1.8% of a lifetime

1.8%. Or 10,080 minutes. That's how much of the Peanut's life we missed while the BossLady and I were away on vacation last week. One week may not seem that long but 1.8% of a lifetime sure does.

I have no other frame of reference for comparison but I have to say it's amazingly cool being the parent of a one-year old little girl. The Peanut is absolutely adorable right now. I've never seen such a good-natured kid. She runs around like a madwoman. She screams "quack, quack" whenever she sees a duck (real or inflatable.) She yells "dog, dog" whenever she sees our dog. And she loves yelling "mama" and "dada" (although I'm often called "mama" and Bosslady "papa.") So it was with great anxiety that we left her in New York for a week while we were gallivanting on the Riviera. Not because we didn't think she would be in good hands but because we didn't want to miss a single step in her development.

Thankfully, we have multiple video cameras in our possession and we instructed everyone to shoot as much video of the Peanut as possible while we were gone. Everyone complied. So when BossLady and I came home, we were able to watch tons of video footage of the time that we missed. Here's what we missed:

-The Peanut has learned to climb steps on her own.

-She even knows how to go back down them.

-Her hair is long enough to put in berets now.

-She's discovered that she loves ice cream. Seriously loves ice cream. As in scream like a banshee if you give her a taste but don't let her finish the whole bowl.

-She's turned into the ultimate baby kisser. If she sees any kid in a stroller, she will go straight up to him (or her) and plant a wet one on their cheek.

-She claps whenever she hears someone singing ABCs and, when they're finished, she squeals in appreciation.

Even in the one week that we've been home now, we're seeing her learn new things every day. It's fascinating to watch. A little frightening. But fascinating none the less.

FYI...Speaking of frightening? 1.8% of MY lifetime? 0.666 years. The "Sign of the Beast." Eerie coincidence? I think not!

Comments

[Dutch]

you really want to end up with your forehead on your desk? Plug into the calculator how much of her life you've missed while you've been sitting there at work? Unbelievable. Add in how much she sleeps.

Goddamn that makes me feel like a crappy dad. Why aren't I raising animal actors to be used in Antacid commercials on a Grizzly farm in Montana or something? I'll bet those dudes make as much money as me, and get to spend way more time with their kids. Plus they get to train grizzlies.

Sorry, I am just obssessed with grizzlies right now. Thanks Wener Herzog and the buy who invented the grizzly suit!

http://img.engadget.com/common/images/7818251847282450.JPG?0.26128883038934936

[MetroDad]

Thanks, Dutch. I never thought about it in those terms before. Now, I'm thoroughly depressed! All of sudden, my wife's idea to sell our apartment, buy an 18-wheel semi and work as a husband-wife trucker team is sounding a lot more appealing. I'd do the Grizzle farm with you guys but I'm afraid of large animals.

By the way...how weird is it that the same man who gave us Fitcarraldo, Nosferatu and Woyzeck now offers us Grizzly Man?

[Brent]

Dude, do you know how rare it is that your 1 year old daughter is already running, climbing up/down stairs and learning vocabulary words? Our kids didn't start walking until about 14 months and didn't climb stairs until 16 months. Of course this meant that we didn't have to chase a baby around as early as you and BossLady do. But whatever you're doing, keep it up! (I half expect you to post in a few weeks that the Peanut is toilet trained!)

[alison]

It only get's better. My 15 month old can open up doors, turns on the tv, takes our keys and tries to open the front door (from the inside), hits you when you tell him "no" and eats like a mf. Happy growing!

[Lucas]

Wow. This post and Dutch's comments remind me of when I was working as an analyst at an investment bank. Although I was making a good salary, I was working over 90 hours/week. I took out the calculator and figured out that I could have been making more per hour at McDonads.

[Kathy]

Just wait til she's 2! 2 year olds are awesome!

[bitemycookie]

how does one go about applying for adoption into the metrofam? you people sound like loads of fun. quack, quack.

[momz]

Mama,

your peanut is a tasty morsel. I think we have a match made in bi-coastal heaven.

[misfithausfrau]

I worked full time after my 1st daughter was 7 weeks old. I ended up travelling a lot and working a lot of extra hours for fear of being viewed as a slacker drone at my job. I missed so much of my daughter's development. At least my daycare was kind enough to NOT tell me when she hit a milestone there. She would do it at home and I would think it was the first time.

You are going to see so many more 'firsts" in the coming years.

[misfithausfrau]

Also look at it from the point of view that Peanut got to share some very special time with her grandparents. They must have been so excited to share in those firsts...

[Queen of Ass]

You're not beastly, are you, MD?

I don't think The Beast would be as turned inside out by his offspring as you so obviously are.....

[landismom]

Er, I think you mean barrettes, not berets (unless there's some weird French thing where you put multiple hats on a baby's head when her hair gets long).

Huzzah to the Peanut on her stairclimbing ability! Coming down is definitely the hard part.

[lesbonstemps]

She sounds really smart and cute. It's so much fun watching them learn new skills.

[MetroDad]

Cookie...adoption into MetroFam is easy. Just cover all food & alcohol expenses and you're in!

