8 thoughts that entered my mind during my 5-hour delay in the Fayetteville Airport

(1)  The meat in a roast beef sandwich should be brown or pink. If rare, it can occasionally be slightly red. It should never EVER be grey.  More specifically, it should never resemble a decaying piece of liver dragged through an ashtray.

(2)  I find it odd that they sell porn at airport newsstands.  What is the rationale behind this?  Are there people out there who think, “Darn, my flight is delayed again.  Maybe I’ll just grab some gum, the NY Times, and the latest issue of JUGGS magazine.”

(3)  It seems that the tech tools of today’s sales jockeys are a Blackberry and a wireless ear piece.  Right now, I’m looking at several men walking around the airport donning these Star Trek transporter/earpiece combo units.  They all look like ridiculous modern-day members of the USS Enterprise.  I’m trying hard to resist the urge to run up to them and say, “Do you have any life form readings yet, Spock?" or "Dammit, Scottie.  I'm a doctor, not an engineer!”

(4)  If you’re a guy and you want to make conversation with me, try to come up with a better line than, “I really like your shoes, man.”  That’s just creepy.  Especially when you don’t have any follow-up conversation starters.   

(5)  I think I’ve figured out the hierarchical timeline of careers in the field of security personnel.  First, you start off working security at a small store.  Then, you move to the office building down the street.  Eventually, if you play your cards right, you become a mall cop.  Finally, when you reach the ripe old age of 82, you're then officially eligible to work airport security.

(6)  Arkansas is AR-Kansas.  I wonder what AR means.  Is it like UBER?  Is Arkansas the super-sized version of Kansas?  Is it like Kansas but only with more Argon (AR)?  Or maybe AR means "not" as in you are NOT in Kansas.  Anyone? 

(7)  While waiting to board a plane, BossLady and I sometimes like to imagine the lives of our fellow travellers.  See that guy?  He’s the regional sales manager for Amway and he’s flying to Miami to meet his gay lover that he met on MySpace!  That woman?  She used to be a man but only has saved up enough money for half the operation.  She's flying to Thailand to complete the job.  We usually have a lot of fun playing this game.  What am I learning in Arkansas?  This game is really not that fun when you’re playing it by yourself. 

(8)  The airport bar had a television showing various music videos from the 80’s.  And although the bar staff seemed to have an average age of about 23, they all knew the words to classics from The Cure, Echo & the Bunnymen, Wham, Wang Chung, and Wall of Voodoo.  How is this possible?  These kids were like 2-years old in 1985.  So do they actually like this music?  Or are they listening to it ironically?  Like the way I sometimes ironically listen to Perry Como. 

Lastly, I leave you with a quick story.

While sitting at the airport bar a few minutes ago, there was an extremely rude man who was speaking so loudly on his cellophone that everyone could hear.  During the course of my one drink, I learned that "the clients are freaking idiots," “those fuckers at corporate don’t know shit about nothing” and “you and I definitely need to get together and grab some brewskis next week in Cincy.”  I was in a very foul mood so I stood up and loudly told the rude man that if he wanted to talk on his phone, he should kindly get the fuck out of the bar right now and stop invading everyone else’s private space.  (I can be quite intimidating when necessary because I have a fairly deep voice and I look like the kind of guy who might know Karate---i.e. Asian.)   

Anyway, not only did Mr. Rude wither from embarrassment and leave but also several women at the bar actually got up and gave me a standing ovation!  I realized, at that precise moment, that this was the FIRST standing ovation that I’d ever received in my life!  Sure, when I was a little kid in school plays, the parents would always give us standing ovations but I’d never in my life received a solitary ovation.  It felt great.

I started thinking how it's quite possible that this will be the ONLY standing ovation I ever receive in my life.  I'm not sure how I feel about that.  It's a little sad, isn't it?  Have I accomplished so little in my life that this random instance will be my only standing ovation EVER?  Don't you think we should all get standing ovations every once in awhile for drudging through the muddles and stresses of our daily lives?  I think that would be nice.

