MetroDad is off to Vietnam this week and while he’s off to bring home the bacon, he’s asked me to keep you company. And since you don’t know me, I thought what better way to introduce myself than to have my first guest post be about your beloved MetroDad? You all know MetroDad as a witty, obnoxiously funny, fashion-conscious Korean-American who is not only a seasoned world traveler, a whiskey connoisseur, tech geek, and grammar snob but is also, above all, an endearing, loving and completely devoted father.
But have you ever wondered what it’s like to be married to The MetroDad? Let me share a few things…
If MetroDad is addicted to anything, it’s reading. Every morning, he reads the NY Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the NY Post. He also has subscriptions to about 15 magazines. GQ, Esquire, The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Atlantic Monthly, Sports Illustrated, Men’s Journal, Money, Smart Money, Time are only the first ten. Yes, my man is well-read. My only complaint is that he never throws an issue out. So, whenever he’s sleeping or away on a trip, I take it upon myself to do some recycling. It’s the only way I can prevent our home from looking like the Unibomber’s.
Yes, MetroDad keeps a mistress. He’s always with her right after I go to bed. I’ve known about her for quite some time actually and while I tried to fight this, I realized early on that I had to pick and choose my battles. Sometimes I catch him humming THEIR song. Other times, I can hear her in the other room with him. And after the first round, he usually goes back for another repeat. Yes, my friends, her name is ESPN Sports Center. And I do pray for her demise one day since she seems to be the mistress for many men. That ho-bag!
Sleeping with MetroDad
Our bed is like the McDLT. Hot side hot. Cold side cold. During the winter, I like to be comfortably toasty and under a fluffy, snuggly down comforter. For MD, it could never be cold enough. Even if he’s lying still, MetroDad is always warm. If he had it his way, he would leave all the windows open during a blizzard and still sleep in the buff. But I have admit that to wake up in the morning and seeing him sleep in the buff is a major bonus – except when I wake up and realize that I caught a cold because MD had opened a window while I was sleeping and stolen all the covers from me.
In all our years together, I have never seen MetroDad wake up on his own. MetroDad MUST be woken each and every day. He has no biological alarm clock. If he does, it’s probably set for 5pm. Every morning, I have to wake him. There was a time when I would sit up and shake his arm to wake him. Until one day, in pure MetroDad form, he told me that the proper way to wake him is with a gentle kiss and an “I love you” whispered into his ear. If he’s anything, he’s consistent!
I often hear MetroDad muttering to himself while watching tv. Believe it or not, he likes to correct tv shows and commercials when there is a seemingly HUGE grammatical gaffe (to him, that is.) The most popular mistakes involve the improper use of fewer/less, nausea, graduate, and whether/if. Is it any wonder why I love this man?
MetroDad is an uninhibited man. He can’t keep a tune to save his life but he shows absolutely no inhibitions when we’re at a karaoke bar and he starts belting out “Pretty In Pink.” The same holds true for his laughter. No matter where we are, whether it’s a wedding, a restaurant, or a movie theater, MetroDad has an honest, infectious laugh that everyone notices.
MetroDad has a taste for the finest things in life. When I first met MetroDad’s parents, his mom told me that she used to call him the Prince because even as a child, MetroDad had exquisite tastes in food and in clothing. Sometimes I forget that I’m married to a metrosexual and not just a regular man. For example, we wanted a more comfortable couch for our den (MetroDad refers to it only as “the MD Lounge”). So, I found a great used Portico couch for $200 located in a loft in SoHo. The only thing we needed to do was to replace the ugly yellow upholstery. Thinking about the Peanut and any other future child, I wanted a more practical color and fabric: chocolate brown twill or canvas. But MD had other plans and would not compromise. Dark chocolate brown was agreeable to MD but twill or canvas was too plebian for our MetroDad. Nooooo, this couch was to be covered in velvet. I love velvet just as much as the next metrosexual but what I thought could be a $200 used couch turned out to be a $1000 lesson in furniture shopping. Actually, I’m sitting on this couch right now as I type. It’s covered in a canvas slipcover!
Like most couples, we have our own terms that only the two of us know. I will share a few of them here with you.
BDS – For those of you who know Korean, BDS is short for Burning Ddong Gumong (meaning Asshole) Syndrome. This is a term we use (more often by MetroDad) when we eat something so friggin’ spicy that it burns on the way out. MD seems to be in a perpetual contest with himself to eat only the spiciest foods on the entire planet. Proper usage: “Honey, I’ve got BDS….”
Burning Heart Syndrome – this refers to the inevitable heartburn from eating all the aforementioned spicy food. Proper usage: "Achh, honey! I've got the burning heart!"
Stinky Butt – This is MetroDad’s nickname for the Peanut at home. He rarely ever calls her Peanut in real life. Proper usage: “What’s up, Stinky Butt?”
The Jimmy Leg – this is a term we use for MetroDad’s restless leg syndrome. At night, MD feels the need to kick his legs out every minutes. And if it’s after a night of partying, he needs to kick his legs out every few seconds. After partying right along with him, there’s nothing more I want than to just fall asleep. The Jimmy Leg prevents this and I often have to kick MD out of bed.
My favorite moments of the day with MetroDad
-Watching him wake up as the Peanut tries to kiss and hug him in the morning. He’ll slowly wake and realizing that it’s the Peanut, he’ll take the blanket to swallow her up in a big bear hug.
-Taking the elevator down with him on our way to work. It’s our first moment alone together and for those brief 8 seconds, it’s our chance to say we love each other.
-Coming home from work. These days when I get home, the Peanut is already fast asleep. The first thing I do when I get home is change out of my office clothes. As soon as I’ve changed into my jeans and t-shirt, MetroDad will throw me down on the bed and for a few minutes, we’ll just be in each other’s arms and just talk about our days, the good, the bad, what amazingly cute things the Peanut has done that day, anything and everything.
MetroDad is indeed real and indeed human. He’s got his quirks and idiosyncrasies like the rest of us. It’s exactly those quirks that made me fall in love with him. I could watch the grass grow with this man and still be the happiest woman. I thank my lucky stars for him because without him, I wouldn’t have any of the joys that I have in my life today.
So, I thank you for letting me keep you company. I was a little nervous to write, especially after MetroDad announced that I would be posting. But I hope you enjoyed it here. Till next time,