Over the course of my 37 years on this planet, I've generally learned how to take life's little annoyances in stride. I try not to get worked up about things that are beyond my control and I like to think that I'm as cool as a cucumber when it comes to keeping life in perspective. Because no matter what happens to me, I always remember that, at the very least, I'm not a starving orphan in Cambodia and also I have great hair.
However, I'll be honest with all of you. Last week kicked my ass.
Not to bore you with the tedious details but last week was a non-stop cycle of petty annoyances. Our car got a flat tire, the CD player stopped working and the engine oil light wouldn't shut off. Of course, the car has some special tire that's only available at the dealership two hours away from NYC. The A/C unit in our bedroom blew out and the stifling heat in the apartment forced me to sleep on the couch. If the repairman can't fix it, a new one is going to set me back over $1,500. Meanwhile, sleeping on the couch gave me a sore back and a pinched nerve in my neck. Our home phone went down because we signed up for Vonage in order to save some money and not only does their equipment suck ass but also their customer service reps are completely useless. To top it all off, I was having some headaches at work, BossLady was PMS'ing, and the Peanut decided that dinner no longer fit into her plans.
Thank God for The Doctor!
As I've mentioned before, The Doctor is one of my oldest and closest friends and I love him like a brother. When we were little kids, we would often sit on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, eat ice cream cones, and talk about our futures. Me? I either wanted to be the shortstop for the NY Mets, a professional race car driver or a college professor, and I also wanted to spend most of my free time sailing around the world . The Doctor? He wanted to work his ass off, pursue a career in medicine, build a successful practice, and become the top cosmetic dermatologist in New York City.
Usually, whenever he said something like this, I'd punch him in the arm and yell, "LOSER!"
Needless to say, The Doctor followed his plan and has become extremely successful. I'm incredibly proud of him and, having witnessed his hard work and sacrifices over the years, I think he deserves all the rewards that come his way. Though the two of us remain as close today as we've ever been, our lifestyles are fairly different.
For example, this past weekend, The Doctor invited us to stay at his house in the Hamptons. While BossLady, the Peanut and I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic and drove for nearly 4 hours, The Doctor jumped in a helicoptor and made the journey in 20 minutes (29 minutes if you count the time it took for him to drive his Bentley Continental GT from the helipad to his beach house.)
However, once we arrived at The Doctor's house, all our stresses slipped away. We quickly put the Peanut to bed and enjoyed a fabulous meal prepared by The Doctor's lovely wife, Di. We cracked open some wine, dusted off a bottle of vodka, laughed a lot, and talked until late into the evening. In fact, for the next few days, we did very little besides eat, sleep, go to the beach, and chill out. Lather, rinse, repeat. The whole weekend was fantastic and we couldn't have been with more gracious hosts.
Unfortunately, it's back to the grind and the sobering reality of the work week. Accuweather says the "Real Feel" temperature in NYC today is going to be 1080. So while I try to cool off my stinky feet, I'll leave you with the following thoughts that crossed my mind this past weekend:
1. Never drink a cocktail in a hammock while your infant daughter is trying to blow bubbles at you and chase butterflies at the same time.
2. When wearing linen pants, shake twice after peeing.
3. Don't give peppered beef jerky to a 21-month-old child unless you want to spend the next 20 minutes on the Long Island Expressway listening to what sounds like Mozart's Die Zauberflote being performed by an orchestra of cats who are in the process of being euthanized.
4. I have completely lost the ability to smoke weed. I smoked a few hits on Friday night and the next morning, I felt like I'd ingested a bottle of Sudafed and been subjected to the Chinese water torture.
5. Is there anything cuter in the world than seeing two little kids hug and kiss each other?
6. Real men barbecue with charcoal. Period.
7. There are very few things more therapeutic than a long weekend with friends. Three days without talking about work, life's daily stresses and the damn A/C unit are almost enough to make you forget those problems exist. Almost.
8. If any of you are in the NYC-area and need some cosmetic work or dermatological surgery, be sure to go see The Doctor. His reputation in the the field is exemplary and his work is extraordinary. If you do go visit his practice, be sure to tell him that MetroDad sent you. He said if I sent him 100 patients, he'd let me wash his Bentley. Whassup, Doc!
