For the past few months, I've promised myself that I was going to quit smoking cigarettes. But seeing as how I was going to be spending 8 days in France (the unofficial home of smokers worldwide), I thought it would be best to hold off on quitting until I got back home to NYC.
Well, I'm home now and today is officially my 2nd day as a non-smoker. No patch. No gum. No medication. Just cold fucking turkey, man!
Now, personally, the main problem with my quitting cigarettes is that I don't really want to quit. I LOVE smoking cigarettes. They relax the hell out of me and they go great with coffee and scotch. Besides, I happen to look very cool smoking. (I know. Totally superficial. But I'm only half kidding. If you ever saw me smoke, you'd want to start smoking too. I'm really good at it.)
Even more unfortunately, I've got a freakishly abnormal cardiovascular system so smoking has never really affected my wind. Sometimes, I'd sit in a cafe, smoke half a pack, go to the gym, play ball for a few hours, and then come out and smoke the other half pack. Back in the day, I sometimes even carried cigarettes with me when I went out for a 5-mile run.
Now before anyone gets all holier-than-thou on me, let me just interject here and state that I've never smoked a cigarette anywhere near my little daughter. Not even outside. Not anyplace where she could even see me smoking. For me, there's nothing more despicable than seeing a mother pushing a stroller with a cigarette dangling out of her mouth. Absolutely disgusting and completely immoral.
But it's ironic because I'm quitting smoking basically for two reasons and both involve my daughter. The first reason is because I love spending time with her and I want to ensure that I live as long as possible so that we can continue to hang out together for many years. Even though I still think I'm immortal, I figure it's best to play the safe odds.
The second reason I'm quitting is because I need to get life insurance. Now, as any man can attest, there's nothing quite like getting life insurance to make you feel as if your youth is behind you. Sure, marriage, joint checking accounts, sore knees, a VP promotion, fatherhood and 529 planning all make a guy feel older. But getting life insurance? That's like getting bitch slapped by middle age. It's more than a little disarming. But duty and responsibility dictate that I plan for any worst-case scenario to ensure that the Peanut is not fiscally affected by my death. It comes part and parcel with my job as the Peanut's protector.
So back to my smoking. It's Day 2, how am I doing? Really, it's hard to tell. I'm too busy shoving food in my mouth. Seriously. My appetite has multiplied exponentially. It's like I've got a parasite inside me (and I think his name is Phillip Morris.) When I'm not hungry, I go through periods where I want to take someone's head off. Or bang my head against a wall.
Someone suggested I try carrots but I can't figure out how to light the damn fuckers. Oh well. Anyone else got any other words of advice, encouragement or abuse?
Best thing I ever did when I quit smoking 3 years ago was not tell anybody. Seriously, any time you tell someone or they find out that you quit it seems that is all they want to talk about, and that's the last thing I needed. Good luck to you, and keep it up. It does get easier.
Posted by: Chris | October 13, 2005 at 10:38 AM
On the plus side, it looks like Hector will be around for a while.
Seriously, you're doing such a great thing for the Peanut. Just think of her whenever you go jonesing for a cigarette.
And I know you're the manly, cold turkey type but for gods sake man, get some nicorette gum or something!
Posted by: Matthew | October 13, 2005 at 10:43 AM
I tried to quit so many times before. I finally did it about 2 years ago. I used a combination of the patch and zyban. Seemed to work the best for me. Good luck, MD!
Posted by: Bradley | October 13, 2005 at 10:45 AM
One word baby, Zyban (Also known as Welbutrin).
I was able to cold-turkey it, even though I really enjoyed smoking, but my husband tried several times and couldn't do it. He got on the Welbutrin and by the time he was supposed to START giving up, he was forgetting to have cigarettes for days at a time.
He would literally forget to smoke.
He's been smoke-free for coming up on three years, and I've been smoke-free for four.
I miss it still. Once a smoker, always a smoker, but it's really best for me and the family. I owe it to my kids to be around.
Plus I recently saw a cadaver of someone who smoked, and if I hadn't quit before then I would have afterward. In a word: eeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww.
Good luck!
Posted by: Krissy | October 13, 2005 at 10:55 AM
Oh, and Andy was only on the Zyban for three months. It isn't a long-term committment.
Posted by: Krissy | October 13, 2005 at 10:57 AM
Good luck, MD! I agree with Matthew. Just think of the Peanut whenever you're craving a smoke.
Posted by: Amy | October 13, 2005 at 10:58 AM
Kudos to you for trying to quit smoking, MD. It's not going to be easy but you're doing it for all the right reasons. Try some of that nicotine gum. I have a friend who used it and it worked. Good luck!