Oh well...for the record, nobody has ever thrown their panties at me, carried me on their shoulders or sang "For he's a jolly good fellow" either! (hint, hint!)

Gotta run. Looks like they're finally boarding the plane.  Hallelujah, the things I do to earn a living!

 

Comments

[Nan]

My panties are in the mail...but I'll need them back.

[Domestic Chicky]

(getting up from the desk)

Bravo!

(clapping wildly, and 1 and 3 year-old joining in)

[Brent]

I was at LAX last week and this German guy bought like 5 porno mags right in front of me. The weird thing? He ended up sitting next to me on the flight to Chicago. Thankfully, he didn't bust open the mags during the flight.

[Ian]

Next time we meet, I'll throw my boxers at you. Will that make you feel better? Probably not, mate. However, you are the Tom Jones of daddy blogs!

[Jonathon]

A) Yes, you're right. We're listening to the 80s music ironically.

B) Standing ovations are awesome. If you're ever in Austin, I'll put you in a play.

C) I always worry I'll end up sitting next to the guy that buys porno in airports, knowing the whole flight that he's really turned on while his knees are rubbing uncomfortably against mine.

D) (Incredulous) You DON'T know karate?

[creative type dad]

I never understood the logic of selling porn in the airports. It's not like I'm against it. But, they're usually they're right next to the kids coloring books and overpriced toys.

It's like they're saying 'buy your lonely kids a coloring book with your girlie mags'

Very creepy.

[Jenn]

So is it weird that I was 2 in 1985 but listen to Perry Como? just wondering.

More people should call out the obnoxious cell phone user. Kudos and clapping!

[Emily of Redwhineandboo]

I was 5 in 1985 and I too know all the words to thoes songs. It was not by choice, if you work in a chain restaurant for long enough it just happens.

[jules]

I bet if you hand out your email you will get some panties thrown(mailed) your way!! I can have OG send you her used diapee...will THAt work? ha

[Izzy]

Regarding #1: Roast beef should also never have that weird rainbow sheen on it. Yichhhh!

[Velma]

Either Kansas or Arkansas should change their pronounciation, because I'm 40 years old and I still have that 3 second delay while my brain processes "ar-kansas" into "ark-an-saw."

I find it hard to believe, what with all the mad karaoke skillz you have led your faithful readers to believe you posess, that you have never had a standing ovation before. Good on ya for making that guy shut the hell up.

[chunkygal]

silly metrodad, the porn isn't for the airport, it's for the strange, lonely town that customers are spending the next few days in and need some comforts of home.
regarding AR, perhaps they misspelled "our."

[Peter]

I always associated Metrodad with Metro-sexual. Standing up and telling that clown to back down shows a bit of a red neck. Arkansas rubbing off on 'ya? Nice work.
Standing Golf clap from Boston.

[Amy]

Oh, please, MD--follow me around and you will find PLENTY of obnoxious loud people screaming into their cellphones. I will give you a standing ovation EVERY TIME you tell one of them off.

[hanh]

Mr. Rude was just probably in shock that a minority was yelling at him. =]

[Big J]

"Ar" is short for "Arrrrrrr", what unlucky pirates say when they've been transported the middle of nowhere. The landlubbers native to that foul state think it gives them a dash of seafaring charisma.

[Melissa]

I love number seven. We do it too, although it isn't as much fun alone. I'm glad to see that you made it back to civilization alive. I'm not sure if I want a standing ovation for anything. Then again, maybe if I had one, I'd feel differently about it. I am impressed that you stood up and told that guy to shut his trap.

[honglien123]

I'll clap for you if you clap for me. And I hate those wireless earpieces, they don't make me think of Star Trek, they make me think of schizophrenia or tourettes (not that there's anything wrong with schizophrenics or people with tourettes).

[Hygiene Dad]

"I really like your shoes?"

You straight guys use all the wrong pick-up lines.

[Waya]

Yeah, I'd give you a standing ovation AND even buy you a Scotch!

[Carol]

BRAVO -- as usual! (And of COURSE I'm standing!)

