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March 07, 2005

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» They're so selfish...What about me!! from Blahg Blahg Blahg
This started out as a comment to a post over at MetroDad. But, it's something that is on my mind a lot, so I thought I'd put it here as well. Seems like I have this internal battle every day.... [Read More]

» A response to a chain of posts at MetroDad: on not always loving being a parent. from Rants for the Invisible People
There's a discussion at Metrodad about the trend towards "parental selfishness" - and a response from a woman who obviously had an abusive relationship with her dad. Without invalidating her experience, because I absolutely sympathize, I believe the... [Read More]

» Reading assignment from Motherhood and all that
Your assignment while I'm AWOL, should you choose to accept it, is to hop on over to MetroDad's blog and read his post, "Take my kid please". I had been contemplating a post in a similar vein, and now I... [Read More]

» Dodged That Bullet from Daddy Types
Wow, as I first read it yesterday, I totally felt like I could've written Metrodad's post, "Take my kid, please!" After reading the 81 comments that followed, I was like, whew, dodged that bullet. Yet here I go, playing with a loaded gun, and I can't t... [Read More]

Comments

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Jesse

Krissy,

I've been an avid reader of this site because I enjoy the frank and intellectual discussions about parenting that occur here. No matter what controversial subject is raised, I'm always amazed at how people here voice their opinions so thoughtfully. The level of discourse always surprises me. Despite the differences, there are never any personal attacks.

But I think you're crossing the line here and letting your emotions get the best of you. I also think that you're letting your experience with your father cloud your own sense of perspective. As the father of 4 kids, I've learned that you can't impose your ideas of parenting on others. What works for some doesn't necessarily work for others. Who are you to tell people that they're wrong? That they should vent only in the ways that you deem acceptable? Your self-righteousness and judgemental nature belie an immaturity and lack of real understanding about what it means to be a parent. Give it a rest. And if you must disagree, there's no need to resort to personal attacks on people. Sorry. That's just the way I was raised and that's the way I'm raising my 4 kids.

Metro,

Keep up the great blogging. For a new father, you show an excellent capacity for understanding the complexities of parenting. It's refreshing to see a father who is so involved in his child's life. When I had my first child, I was so dazed that I was practically just going through the motions. It wasn't until much later that I started thinking about parenting as a philosophy. You're ahead of the game, son. The Peanut is a lucky girl.

Krissy

Jesse, you go. I knew that my opinion would not be popular. I'm not usually a judgemental bitch about things, but this issue really gets my goat. I feel like the people who read this stuff and think "But no, that isn't normal!" don't speak up and that it's considered bad ettiquite to post anything that's remotely dissenting.

I don't think it's normal. I don't think it's okay. I don't think it's socially acceptable and I think that the people who don't think it's socially acceptable don't say anything.

I think it's like being at a big party where people are loudly comparing their driving-home-drunk stories and ignoring the others who are looking at each other with their eyebrows raised in horror.

My eyebrows are up. I think it's horrible. I apologize for any personal attacks, but I really think that the problem is widespread and insideous and I think people who are supportive of the behavior are ten times more likely to pipe up than people who disagree.

That said, I apologize for any personal attacks. I've tried to be clear about where I think the line is and how much I dislike folks that go over that line and think it's okay.

I'm going to stop posting now so that people can get back to being all buddy-buddy and supportive. Just know, if you're badmouthing your kid or your spouse, that there are plenty of us out there raising our eyebrows at each other in horror.

anne

i like the part at the beginning where you were going to "save space in the comments section". bwah!

i miss not worrying about death. when the boy was born, i was suddenly thrown into a dilemma of wanting to live forever, because of not wanting to miss a moment of his life, and also being terrified of outliving him.

other than that, it just gets easier every year, and while i know there were things that really drove me around the bend when he was littler- i don't really remember what they were. check back with me when he's a teen, and i'm sure i'll come up with something i don't like.

Krissy

I'm carrying the conversation on here at my blog if anyone is interested in a frank discussion or would like to call me an ass. I'm not afriad of being called an ass, because I really think I'm absolutely right here. Please come and join me. All posts are welcome.

Just bring a thick skin.

moxie baby shower.com

I appreciate your honesty! Admitting that kids are high-maintenance is not a crime! Carla

Girl in the Locker Room!