Posted by: Brent | October 13, 2005 at 11:11 AM
I chewed on celery CONSTANTLY while quitting, but I'm pretty sure any cigarette shaped vegetable item would work.
And I didn't think I was up to cold turkey, but I knew that if I didn't have cigarettes, I was strong enough to not go buy them. So I had my boyfriend (and mother, depending on who was around) dispense a certain amount of cigarettes to me every day. I tapered it down, starting from 10, down to one. I smoked one cigarette a day for about a month, at which point I said, "This is stupid." and quit. It worked. I've been a non-smoker for two years....
Posted by: manogirl | October 13, 2005 at 11:28 AM
Rolled over here a few weeks ago via somewhere, but darned if I can remember where.
I quit 3 years ago for similar reasons - my daughter, my health, and the insurance. I'd quit numerous times before using the patch, but would always start up again. I went cold turkey the last time and that was the best way to go. I agree on the "not telling others" point. Otherwise, just keep track of the time you've gone without and constantly remind yourself how far you've already come and how hard it would be to do it again. You get over the hump around 21 days in.
Good luck and keep it up.
Posted by: jg | October 13, 2005 at 11:37 AM
"Someone suggested I try carrots but I can't figure out how to light the damn fuckers"?
You crack me up, Metro. Good luck with the no-smoking thing. It's a bitch.
Posted by: Leora | October 13, 2005 at 12:06 PM
My father said he quit smoking once, and it was the worst three hours he ever spent.
Posted by: Norma | October 13, 2005 at 12:08 PM
I quit when we decided to try and concieve Pumpkin. I drank lots of pepermint tea and chewed packs full of gum. It worked well to calm the craving, but knowing I could be growing a baby inside me made it easy. By the time she was born I was cig free for over a year. I unfortunitly now smoke when I have a drink, and really need to stop that. But damn there is nothing like a cigarette with a cold beer. I guess I could always stop drinking beer - nah...
Posted by: Ms. Mama | October 13, 2005 at 12:19 PM
I swear to god I was at mile 22 in a marathon a few years ago, running along an incredibly boring stretch of the great highway and the dude running right in front of me pulled a lone cigarette from a little pouch strapped to his arm along with a tiny little lighter. without breaking his stride he lit up and puffed away, blowing smoke in my face. I decided then and there I had to beat that guy.
smart to wait until you returned from France. the french smoke in freakin' hospitals.
Posted by: Dutch | October 13, 2005 at 12:40 PM
Great cartoon! So true.
Posted by: Mandy | October 13, 2005 at 12:46 PM
so are you planning on lying to your insurance provider? Cuz, when I told them that I had quit 3 years ago (a half-truth, bolstered with blood/urine cleaning supplements) it didn't seem to make a difference on my premiums. It still stated that I had been a smoker and was a bit higher than my wife's.
Posted by: james | October 13, 2005 at 01:08 PM
I quit smoking 4 years ago. Almost immediately, I gained 10 lbs. Made me want to start smoking again. It's hard work, MD. But don't give up. It's worth it. Keep trying to light those carrots!
Posted by: Joseph | October 13, 2005 at 01:16 PM
Keep up the good work! Even if you gain weight, it is better health wise than continuing to smoke. Just keep lots of carrots or celery sticks around.This may sound strange, but cinnamon sticks are good too. Don't eat them, but you can put them in your mouth and use them as an aid. I am not a smoker, but a dietitian who has helped people through this phase.
Good luck!
Posted by: erin | October 13, 2005 at 01:54 PM
THANK YOU, METRODAD!!! I've been trying to get my husband to quit for 5 years now. He keeps putting it off and putting it off. Since he loves reading your site, maybe this will inspire him to quit too!
Posted by: Julie | October 13, 2005 at 02:05 PM
Good for you Metrodad! Ever since I was a little kid and I learned that "smoking kills", I've been trying to get my mom to quit. (She also never smoked in front of us, near us, anywhere where we might see her.) As a kid it hurt that my mom was making a choice to smoke and hurt her body when I loved her so much and wanted her to be around FOREVER. Now I still worry and want her to quit, but I've stopped taking her cigarettes from her stash and throwing them in the trash. =)
Anyway, yay for you!
Posted by: Nina | October 13, 2005 at 02:28 PM
I quit cold turkey several years ago. I still miss that morning one with coffee whenever I'm REALY STRESSED.
Just keep it up. It'll get better, I swear!
