I'm going to take a brief hiatus from writing about parenthood to discuss my absolute love of E-Bay. Because, truth be told, there are very few things I love as much as E-Bay. Here are some brief thoughts on my love for E-Bay...
(1) The absolute weirdness and individuality of it all is just awesome. Truly, more than anything, E-Bay really proves Locke's Theory of Individuality. No matter how weird you think you are, there's always someone out there weirder than you. After all, one man's toe nail clippings are another man's fortune.
(2) I've never been judgmental about the items sold on E-Bay. As long as it's legal, who are we to interfere in commercial transactions between two consenting adults? You want to auction off the name of your baby? Tattoo your forehead? Sell your virginity? Go right ahead, my friends. This is America. Who am I to cast judgment? After all, I live in a city that was bought for $24 in glass beads.
(3) The Virgin Mary on a Grilled Cheese Sandwich! This cracked me up. I thought it was so funny that I actually bid on it. I could not believe my eyes when it ended up going for over $28,000. Other classic E-Bay auctions? Ghost in a jar, Air guitar, Brett Favre's house and an Ex-wife's wedding dress (shown being worn by the jilted husband).
(4) My early fascination with E-Bay led me to become a shareholder in the company. Unfortunately, my investment wasn't large enough for me to retire early, sit on a beach, drink martinis and discuss sports all day with my foodtaster. Nor was it enough for me to pay for the Peanut's college tuition...unless she wants to go to a state school in Guam.
Anyway, I started thinking about my love for E-bay tonight because the BossLady has been selling quite a few items there lately. Every since the Peanut was born, we've been avid E-Bay users. We buy virtually everything for the Peanut off E-bay...toys, books, clothes, everything! For any parents-to-be out there, I highly recommend it.
But tonight, I wasn't searching E-Bay for anything specific. I was just browsing randomly around the site and happened to find a few items that only reaffirmed my love for E-Bay, such as...
The original statue from the movie "Rocky". (How great would it be to place this in your backyard, run laps around it every morning and then swallow a dozen raw eggs?)
A Vampire Killing Kit. (As some of you may know, there are a lot of vampires in New York. You can never be too well-prepared)
Your very own Redneck family. (Growing up in New York, I've always had an anthropological fascination with Rednecks. What's with the fucked-up teeth? Why the banjo? Does possum taste good?)
Santa Claus' Beard Hairs. (Dude, it's Santa!)
And according to this article, starting on Friday, E-Bay will be having an auction to buy a summer romance with Jennifer Aniston. Having never really liked "Friends," I couldn't really care less. But I am interested in buying that Rocky statue. I can't stop thinking about it. It would look great in my apartment. And talk about a conversation starter! Anyone want to lend me a million bucks?