I hope all you people out there were smart enought to get the version of kid that doesn't turn into a teenager. They're just like toddlers now, (17, 15) suddenly mobile and with no sense, only instead of wandering cluelessly into the road they're behind the wheel and the random things they find to put in their mouths could be deadly drugs. They still scream and cry and want Mommy to make it better, but you've got fewer tricks up your sleeve. A bottle and change of diaper can't take away their teen pain. I feel helpless in the face of their hurt.
I most miss being able to pick up and go somewhere on short notice. I love being needed but I resent it too.
What I hate most is how angry they can make me. I resent that. It feels out of character for me.

Carrie

I certainly don't mean to imply that wanting to shake your child is healthy or ok, and I fully believe if you get to that place it is a sign you need to step back. But you aren't a bad person because you are there. I am not the only parent I know that has had the thought, and my daughter's pediatrician, who I shared this experience with a few months later, said it wasn't surprising and I wasn't alone. I needed to hear that so I could stop feeling like I needed to put her in foster care because I was a horrible parent. She didn't say it was ok to have those thoughts, and wanted to be sure that I had a support system in place so that I wouldn't go there again, and had help if I did. Having the thought of making this all stop pop into your head is not the same as actively planning to harm your child. So rather than silently raising my eyebrows in horror at a friend when she tells me she is having trouble, I would rather find out why it is she felt the way she did.

In my house, growing up, we weren't allowed to bitch, ever. Any complaint was met by "it could be a lot worse, you know. You should be grateful". It took paying a therapist to tell me "Yes, it could be worse, but that doesn't mean it doesn't suck. It's ok to complain once in a while" before I could see that I wasn't being negative and detrimental to my mental health when I occasionally vented.

I haven't had a post make me so angry in a long time, and the fact that I had to work very hard to hold back and be civil says to me that this isn't anything constructive and healthy for me. So I'll stop too. And thanks again, MetroDad, for putting up with this. I find your blog refreshingly free of drive-by parenting (most of the time), and it is a pleasure to read.

BIYF

BIYM and I have a three month old boy (our first). She turned to me in bed last night just before we dozed off, and said, "let's leave him with someone for a weekend. I want our lives back, dammit, if only for a few days." If I thought she could actually get through an entire weekend without seeing him, I'd be all for it!

Tiger Dancer

Well put.

Melizzard

Even more amazing than learning this myself when my daughter was born 3 years ago was when I learned that if you try and explain this to First Time Pregnant parents as a matter of friendship - ala - enjoy these last few months of just being you. They get seriously pissed off at you. All they can see is their due date goal and they don't want to hear that it's not going to be all roses and sunshine.

MelissaS

I like how Krissy gives a numbered list judging whether or not Carrie is a good parent. I picture her in a black robe with a gavel weighing the evidence and deeming us all good or bad parents based on her perception of good or bad parenting. Which is based, in large part, on the unhealed pain of a childhood with a father who didn't just say he resented parenting while with friends. Rather, he expressed those feelings to his children. I'd like to believe there's a difference. But then I'm sure Krissy will don her robe and let me know.

I love people like Krissy, in a way that makes me throw up in my mouth.

What I miss:
Doing one thing at a time.
Sleeping in.
Finishing a sentence while speaking to my husband.
After work happy hour.
Extra cash.

JJ Daddy in Savannah

Krissy, Krissy, Krissy, we're not angry at you, just terribly disappointed.....
But that's OK, because we don't spank here, however, you will need to sit on the special MetroDad Time Out Stool with the built in timer.
Anyways, your comment about "I really think I'm absolutely right" puzzles me, because people with that attitude usually have their own show on Fox News. Or a line of parenting books.
Skimming through the 60 or so comments here, what strikes me is that the people whose flippant comments nettle you, seem to readily admit that parenting is a difficult job, and it is so tough for them because they worry about doing it right, whatever the hell that means, regardless of how they were raised, or the conflicting advice they've gotten.
The other common thread I see here is that for all the Reader's Digest bromides we've heard about parenting being 'the toughest job you'll ever love" (or is that the Army?), and all the classes, books and advice we've received, no one ever realizes what they've gotten into until the child-rearing roller coaster has left the top of that first hill, and they think "Oh, crap! Here we go!"
In closing:
"I don't know any parents that look into the eyes of a newborn baby and say, How can we screw this kid up." -Russell Bishop

Kim

I had way too much to say on this to leave it in your comments, so I wrote a post about it.

http://catawampus.typepad.com/catawampus/2005/03/one_of_the_best_1.html

Shetha

I have to say... it would be very shocking to me, too, but I don't know this person so I won't judge just from this story.

