"I heard you quit smoking 2 weeks ago. How's it going?"

"How's it going? Is that some sort of rhetorical question? What are you? Some kind of joker? Fuck you! THAT'S how it's going. Oh. You're being serious. Ummm...not too bad. Could be worse. Hey, hand me those potato chips, will you? THOSE potato chips! Damn, bitch, are you blind? Oh, sorry. No, it's just nerves. What were you saying? Something about smoking? No, really, it's going great. Couldn't be better. Cold turkey? Hell no! Where'd you hear that? My blog? Fuck that! No, I'm using the patch now. Yeah, it works great. Can't you tell? Hey, you going to eat the rest of that burger? No? Well, pass that over here, bitch! How about those fries? You just going to stare at them or you going to eat those too? What was I saying? Oh yeah. The smoking thing. Well, to tell you the truth, I thought I'd feel healthier. No, no, I'm still glad I quit. Definitely glad I quit. Hey, you want to go get some ice cream? No? Well, fuck you then. Edgy? Me? I don't think so. But thanks for asking, asshole!"

Comments

[Jan]

Congratulations! This is day #30 for DH. He has cleaned out the cabinets and yesterday I caught him putting ketchup on the 3 year old.....he claimed it was a Halloween prank, but.....

He also just had back surgery (why he quit smoking-to promote the healing process) and today makes day #5 off Oxcycotin.

So he has the non-smoking munchies, the narcotic withdrawl and boredom from being stuck in the house all day.

One of us isn't going to survive this.....I think I'm safe 'cause I'm bigger and know where the rat poison is hidden....just sayin'....

[bitemycookie]

hahahaha! i was wondering. every day i wonder. thank god i wasn't dumb enough to ask. pass the rest of that burger over here, bitch!

[Brent]

Keep up the good work, MD. Quitting smoking is one of the toughest but most rewarding things I've ever done in life.

[Leora]

Glad to see that quitting smoking hasn't dulled your sense of humor, MD!

[Queen of Ass]

Go, MD! You can do it! Go ahead! There's nothing to it!

(I'll be your own personal cheerleader.)

[jg]

Hang in there, man. You're past the worst part and nearing the downhill portion.

Just keep reminding yourself how far you've come.

[crazyvirgo]

well, just be thankful you weren't addicted to base jumping or something like that. How would Boss Lady ever cope?

[Stephen]

Way to go, MD. Keep at it. Once you get past the 2-month mark, you'll feel a lot better.

[Rich]

I know the feeling, Metro. I gained about 20 lbs when I quit smoking. Took a helluva long time to lose the weight too. But now, 4 years later, I'm glad I made the decision to quit...and so is my family.

[heidi]

I can't wait to hear the tales of when you are a true non-smoker and people smoke around you. You think you're edgy now...wait 'till some fucker invades your eating space with the stench of tabacco and nicotine....we ex smokers GO OFF on that one!

[Chocolate makes it better]

My bet is your tapping tapping tapping....trying to keep those fingers busy.....holding pencils like they where cigerettes (or Durries as we call them here) and gaze at them longingly with a pang of "WHY THE FUCK DID I QUIT!!!"

Whilst your lungs will be applauding your bravery and sense, Hector will be saying "yissssss my precious.....eats him we will and we will gets bigger and BIGGER and then master cannot stops us'

I don't know why Hector just turned into Gollum but there you go.

[landismom]

I hope the Boss Lady bought a couple of extra bags of Halloween candy this year, otherwise I fear for the trick-or-treaters in your neck of the woods!

I quit smoking on my dh's birthday 11 years ago. I was living with a bunch of hippies in Oakland at the time, and one of them told me that if I chewed licorice sticks (yeah, like branches, not candy), it would help. So dh went out & bought them for me, and even volunteered to chew them with me. Leading me to my best-quitting-smoking advice. Do not chew licorice sticks. Totally disgusting!

Congrats on the 2 week anniversary.

