Fatherhood & the Fraternity of Man

For the past few days, I've been struggling to find the words to express not only my sadness and empathy for all the Tsunami victims in Asia but also my utter joy and elation over becoming a father this past year. As the new year dawns, I'm having a hard time reconciling these opposing feelings so excuse me if this entry seems somewhat disjointed.

For those of you who have been reading this parenting blog, I don't think I have to tell you that having a baby girl this past year has changed my life. Aside from my wedding day, the Peanut's birth was the single greatest day of my life. I'm absolutely crazy in love with my little 13-week old daughter. She's absolutely wonderful and I love her more than I ever thought I was capable of. If it's even possible, I think I love her more every single day. I'd kill or die for her. And if anything ever happened to her, my grief would be greater than the depths of Hades.

They say that the tsunami's death toll will easily surpass 150,000 people. Of that, it's estimated that half of the casualties are children. Even more have become orphans.

Now I'm generally one of the more optimistic people you'll ever meet. I'm cynical as hell but I've got a fairly bright outlook on life and I try to live my life to the absolute fullest. When I was 17, a drunk taxi driver slammed into my tin-can Honda, sending me into a massive tailspin and completely totalling my car. The policemen investigating the scene told me that if the point of impact had been about a foot away, I would have been crushed to death. Instead, I walked away without a scratch.

When I was 21, I was held hostage at gunpoint by a lunatic who had gone off his meds. He had a small aresenal of weapons with him and was firing them randomly. Friends on both sides of me were shot. After 4 hours, I escaped by jumping out a window. After another 4 hours, a S.W.A.T. team came in and took the guy out. Again, I walked away without a scratch.

When I was 26, I was on a business trip in Sri Lanka. I'd been there a week and decided to leave a day earlier to head back to the U.S. The day after I left, bombs were detonated at both the airport and the hotel where I had been staying. Once more, I was lucky to be alive.

So needless to say, I'm generally not one who takes life for granted. It can all be taken away so quickly. Every day, I'm grateful for being alive and for having a wonderful wife and a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Life is fucking short, my friends. Live it up. Dance naked. Carpe Diem. And like the saying goes, "don't sweat the petty things. And don't pet the sweaty things."

As I look around the blogosphere, I see a lot of posts about New Year's resolutions. Or about the kids opening their Christmas presents. And maybe fatherhood has made me a little more emotional than usual but I'm surprised more parents with children aren't viewing the tragedy in Asia and realizing just how fortunate they are. My heart goes out to all the victims. Being a new father, I'm filled with sadness at the destructiveness the tsunami has wreaked on thousands of families. I can't stop thinking about the children.

One of my best friends narrowly escaped death this past week. He and his girlfriend were supposed to be in Phuket, Thailand for vacation. They go there several times a year and always stay at the same hotel. But this year, at the last minute, they ended up changing their itinerary to Indonesia. Fortunately, when the tsunami struck, they were on the other side of the Sumatra and were unaffected. However, the hotel that they were going to stay at in Thailand was decimated. The guests who were staying in their room were killed by the tsunami.

He wrote me the following e-mail that I received two days ago...

"I wish you all a healthy and happy New Year. Please realize how lucky we all are and so fortunate to have our families, our friends and our homes. Not forgetting these blessings will be my resolution this year and I will take more time to be thankful for everything I have. It could be gone from one minute to another so we have to appreciate what we’ve been given."

I think that's the best New Year's resolution I've heard yet. So I pass it on to all of you and wish you and your families all the best for the coming year. May we all realize how lucky and fortunate we are. And in the coming year, let's remember to help those less fortunate than us.

As the ancient philospher Seneca once said, "Dum inter homines sumus, colamus humanitatem"
(As long as we are among humans, let us always be humane.)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Comments

[Terri]

Trust me, we parents are thinking about the tsunami tragedy. But to write about it in regards to our own children would make it much too real. Something this tragic is a parenting nightmare, something no parent wants to think about for more than half a second.

Happy New Year to you and yours, as well.

[Kristie]

I think about the children who are now orphans, hungry, lonely, scared. The only thing I can personally do is donate money through one of the many donation links that have been set up. I'm not in a position to go there and physically help, and to be honest I don't think I could surround myself with that kind of devastation.

I made my donation anonymously, and since I think it's our duty as humans to help out if we can I didn't feel as though I should draw attention to it. Many, many people are writing about it and pointing the way to donation sites. So, I write about my resolution, my kid's presents, my presents...and the crappy day I had yesterday.