It's important to realize when you're in over your head. That can happen VERY quickly, and that's why it's handy for kiddos to have two parents. It's not always possible, though. I think in today's world we are all very mobile and we have moved away from family and friends to accomodate employment needs (on average). This leaves us rearing kids without the "village". In this case we reach out to others in similar situations for sympathy and a pat on the back. Enter: The parenting blog. All of this venting is (like someone mentioned above) a good way to work through things as you sort out how to COPE with the demands that are put on you every day to be everything to everyone at all times.

Everyone has to come up with a coping mechanism. Again, as mentioned by someone else... shaking a child or throwing them out the window is not an acceptable coping mechanism. Talking about what it is that makes you feel that you want to do those things is essential.

Amanda

Sex? More than the act itself, I miss actually WANTING to do it. Most of the time now I'd rather sleep.

Luna

I have a 6 year old daughter, and she is absolutely the love and light of my life. However - there are times when I wish she would just sit down and be quiet for awhile. Even when she's sick (which is often) she's constantly on the go. I can't say that I miss my old life, because I married and had her at a very young age, but what I can say is that I miss having some time to myself occasionally. I miss being able to lie down in bed and not stay awake listening for the cough/whine/cry/etc. that's going to mean I have to get out of bed any second (MAMAAAAAA I NEED YOU!!!).

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with admitting that your kids drive you nuts every so often, and, quite frankly, I believe that anyone who does NOT admit that has some of their own serious, personal issues to work out.

During the first 4 years of my daughter's life, I was essentially a single parent. My husband is ex Navy, so I was home alone with the kiddo while he was gone most of the time. And let me tell you... There is nothing worse than being alone with a baby/toddler/preschooler while your husband is god-only-knows-where and the rest of your family is 1200 miles away. It is frustrating as HELL when your child is awake all night crying for absolutely no apparent reason and you have NO ONE to turn to to say "Please, help me before I SHOOT MYSELF!!!"

Yes, I have had "child abuse" days, where I've had to call friends and family and say "you gotta come help me before I beat my child into submission", and I'm not afraid to admit it. Because if I didn't... Well, I wouldn't be here right now, and possibly, neither would my daughter.

As a side note (but still on-topic): Krissy, everyone has their own opinions on parenting, and that's fine.. But to be judgemental about it and say "you're wrong and I'm right and that's it" speaks volumes about you personally.

Randy

I just learned about your site from Blogging Baby and have spent the past 3 hours reading every single one of your past posts. Dude, you're hysterical. But more than that, you're a great writer. Some of your posts were really touching and beautiful. Others had me peeing in my pants with laughter. I can't wait to read more. Great stuff!

Lori

Since when did this become Krissy's personal forum? 14 entries? I may have missed a few, I just did a quick scan...

Jennifer

I don’t often like to make negative comments about people on the internet, but I find Krissy finger pointing judgmental statements to be appalling! I love the fact that as parents we can have controversial conversations and still be civil to each other. Everyone is not always going to agree. Especially when we are discussing something as important as the frustrations of parenthood. I honestly don’t believe that anyone hear would seriously harm their child, or call their children demeaning names to their faces. Sometimes it is healthy to vent. I love being a parent. It is the most joy I have ever experienced, but like most of us here I have personally experienced a time where I felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and frustrated. It’s ok to vent sometimes, and it would be nice if we didn’t have to deal with finger pointing when someone talks about it.

Krissy

Hey.

I wanted to stop by and apologize. I've been thinking about what I said and how I said it and realized that I've been way out of line.

I still believe in the jist of what I said, but there were about fifty ways to say it that weren't rude, and I was an ass for choosing the rude way.

I know why I did it, but there isn't any excuse.

Drivebys are not my typical style, nor are personal attacks. I behaved like an ass, and I'm sorry for behaving like an ass and monopolizing the conversation.

Chris

We thought we were great parents who had it all together. Then we had our second child and learned, nope, our first was a great baby who had it all together. We love our son, but the fact of the matter his, compared to his older brother, he's a pain in the ass who can't be pleased. Sometimes it helps to step back and realize that you can love someone without liking everything they do and that not everything needs to be analyzed to death. Make the quip and then keep on coping. Laughing is the right response in a one-off case like this

Krissy, it looks like you might want to get your own blog. Your comments are way long (so long I quit reading them), and you sure are humorless to be posting here in contrast to Metro.

