Why BlogHim wouldn't be such a good idea...

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In honor of the fact that the 2nd annual BlogHer conference starts in 5 days, I thought I'd re-post this entry from a year ago.  It was originally written after the close of last year's conference. 

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As many of you know, this past weekend marked the inaugural BlogHer conference, an event designed to provide an open forum in which to discuss the role of women within the larger blogging community, to examine the developing code of blogger ethics, and to discover how blogging is amplifying the voice of women worldwide.  All worthy causes and it seemed the event was a phenomenal success.  Female bloggers from around the world were able to not only coalesce as a group but also, as my friend Laid-Off Dad put it, "to name each other's knockers." 

But all kidding aside, a small part of me was a little jealous that some of my favorite bloggers gathered in one place for a long weekend.  I would have liked to meet some of the amazing female bloggers that I read on a regular basis.  But aside from that, I think the fact that a group of women could multilaterally mobilize and organize such a prodigious event is truly a testament to the amazing organizational fortitude of women as a whole. 

You think male bloggers could ever organize an event like this? 

I think the planning of it would be so chaotic and comical that it would almost be worth it to try and organize one just to watch the fireworks.  Personally, here's how I think a male blogging conference would work out...

The two aspects of planning BlogHim that would actually NOT be controversial are location and date.  These are no brainers.  Location?  Vegas.  Date?  Super Bowl Weekend.  Done.  And whereas the women were able to double up and share rooms at one of the 24 hotels servicing the conference, I'm thinking that all the guys could chip in some dough so we could get the Rainman Suite at Caesars. 

The women were organized enough to get corporate sponsors like Nokia, Red Herring, Technorati, Yahoo & Google.  However, I'll bet that the guys would be happy with a couple free cases of Bud Light and the chicks from Hooters.  Because as all guys know, corporate sponsors are for pussies!  Screw The Man!

BlogHer featured an impressive array of symposiums, including "When Globalization is Good for Women," "Blogging for Business," "Mommy Blogging," and "Minority Female Bloggers."  I don't even know how we would begin to organize an agenda for men.  What would it include?  "Blogging Apparel:  Boxers or Briefs?"  "BWI: Blogging While Intoxicated"?  Or maybe "When Worlds Collide: Blogging & Internet Porn"?

What I really admire about BlogHer is that the women bloggers were all so supportive of one another.  Unfortunately, there's no way that you could put several hundred male bloggers in a room together without some sort of competition starting.  Because ladies, if you've ever wondered why your husband's business conferences always include a round of golf, it's because testosterone needs an outlet.  Take away the golf aspect and you'll have a few hundred guys having a drinking contest or starting a food fight.  Don't over think it and wonder why.  It's just how we are. 

Furthermore, you can't put that many men in a room together without a few dozen arguments starting.  That's another indisputable fact.  Men like to argue.  It's nothing personal.  We just like to do it.  Women don't like to argue.  They like to reach consensus.  That's what I love about women. 

But what I love about men is that we'll never shy away from a good argument.  We can spend hours debating anything.  Will Griffey make it to the Hall of Fame?  Is Ashley Simpson hotter than Jessica?  Could Batman kick Jet Li's ass?  Ford or Chevy?  Because men will argue about anything, it's hard to imagine exactly what the controversy would be at a male blogger conference.  But make no mistake, there would be one. 

At the end of BlogHer, it seems that on-line friendships ventured into the real world.  Lifelong relationships were formed, heartfelt hugs were exchanged and tears flowed freely with laughter. 

At BlogHim, I think guys would exchange e-mail addresses (so we could send each other funny photos) and possibly cell-phone numbers.  But tears?  Hugging?  I don't think so.  As guys know, there is still a lot of controversy surrounding the etiquette of the man-hug..  To be on the safe side, I think we'd all just high-five one another and go our separate ways.  We'd say that we'd keep in touch but, within a few months, we'd find a business card in our wallet, look at it, wonder who the bozo was that gave it to you, and then chuck it in the trash.

