Mommy Dearest

Over the past six months, the Peanut has been treating me as if I were the living embodiment of Christmas, Elmo, and an all-you-can-eat ice cream buffet. 

When she woke up in the morning, she demanded that I be the one who got her out of the crib, changed her diaper, and dressed her.  When she hurt her knee at the playground, it was me that she always came running to.  When she was hungry, only I was allowed to prepare her dinner and feed her.  And every day, all she ever wanted to do was hang out with me. 

Man, is there any greater feeling than the complete and unadulterated love of a child?  I was on top of the world.

While I felt badly for the BossLady, I couldn't help but take some pleasure and satisfaction from the fact that the Peanut's universe revolved around me.  In some way, I felt that this was perfectly natural and actually SHOULD be the state of things. 

After all, I was the one who came home early every day to play with the Peanut.  I was the one who read to her before bath time.  I was the one who made all the fun bubbles in the tub.  And I was the one who cooked her meals and fed her every night.  Why shouldn't I be her favorite parent?  It made perfect sense to me.

Internet...those days are over!

Right now, the Peanut's sun, moon and stars all revolve around the BossLady.  It's mama THIS or mama THAT.  Without a doubt, mommy is the new and improved center of the Peanut's universe and she wants absolutely nothing to do with daddy any more.  All of sudden, I'm like the bubonic plague.  Now, she actually pushes me out of the way so that she can go hug and kiss the BossLady! 

The whole transition occurred so quickly, I'm not even sure what happened.  My head is still spinning from the demotion. 

The hardest part of dealing with my recent change of status is the fact that I am a seriously competitive bastard.  I don't like being second in anything.  To quote the famous faux-Nascar philosopher Rickey Bobby, "If you ain't first, you're last."

Now, I'm man enough to admit that I was filled with jealousy, confusion, envy, bitterness and bewilderment that I had suddenly been displaced as the Peanut's #1 fan.  When the fuck did they send out THAT memo?  Man, this was horrible!  I didn't like these new feelings at all and I was ready to break out ALL the tricks to remedy the situation quickly...giant piles of chocolate chip cookies, huge fountains of strawberry milk, unlimited quantities of Elmo juice.  Hell, I even started surfing the internet to try and find the nearest pony dealer. 

Thankfully, I regained my senses.  After all, if parenthood has taught me anything, it's that everything I do is for the benefit of my daughter.  So, once again, I realized that I needed to change my perspective and alter my way of thinking.  I couldn't allow my sense of competitiveness to manifest itself.  If I followed that evil path, I'd end up doing something destructive like bribing the Peanut for her affections (a path I definitely didn't want to go down.)  I also couldn't allow bruised feelings or parental snubs to alter my opinions, my emotions, or my feelings about her.  If I couldn't handle her little baby snub now, how would I deal later when she's an obnoxious teenager chucking telephones at me and yelling that I'm "the world's worst father?"  Clearly, I needed to get a better emotional perspective on things. 

Besides, it wasn't that long ago that BossLady had been in MY shoes.  And, sure, I tried to understand what my lovely wife was saying about not feeling loved by the Peanut.  It's just that, like going to watch the Knicks play, you don't really know how horrible the situation is until you see for yourself. 

Of course, I probably didn't help matters for the BossLady by constantly running around the apartment with the Peanut on my shoulders yelling, "I'm #1!  I'm #1!"

However, there was an instance last week when I had a true moment of clarity.  The Peanut, once again, snubbed me and quickly ran over to give the BossLady a giant two-handed neck hug (always the best kind.)  Then, the Peanut planted a big, wet, sloppy kiss on the BossLady's cheek.  As I witnessed the two of them sitting together, holding hands and singing, I saw a look of sheer joy on my beautiful wife's face that I'd never seen before.  It seemed as if every fiber of her being had been filled with the rapture that came from knowing that the Peanut's universe now revolved around her and that her daughter really, truly loved her!  The moment may have only lasted for a nanosecond but I immediately knew, right there and then, that not only would I never again try to compete for my daughter's affections but also that I would do anything in the world to see that look of joy on my wife's face forever. 

Hell, I would die to see that look on her face forever.   

Anyway, like my man L.L. Cool J says, I know I'll be back on top sometime again.  Besides, as they say in the fashion biz, everything old eventually comes back in style again at one point or another. 

Right? 

Hello? 

Anyone? 

Ahhh...fuck it!  Have fun, BossLady and Peanut.  If you need me, I'll be on the couch.

 

Comments

[Luper]

Very nice, MD. I enjoyed this post, and I would and could comment further on its narrative content, but, um, what's up with the two end parentheticals outside the end stops?

[ShotgunDaddy]

Sadly, there is nothing more fickle than a toddler, especially when it comes to picking favorites. I remember those days well...

And since Luper mentioned the parenthetical errors, I don't feel bad in mentioning another issue. When you said, "I felt badly for the BossLady," I'm sure you meant, "I felt bad for the BossLady," right? (Sorry, it's a hang-up I have.)