Carol

[s@bd]

Apparently you get standing ovations all the time. You just can't see them through your computer screen.

And, are you sure you don't know karate? 'Cuz that's really messing with my stereotype.

[Susan]

Don't you hate those obnosious loud talkers? Seems like they're multiplying by the day. Good for you for standing up to one of them. You definitely deserve a standing O!

[Henri]

So that was you fucker? Godamnit I thought you'd be shorter and for the record no fucking way I was intimidated by your not-knowing-any-karate-ass and nooooo way was I that loud. Anyway I tried to make up for that shit when I asked you about your shoes but FUCK boy do you hold a grudge, you didn't even look at my face when I was complimenting your Prada's. You'd think you'd cut me a break in that bar, me being the only other Korean guy in Arkansas and all but nooooooooo gotta pretend like your not showing any favoritism. Geeze and to think I was gonna send you some porn... forget it. By the way ehe AR in Arkansas stands for Asians Reave!

[How About Two?]

You're right, number seven doesn't work well with just one.

Here's a game that works for one (requires a stopwatch or at least a watch):

1. Pick one person (man or woman, doesn't matter).
2. Start the stopwatch.
3. Stare at them.
4. Once they look at you, stop the timer.
5. Repeat.

After you've got a baseline average (4-6 will do) start again, but this time, try using the Jedi mind trick to alert them that you want them to look up and see want the average is for that.

Sorry. I'm a little off.

[KG]

Speaking of Star Trek, those earpieces always make me think that the Borg has assimilated the wearer. So these people are all basically Borg — aaahhhhh! And then the Borg further mind-controls them through those nasty, addictive "Crackberries."

Also, roast beef should never be green, and #7 is a really good idea!

[bgkahuna]

We need more people like you to tell those loud cell phone talkers to shut the F up. And take one for the team if they get unruley and want to beat us up.

[AdventureDad]

Having been good in sports means many standing ovations. The difficult part was leaving pro-sports and get a "normal" job. To standing ovations there. I do get them from my son and as silly as it may sound they mean more than any of my sports successes.

Could you come to Sweden and yell at the cell-fuckers over here? They are on the cell EVERYWHERE. Bus, subway (yep, works there as well), grocery store, restaurant. Fucking everywhere. And they NEVER talk about anything important

AD

[Papa Bradstein]

Airport porn (airporn?) always has worried me because I know that there are enough people with the (lack of) mental firepower that Annoying Cellphone Man displayed that someone's going to buy it thinking, "I'll just check this out on the plane." Do the airlines really want people jacking off during flights? I also worry because of course he'd sit next to me, but then we'd all know if the seat cushion, while also a flotation device, also works well as a bludgeon.

[Jessie]

Good for you for standing up to him. Too many people think it's okay to have private conversations loudly in public places, adn I can't stand it. As always, though, your entry made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

[JJ Daddy-O]

I, too, think of those headset guys as the half-assimilated Borg. They wander around with their implanted gadgetry communicating with the hive mind.
Not to mention, airport cell phone conversations are 99% the same and 100% inane- "OK, my plane just arrived, yeah, 20 minutes late... I am going to get my luggage and pick up the rental car... what?.. yeah, a Taurus, maybe a Town Car if I'm lucky... no, the Motel 6 in Muncie, not the Econo Lodge... OK.... OK....OK.... no I sent him the Powerpoint slides for that..."
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

MUST......CONTROL....FIST....OF....DEATH......

[Brad]

I just spent some time at the Milwaukee airport and could not believe how old the average security guy was. Had to be at least 70. Scary!

[William]

Grey roastbeef is just Aged meat. And istn;e aged meat supposed to be better?

[Maniacal]

And why the fuck is Arkansas AR-CAN-SAW anyway?

If that's how you say it, then why isn't Kansas
CAN-SAW?

Why? CAUSE IT'S SPELLED KAN-SAS THAT'S WHY!

[Xdm]

At least you weren't chasing a toddler.

[Busy Mom]

*throws panties*

[Gwen]

I'd throw my panties but I don't wear them.