Leila Winters

^_^ Aww, see now? Krissy apologized. I think the civil thing to do is accept and move on. We all can get a little heated when it's something close to our hearts.

I also wanted to add (because I realized I listed only things that have occurred WITH the kids) things that I miss...[even though I'm not technically a parent, my brother and his wife are such workaholics, the the rest of us are pretty much surrogate parents]:

1. I miss being able to watch a movie with profanity, graphic violence and mature themes at the drop of a hat.

2. I miss using excessive profanity in my daily speech.

3. I miss daydreaming during my walks and NOT having idle nightmares of the children undergoing tragedy and disaster.

4. I miss being able to go to the bathroom without having little fists knocking on the door and asking me every ten seconds when I'm coming out.

5. I miss getting ready to go out without feeling guilty because I have two kids following me around, giving me puppy dog eyes, asking me where I'm going and when I'll be back.

Haha...aww...the children are just too cute. ^___^ Y'all shoulda seen me when the kids were first born and their care was thrust upon me. I had no idea what I was doing.

CHILD HORROR STORY: Sorry. I just gotta say this. When my nephew was about two years old, we noticed that he was unusually inactive and quiet, complete with an emotionless blank stare. His mother later caught the daycare lady slipping Nyquil/Tylenol PM into his bottle to quiet him down. This had been going on daily for months.

We got him away from that DEMON Lady quick, and it took a few more months to really flush that stuff out of his system and get him back to normal activity. We don't think anything is permanently damaged, and he is fine now (years later), but parents BE VERY CAREFUL! Really watch your children's behavior if they are not in your care 24/7.

ElizabethN

"Krissy, it looks like you might want to get your own blog. Your comments are way long (so long I quit reading them), and you sure are humorless to be posting here in contrast to Metro."

Um, Krissy does have her own blog. The link is in every post.

mothersong

I have a 3 year old, a 12 year old, a 15 year old, a 17 year old, and a grown daughter. Not only do I remember each stage, I live them each about every day.

I've been a mom longer than I've been an adult. There's not a lot that I miss from before kids. I'm getting so old I barely remember before kids. There are things I wish were easier with kids, but much of that is as much a product of the society we live in as the reality of children.

The one thing I don't like about people talking about kids is the basic disrespect it shows. Every single person I know has some aspect of their personality that bothers me. My kids are no different, and I have to spend a significant amount of time with them. However, that's my problem, not theirs.

My kids are no more responsible for my bad moods or my irritation than anyone else. They are not required to change their personality to make me happier anymore than the guy next door.

I find a lot of people bitch about their kids (and their spouse) with this sort of unspoken expectation that because the kids (or spouse) "belong" to them, they are entitled to certain things. I don't believe that at all. I don't own my kids, they are not some possession of mine to critique at will.

I try very hard to enjoy every aspect of my children's personality. Some thing are more challenging than others for me. I had one child who screamed for hours every day for months as an infant, and one who had ongoing health problems as an infant and young child. Two of mine were hospitalized before they were 1 year old. Two are very close in age. One is ADHD. Things here are not all sweetness and light. Honestly, I have never wanted to shake my kids, either. I have gotten to the point where I can see why people do.

For me, I think the difference is that I came to parenting expecting to give myself totally to being a mother. I have a life besides that, and I enjoy my life that isn't about mothering. But mothering is my first priority, and everything is secondary to that. If I have to give things up, or change things, that is a given for me. It isn't a thing to complain about, because I fully expected to have to sacrifice when I became a mom.

I treat my mothering a lot like a profession. I read parenting books, I talk with other mothers, and I do whatever is needed to do the best possible job. Just like people stay late at the office, or move for their job, or can't stay up and party because they have to get to work in the morning.

The biggest difference? I love my job. I love my kids, I love being a mother, I love making a family. I'd have another one if I could, and my teenagers ask me daily if I am making another baby. (That's enough to put a crimp in your lovelife, having your teens pressuring you to have sex!)

I can see why people get upset and frustrated, but I think it's throwing the blame the wrong way to say it's the kids' fault they feel that way.

Chris

I posted at an untimely moment. I think I need to learn to type faster.

I also see now that the link eventually appears if you hover over the poster's name. Live and learn! I don't know how some people find so much time to spend writing, reading, and commenting. At least you have something to show for it, unlike so many things in the parenting life that are undone as soon as you do them.

