Over the course of my 37 years on this planet, I've generally learned how to take life's little annoyances in stride. I try not to get worked up about things that are beyond my control and I like to think that I'm as cool as a cucumber when it comes to keeping life in perspective. Because no matter what happens to me, I always remember that, at the very least, I'm not a starving orphan in Cambodia and also I have great hair.
However, I'll be honest with all of you. Last week kicked my ass.
Not to bore you with the tedious details but last week was a non-stop cycle of petty annoyances. Our car got a flat tire, the CD player stopped working and the engine oil light wouldn't shut off. Of course, the car has some special tire that's only available at the dealership two hours away from NYC. The A/C unit in our bedroom blew out and the stifling heat in the apartment forced me to sleep on the couch. If the repairman can't fix it, a new one is going to set me back over $1,500. Meanwhile, sleeping on the couch gave me a sore back and a pinched nerve in my neck. Our home phone went down because we signed up for Vonage in order to save some money and not only does their equipment suck ass but also their customer service reps are completely useless. To top it all off, I was having some headaches at work, BossLady was PMS'ing, and the Peanut decided that dinner no longer fit into her plans.
Thank God for The Doctor!
As I've mentioned before, The Doctor is one of my oldest and closest friends and I love him like a brother. When we were little kids, we would often sit on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, eat ice cream cones, and talk about our futures. Me? I either wanted to be the shortstop for the NY Mets, a professional race car driver or a college professor, and I also wanted to spend most of my free time sailing around the world . The Doctor? He wanted to work his ass off, pursue a career in medicine, build a successful practice, and become the top cosmetic dermatologist in New York City.
Usually, whenever he said something like this, I'd punch him in the arm and yell, "LOSER!"
Needless to say, The Doctor followed his plan and has become extremely successful. I'm incredibly proud of him and, having witnessed his hard work and sacrifices over the years, I think he deserves all the rewards that come his way. Though the two of us remain as close today as we've ever been, our lifestyles are fairly different.
For example, this past weekend, The Doctor invited us to stay at his house in the Hamptons. While BossLady, the Peanut and I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic and drove for nearly 4 hours, The Doctor jumped in a helicoptor and made the journey in 20 minutes (29 minutes if you count the time it took for him to drive his Bentley Continental GT from the helipad to his beach house.)
However, once we arrived at The Doctor's house, all our stresses slipped away. We quickly put the Peanut to bed and enjoyed a fabulous meal prepared by The Doctor's lovely wife, Di. We cracked open some wine, dusted off a bottle of vodka, laughed a lot, and talked until late into the evening. In fact, for the next few days, we did very little besides eat, sleep, go to the beach, and chill out. Lather, rinse, repeat. The whole weekend was fantastic and we couldn't have been with more gracious hosts.
Unfortunately, it's back to the grind and the sobering reality of the work week. Accuweather says the "Real Feel" temperature in NYC today is going to be 1080. So while I try to cool off my stinky feet, I'll leave you with the following thoughts that crossed my mind this past weekend:
1. Never drink a cocktail in a hammock while your infant daughter is trying to blow bubbles at you and chase butterflies at the same time.
2. When wearing linen pants, shake twice after peeing.
3. Don't give peppered beef jerky to a 21-month-old child unless you want to spend the next 20 minutes on the Long Island Expressway listening to what sounds like Mozart's Die Zauberflote being performed by an orchestra of cats who are in the process of being euthanized.
4. I have completely lost the ability to smoke weed. I smoked a few hits on Friday night and the next morning, I felt like I'd ingested a bottle of Sudafed and been subjected to the Chinese water torture.
5. Is there anything cuter in the world than seeing two little kids hug and kiss each other?
6. Real men barbecue with charcoal. Period.
7. There are very few things more therapeutic than a long weekend with friends. Three days without talking about work, life's daily stresses and the damn A/C unit are almost enough to make you forget those problems exist. Almost.
8. If any of you are in the NYC-area and need some cosmetic work or dermatological surgery, be sure to go see The Doctor. His reputation in the the field is exemplary and his work is extraordinary. If you do go visit his practice, be sure to tell him that MetroDad sent you. He said if I sent him 100 patients, he'd let me wash his Bentley. Whassup, Doc!
Stay cool, people. Stay cool.