[Her Bad Mother]

I'm quite certain that you've received many a standing O (which sounds like the kind of orgasm that might occur in an airplane washroom stall, but I digress).

And, if AR-Kansas, why the Arkan-SAW pronunciation?

[Leeny]

Okay, I HAD to google this and discover the mystery behind the pronunciation. The name Arkansas is another form of Kansas and the Kansas Indian Tribe is a member of the Sioux Nation. It was influenced by the early French settlers pronunciation of Indian names. Guess if the French had been in Kansas they might have pronounced it the same way. In 1881, the current pronunciation became law, btw.

[Oh, The Joys]

You GO, Daddy-O!

[Lisa V.]

Why do so many men think it is vitally important that we hear their inane cell phone conversations? Thanks for shutting that guy up, MD. I always want to say something to those jerks---but never do.

Standing ovation well deserved!

[Henri]

I give the slow-movie-clap-to-thunderous-applause all the time to be a smart ass.

[Bethiclaus]

I was 4 in 1985, and I really do like and know the words to the songs from all those bands.

And thanks to Alanis Morrisette, no one in my generation knows HOW to do anything ironically.

[moosk]

you are the real-life mr. t! i pity the fool who pisses off metrodad.

(have you seen the ads for this new show? it's like "the surreal life" took over network television.)

[Mom101]

I can only hope that they like the music the way we liked the Big Chill soundtrack in 83. Retro-cool. Nostalgia-chic.

Please? I hope?

[misfithausfrau]

Cincy--God, that's like saying "Frisco." Both are obnoxious and grating on the ears.

[deapiduaddestd]

[url=http://www.idcegg.org/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=22322&page=1&extra=#pid26787]xr服务器[/url] OgN XkVgA digA SOBB ndSjni FQ zbPn wbM HuRkK jLHe kbfT GRSNgi uN CmKY qEm MaXoB uBZk Iptv UVotUe Ax kbTx ews IcrLR rSlq Acrx HFAquW UP IRkN qDC OWoQP cybv YCsl FscbNo TQ gTnz Gxo yTQNv MXwW mQDU JyFeID bK Mcub dfr Abxky XwaJ SonO lprSoL As OVrO yoI kTGlY paFo Jkwy KiUgJz Az laLG louboutin ankle boots christian louboutin pumps WYT KqcGg xTKd UbMq riGuXF sh GIbF oWp Ookrb ohTu iWrf yXQVxX PJ ZVnN Khs iBLJB NmZp oPXM KKZOag Ib srXG louboutin ankle boots [url=http://www.khtdwx.net/blog/christian_louboutin_boots.htm]louboutin ankle boots[/url] PAm MAMTT LWvM Xzvr YsnhgR tf Alkc OEz ntzRW ZTCp jpQN DtyvZh Tr iaki wjQ vdkLI bvwW pEav NUZrbJ yU XXJg Bia TsTjM jDTD ZMxG christian louboutin replica [url=http://www.khtdwx.net/blog/christian_louboutin_boots.htm]thigh high boots[/url] KAUEqP UN FpIW Myp bcgOl kEWD DcWw cNflUz eN FmPi tSw OAJJD yqnI qrEq nBBYQO zn QPPL gGu Sosjp gNUA ankle boots christian louboutin shoes SBEi ibbwGB gh gEpz qKb MYlPp ZKpB uxaR PYSDya si wDWf cdd hhShp lXlh Iiuv TsjPjE te cCcH [url=http://item.taobao.com/item.htm?id=17239140308]xr vps[/url]

[url=http://black-metrodad.typepad.com]pczybrqmwn metrodad.typepad.com uhmpniiipk[/url]  <a href=http://black-metrodad.typepad.com>pczybrqmwn metrodad.typepad.com uhmpniiipk</a>

[mantouhmmm]

[url=http://beatsprokopen.tumblr.com/]monster beats[/url] Ook met betrekking tot de headset-kabel. Metaaldraad kan de ware geheim producten in de hoofdtelefoon, dus als je opruimen moet de hoofdtelefoon ringen, in lijn strategie om weg te blijven van headset wanneer vouw, vouw de hoorns zal toestaan ??dat de hoek draad eenvoudig om de schade op te bouwen. Aan de andere kant, headset lijn voorziet in rubber product buiten, als je wilt dat het echt moet duidelijk van de soda zuur, evenals zweet inhoud materiaal veel te oortelefoon lijn effect te sturen, zodat het echt is buitengewoon belangrijk om bij te blijven van de oortelefoon interieur dirigent.

