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January 18, 2005

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» Storm's A Comin' from More Diapers. One man's quest for modern fatherhood.
No, I'm not talking about Hayes' diaper, though, if Metrodad's "If the Foo Shits, Wear it!" post is any indication, that's in my near future. Nope, it's snowing... again. 6-8 inches, they're calling for. Though, if there's one thing I've l... [Read More]

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Just a couple random meanderings about life with Zack Otis... ~So, last night and this morning, Zack Otis had a TAE. For a complete description of TAE, check out metrodad's blog (which, incidentally, is the best daddy blog out there). Basically, this m [Read More]

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Comments

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Kristie

OMG I'm dying laughing!

I formula fed both of my kids so I didn't have TAE's. They pooped little gold balls because the iron constipated them.

Solid food poop? ACK! When they start eating solid food the poop starts to stink. Like people poop and not baby poop.

The diaper log is a good idea. I never would have thought of that.

Marcus

LOL!!! That is too funny, Metro! I know what you mean though. The same thing would happen with our son. The wife and I referred to it as Mt. St. Helens (we live in Washington State). Never ceased to amaze us.

BTW, you SHOULD write that book. Cause I'd really like to know what to do when the dog starts going after our son's poop. Happens all the time.

Jen

If books told new parents that they would be cleaning poop out of their baby's hair from a shit missile (what you referred to as TAE's), would they really take their baby's home?

My daughter had a milk intolerance the first year, and if I ate anything with the tiniest amount of milk in it (such as bread, hotdogs, cereal, etc..) her ass would blow with such a force it made me shudder. I would hear it slam against the bottom of the diaper and within seconds, it would be up her back, out of the top of her collar, and into her hair. Once, while cleaning up one of these messes, my hubby was lifting her legs up (while on the changing table) to clean her butt, when another round of crap came catapulting out. I happened to be walking into the room, and from 4 feet away, I was blasted with the crap. That was a very low point in my career as a new parent.

Jen

If books told new parents that they would be cleaning poop out of their baby's hair from a shit missile (what you referred to as TAE's), would they really take their baby's home?

My daughter had a milk intolerance the first year, and if I ate anything with the tiniest amount of milk in it (such as bread, hotdogs, cereal, etc..) her ass would blow with such a force it made me shudder. I would hear it slam against the bottom of the diaper and within seconds, it would be up her back, out of the top of her collar, and into her hair. Once, while cleaning up one of these messes, my hubby was lifting her legs up (while on the changing table) to clean her butt, when another round of crap came catapulting out. I happened to be walking into the room, and from 4 feet away, I was blasted with the crap. That was a very low point in my career as a new parent.

Bonnie

I'm with Kristie! Actual baby turds smell awful. I think it's because of their developing digestive systems. But I am glad that we don't have to deal with the Total Ass Explosions anymore. Those always grossed me out. Sometimes, I felt like everytime I changed my daughter's diaper, I was also mopping the floor. Seems so funny when I look back on it now. It wasn't at the time though.

Amy

So true Metro. So true. We have just introduced solids to our 4 month old daughter and the "outcome" really is surprising. Seriously, who knew that orange veggies + breast milk = green toothpasty poo? And the smell, WHOA. Write the book, please. My husband would have loved the warning had it been available.

Jenny

Ahhh, that brings me back to the days..lol.
There was one time in particular that we went on a road trip to Dallas..a 17 hour road trip...and my 11 month old daughter had a T.A.E. all the way up her back and into her hair..aaaand, down her legs caking her clothes. We stopped at a gas station on the Kansas toll highway, which are few and far between..she had good timing! While I was cleaning up her T.A.E. an armed police women comes in and checks all the stalls, while I am standing there at the little pull out changer, looking around to see what the hell she is looking for. Then she goes out and and brings this shackled teenager in..shackled..hands cuffed to ankles..I was thinking..yeah, great time to have an ass explosion! Anyway, the girl stops and looks at all the shit,then looks at the huge pile of wipes, then looks at me and says..THAT is what I have to look forward to?!Turns out she was preggers... She had a look of shear terror on her face!