JJ Daddy in Savannah

Umm, maybe it's just me, but the sentence "I've been a mom longer than I've been an adult." doesn't make any sense, unless you gave birth before puberty.
I'm sure with 5 kids between the ages of 3 and 20 or so, it sure SEEMS that way, though.

Cori

I don't think it hurts anything to be honest, as long as we are honest in a way that is not meant to be causing pain to anyone else.

I miss being able to walk into any room in my house at any given time and listening to the quiet. With three kids 7 and under, it is always LOUD here!

mothersong

I guess I should have said it seems like I've been a mother longer than I've been an adult. Truth is it's been longer than I've been a grown-up. I wasn't too grown up when I had my first at 19. I'm not always a grown-up now, but I try harder. :-)

Janis

What do I miss most about my pre-child days?

I miss having my heart intact.

I miss not knowing the depth of pain one can have in ones life.

I miss not knowing how it feels to have policemen come to your door and tell you that your child is dead.

I miss not knowing the horror of seeing your child's lifeless body on a table at the mortuary.

I miss not knowing the vomit inducing panic of picking out a coffin, a cemetery, a headstone.

I miss not knowing how excruciating it is to plan a funeral when only days before you were planning a shopping trip to buy a dress for prom.

Most of all though, I just miss my daughter.

Nothing in my previous life (before kids) seems that big of a deal to miss anymore. It's all just stuff that fills the time. But these precious gifts in our lives, our children, they are what is so real, so important, so vital.

Losing my daughter has changed everything for me. Me time does not seem all that big of a deal when I'd trade every hour of it for one more minute with her.

Scully

I used to be one of those sickening parents that was just head over heels in love with their child.

And then, my rotten 15 year old decided that I was the enemy, packed up his belongings and told me he never wanted to speak to me again and is with his dad.

I have done nothing but fight for that child, fight to see him, give up my entire life, live in a city I despise, not have a date for 16 years, and he does that to me. And then goes to the enemy.

I was devastated.

And then I got over it. And now I buy things for myself like the brand new 30G photo iPod rather than another game boy for my son.

I'm going to Paris this year.

I'm buying a condo next year.

I buy books for me at the bookstore.

And I can listen to the music I want.

I miss him fiercely, and when he finally smartens up and decides he wants to speak to me again, I'm going to smack him upside the head.

Then I'm going to hug him so tightly he won't be able to breathe, and get lipstick all over his face from all the kisses I'm going to give him.

And then inform him that he pays for his own stuff from now on.

Sometimes I think I loved him a little too much and this was a good wake up call.

Krissy

*strangles to death from not saying anything*

Uma Andersson

I am the mother of five kids. I had my first, who is now 17, at the ripe old age of 15. I was a stupid, teenager who wanted to grow up fast and I met a 19 year old man and told him I was 19 and then VOILA....4 months later, my mother tells me at the kitchen table that I am pregnant. He offers to marry me and my mother says now, wait, finish school and lets see what happens. I have been married to that man for 12 years, and we have 4 more kids. FIVE!! Ahhhhh. I went through just about every thing a parent can go through, a child with diabetes almost dying, alergies, colic, pox, plague, stray animals, demonic possession, electricution, asbestos, holcaust. Whatever.
I have never once let my kids know my angst, I have let them know that I am disappointed with their actions sometimes (when they misbehave) but never let them believe for a moment that I regreted, that their actions were causing me such collapsable stress that I felt like giving them away, or selling them. Krissy has a point when she mentions how these sorts of expressions represent a glib hilarity that some of us laugh about. BUT....it isn't funny to joke about throwing your kid off a buildling, or shaking them or hating them. Just saying this creates such a small pebble rolling down a snowy hill. By the time its allowed to find the bottom, its a big ball of negative angst and frustration. Its OK to say....Parenting can be tough, these are my reasons, I feel they are valid. Its quite another to 'glibly' say, The Bitch is Back, The Little SHIT. These words do damage, they have resonance, they carry a meaning that is very deep and using them everyday doesn't dim their meaning, certainly not in the minds of those who hear these words, and even within ourselves.
When our kid (adorably) says Fuck for the first time, and we immediately (presumably) say, Don't say that, its a naughty word! We are affirming to them that these words are taboo, they have meaning, they are improper, impolite and create negativity. Using them, therefore, when describing our children, or their behaviour does irrevocable damage, even a small amount. But there is NO such thing as a small cancer, and once started upon, as Krissy says, the build up continues.
JUST MY RANT. Love the post. Understand MOST of the sentiments herein, don't agree with all of them, but understand them.
Keep on rockin' in baby!!!