So unfortunately, I think the only way that a BlogHim conference could ever take shape is if some women organized it on our behalf and kept us in line.  Since that's not likely to ever happen, I'll just take pride in the fact that so many women were able to organize something as cool as BlogHer.  Like I said, there's a part of me that's very jealous that they all had this great opportunity to meet and come together.  And though they did open the conference to men, I was surprised to see that so many men actually did attend.  I was thinking about attending too...but then my balls dropped.  (Seriously, fellas, what would compel you to attend a conference for women named BlogHer?)      

Anyway, kudos to you women for having the wherewithal to pull off such an event.  Guys, we've got to get our shit together and organize a similar event.  Any volunteers? 

Hello? 

Anyone? 

Bueller? 

Awww....fuck it.

To all those attending BlogHer this weekend, have an excellent time.  I expect full updates and detailed reports.  And if any pillow fights or jello wrestling matches happen to break out, please be sure to send photos!

Comments

[William]

Seriously, would the wives of us married bloggers actually let us go?

[candace]

If my husband blogged I'd totally encourage him to go to BlogHim.

I wish I was going to BlogHer...maybe next year.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I told Gabe last night that if I were going to BlogHim I wouldn't be nearly as worried about what to wear. I'd just pack jeans and my Bucs jersey.

[Waya]

Vegas, Hooters, Rainman suite...classy men style. Gotta love you neanderthals, I mean men!

Don't sell yourself short MD, I'm sure if anybody can organize such an event for you men, it would be YOU!

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Let's be frank.

You'd all be comparing penises.

Ha.

Sorry. It's the hormones.

[Ian]

Griffey will definitely make it to the Hall. Jessica is hotter than Ashley. Batman would beat up Jet Li. Ford.

[liberalbanana]

Yeah, I can't see a BlogHim happening either. You're right on with all of your points... Although if the women got together and said something like "You're right, men could never organize something like BlogHer!" in all honesty? I bet you'd take it up as a challenge and get your asses in gear. As you said, men like competitions!

[Hygiene Dad]

Could we get the Christian Bale Batman as our keynote? I'm totally in.

I would think a sponsor would jump on something like this.

[Pattie Lee]

Dang--I'm missing the BlogHer conference this year. Hopefully I can make it next year.

I think you should have BossLady organize BlogHim. She'd keep all you guys in line.

As for Batman vs. Jet Li, which Batman? Keaton, Kilmer, or Bale? Because if it's Bale, I'm siding with him. If only because he's the hottest Batman ever.

[Melissa]

I loved this post the first time and I still love it. I'm not going, I'll have to read about it later, just like you will.

[samantha campen]

Great post MD!

You also know there would be lots of grunting, scratching, and bodily functions flying all over the place as well, right?

That conference would smell, man. Whew.

[Tony]

"You think male bloggers could ever organize an event like this?"

Nope. Workers from Las Vegas businesses like Hooters, Golf Courses, and Cheetahs would need to be keynote speakers and sponsors.

Seriously, I think it will happen eventually alongside BlogHer (at the nearby Hometown Buffet or Sizzler...)

[Mike]

It would work in Vegas.

It so would.

[dutch from sweet juniper]

Ironically, this year laid off dad is going to BlogHer. and he's sleeping on my living room floor.

[Mega Mom]

The only part I dispute is the competitive thing. A while back Amalah posted about some kind of crazy cart races at her old job. I remember MANY of us saying we'd love to do a competitive thing at BlogHer. I grew up with 3 brothers and have been dubbed "All About The Competition". (Whether it is Euchre or Beach Volleyball, I'm game Man!)

I am putting together a Mini BlogHim/Her in NYC in early August. So far it is you, me and BossLady if you're game.
(*aside-- what is your stance on commas before the word and? Do you think I should have added one after the word me in the previous sentence? I've always believed it was optional*)
Unfortunately I can't put it together b/c my lame ass has barely seen NYC since the mid-90's and I'd probably try to take us to Hogs N' Heifers or something that stopped being cool many moons ago. I'll get on the planning when I return.

We'll be raising a glass to you!

[Vampdaddy]

I used to plan conferences for a living -- but BlogHim does sound like too out-of-my-league. Besides, I suck at paint ball, and that would have to be on the agenda (or some other war-game)!