Posted by: Queen of Ass | October 13, 2005 at 02:44 PM
i started chewing cocktail straws when i quit smoking (cold turkey as well). then i realized that looked even more socially unacceptable than smoking in a non-smoking city (san francisco). people were staring, wondering if i was mimicking a sloppy blow job. so i turned to my nail. much healthier.
proud of you MD!!
Posted by: crazyvirgo | October 13, 2005 at 03:12 PM
Dude...Quitting smoking is EASY! I've done it a hundred times!
Posted by: Scott | October 13, 2005 at 03:37 PM
i dunno, smoke joints instead?
don't know if that will actually help, but i will definitely take your mind off your urge for a cig.
i loved chris' suggestion not to tell anybody. maybe save that trick for next time.
good for you, metro. we can be your support group. just post something funny when you need a fix. that way i get my MD fix and you've averted another cig by putting your fingers to good use.
Posted by: bitemycookie | October 13, 2005 at 04:57 PM
Cold turkey is absolutely the way to go. For what it's worth, I was okay until day four, when I burst into tears because I couldn't get an address to line up in a window envelope.
For approximately ten years after that, though, I had the desire to smoke when I was drinking beer. For me, beer = cigarettes. If you associate coffee with cigarettes, try switching to tea (and it's REALLY high in caffeine) for a while, just 'til you can break the association.
Theoretically, it takes 21 days to make a new habit, so if you can hang on that long, you're okay.
I haven't had a cigarette in 13 years. You can TOTALLY do this!
Posted by: Stacy | October 13, 2005 at 04:59 PM
Dude, my step-father quit cold turkey after smoking for 25 years. He hasn't lit up since, and that was 5 years ago. He said the hardest part was not knowing what to do with his hands. If he can quit, you can quit. He's the type of guy who is totally against change, yet he was able to change this one major thing. You can do it, Dude. You've got great inspiration in Peanut.
Posted by: MIM | October 13, 2005 at 05:02 PM
Good for you! Here's some motivation - whenever you feel like lighting up, just conjure up a mental image of Ned from "South Park".
Posted by: Jason | October 13, 2005 at 05:13 PM
good luck with this... i don't really have any great words of wosdom to share. N.'s big tip is to to start dipping. Don't listen to him though, he is insane.
Posted by: tpon | October 13, 2005 at 05:15 PM
sorry, I meant to say wisdom. not wosdom.
Posted by: tpon | October 13, 2005 at 05:16 PM
Good luck, Metro! Wishing you the best of success. It's worth it for your daughter.
Posted by: Brian | October 13, 2005 at 05:19 PM
I agree with the not telling anyone thing (too late!). My friend said that talking about it made it soooo much worse. In the end, he started again, let everyone see him, and then quit again privately.
Posted by: Meg | October 13, 2005 at 05:25 PM
Ha! Love the comment about carrots not lighting up. Best of luck to you. The Peanut will thank you for it.
Posted by: Pattie | October 13, 2005 at 06:09 PM
When my mom found out she had cancer, (she smoked for 20 years, was off of it for 18 years) I suddenly found it easy to stop. Before that I had an on again off again relationship with tobacco.
Posted by: Marty | October 13, 2005 at 07:46 PM
Smokers are orally fixated, so the need to shovel food in your mouth is natural. I wish you the best of luck!
Posted by: Theresa | October 13, 2005 at 08:46 PM
I quit when I got pregnant. Now I smoke one every night. It's perfect.
My husband on the other hand quit, gained 60 pounds and started smoking again. He tried to hide it from me which is pretty impossible because a (former-ish) smoker can smell traces of smoke a mile away. Good luck! It's a real bitch. Sorry. Just think about the kid? That's the only reason I stick to one. I do not want him seeing my (formerly known as) vice.
Posted by: momz | October 13, 2005 at 08:54 PM
It's great that you're doing this for your family. Good luck.
Posted by: Sassy | October 13, 2005 at 09:32 PM
in keeping with your recent Urban Cowboy post...
my nightly, before-bed cigarette has been replaced by such a sloppy and silly substitute activity that it is likely to end my mutually loving relationship with nicotine sometime soon
here's a hint:
http://www.mudjug.com
Posted by: Luper | October 13, 2005 at 10:27 PM
Wow...I would have never thought that you smoked. I think it's awesome that you are willing to try so hard to quit for your daughter...someday in the future, she will look back on this and be so grateful to you. Good luck with all of it...and thanks for commenting on my blog!
Posted by: Jacqueline | October 13, 2005 at 11:13 PM
The fact that you LOVE smoking but you're STILL willing to quit for your daughter? Proves just what an awesome dad you are.
It's not going to be easy, MD, but I'm wishing you the best of luck. The Peanut's really going to appreciate it.