Uma Andersson

Just one more thing.....
I once overheard my teenager say to a friend, during a conversation, how much her parents embarassed her, becuase we were so young, everyone always asked why......she said, to this friend, what she didn't like about us, and how she wished for a different family sometimes. She didn't really mean, somewhere inside I knew that, she was just saying it to get validation from her friend or something. BUT man, those words stung me so much that I cried uncontrollably for days after, I just thought about her having that sentiment and I was devastated for ruining her life, even in a small way. Imagine now that the tables were turned on that overheard conversation, that she somehow overheard me say what I miss about my 'other, older, more funner life (I know, funner isn't a word). How, if I had to do it overagain, I might not have had kids!! How would that make her feel?

Sarcastic Journalist

my 8-month-old daughter drives me insane when she just won't go to bed. damnit, you're taking a NAP, not getting sent to the gallows.

I think I once referred to her as acting like a "bitch."

Oh well. She can't understand me yet.

Uma Andersson

If you didn't have the ability to communicate with those around you, were unable to speak.
If you were forced into a dark, confined space where you were required to be quiet all the while wanted only to be out in the sunshine with the people who you know and trust and are familiar with. If you weren't tired, but were left alone for what seems like hours on end, without the human companionship that you so desire......forgive me for saying this, but I think your actions of acting out, crying or putting up a fuss would not be equated with 'acting like a bitch'

When I act out the classic bitch, I am usually trying to get what I want and when I can't forsee success, start barking and biting viciously.

Drew

Spot On!!!

javajeanelaine

My only son died when he was three years old. I would love to have him "drive me crazy, hear him yelling, screaming, getting into trouble or maybe see him smile at me one.more.time.

Since then, I have experienced five miscarriages, the last one was very recently.

From those of us who would long to have children, your comments are incredibly selfish, rude and just plain unbelievable.

Anon

Krissy, you complain about the "Society of Rant." But you seem to be the only one ranting here.

STACY

IN REGARD TO "TAKE MY KID PLEASE"

WELL 1ST OFF- IAM GLAD TO HEAR THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT GOES CRAZY AFTER HEARING "MOMMY" ALL DAY , LISTENING TO A BABY CRY, AND TRYING TO BALANCE 10 THINGS AT ONCE JUST TO STOP AND DO IT ALL OVER THE NEXT DAY IS A LOT OF EMOTIONAL STRESS. I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE MY OLD LIFE BACK....... ATLEAST ONE DAY A WEEK. I JUST RECENTLY STARTED STAYING AT HOME WITH MY 2 KIDS(5Y AND 15M) AND AT 1ST I LIKED IT, AFTER 2 WEEKS I WANTED TO POKE MY EYES OUT. BASICALLY IT BOILS DOWN TO LAUNDRY, SCRUBBING FLOORS, COOKING, CLEANING, THE FAMILY DESTOYS IT , AND GUESS WAHT MY FRIEND? U DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. I AM AT HOME WITH 4 WALLS TO LOOK AT ALL DAY(OH YA DONT 4HET THE CARTOONS) WHILE MY HUSBAND GOES OUT TO WORK TO TALK TO PEOPLE AND MAKE MONEY FOR THE WORK HE DOES, I FEEL CHEATED NOT ONLY DO I PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALL, WORK HARDER THAN HIM I DO NOT GET RECONGNIZED BY ANYONE 4 WHAT I DO, MY HUBBY KNOW IF I HAD TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN, I WOULD NOT HAVE HAD KIDS, AND I DID IT 2X'S, WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH ME?????? I LOVE MY KIDS, HOWEVER I CANT WAIT FOR MY OLDEST TO GO TO SCHOOL IN THE FALL AMD I CANT WAIT UNTIL THE YOUNGEST IS IN PUBLIC SCHOOL EITHER.WHO EVER THINKS I AM A SELF CENTERED BITCH OR SELFISH, WELL 2 BAD, LIVE IN MY SHOES FOR A WEEK.. IDARE U...U WOULD WANT TO RUN!!!!!!! FAR!!!!

