The Smell of Fear

Living in Manhattan during this post-Apocalyptic era is often a testimony to the enduring fortitude of my fellow denizens. Sure, in the past, we've had to deal with the appalling paucity of affordable housing, the absence of quality public education, and a cost-of-living index so high that restaurants can actually charge $99 for a fucking hamburger.

But, in the wake of 9/11 and the London bombings, living here seems to be taking a greater toll. Imagine living in a place where ones civil liberties can be dismissed in the name of safety. Imagine living in a city where millions of lives are disrupted on a daily basis by ever-changing threat levels. But most importantly, can you imagine living someplace where fear still inhabits the hearts of even the strongest among us?

Don't get me wrong. I love this city. And it's going to take a lot more to get me to leave. I'm only bringing this up now because of events that transpired during my commute home last night. Normally, my commute on the subway takes about 10 minutes door-to-door. But last night, as the train was about 500 yards from the platform, we lurchingly ground to a halt. This is not an irregular occurence in NY so most people didn't even flinch. But after about 10 minutes, the conductor announced that police and emergency personnel were shutting down the station so they could examine the tracks. He didn't know when we'd be able to get moving again and cautioned everyone to stay calm. After another 20 minutes, you could feel the tension in the subway car slowly building. It was eerily silent. Since the A/C was cut off, people were taking off their jackets and rolling up their shirt collars. Was this a terrorist attack? Had there been a bomb scare? You could almost smell the fear in the car.

But me? I couldn't smell the fear. All I could smell was the fucking body odor from the five people standing next to me. The guy directly in front of me smelled like he'd been digging latrines all day. The guy by my side smelled like he'd been rubbing his face with dirty socks. The young Wall Street intern had cleary thought he was supposed to pour the WHOLE bottle of Paco Rabonne on his neck. The lady stepping on my toes decided to eat her 2-day old Big Mac. And I think the nanny in front of me was carrying some used cloth diapers filled with Indian food.

Now, don't get me wrong. I know bad smells. I've walked along the world's most polluted rivers in Bangladesh. I've been elbow-to-elbow with thousands of people on the streets of Karachi during Ramadan. And I've been to factory towns in China where toxic yellow clouds come billowing out of smokestacks. But for some reason, last night was tough for me.

The great Prussian military theorist Carl Von Clausewitz once said that war is the admixture of politics by other means. Well, let me amend that to say that the NYC subway is the admixture of smells by many means. I think it was the combination of all those smells that caused such cosmic dissonance and proved, once again, that the sum is often greater than the whole.

So, to all you terrorists out there trying to put fear in my soul? I offer you my middle finger! Suck it, bitches! Not now nor ever will you cause me to wallow in terror!

But all you smelly mofos on the subway? You win. I'm walking for the next few weeks.

Comments

[Matthew]

There are certain smells that stay with you, and when you smell them again it brings back strong memories of yesteryear. My strongest scent memories are...

1) The smell of my kindergarten class (some kind of mixture of glue, clay and disinfectant)

2) The smell of my father (but you don't smell Old Spice all that often anymore)

3) The smell of NYC's subways. The stations themselves with the musty, humid, urine smell are bad enough. But, I agree with you Metrodad, there is nothing worse than a car full of sweaty, stinky, people that you are rubbing up against for long lengths of time.

The only thing that could compound this is when one of those people puts their hand in your pocket, trying to take your wallet.

[brent]

Dude...I could not live with that fear. I'm a total wuss. I don't know how people can live in Manhattan after 9/11. I would have so totally been out of there.

[Karl Rove]

Yeah! Suck it, you terrorist bitches!

[Riley]

The worst is when someone grabs the bar above and their armpit is right in your face. Amazing how many people don't use deodorant.

[Corinne]

I understand. I don't ride a metro/subway each day, but every day for the past week, a lady in my office (2 desks down) has popped, not one, but two bags of popcorn in our microwave. Which wouldn't be so bad if she didn't burn the first bag, and if it wasn't SUPER-DUPER-EXTRA BUTTER that stinks to high heavens. PLUS? I'm pregnant... so I smell EV-ER-Y-THING. So I understand. Then again, diapers full of indian food would put me under...

