By now, I think most of you have figured out that I have a somewhat strange sense of humor. I'm also what one might call a goofball. And nobody on the planet brings out my goofiness more than my lovely and beautiful wife, the BossLady. When we're together, one of my favorite things to do with her is to write and sing our own songs. She's a brilliant lyricist and has many classic songs under her belt. My favorite is her insanely catchy pop song chronicling her profound love of SPAM.
I work mostly in the show tunes category. I think my best work was "Raise Your Hand, Raise Your Hand (If You Woke Up Too Early!)" But for the past few years, whenever BossLady is feeling a little blue or sorry for herself, I've been working on a country ballad that I've tentatively titled "If It Wasn't For Self-Pity, I'd Have No Pity At All."
I was thinking about all this recently when my neighbor lamented the fact that NYC has no country music radio stations. No real surprise there. But then my mind started drifting and I began thinking about what would happen if all the musicians in New York started writing country music songs. I think it's safe to say that the subjects and titles of the songs would be drastically different. Here's a short list of some possible song titles that I came up with today while I was on the crapper:
"Billy Broke My Heart At Bloomies And I Cried All The Way To Bendels"
"I Gave Her A Ring And She Gave Me The Clap"
"My Tits Are Fake But My Love Is Real."
"I'd Walk Four Flights To Feel You In My Arms"
"My Shrink Shrank Our Love"
"I Changed Her Locks. She Changed My Life."
"If Manolos Were Money, I'd Marry You Too"
"I Knew It Was You When You Sneezed In The Subway"
"How Come Our Kids Look Just Like The Doorman?"
"Have I Told You Lately That I Love Me?"
Pretty fun game! I could play it for hours. Anyone else want to play? Give me your best (or worst) country music song title. Winner can join me for some cold Buds at NYC's only country music bar. Drinks are on me. I'll be the tall Asian guy at the bar in the black cowboy hat wearing Pumas, reading the New Yorker and drinking a scotch. I think you'll find me.
Elwood: What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country AND western.
The Blues Brothers (1980)