Jason

I'm 36, don't have children, nor am I married. Thank God on both counts. I see you parents follow me with your eyes and heads when I'm driving by in my convertible, practically salivating as you sit in your ugly-ass minivan waiting at the light. You made your choice, so did I. I chose NOT to follow the rules that society forces upon everyone. You must have children. Your must do without for the sake of your children. Well fuck that. I'll live MY life. I'll do what I want when I want, buy what I want, and travel anyplace I'd like. You only have one life to live - it's sad that you threw it all away and had children. You made your bed, now lay in it. I feel sorry for you. Let's hear it now - how many of you feel 'sorry for me?' Go ahead and respond - you're lying.

Mary

I think I am just sick and tired of all the demands that are made on me by my kids. First of all, I am a clean neat freak, And my expectations about the way I want the house kept , are never met. So this alone, drains me, so I catch myself thinking, If you guys weren't here, I would not have to cook as much, Richard and I could afford to go out to eat more, And I catch myself thinking, I wouldn't have to work as hard and I would have been able to afford to go back to school by now if these rugrats weren't here. I hate being stuck having to work weekends and rarely having a chance to "get away with Richard" for a day or not having a moment alone. We could have had our own business by now, so that we could spend more time together if it weren't for those rugrats always needing money for their beach trips, x-box games, or other stuff they have to have, Oh yeah and not to mention all the money we have to save back for my daughter's car insurance next year, and the car that goes along with it. She works and makes good grades, so I shouldn't be so hard on her, My youngest on the other hand is always getting in trouble at school, every single week, Thanks to his ADHD. I wasn't cut out to be a parent, much less to deal with one who is difficult. Sound selfish? It is. But atleast I am being honest. I can't honestly say that I enjoy being Taxi Mom every day when my daughter has practice either. I don't like being depended on that much. I realize now that I should not have had kids. I'm saying that I am a terrible mother and I know it. Although outsiders tend to disagree with me. If I was a good mother, Than why do I have so much resentment towards them? Why do I complain about their needs? I was a single parent for a time and years later, I met Richard and we fell in love. I feel as though they have been a burden on my relationship also, even though, surprisingly, Richard never says he feels that way too. I find myself telling him I want us to spend more alone time together and that I envy his sister and her husband because they have no kids and they take off and do something every weekend together. He just says, "well, atleast you have someone who loves you very much" I am beginning to resent him also because I realize that I just don't have the energy or motivation to work fulltime and try to balance kids, relationship and household as well. Yet he keeps reminding me how He cannot afford for me to not work because we spend almost as much on our food bill as we do on our mortgage payment every month, Well we wouldn't have to spend so much on groceries if these rugrats wouldn't eat so ....much!
Maybe I need therapy. Or just someone to listen. I'm really depressed and Hawaii sounds like a really good idea

pupkarik

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Misty

Lol, can I EVER relate with this article! For the past ten years, I've eaten, slept, and BREATHED my kids! My once-beautiful, slim body? Forget it-I don't have the four hours a day it took to keep it slim, I've simply accepted the fact that I'm supposed to be a big mama, lol. My once-neat home? Constantly trashed, lol. Etc. Etc. And now with my third child, who is my first son, newly born four months ago, very little sleep once again. Oh, fun, oh joy! Money? What's that? Time for myself? What's that? Lol. But I do love them dearly-I can't imagine life without them now.

Sheely Pan

Yeah, kids sometimes are really pains in our ass but lets take a look to the brighter side also. Kids give us happiness. They'll make us young again whenever they are around. They make us forget our problems for a while. We just need to understand their bad behavior sometimes, after all they are just kids.

Katzer Hammock

I missed my kids while reading this post. Though they're sometimes makes me angry but still, I love them. Kids can be sweet and pain in the ass sometimes yet they'll give us happiness in times of loneliness. In short, they make our life worth living. And that’s a fact!

Laberge Warfield

You are right, parenting is the toughest job on earth for me. It is not easy to discipline kids, care and nurture them and be a good model. But children are the most precious gift from GOD. No matter how hard to raise them but they are truly angels and they are the major source of my inspiration.

Children are our living legacies in this world.

Fielden Sachs

Hey guys!!!!!! You're so lucky enough to have kids. You know, I am deeply, madly longing to have baby/ies.. Though I have not yet experienced being a mother, I can understand your feelings. you have missed things you want to do and to have in whic you used to when you were still single.. Having a baby is a treasure guys!

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