[misfithausfrau]

To think I almost asked how it was going. (Whew!) I am now realizing that there are dumb questions--and that would be one of them. I'll be sure to send you the poster I had in my bedroom in 7th grade of the kitten that says "Hang in there."

[Cara]

Congrats, you are doing great. I quit cold-turkey 5.5 years ago and haven't looked back since. I still celebrate the day though. And smelling a smoker as a non-smoker is enough to keep me from smoking again.

[Ryan]

Rock on, Metro. Quitting smoking is damn hard work. Good for you!

[alice, uptown]

Getting off nicotine is, I've read, on a par with getting clean from heroin. And we don't get free methadone for making the effort, either. I think you deserve tax credits, at the very least. Or why not a parade? Tie up traffic for the hell of it? Everyone else does.

[MIM]

Dude. You sound like me -- pregnant.

[Kathy]

Some background for you. My hubby quit 2 years ago for 6 weeks. A couple of times he actually scared me. I cried, the kids cried....he finally ripped the patch off his arm and started smoking again. 6 months ago - he had a mild heart attack. They put a patch on him in the hospital (he was there for 8 days! - MILD heart attack) and he ripped it off his arm on the way home in the car and hasn't spent a dime on patches or cigarettes since. He chews alot of gum and he's put on some poundage....but I'm so proud of him. Good luck - it's not easy.

[Pattie]

Glad to see you're hanging in there so far. Just don't try lighting up any carrots.

[panthergirl]

I am so proud of you. That's the thing about going public... you'll be held accountable, my friend.

But that also means you've got tons of moral support out here. Really, all you need to do when you crave a butt is look into the eyes of that little Peanut.

As Lucas says, "Smoking doesn't just hurt YOU."

[Rbrown]

Congratulations, you edgy mother fucker! Stay off the 'baccy or that whole peeing on the turtle in the toilet thing's gonna get UGGLYYYYY.

[TTL]

Good for you. I'm at 5 months 2 weeks 1 day 21 hours 21 minutes. I've saved $675 and added 11 days to my life. I won't tell you how much weight I've gained. I'm going to start again when I turn 80. It's something for me to look forward to, because it's still hard for me. Keep up the good work!

[Jen]

It's posts like these that I am glad that I can't bring myself completely to quit!

But seriously, good work.

[Greyroots]

Jeezus, you're an asshole AND a smoker? That explains a lot. Up until now you're breath has smelled like an unflushed toilet so you must have liked it that way. There's no way you're going to be able to quit. You're too in love with yourself.

[Tony James]

That's great! It's always inspiring to see the support for people who wants to quit smoking. I have been an ex-smoker myself for 15 years. That is why I know exactly how it feels and also how to deal with the withdrawal symptoms and the psychological aspect of it.

I now publish a newsletter to help people quit smoking with ease without the discomfort of cravings.

It is at:

http://www.easyquitsmokingsecrets.com/

Feel free to subscribe to it,

All the best to attaining a smoke-free life!

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Yes, smoking is dangerous for your health, money and time, and should be avoided at all cost.

Quit smoking can be tremendously hard for smokers, that's why there are lots of professionals involved in this field : doctors, pharmacists, hypnotists, NLP practitioners, etc. Choose carefully which one suits your needs and consult with them.

Last but not least, perseverence is the key. So try the best to repel the urge of smoking again.

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On the evening of March 1, 1996, I started the Nicocure quit smoking program and the next day I realized I would never smoke again!! I had been smoking one to two packs a day for almost thirty years and between my wife and I, we tried everything. First we tried the “gum,” then acupuncture; they didn’t work. My wife went to a hypnotist with the agreement that I would go if it worked for her. She bought a pack on the way home. Then we discovered the patch. That thing pumped so much nicotine in my body that I tried to roll it up and smoke it! Your program was a miracle for me, and I would suggest it to any one that truly wants to be free from cigarettes.
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[e cigarette]

LOLOL Sounds like its not going so great.

[E Cig]

2 weeks is nothing, try 2 months.

Your girl Mary :)

[e cigarette]

How about trying zyban lol! Thats how I quit smoking.

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