When it comes to power struggles in spousal relationships, I like to think that BossLady and I are two global superpowers choosing to maintain hegemony by dividing the world between us. In the realm of financial issues and our social calendar, I am the all-powerful leader of the free world. In the realm of everything else? My opinion is about as important as Guam's.
Now, surprisingly, this works out pretty well for us. Like any great couple, we've learned to pick and choose our battles. For the most part, I'd say we split most of our differences amicably and we each usually end up satisfied half of the time. We're like the Atlanta Falcons. Every year, we go 8-8.
But obviously, there are certain family decisions that need to be made unanimously.
One of these decisions is having a baby.
Now, raising is a child is an awesome responsibility that ideally requires the full determination of two willing and able adult participants. Therefore, you'd like to think that most husbands have a choice when it comes to adding additional members to the family. However, I've learned that the part of the marital contract detailing a husband's voice in this matter is about as relevant today as Hammurabi's Code and probably about as useful as an Iraqi constitution.
You see, my friends, the BossLady has decided it's time for us to have another baby!
The Peanut is 19 months old right now and we've been discussing the idea of L'Enfant Part Deux for quite some time. Since we decided long ago that we would only be having two kids, I assumed that we weren't in any hurry to have the second one so soon. After all, Peanut is just starting to get to a really enjoyable age where we can communicate with one another. It's only a matter of time now before she starts speaking in complete sentences and we can have actual conversations. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to that time.
Now, I wish I could say that BossLady's desire to have another child is not based solely on emotion. However, I know this woman like the back of my hand and part of what makes us a great couple is that I always know what she's thinking. Here's what I think she's thinking...
- BossLady started a new job in January. Although she enjoys the work, the hours suck ass. She's surrounded by a bunch of ambitious, soulless and childless Type-A workaholics who don't mind logging 16-hour days. It kills her that she often gets home after the Peanut has fallen asleep. I can't really blame her but I know that she's thinking that if she gets pregnant, she'll not only get at least 3 months of maternity leave but there's also the slight possibility that she'll never have to return to work and can just be a SAHM.
- BossLady also has "The Baby Fever." Quite a few of our friends are pregnant now and she wants nothing more than to hug and cradle a tiny newborn. Since the Peanut doesn't like to cuddle anymore and squirms more than Dick Cheney at a congressional hearing, we need a replacement. You know what I'm talking about, right?
As usual, I don't entirely disagree with the beautiful BossLady. There's a part of me that would love to have another child right now. Shit, if money were no object, I'd knock her up until we had enough kids to form our own Little League team!
But unless I win the MegaMillions, this probably isn't going to happen. So, in my opinion, we don't need to hurry and we can at least wait until the Peanut is a little older before we start trying for another kid. Or at least that's MY opinion.
I have to admit that another reason I'm a little hesitant to jump back into the baby-making business is because other parents keep telling me that the second child is usually the complete opposite of the first. Frankly, that scares the crap out of me. The Peanut has always been an unbelievably easy kid. She's healthy. She's a good eater. And she's always slept great. She practically came out of the womb with a smile on her face and she's got an adorably friendly nature that warms the cockles of my heart.
So, when I think of "the opposite," I conjure images of our next child entering the world with devil horns and a pitchfork or maybe looking like Linda Blair in The Exorcist. I have visions of raising a colicky insomniac who won't eat, won't smile and hates me with every fiber of her being.
Now, I want to emphasize that, despite our slight differences in opinion, BossLady and I have not been arguing or fighting over the decision of when to have another child. Let's just say that we're continuing the current discussion with increased frequency.
But, every once in awhile, she'll make a Freudian slip and say something that reveals just how badly she wants to have another baby RIGHT NOW! Last night, for example, she was trying to get me in the mood and she accidentally said, "C'mon, baby. I'm ovulating!"
Memo to all you women out there: When you're not sure that you're ready to have another child, this is akin to telling your husband, "Hey honey. Doesn't this nightie make me look like your mother?"
It's funny. BossLady had an extremely difficult childbirth. I'm not kidding when I say that she was in labor for well over 36 hours. In fact, her first words to me after the birth of the Peanut were, "She's cute. Too bad she's going to be an only child!"
I'm just kidding. Actually, her first words were, "YOU did this to me, motherfucker!"
In all seriousness, I didn't quite realize that my wife's biological need to reproduce again was stronger than Star Jones' chair on the set of "The View." I actually thought the pain and anguish of childbirth were so strong that, in a year or two, I would be the one who would have to convince HER for a second child.
Shows how much I know.
So what do you think, Internet? Any opinions? What are the pros and cons of having another child right now versus waiting a little longer? For those of you with multiple kids, is there any age difference among them that works out well?
Shit, I gotta run. I think I hear my wife's uterus calling me from the other room!