Momz...Agreed. Match made in Heaven. Does your boy like older women?

Misfit...You're so right. MetroGramps were insanely thrilled to care for the Peanut. I think a part of them wishes we didn't come back.

Q of A...Not beastly. But slightly vampirish.

LM...Barrettes, Berets. Same diff. This is only the first mistake I'll make when discussing my daughter's clothing or accessories. I have many more years of sticking my foot in my mouth.

Weigook...Smart. Cute. And has Daddy wrapped around her little finger. I'm screwed!

[Marty]

I hate to miss even a minute.

[Michael]

Let's ALL quit our day jobs and become animal trainers. I'll do ANYTHING to spend more time with my kids. Working for the Man is killing me.

[Chocolate makes it better]

ahhhh a fellow quacker. My Girl is duck crazy. Anything that has a beak....quack, quack. Birds, pelicans, even mum and dad sometimes.

Same with the icecream. trying to figure out the brainfreeze tolerance of a 16 month old is a little tricky.

It's great to see you're enjoying every minute you can get

[Loudon]

Going DOWN stairs? At her age? Very impressive, Peanut. Perhaps we'll see her in the 2020 Olympics?

[Leora]

Your daughter sounds absolutely adorable! I miss that age. Excuse me. I'll be right back. I'm going to go ask my husband if he wants to make another baby (we have 3 teenagers).

[momz]

Two things:

1. My boy loves his ladies vintage.

2. Today I rec'd documentation of my current credit score: 666. Perhaps, this is nothing to brag about but I had to share my proximity to Satan as well.

[Matthew]

The Peanut and I have a lot in common. I too love ice cream, kissing babies, and the ABC song.

And, wouldn't you know it, I go around saying Quack Quack whenever I see a duck too!

[David]

I hear you - it does average out at about an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening and I get really pissed off if I have to stay late at work. On the other hand my wife says she's happy to take on any business trip I don't want to go on - the longer the better. But I know she's really joking, even if she doesn't.
I saw the Grizzlyman film recently to. It's a real scream to hear Werner Herzog call somebody else unhinged. How's it doing in America?

[Tawnya]

Man, that's depressing. 1.8% is huge! We thought about taking a vacation sans Mademoiselle FussyPants but now that I've read your posts about missing Peanut, I can't bear the thought of leaving her for a minute. I don't even want to know how much of her 17.5 months on earth I've missed being at work!
On another note...up and down stairs at a year? Very impressive! Mademoiselle can go up fine (crawling) but tries to run down at top speed...let's just say a walk-up apartment and a toddler who can open doors (and is quickly learning how to unlock them) is a scary, scary combination!

[Rbrown]

Oh my God - The Peanut sounds A-dorable! Hearing about her actually makes me think I want a baby someday. And that's saying a lot, from the woman who currently thinks she can only handle dogs.

[Corinne]

The ice cream thing? I can TOTALLY relate to... my poor husband dealt with me screaming because he was teasing me with the brownies and ice cream last night. He learned his lesson... Do not F*** with a pregnant lady :)

[Sandy]

How did you teach Peanut to blow kisses? We have a 13 month old that won't do it!. I am glad you guys went to France alone. Everything would have been much harder with Peanut going on the trip. We traveled last month overseas with ours, but it was for two weeks to visit family. The situation was different because we had tons of people helping us.

[bill]

I am amzed at the math and that you figured it out.I am also amazed at how much a 1 year old can learn in a week.

[Girl in the Locker Room!]

Hey friend, you might want to recalculate. If Peanut lives to 100 that's 5200 weeks. You were away for one week. That's .019 percent of her life. I think you messed up on the decimal placement.
Alternatively, 1.8 percent of her life (if she lived to 100) would be 1.8 years!!! so relax. Stop feeling guilty

[Linda B]

E gets very, very upset if she sees us eating ice cream and we don't give her a bite IMMEDIATELY.

Also, she likes to kiss too. She's been known to make out with some little boys in the church daycare. Nice...

[Cam c.]

I work from home, and spent the first almost 9 months of my daughter's life in very close proximity to her... however, she and her mother have been away in Japan for almost three weeks now, and I won't join them until the start of November... I figure that's over 9% of her life I've missed, so don't feel bad!

Webcam chats every day make it easier, but so far, I've missed her first verb (in Japanese, she can say the equivalent of "there it is!" when she finds something that was hidden), her first standing up in the middle of the floor with nothing to grab, and countless other little things. I'm going to spoil the kid rotten when I get off that plane next month... :)

[Girl in the Locker Room]

People. do your math. get out the calculator. Cam C., if your daughter lives to 100 and you missed 9 percent of her life....that would be 9 YEARS. You only missed 9 MONTHS (though a great nine months). That's .75 percent of her life. not much.

[Cam c.]

We're arguing semantics here... I've missed 9% of her live TO THIS POINT... ok? :)

I know though... the grand scheme of things, it seems like nothing, but if we were all to die tomorrow (I'm looking in your general direction, George W. Bush :) ) then it WOULD be a big deal...