Posted by: Susannah | October 13, 2005 at 11:16 PM
mindset mate.....its all about mindset.
Think of yourself not as someone who has quit......but as someone who doesn't smoke.
If someone offers you a smoke, instead of saying "no thanks, i've quit"
Say
"no thanks, I don't smoke"
Thats what worked for me and i used to lurve smoking.....alot....still miss it after 6 years.
Mindset mate....that's what will get you through.
Posted by: Chocolate makes it better | October 13, 2005 at 11:36 PM
I agree with the above commenter (is that a word?) and say Zyban/Wellburtin. It works with Dopamine, which is the neurotransmitter regulating the pleasure center in your brain. The way I understand it is: basically you derive no pleasure from smoking chemically. Now the oral fixation and coolness addictions will still be there, so you have to find a way to beat that. Hence I think the carrots suggetion. I have eaten half a pound of carrots, in one sitting, instead of doing my "addictions."
But kudos for quitting for your daughter. You can do it. Just dont bang your head to hard.
Posted by: greensunflower | October 13, 2005 at 11:47 PM
I am a respiratory therapist that deals with this issue daily. Studies show that the most successful way to quit smoking is to use as many aids as possible. Wear a patch. It takes away the physical craving. (If you still crave nicotine you need a stronger one.) Use gum for emergencies. Take Zyban. Make a plan and stick to it. Throw away anything related to smoking. If you save one cigarette you'll smoke it. Find someone to quit with, that will make you responsible. Attend a support group. It sounds whimpy but it feels good to sit in a room with 20 people going through exaclty the same thing you are. Good luck
Posted by: Kirk | October 14, 2005 at 01:28 AM
An expensive method but it worked for me: move house. It's like a symbolic clean break and you'll not want to make the new place smell like an old ashtray.
Posted by: David | October 14, 2005 at 03:02 AM
Good luck with the non smoking. Personally it has just never appealed to me. You stink, clothes stink, and trying to kiss anyone that smokes is like licking an ashtray. Not pleasant. However, just because you have stopped smoking it doesn't mean I want to kiss you. I'm that kind of guy. Before we kiss we have to get to know each other:-))
About life insurance, you have the wrong attitude. It's not the old people who get life insurance. It's the smart people. I've had it since I was young and it's the best thing you can ever do. Well, except for sex. Term life for a million bucks or so costs virtually nothing. I had it way before we got our son. If you care about your partner you will have life insurance. My wife and son will be very rich if I do die and call me weird but that makes me feel very good. I may not be here but they will have a nice life.
Have a nice weekend
AD
Posted by: AdventureDad | October 14, 2005 at 07:08 AM
First, you dice up the carrots and dry them out. Then, you get some rolling papers and make little carrot joints. Next thing you know? You're no longer addicted to cigarettes! Easy!
Posted by: Useless Bob | October 14, 2005 at 08:43 AM
I agree with Adventure Dad regarding the life insurance. It's the best thing that a parent can do for his child. Actually, it should be mandatory. Good for you for being proactive about it and for realizing now that it's time to quit smoking for your daughter. Good luck!
Posted by: Werdinger | October 14, 2005 at 09:16 AM
Good for you! I quit three years ago and it was very hard but so worth it. It may sound hokey, but give acupuncture a try. It really helped me and I have recommended it with good results to a number of a friends. Good luck!
Posted by: kmcase | October 14, 2005 at 09:40 AM
I don't smoke, but I do eat a lot of sugar. When I want sugar, I just think about my ass...and all the little cellulite bumps I hate. That usually keeps me from eating the sugar.
So, when you get a craving to smoke, just think about my ass.
Alright, seriously...I nearly lost my Dad a few years ago to Esthesioneuroblastoma (nose cancer. He nearly lost his nose, too.). He's been smoking for thirty years. But did he quit? NO.... And it hurts me so much that he didn't do it.
So do it.
Posted by: HollyRhea | October 14, 2005 at 09:42 AM
My dad quit years ago when my siblings and I were just kids. I think he did it cold turkey, but I noticed that he chewed a lot of Juicy Fruit...
Posted by: enygma | October 14, 2005 at 10:10 AM
Proud of you, MD! I never pictured you as a smoker. Anyway, good luck quitting. It's worth it!
Posted by: Drew | October 14, 2005 at 10:32 AM
I think life insurance is to a formerly hip (smoking) dad what a mini-van is to a formerly hip (sedan-driving) mom. Of course JJ Daddy and I *sob* now have both.....
Posted by: JJ Daddy in Savannah's Baby Momma | October 14, 2005 at 02:03 PM