Stay cool, people. Stay cool.
do you go commando?
Posted by: Anonymous | July 18, 2006 at 10:02 AM
I'm remember that whole linen/peeing thing.
And I've never smoked pot, but I do count on Sudafed regularly these days.
Posted by: Queen of Ass | July 18, 2006 at 10:05 AM
It's funny. My best friend from when I was younger ended up being one of those dot com billionaires. We always joked around about racing Ferraris when we were younger and now he's got 10 of them! To his credit though, he does let me wash them whenever I want.
Posted by: Brent | July 18, 2006 at 10:08 AM
Vonage does suck. Big time.
And it is hotter than Hades on the West Coast as well and we are all cranky and frowning and in need of The Doctor's skills...
Posted by: Kristin | July 18, 2006 at 10:36 AM
& omg...Dr. Frank is hot!
Posted by: Kristin | July 18, 2006 at 10:37 AM
Huh...I could use a little tuck so my gut doesn't hang over my belt velveeta on a grilled cheese sandwich. Maybe I'll give him a call.
Sorry you had such a shit-storm of a week. That's a pretty brutal run (esp. with the A/C and neck pinch...that wrecks the rest of the week) Hope it gets better.
And a helicopter? Seriously?
Posted by: CroutonBoy | July 18, 2006 at 11:22 AM
OMG..Dr Frank is hot....Wait a minute I didn't mean that. The picture of the Martini...looks good.
Posted by: William | July 18, 2006 at 11:57 AM
Hellipad!?!?!?!? hmmmph! If I had a Hellipad I would actually enjoy going to Long Island. But since I don't........The drive down there just kills me!
Sounded like fun though!
Posted by: Maniacal | July 18, 2006 at 12:10 PM
My best friend from youth who lives in the city finally flew abck to see his adoptive neice this weekend, and there is something so amazingly therapeudic about hanging around people that knew you 'before you or they were cool.' It astonishes me how little I have to prove and how him seeing my daughter mattered so much to me.
p.s. had a neighbor girl of two kiss The Pickle without instigation yesteday and I thought I was gonna cry it was so f'in cute.
Posted by: Pickle's Papa | July 18, 2006 at 01:04 PM
Great tips, especially the ones about the linen pants and cocktails.
Posted by: Working Dad | July 18, 2006 at 01:10 PM
I always heard that "shake it more than twice you're playing with it." (Still true in linen?)
Charcoal. Period. Agreed. I just got the husband the Webber Performer. Charcoal with a gas starter. DO IT.
Skin Schmin. I need boobs. Do you have any Dr. friends that can hook me up with some boobs?
Posted by: Xdm | July 18, 2006 at 01:28 PM
Hey, I'm sure he's a great doctor and friend, but his headshot on his website makes him look a little too much like that Dr. Julian guy on Nip/Tuck. He doesn't drive a Lamborghini too does he?
Posted by: JJ Daddy-O | July 18, 2006 at 01:40 PM
My closest friend now is a woman that I first met in 5th grade. It's truly amazing to have a friendship spanning so many years. Now, when I see our kids playing together and becoming close, it almost makes me cry from happiness.
Posted by: Leora | July 18, 2006 at 01:45 PM
Yes, Dr. Frank is definitely a good looking man. But his photo reminds me of Zoolander. Seriously. That's going to me laugh for the rest of the day, every time I think about it.
Also? His name, Dr. Frank, makes me feel like I'm calling him by his first name. Like on the Simpsons: "Hi, Dr. Nick!"
Posted by: Liberal Banana | July 18, 2006 at 02:06 PM
After perusing The Doctor's website, I'm a little jealous of that woman whose double chin he made go away! Sounds like you guys had a well-deserved break.
Posted by: Velma | July 18, 2006 at 02:19 PM
Wow! I thought you were hot with the hairdo, the skin and all MD but Dr. Frank is hot w/a capital H! Have to save up some $$ to see Dr. Frank soon. Yah right!!