David

Metro - write the damn book. Your perspective is awesome. ALthough it scares the crap out of me (pun intended) because we're having our first in May.

Short Story Dude (David)

Hank

We called them Assplosions. And I'll second the comment that real-food poop smells way worse than breast milk poop. But I'll take the smell if that's what it takes to leave the Assplosions behind (pun!). The thing that amazed with both my boys is how I can be in the same room with a person who has a diaper-load of stinky stinky poo and have to look into the diaper for visual confirmation before I'm really certain that it's diaper changing time.

chunky

I found you through angryasianman.com and I'm hooked! where do you come up with such clever titles for your blogs?

Beth

You should write that book, Metro. Too funny!

Dr. Johnny fever

What about the TAEs that come with whole, undigested raisins or black beans. Guh-narly!

Christina

Metro-I will take the smelly ones over the TAE's any day!! I don't miss the burn the clothes vs. wash them debate at all. It is horrible to try to clean the crap stains off their adoarable little clothes. First time poster from Chicago-LOVE your blog!

Yvonne

When my daughter was about 2 months old, my fiance was changing her diaper as I was changing my clothes (yeah for spit-up) and I heard, "HOLY SHIT!! IT HIT THE WALL!! BABY, SHE HIT THE WALL WITH HER POOP!!!!!!!" I went running into the nursery and my little darling had sneezed at the exact time he had removed her diaper and the shit went flying. It was over the entire wall, the lamp and my poor fiance. I was laughing so hard I was crying. He didn't find it so funny. Now that we've started her on solids (she's 7 months now) her poop is real poop. Like real people. Like real stinky. At least before she wasn't as smelly.

maiji

delurking for a minute to say how appropriate your code is.... tae in my country really means "poop"

i enjoy reading your entries... reminds me of my baby's early months and our experiences....

keep on writing!

Pink Poppy

Hello! I am here on behalf of the membership of The Poppy Club. We appreciate the fabulosity of your blog and congratulate you on your recent success in The Best of Blogs Award competition. We are hosting a party to celebrate you and your fellow finalists and would be honored if you would join us to walk the Red Carpet and greet your fans:

Friday, Saturday and Sunday--January 21-23
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We hope that you and your friends can join us. And again, please accept our congratulations and best wishes for a very successful and happy 2005.

MomToOne

I can't remember what we called the poop up the back thing, maybe just that . . . But in my house, when poop hit the wall it was Projectile Poop. And 4 years later the memory is vivid!

MomToOne

I can't remember what we called the poop up the back thing, maybe just that . . . But in my house, when poop hit the wall it was Projectile Poop. And 4 years later the memory is vivid!

Aphrodite Undercover

Incidentally, "TAE" is "poo" in the Filipino vernacular. You nailed that one right in the noggin', Metro . Cheers from Manila!

kate

In case you were wondering "what the hell do I do with all this baby shit?", here's a website that suggests that you put it up your own butt:

http://curezone.com/cleanse/enema/#What_is_Fecal_Flora_Replacement

It's good for what ails ya!

John

Projectile poo! I was so proud of my daughter one time she did it that I actually took photos of the poo-stained wall in her room...

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buck09

I was googling for "how to clean baby poop carpet" - your post came up first.

I am afraid that my child has broken Newton's third law of motion: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

By all accounts, the amount of force required to shoot bright yellow watery fecal matter six feet across the room should have been more than enough to propel him headfirst off the changing table.

Yet he remained in place with a decidedly content look on his face. After a lot of scrubbing, the poo finally came out of the carpet, which now has an unsightly new-carpet-clean spot where the crap gernade landed.

E!

I, too, was googling for "clean baby poop from carpet" and came across this post. After a good laugh though, I needed to go look up how to actually get the shit off the carpet, since my son had a TAE not 5 minutes ago and the stink if fresh on my fingers. SO - to celan the poop: mix one cup of water to 1 tsp each of dish detergent and white vinegar. Do the blot/scrub thing, and then be thankful that it's only on the carpet and not somewhere *really* bad, say, in your mouth. (Let's just say it was a true TAE nightmare).

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