Finally, I love that picture. It should hang in your home forever.

[David]

I've just got back from my parents. My mum won everytime with my kids. She gave them pocket money every single day.

[panthergirl]

Aw man.... now you go and post ANOTHER Perfect Post!

Don''t worry, MD. This stuff yo-yos back and forth until the teenage years, when she'll hate you both equally. ;)

What a gorgeous photo of the two of them, seriously!!

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Just in time for football season.

I love that picture.

[Mom101]

This is awesome MD. I love that seeing your wife happy makes you so happy. But you have yet to experience the day that both of you come second. Oh yes. I'm talking about the grandparents...

[Janet]

That was wonderful. And your BossLady and Peanut are positively gorgeous! They are both very lucky to have you. Don't worry, Peanut will give you both equal time in the hating department when she gets older...Enjoy every two-handed hug while you can.

[Waya]

When I saw the title of this post, all I can think of is Faye Dunaway screaming with bulging eyes "WIRE HANGERS! WIRE HANGERS!!" but that couldn't be your BossLady.

Both BossLadies are very lovely btw!

And I almost got all "verklempt" over the part where you described BossLady's "sheer look of joy" with Peanut. I know that look when my hubbie stares hypnotically into his little princess' face. Ahhhh!!

[landismom]

Great photograph. And don't worry, you won't have to wait until the teen years to be hated simultaneously, if my experience is any guide.

[Velma]

Just stay on the balls of your feet, man. That intensely focused beam of love will whip back around to you sometime. If you aren't prepared, you may not respond quickly enough and then back to Boss Lady the love will flow. You've got to grab it when you can!

[Mother]

At least you're not going "Your daddy made you that bowl of cereal..."

Yeah. That works great with a 2 year old. :)

[Pickle's Papa]

Rejection from your child and a lack of scotch - I'm glad I dont work with you. You're probably the guy pacing in circles talking to himself these days, huh?

[Xdm]

We used to screw with the dog by dragging treats up and down, "You love Mommy best, don't you?" Yeeeeeees! updownupdownupdown like she was nodding. Do you love Daddy? Noooo... (Leftrightleftrightleftright like she was shaking her head.) People would say, ihope you guys don't do that to your kid! We used, to when he couldn't understand, but know we're trying to be more careful in vying for his affection. :-)

[Lena]

Damn, is there anything sexier than a man who loves his wife and kids so much? I wish my husband were half as sensitive and emotionally connected as you, MD!

[Leora]

The Bosslady and Peanut are gorgeous, MD. That photo is wonderful. I can see why they both have you wrapped around their little fingers.

[William]

Just how do you make all those bubbles in the tub?

Two Beautiful ladies in that picture.

[Brianna]

You've got yourself two beautiful ladies md : )

[Chris]

Hey! No fair getting me all misty eyed at work!

[daddy in a strange land]

Heh. As a SAHD, I'm used to everything becoming mommycentric as soon as she gets home, since she's not home during the day. But, The Pumpkin's added a messed-up new twist this week--as soon as I approach them (at the bathtub, changing a diaper), she starts a long chorus of "Nooo, Daddy!" Okay, I get it--you don't have to add the not-okay hitting and pushing--now I know how the dog feels ("Noooo, Waldo!").

[Kvetch]

Being #1 can be exhausting -- enjoy the break. And the photo -- I say frame it so they BOTH remember this special time.

[Anne Glamore]

That photo is priceless AND BossLady's sunglasses ROCK.

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

Ah, how I remember that stage.

Electra / Oedipus, Electra / Oedipus. What's it going to be today?

[Mama Nabi]

As I am currently #1, I felt a twinge of impending doom as I read this... Sure, it'd be great to see the pure joy in PN's eyes - no, scratch that. Screw the pure joy. I will prevail!!! Actually, not being a competitive bastard, I feel guilty when LN protests with big crocodile tears when I hand her over to PN to do something I usually do for her. So, just for alleviating guilt purposes, I think I wouldn't mind if PN were to become #1... for a short period of time, of course.

Beautiful girls... what a great photo!

[mrsfortune]

Maybe the boss lady is slipping her oreos when you're not looking?

Or maybe she's just a fickle 2-year old. I like to think I'm above competition for baby's attention but I'll admit I'm totally not. I know. I suck.

[teri]

simply precious. they are girls and we girls stick together. she'll always be daddy's little girl, though.

Enjoy it while you can Metrodad.

[metro mama]

Oh, don't worry. These babes are fickle--you'll be back on top before you know it. Papa and I have been up and down a couple of times already.

[the mad momma]

Well the Brat yo-yos between the OA and me... we both have our day in the sun and its slightly easier to deal with it now that we are used to it. for months daddy was his darling and I would consider holding back a feed!!!

[Brent]

I hear you, MD. I'm going on about a 10-month streak where I can't get any love from my daughter. Like you, the change came fast and quick. It kills me! Hopefully, I'll be back on top soon too.

[Lily]

Now we see where the Peanut gets her good lucks from, MD! Just kidding. You really do have two lovely ladies. That's a great photo.