Thanks for #5 on the list, have to let the hubbie know.
Posted by: Waya | July 18, 2006 at 02:31 PM
Vonage sucks! I had so much trouble with them and their customer service, I just cancelled the damn thing.
Glad you had a relaxing weekend. Can you believe how effing hot it is?
Posted by: Ian | July 18, 2006 at 02:40 PM
OMG--#4 is so true. I smoked weed at a party Saturday night for the first time in probably 6 years and it was just, eh. Maybe that's what happens when you have kids...
And like I mentioned in my blog this morning--foam ear plugs are the way to go when there are little screamers in the car!!!
Posted by: cul-de-sac confidential | July 18, 2006 at 02:43 PM
Dude, you spent the weekend in the Hamptons? Someone should really make a show out of your life.
Posted by: Melissa | July 18, 2006 at 02:56 PM
Seattle hasn't caught the heat wave yet, so my A/C lies idle. Wanna come over and use it, MD?
Oh, and #6 - true, and charcoal is better (IMO), but propane is faster, and when you're trying to feed hungry children with no concept of time, faster = better.
Posted by: Deanna | July 18, 2006 at 02:57 PM
Hey MD
My first comment here...I know you're a stickler for spelling/grammar so I thought I should alert you to an incorrect usage on the Doctor's site...he says "complimentary" when I think he means "complementary." (2nd paragraph or so). I trust you will pass this on!
Posted by: masey gray | July 18, 2006 at 03:55 PM
Sounds like a fabulous weekend. And the picture of the top is awesome. AWESOME, I say.
Posted by: Amy | July 18, 2006 at 04:13 PM
Metrodad, is Dr. Frank happy? He really is very good looking.
Posted by: | July 18, 2006 at 04:58 PM
A successful great-looking doctor who drives a Bentley and flies to the Hamptons in a helicoptor? Damn, my mother was right. I should have gone to med school!
Posted by: Raj | July 18, 2006 at 05:01 PM
OMG I hate Vonage. We had our phone number bumped from there almost a year ago and for some reason we are still paying them. Definately hate their customer service, worst ever.
Posted by: dear wife | July 18, 2006 at 06:10 PM
I feel you on the heat. It's sweltering here and we have no AC.
Hey, why don't you market an ice shirt and make a mint?
Posted by: the weirdgirl | July 18, 2006 at 06:25 PM
I absolutely agree with #7...friends ease the pain...
Posted by: IFLYG | July 18, 2006 at 06:37 PM
Man, did I choose the wrong group of friends growing up! My best friend catches nuisance animals (like if you have a raccoon that has made its way into your attic/house, he'll come and trap & remove that uninvited sucka). He's got his own business and making a good living, but he ain't fucking living in the Hamptons! Remember on The Office when Michael says you don't want to move into a neighborhood where you're the best looking one? I think the same applies to your circle of friends - you don't want to be the most successful one either!
Posted by: Baun | July 18, 2006 at 06:59 PM
Yeah, all of that sounds just about right. Except for #2 - I don't know from shaking dry.
But the rest of it, yep. Sounds right.
Posted by: Her Bad Mother | July 18, 2006 at 08:52 PM
Wow. Why don't I have a best friend with a house in the Hamptons? Sounds like a great weekend!
Posted by: landismom | July 18, 2006 at 10:01 PM
Wait ... are you trying to say I'm fat? With #8 I mean??? I thought we were friends, MD. Eff you.
Just kidding. Gah! If green is truly the color of jealousy than I am a shade of puce and half right now. What a paradisical (is that a word?) weekend.
Posted by: mrsfortune | July 18, 2006 at 10:56 PM
I thought my week sucked until I read about yours. But then I read that you went to the Hamptons and lived the high life this weekend, and now I feel conflicted about how much sympathy to feel. ;-)
Posted by: Kristen | July 18, 2006 at 11:39 PM
Wash rinse AND repeat?
No wonder you have great hair!
Posted by: Chocolate Makes It Better | July 19, 2006 at 12:48 AM
Dr. Frank went to Vassar? What was their BCS ranking last year? That's what I'm talking about.