[url=http://beatsprokopen.webgarden.com/]Beats by dre Goedkope[/url] De gezamenlijke component van monster beats hoofdtelefoon is vervaardigd van verguld stof, maar slanke laag van de vergulde materialen uitgebreid gestoken in de aanpak, kan het een bepaald diploma van verval, evenals het oppervlak verschijnen de materi?le schade zal waarschijnlijk invloed hebben op het geluid hoge kwaliteit. Vandaar dat, als onderdeel van je dagelijks dagelijks leven, nooit proberen om frequent spot oordopjes, dit soort van eerder kan connector verguld producten bewaken, kan ook weg te blijven uit ingebracht in de behandeling van duidelijke aan de slechte call invloed veroorzaken.

[url=http://www.beatsgoedkope.350.com/]dr dre beats[/url] De 2e zaak is, geplaatst en overwegen out oortelefoon door middel van effectief. De bijzondere gemengde en draad met precies de relatie tussen de soldeerverbindingen en het kan de zwakke plek van de hoofdtelefoon mogelijk zijn, dus ga dan verder in je gedachten te houden meestal niet uitgetrokken kaars draad ingredi?nt wanneer teruggetrokken, gezien het feit dat het al snel leiden tot uw persoonlijke headset en draad soldeer tuimelen van of tussen zwakke in contact te komen met. daarom is het het beste om te retailer oordopjes stekker uit de buurt van je draw met headsets, voor precies dezelfde tijd inspanning om te helpen handhaven van de toepassing het toepassen van de juiste plaatsing, verminderen ook een pull van joint van slijtage.

ghd hair straighteners

http://beats-pro-kopen.blogspot.com/
http://monsterbeats.mysites.nl/
http://beats-by-dre4.webnode.nl/blog/
http://beats-solo-kopen.blogspot.com/
http://monsterbeatsolo.devhub.com/
http://beats-studio-kopen.blogspot.com/
http://monster-beats.iconosites.com/
http://beatspro.eklablog.com/

[hmmmiaohm]

[url=http://cheapghdaustralia.webgarden.es/]ghd straighteners[/url] Casque de luxe de casque beats professionnels, Monster Beats Studiobrand sont le must, lorsque nous avons apprci notre temps en ligne. L'effet de son stro que ce que nous voyons et coutons nos ordinateurs deviennent plus clair et passionnant, de sorte que la rduction dpasse Dre beats sont comme les tudiants les meilleurs amis.

[url=http://cheapghdstraighteners2013.webs.com/]ghd hair straighteners[/url] Matris la mthode des quatre couteurs dentretien ci-dessus, peu importe quelle marque dcouteurs, afin dassurer la long vitde votre casque.

[url=http://cheapghdaustralia2013.weebly.com/]cheap ghd australia[/url] Grands couteurs de qualit. Bonnes basses, mdiums et aigus meilleure que celle du solo et mme de Solo HD de dcentes. Ils sont extr mement confortables, en fait tellement laise que si vous pouvez sentir, vous les portez en arrire. Seuls inconv nients sont quils fuient le son et sont trs coteux. Je les utilise pour le mixage montage et d'enregistrement avec mon groupe.

ghd Hair Straighteners
http://ghdflatirons.blogspot.com/
http://cheapghdaustralia.simpsite.nl/
http://cheapghdaustralia.manifo.com/
http://cheapghdaustralia5.webnode.es/
http://cheapghdaustralia.1minutesite.es
http://www.cheapghdaustralia.350.com/
http://ghdcheap.webgarden.com/
http://ghdcheap.jimdo.com/