[Her Bad Mother]

It's the etiquette of the hug that dooms the project from the start. BlogHer is one big lovey group hug for girls. MAYBE with kissing. The may be that the only truly comparable thing, for men who fear hugs but not penile competition, is a circle jerk-off (with prizes!)

It's hard to get sponsors for that.

[Marty]

Can't anyone put together a Bloghim conference? We don't even need speakers just strippers, booze, and gambling. Las Vegas definitely!

[concha]

i'd totally rather go to blogHim than blogHer. just saying.

(and what's up with the pun? shame.)

[David]

You seriously want me to blow my entire holiday budget attending a conference attended by nothing but other men?

[Maniacal]

Ummmm can I come to bloghim? Vegas, superbowl sunday with beer? I'm so there!!

[Velma]

I love your description of a future BlogHim conference, but I think you are missing a crucial element: grilled meat.

Also? Christian Bale is haaaaawwwt.

[IFLYG]

A "BlogHim" conference would be an excellent idea, but we'd need a new name...I'm thinking along the lines of "Men's Online Fraternal Organisation", or MOFO.

[Kaz]

Women think men would get together and compare penises. It just isn't true. Somehow, last month, we wound up with our friend bringing his girlfriend to our monthly poker game.

About halfway through, one of us guys said to her, "sorry to disappoint you, but this is what guys do when they get together - fart and talk about farting."

And, I'm sorry, but men would never call their conference "BlogHim" - too lame. Or, if someone DID organize a "BlogHim" conference, we'd beat him up.

[Phat Daddy]

Hell...we have trouble organizing a whiskey tasting. I think logistically there is no way us XYs could pull off BlogHim.

[Chocolate Makes It Better]

Mate, i'm pretty sure this is the first post I ever read of yours.

Has it been that long allready???

[Devra]

MetroDad,
If you send me your underwear, I'll make sure they get up a flagpole at the Hyatt. I promise.

[zygote daddy]

First of all, MOFO is the best organizational acronym EVER. Also, "BlogHer" obviously works as a pun, but "BlogHim" is like a second-degree play on words (or something), which doesn't quite make sense on its own. Sorry, man. But then again, who the fuck would think "Amazon" would be a good name for an online bookstore? So what the fuck do I know?

Yeah, don't answer that...

[matt]

I don't know. There would definitely be a lot of farting. Although, I think there are enough blogging dad's around that are serious about being fathers, feel strongly abour father/ parent issues, and how blogging has helped and supported many of us in the change of a social paradigm. We are a byproduct of the women's movement and are redefining what it is to be a man and a father. So, at the very least we could get together and have some engaging conversation over some pretzels, strippers, and beer.

I'm sticking with Bloghermaphrodaddy.

The problem is we don't seem to have the realtime connection. I don't see many SAHD play groups if any and most of the guys I meet while out with their kids aren't exactly conversationalists or very proud of being there at all. Perhaps there is a need for a Bloghim sort of thing, but I wonder how many dads would actually show up. You can count me in though...just not for the impetus. I have a hard enough time just keeping a blog.

[Mom101]

This is fantastic! And Gawd, so true. The first thing Nate said to me was "why the hell isn't it in Vegas? What are you going to do all weekend anyway?"

I told him, "braid each other's hair and have pillow fights in our nighties." I forgot to mention boob naming.

Like you guys don't have names for your naughty bits. Hm.

[dutch from sweet juniper]

I don't believe Devra for a second.

[The Zero Boss]

The hugging protocol is easy: A-frame hugs all the way around. The A-frame is the standard homophobic hug, and is perfect for a room of heterogenous heterosexual guys.

Besides, we'd be in Vegas. Built-in hetero cover story!

I'm sure we could pull off the logistics. I mean, hell, we've run major corporations for over a hundred years without the help of women!

[ducks]

[Devra]

Dutch, I am a woman of my word. Metro didn't send me the goods. My street cred is now in disarray.

BlogHer is in Chicago in 07. Metrodad, you have a year to get me your undies or I fear Dutch will be calling me out again and putting my street cred to question.