are often more impressive anyway. He also belches bigger than I do. Yeah, he's mine all right, and we know which parts to blame on me.
Sincerely,
Butt Blaster

Jonathon

Dude, I cracked up when I read about doing things "in a particular way". I feel like I never know when E's going to run out of the room whining, bury her head in the couch pillows and refuse to be spoken to.

Then, 5 seconds later, she's fine. As if it never happened.

candace

Way to make me snort with the asking for the tv from BossLady. Awesome.

My prison bitch name is: Cornholio. TP for my bunghole, indeed.

Brent

Awesome! My prison bitch name is Stroker!

mrsfortune

Studies show? Studies show what? About pre-18 month olds watching TV? Huh???? Oh man you are always reminding me how I suck as a parent. Ever think anyone would say that to you? Hahaha....

Leora

I love that age where kids talk to inanimate objects. I think it's the cutest thing. For some time, my daughter used to have long conversations with my umbrella. She'd even kiss it goodnight! I miss those days.

My prison bitch name is Butt Muncher.

Corky

Hmmmmm....and I though guarding and gobbling my food came from being from a large family...
Signed, Squealing Piglet

Leo

I caught my son talking to his thumb today. Maybe he was talking about the fact that his dad's prison nickname was "Scatmaster Jones."

Mike

Uh....you're surprised your Korean daughter is a diva and may have drama issues?

I mean....and this is the completely observant cynic in me, but....all Korean females are like that. i think something with having 2 X chromosomes triggers it.

Hmm....wanna take a stab at why I'm single?

Tom N.

Looking at ways numbers two and three, I'm thinking my daughter might also be related to you. You sure you're not Korean-Irish-American? :-)

Sodom Insane

TheMonk, like Peanut, guards his food very closely. However, he'll also try and sneak food off his sister's tray if she lets her guard down.

I think it would be funny to get Peanut and TheMonk together during lunch time and see what happens.

margalit

Hi, I'm Nut Buster and my kids are both really farty too. Love the vision of Peanut needing her hands wiped after each morsel pops into her mouth. Very OCD! Very Two!

William

OCD Melvin Udall comes to mind.

Hi MD.

AdventureDad

My son acts like Peanut with the hands and TV. Although i never did pot. We don't let him watch much TV but the children's programs at 6 pm every night over here are scary. Both entertaining and educational. And Daniel loves them.

My last observation is that you have way too much time on your hands if you Google "prison nicknames". :-)) My lame company won't even let me look at it, it's blocked.....

AD

Bethiclaus

Fruit Loop.

I have to say, I'm kind of disappointed.

Gwen

Delurking to say that my prison bitch name is George's Bush. I'm shamed.

Peter

Cum Stain here. I don't feel like last nights underpants.

Maria

I can't tell you how happy I was to read about the Peanut's flatulence. I thought our 2 y.o. daughter was some sort of freak. She farts louder than anyone I've ever heard and I've been embarassed to discuss it with anyone else. Now I guess I know that it's just normal. Phew! Thanks, MD.

Sincerely,
Hung Muther

Shannon

The farting! Too funny. My little guy has been a champion farter since the beginning, it is nice to see that he is in good company. Of course he gets it from me, sad to say. At least you don't blame him if someone rounds the corner right after letting one rip at the store. That one will only work until he is old enough to blame me right back.

As for the need to be clean , you could always do what we have done with our two year old son, and give him the napkin to wipe his hand and face with. Or not. He now has to have a clean napkin for each time he needs one, even if the last one hardly has a smudge on it. However, I did read in one toddler book that cleanliness like the Peanuts was an indication that she should be nearing readiness for potty training. So you can say that is a positive.

Think of T.V. as a bargaining chip, one which will work wonders for a misbehaving toddler.

Take care. From Glory Hole.

Brian

We just started letting our one year old watch TV and he is totally hooked. He sits there with a total dazed look on his face. My wife says that's what I look like when I watch television.

Signed, The Gerbil

kittenpie

Good god, I'm so sick of the drama right now, too. Yesterday I gave in and let her wear one purple and one blue sock because I didn't care enough to withstand the carrying on. This morning I took off her PJ bottoms, but apparently she was supposed to do that, so she had to put them bck on and then remove them herself before we could begin the undies battle. Thank goodness there are good days, too!

Smarshy

Hey - Just found your blog. I am also 35, I also have a 2 year old daughter, and she also freaks out for no discernable reason and needs her hands cleaned after every bite. "Washy washy" she says. But I'm in Boston, not NYC. We're trying to make baby #2, and it's a freaking nightmare.

Bradley

I just wanted to say that my prison bitch name is Squealing Piglet. I love it.

L.

Witholding TV from kids is child abuse -- glad you stopped, or I`d have to report you.

Signed, Tush Taster (..EWWWWW...)

p-man

Evidently L and I share the same given name and surname.

Yours,
Tush Taster
(Who Wants Seconds?!)

sweatpantsmom

Hey, mine is Tush Taster, too. I think that Prison Name Generator is whack.

P/S Better stop giving Peanut those hash brownies for her midmorning snack.

Linda

Woo hoo...I'm the Rump Ranger!

NewbieDad

That will be MR. SQUEALING PIGLET for you!

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