[enygma]

One of the joys of living in the suburbs is never having to smell the people around you on the morning commute. If something smells, then you need to clean out your car.

[Elisson]

Could be worse. We were having dinner somewhere on Madison Avenue a few years back and a guy sitting near us apparently had a quiet diarrhea attack right there in his seat. He paid his check and left, wearing his stained-seat pants...but the film of fly-attracting Liqui-Shit on his seat did not, alas, leave with him.

I (heart) New York. Where else do you get Dinner Theatre like this with your dinner?

[Jason]

Combine the odors you've described, substitute the Paco Rabonne with the smell of a musty old wetsuit and you have the olfactory sensation of riding in my truck. Or as I used to refer to it back in my single days - "The Jay's Not Getting Laid Tonight Because His Date Is Throwing Up In Her Mouth Thanks To The Stench Wagon".

[Lex]

You know why I read this blog? Because only you could tie in 9/11, $99 burgers, Clausewitz & B.O. all in one post.

'Effin genius. You are one over-educated mofo. I'm curious. What do you do for a living?

[Louise]

$99 for a burger? That must be one mighty-fine tasting burger. Sheesh! I don't know how anyone can afford to live in your city.

[Morphing Mama]

Yeah, man, people smell. That's why us Southern Californians never take public transportation.

[Wendy]

I would have been freaking out if that happened to me! Honestly, I don't know how you can live in NY after 9/11. I guess I'm just a nervous nellie!

[Queen of Ass]

Eh. Gross.

Texas is too open for much of anything to be reached by public transportation, and we don't got no subways. Everything's by car, pretty much. HOWEVER, the heat makes LOTS of people skanky!

[Mr. Big Dubya]

Oh, how I don't miss riding the train - as a former Bostonian, I share your pain of riding public transportation - it wasn't Paco Rabanne tho' - ours use Obsession or Drakar, industrial size from BJs. My stomach is doing flips just thinking about it - you'll have to excuse me.

[alice, uptown]

As Sartre said: "Hell is -- other people." And I'll bet he never had a fun-filled trip on the MTA tracks when the temp is 95 and the humidity pretty damn close, and air is just a distant memory.

Granted, when the Metro cleaners are on strike, the Parisian underground is no picnic. But at least in France, you have a chance of breathing a whiff of Chanel No. 5 or Joy instead of eau de B.O. The best you'll get here is the off-chance to breathe one of those "more powerful deodorants" I see on Spike TV. Of course, it could be the underarm variety, could be Mr. Clean -- you probably wouldn't care.

You have my sympathies. As for me, I take the bus. If it stops for no forseeable reason, I can get the hell off.

Oh, to live here post- 9/11 -- we've already been hit. How many times does lightning strike?

And statistically, we're much safer on public transit than you folks in cars.

[Carmen]

I feel your pain. I was visiting Chicago and on the train, and we were stopped outside of the city for about 10 minutes. We were never told why, but it really got hot in there.

I was stuck in there with my 20 month old who is on the autistic spectrum. Boy, THAT was fun!

By the way, I'm a long time lurker!

[Linda B]

I thought this was going to be some deep, introspective post about NY after 9/11.

HA

[Mamacita]

You really do have a talent for vivid description. However, now my mind is full of images and odors and I can't get rid of them. The diaper full of Indian food is haunting me especially hard.

I think I'm going to take a shower now. It might last a while; at least until the pre-owned Indian food concept is gone.

[panthergirl]

Hahaha... You stirred up a distinct subway odor memory for me:

When I was about 8, I was in a subway station with my mother and two sisters. I saw the word "Pussy" written on a wall, and thinking it meant "cat" I loudly announced, "YEAH, it really DOES smell like a pussy in here!"

[tod]

Man, you crack me up. Seriously, you do. :)

[Joe]

Fuck you everone. spik smells like beans and rice. Go back to Mexico!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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