I went to visit my best friend Aiello last weekend. He lives in a treehouse with his pet Llama and a couch he found on the street. We ate Cup O Noodles and bummed rides to the beach from gypsies he knew in the Haight. It was 47 degrees at the beach in SF - in the sun.
Sounds just like your weekend.
Posted by: MetroDude | July 19, 2006 at 02:39 AM
Yeah, Dr Frank sure is hot! I'm glad you had a wonderful time at the beach house!
Posted by: Eunice | July 19, 2006 at 07:38 AM
Will keep #1 in mind... #2 on the other hand, I think I'll stick to wiping, thank you. On second thought, I guess I could give a couple of shakes, for no apparent reason. Ditto on #4 - is it old age? Don't know how old hippies still keep it up. Ah, #6... I totally agree - PN and I ended up getting that Weber charcoal-gas grill: ignite with gas, cook with charcoal... best of both worlds! #5... nope, there isn't! Kids are so uninhibited with affection, it's too damn beautiful. When insurance starts paying for cosmetic work, I will make sure I pay The Doctor a visit... oh, and here's a thought: All I know about the Hamptons (is it just "Hamptons" or "'the' Hamptons??), I learned from that episode of Seinfeld in which George lies to Susan's parents about having a place in the Hamptons. Lame, no?
Posted by: Mama Nabi | July 19, 2006 at 10:13 AM
Oh yeah, that linen pants thing is for real. Mama just got me some with the new guayaberas she got me, and they do come with laundry instructions, but no reminder about the peeing/shaking thing.
I remembered soon enough.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | July 19, 2006 at 10:26 PM
Oh, and one more thing:
Why is it that your childhood friend has a Bentley, a helicopter, and a house in the Hamptons because he followed his dream and became a doctor, while my childhood friend followed his dream, and became a Broadway stage manager, which means that he rides the subway and has an apartment in Washington Heights?
Oh, and you have great hair. Shit, you still have hair.
(I guess that's two things, isn't it?)
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | July 19, 2006 at 11:25 PM
I just made an appt. with Dr. Frank. You're a little closer to washing that Bentley!
Posted by: max | July 21, 2006 at 10:55 AM
Sounds like a really sweet weekend away.
Posted by: Sassy | July 24, 2006 at 05:55 AM
6e2I guess I was living under a rock for so long that I came to know about this ruukcs just now. Any email from Dunn Timothy goes straight to my trash for obvious reasons but nothing derogatory. I understand why the members of this sorority and its supporters are not happy with this media disclosure but all it does is the exposition of the suspension and contains none of the details, however grave, that led to this situation. What I don't understand is why are the same people taking a jab at the writer's writing skills. Are you trying to make a point? The report is a simple explanation of the recent probation and nothing else. It's not suppose to be filled with satire and metaphors to lure the readers. I think if the editors had done the latter, there would be an even bigger fire.Sororities girls are not saints, let's get that clear. Such matters should be known to the rest of the campus because when they come knock my door to save that poor girl in Africa, I wanna know whether they are worth the trust. Rather than using these social cause as a veil, sororities have to really feel for these cause. Being a member of a sorority is not just a stepping stone for your future career or for your sense of security.Girls drink, do wild stuffs and there is nothing to be ashamed of. You are allowed be humans. Just own up to it. PS: I like all the attention that Concordy is getting. Can't we have it more often? Does anyone even read the Sports Section?, other than the one who wrote it and the one about whom it is written? No offense to the writer and the players. I just think it's too long and veryyyyyyy boring ..
Posted by: Anndel | February 14, 2013 at 06:43 AM
since he started runnnig has been anywhere close to the truth. When you file for bankruptcy (especially for a casino, where you should essentially be making money hand over fist), 4 times in 20 years, that says not very good things about your business skills (especially when you consider the first time, was 2 times in 2 years and then again in '04 when the economy was in pretty good shape). The guy is not a fiscal and business genius, but instead he is a complete and total idiot who wouldn't know the truth if it walked up and knocked that ridiculous rug (or dead animal or whatever it is) off his head.
Posted by: Joemark | February 14, 2013 at 08:07 AM