As I've mentioned before, I hate text messaging because every time I'm forced to use it, I feel like a Japanese schoolgirl. All I need is a Picachu or a Hello Kitty knapsack and the transformation will be complete.
Screw that! I'm 37 years old. You want to send me a message? Pick up the phone and call me.
However, I've got an eclectic (ok...weird) set of friends. And most of them continue to text me because they know it annoys the crap out of me. As I was deleting the messages from my phone today, I uncovered some gems from the past year. Here are some of my favorites...
"Hamptons in a blackout. Send booze."
"THC seems to have had an effect (e or a?)...empirical evidence confirmed by my wife (your behavior, not mine) She says you're 'cute'."
"You still up, old man? I'm around the corner."
"Why does my bathroom smell like Shea Stadium?"
"Can you bring me a Starbucks skim vanilla latte? No, I'm not gay."
"Dirka Dirka...call u later...mad busy sucking the fat out of people."
"Happy New Year from HK! Do you have any resolutions yet? Eat more foie gras has potential."
"Why do I spend every night of my life at Soho House? Don't answer."
"Still in 1st stage of childbirth. Wife is cursing like a fucking motherfucker! Normal?"
"The Eagle has landed. Born 8:07 pm. 7 lb. 13 oz. Scorpio. Year of the cock. Player at Large!"
"U want the shortribs. U need the shortribs."
"Do me a favor. Find out the name of the actor who plays Bunk on The Wire. He's in the bathroom stall next to me!"
"The butler didn't do it."
"Pendaison de cremaillere, bitch!"
"I like poo. Do you?"
"There are no Jewish girls in Wisconsin."
"Ninjas killed my family. Need money for karate lessons."
What's the most random text message that YOU ever received? An inquiring mind wants to know.
*By the way, the idea of posting my text messages came from the indomitable Sarah Brown, who if you're not reading already, you really should be. Have a nice weekend, everyone! Seacrest out!