[JJ Daddy-O]

For out little girl, first it was all Daddy, then it was all Mommy, now she just tries to play us off against each other. Can law school be far behind?

[Big Pumpkin]

Your girls are beautiful....you are one lucky man!

In our household, the little pumpkin wavers between anyone who'll give her HER way. The moment my voice is stern, she becomes Daddy's sweetest girl. The moment Daddy doesn't allow her more candy, she runs off to Nana (cuz she knows Mummy won't give it either). Sometimes she even makes the maid her number 1 (thankfully, that doesn't last).

So I need to brush up on reading a politician.

[Henri]

Hey focus on the positive. I don't think of myself as below my wife on the favorites list (I am). I think of everyone I'm above. My kid loves me less than Mom but more than:

the cat
MetroDad
the mailman (who my kid suspiciously resembles)
the neighbor
Tad
the wiggles
avacados
Tiger Woods (close)
crumply paper
rocks

oh and I've recently tied our nanny (YES!)

um tied as in came in a tie..not like um yeah you know.

[KC]

That is really sweet and touching.

As a mama who only recently started being the recipient of two-handed neck hugs, I'll enjoy it for as long as it lasts!

[hilary]

When I'm the golden one- I call it the mamma wave and I like to ride it high. Of course the following week I'm chopped liver and Dadda is the star. Hmmm...I wander if it aligns with full moons or the planet rotations?

[hilary]

When I'm the golden one- I call it the mamma wave and I like to ride it high. Of course the following week I'm chopped liver and Dadda is the star. Hmmm...I wander if it aligns with full moons or the planet rotations?

[Ian]

You're the man, MD. It takes a real solid guy to put his feelings aside for the betterment of his child and his wife. It's what being a husband and father is all about.

Don't worry about the current lack of affection from your peanut. You and your wife will alternate being her favorites for...well, forever.

[Mike]

So is there anyone in the MetroFamily that doesn't have great hair? Like maybe MetroDog at least? I mean, what the hell?! Throw the coif- challenged a frickin' bone already. :)

Seriously, what a wonderful picture of the two central ladies in your life. They are really beautiful. And for what it's worth, I've lost count of the number of times the toddler parent-preference pendulum has swung in our household.
Now go get yourselves a hairless cat (MetroBigglesworth?)and appease the Gods of Equitable Mane Distribution.

[V~]

And just in time for football season! Consider yourself double blessed...

[Mike]

You'll still be there, but only for the stressful times. Meeting the first punk boyfriend, bad grades, first time she gets her hands on the credit card. When she calls you around 4 AM from some Flushing sooljip because she snuck out with the punk boyfriend. Instead of state school on a full ride, she wants to go to one of the Seven Sisters.

Her wedding. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I wonder how men even pay for weddings.

Have a boy soon, this way you can play Madden until you're 60.

[Wendy Boucher]

What a great post. It took me right back in time. Girlie went through mom-no-dad-no-mom -no-dad cycles too. I guess they all do it. Now she's older and smarter and plays us off of each other.

[Binky]

My daughter would throw both me and her dad in front of a bus if it meant another moment with her nana. Sometimes I feel grossly inferior, but mostly I feel lucky.

[JJ Daddy-O]

Plus, I have to say, I didn't realize until I saw this great pic that you are married to Jackie O.

[Melissa]

Very cool post and I love the picture. MD- As the mom of two, I will promise you that it goes back and forth for quite a while. In fact right now, I am Nata's favorite and Hubby is Maya's favorite. But it does change often.

Hey all you need to do is have another and you will almost always know you are loved. :)

[Melissa]

Oh but I will say, no matter what, if my mom is in the room, she is always Maya's favorite. Always. Even if I am holding strawberry ice cream with sprinkles.

[LeeMarvin]

Great picture and post, MD.

Enjoy the peace now, cause it's a whole new level when the second one comes...and it's a boy!

[mamazilla]

*sigh* i remember when my daughter and i were INSEPARABLE. i felt bad and kinda guilty that my husband hadn't bonded with her like i had. and then the day came, when she spoke her first word, "DADA". my husband still likes to throw that one up in my face along with some strange touchdown dance. so secretly, i sing the usc fight song to my son (husband is ucla alum). :) mwahahahahaha!!!!

[Vampdaddy]

Vampbaby has always been "my little guy", and I've witnessed the struggle that Vampmommy has with it. He hasn't yet transitioned over to treating her as top banana (whih is odd, under our current circumstances, since she's with him much, much more often), but I hope it happens soon. As much as I'd struggle with the demotion, the look of joy that Bosslady had is one I'd like to see on my lady!

[Deanna]

They look so great together! Don't worry, soon the Peanut will realize her power and start trying to play the two of you off each other, and then your competitive spirit can re-assert itself. By the way, this is why you have a second kid - one for each of you!

[Pattie]

Great post, and the beautiful photo perfectly illustrates it.

[IFLYG]

Wow - what a great pic!