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July 14, 2005

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Angie

My DH doesn't know that I CAN'T STAND his entire side of the family. I play nice. But really? I'd rather have root canal then spend time with them.

"Steve"

My wife doesn't know that sometimes after my monthly bowling night with the guys from work, we end up going to a strip club. She'd kill me if she knew.

Stacy

When I stay up late, sometimes I watch porn, then flip the channel back to 'Lifetime Movie Network' so he doesn't know.

And there is a fairly obscure actor whose movies I will watch repeatedly because I slept with him back in the 80's.

MD Reader

MD...you are so funny, I can't stand it! You are so witty and smart and so very honest! Your blog rocks!!!!

Fedward Hyde

i like your prose and your site!

JSpeth

I read this and as always got a good giggle. The I started to respond to your post. My mind was lank...so I took a break. Gave it some thought and still blank brain.

The thought came to me...Does my hubby know everything about me??? Do I not have any little detail I can share? Oh my goodness! I think he might just know it all.

Scary thought. As of now, several hours after I first read your post I still can't think of anything. It bugs me that I don't have any litte smidge of infor that he doesn't know....I'll have to work on this.

Mark

Holy shit, MD. I'm still laughing my butt off at this post. Dropping the kids off at the pool? I never heard that one before. Too funny! For secrets? My wife doesn't know that I stash candy and beer in the garage. We're both on a diet together but dammit I need my candy and beer.

Elsi

he doesn't know i faked orgasms for the first 3 months of our relationship. or that before we moved in together, i accidentally stepped on his dog nearly every night i was there while making my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and that's why the dog was a hermit in the back room when i moved in; he still thinks it was just fear of the new person, not fear of being stepped on.

Loren

My DH doesn't know that in the 3 weeks we were broken up before we got back together and got married, I slept with a coworker.

Oops.

enygma

This was the funniest thing I read in a long time. It's a very refreshing break from reading about failures of integrationg and muliticulturalism in the classroom. Unfortunately, I'm a bit worried that little snippets of your entry will replay in my head as I read yet another article on integration and get easily distracted. =D

misfithausfrau

Hubby doesn't know that I stared smoking the MINUTE after my second baby was born and continued to smoke after we moved back to the midwest in April. I came close to getting caught a couple of times, but he never let on that he knew. I have since quit again.

I am also back to buying shoes and hiding them in my car. That way, when he asks if they are new, I can truthfully say "No."

He also doesn't know that I am addicted to a riduculous Bollywood Movie that I stop to watch EVERY SINGLE TIME IT IS ON--no matter what time.

landismom

You are so crazy.

My dh doesn't know that I heart Taco Bell, even while I secretly know it's disgusting.

Gerry

My wife doesn't know that those golf outings that I go to for work? Well, they're not really for work. I go to play with one of my high school buddies who my wife hates!!!

Larissa

This post was so hilarious! I've been trying to think of something that my hubby doesn't know about me. I can't think of anything! I need a secret!

Susie

Mr. Darcy! Love HIM! I have the BBC P&P on DVD. They remade it into a feature but the Darcy they have is lame - NO Colin Firth (dreamy). Sorry got carried away!
- My husband doesn't know I love fast food and stop at drive thrus fairly often (I also know it's disgusting)
- I also hide purchases sometimes. It used to be clothes for me. Now it's clothes for Liam. It's a sickness.

not-for-profit-dad

Reviewing the comments, it seems that the women have much more devious secrets than the men. This leads me to two possible conclusions:

1) Women are more devious than men. While our dark secrets involve sharing peanuts with the dog and playing golf, women are faking orgasms and thinking about the semi-famous actor they bedded in the 80s.

2) Women are more honest and willing to 'fess-up on a blog. Men have to be drunk or careless to tell a truly self-incriminating truth.

Kim

God, you're killing me here, MD! I almost choked to death on my pizza! Jay knows pretty much everything about me. Well, maybe not that I use his razor to shave in...delicate places. But other than that, he's pretty much in the know.

Mrs. Anonymous

My husband reads your blog every once in awhile so I'm staying anonymous.

But what he doesn't know? I have a maid come to our house once a week to clean. He has no idea. He doesn't even call me from work on Tuesdays because he knows that Tuesdays are "cleaning days."

Sheryl

What a great post! I can't think of anything off the top of my head, but I know there are a few things...

David

Over the last 2 years, mostly after she has gone to bed, I have played over 9,000 games of Yahoo chess.

Damian

She doesn't know that I still talk to my ex.

Julie G.

Very funny, MD! I think my hubby knows everything about me. The only thing that he might not know about is that when he goes out of town, I smoke a joint with his sister.

Marc Singer, AKA "The Beastmaster"

Stacy, Stacy, Stacy - after all we've been through, you still only think of me as "an obscure actor"? My films "The Beastmaster", "The Beastmaster II", and "If You Could See What I Hear"(all of which, by the way, can been seen on TNT this month!) are all among Long's Drug's top 10,000 VHS rentals, I'll have you know.

Matthew

I can't believe that women are the only ones who watch porn and do drugs behind their spouses back!

Maybe women are the only ones who will admit it. Because, let's face it, when women do those things it's hot, when men do it, we're losers.

Janis

Hmmm...

What does my husband not know about me?

Brutal honesty here.. But he doesn't know the real me. Even after 21 years together, he still has no clue as to who I really am.

No wonder our marriage is on the verge of tanking.

*sigh*

Now *that's* a sad secret..

Stacy

"Marc", I told you never to contact me here!

Rosalie

My husband knows I'm addicted to sushi. What he doesn't know is that when he goes to evening Spanish classes on Wednesdays (that he started taking so that he could communicate better with my family...how sweet!) I go and get sushi. A lot of it. We are on a "strict" going-out-to-eat budget, but I fit that one in since it's the only dinner we have apart in any given week. I count down the days to my weekly sushi indulgence. I just can't help it, especially since he's not a big fan and never wants to make that our weekend outing.

Delia

There were SO many things my husband didn't know about me, which I suppose is why he is now my EX-husband. There's a lesson there somewhere.

stacyfan

My wife doesn't know that I'd like to meet stacy!!

Dennis

I see you are a visitor of Jeff Keller's digital camera page. He is a great guy.

Nathaniel

Hilarious post. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I also felt compelled to tell you that you might not have lied after all with regard to the 1340/1400. SAT's were recentered about 10 years ago, so your old SAT scores may have realized a bump. Check it out:
http://www.greenes.com/html/convert.htm

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Your articles and photos are really shock me. The pen can be a weapon! You are a talented writer with a pen, and maybe you will be

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My DH doesn't know that I CAN'T STAND his entire side of the family. I play nice. But really? I'd rather have root canal then spend time with them.

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Holy shit, MD. I'm still laughing my butt off at this post. Dropping the kids off at the pool? I never heard that one before. Too funny! For secrets? My wife doesn't know that I stash candy and beer in the garage. We're both on a diet together but dammit I need my candy and beer.

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My DH doesn't know that in the 3 weeks we were broken up before we got back together and got married, I slept with a coworker.

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