You have been very lucky in life. Not many people have experienced even one of the kinds of close calls you just told us about and lived to tell about it. I'm glad you made it out of those situations.

Happy New Year to you, BossLady and Peanut. Thank you for contributing to the blogosphere.

[L.A. Daddy]

Beautiful thoughts as we enter the New Year. We should all remember to be thankful for all that we have. I hope your post inspires people to donate and help others. But meanwhile, I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog. Not only are you a great writer but you seem like a great father. Happy New Year to you and your family!

[ange]

Oh my.. you have 9 lives????

[cooper]

Metro, you have one lucky little Peanut.

[JenL]

Thank you for very eloquently saying what I've been turning around in my head for over a week.

I've tried to personalize this disaster and failed miserably. Perhaps because I have been so insulated from tragedy, especially one of this magnitude? Or maybe it is some sort of Parental Emotional Protection scheme...to personalize it would cause a grief too much for me to bear?

Yet, hundreds of thousands of my fellow man are carrying that exact grief right now. I hold them in my thoughts and prayers, even if I can't verbalize exactly how...

[Jenny]

I am right with ya Metro. I have had many a close calls in my short life and witnessed my first husband's death and my second husband's near death experience. Life is short and most of us tend to dwell on stupid things, wasting precious time. My losses have taught me to Live life...stop rushing, take the time to stop and help someone on the street, take an extra minute to say I love you to whomever it is you love. My heart aches for those poor people, all I can do for them is pray for them and donate money. I know what grief is and I wish more than anything I could take their's away for them. Take care of yourself, Bosslady and peanut!

[Janis]

I haven't written about the disaster on my blog because honestly, I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around the devastation there.

It isn't that I don't care, I do. I've made donations to Red Cross and dropped off goods to ship.

I looked at some of the photo's online and was struck by one in particular. A blonde little guy who lost both parents. The look on his face, in his eyes, haunts me. I've seen that look before, on my own children in different circumstances. It brought so many painful memories rushing back.

I'm hoping I don't sound awful, but as I said, I can't even begin to comprehend this horror. And if I can't do that, how can I write about it? I don't know how to put into words what I am feeling, what I am thinking. It's all just so horrible..

I hope people who don't write about the disaster aren't dismissed as shallow.. it could be that we feel the pain so deeply, we can't begin to express it.

[LOD]

Wow. Looks like there are far more skeletons in your closet than I thought. From the looks of all those near-misses, it's clear you've done your share of dabbling in the black arts.

[MetroDad]

Hey folks...in no way did I mean to imply that if you didn't (or couldn't) blog about the tsunami then you were uncaring or shallow. I think it's just that I personalized the tragedy very deeply. For the past few days, I haven't been able to think about much else. I can't stop thinking about the devastated families in Asia, about my recent entry into parenthood, and about how these two events have combined to make me a little more self-reflective than usual. But I certainly didn't mean to imply that anyone who didn't write about the tragedy didn't care about it. I was just surprised more parents hadn't. That's all. No harm, no foul.

[Janis]

Dad,

I wasn't trying to make you feel bad at all. Sorry if I did. I was just trying to explain why *I* haven't written in my blog about this event.

It's interesting though as I read different blogs, different parenting sites different web sites to see who is writing about it, what they are writing.

On one blog a commentor chastised people for writing light-hearted comments about a hair-do when there was so much trauma and pain going on in the world right now. She basically told everyone they were soul-less, shallow beings who were far beneath her. Yikes!

That said, I do not equate her post with yours. Not even on the same level. Hers was a slamming dig, yours was thoughtful pondering.

I was just giving my perspective. And some of that is tainted by the dingbat from another blog. (who by the way promptly got her ass served to her on a platter)

Keep up the good work here!

I voted for you earlier today by the way. Please send my check to the PO Box addy I emailed you! (Just kidding folks!)

[Puffin]

I personally haven't written about it for two reason. The first reason is simply the over saturation of death that we are all being exposed to. Not that it isn't horrible and eye-opening, but I am not going to say anything that hasn't all ready been said.

The other reason is exactly what you said about it being a parent's worst nightmare. I can't imagine. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to lose one of the Puffettes. I would be devistated. Being from New York you are probably well aware of Jon Bon Jovi's song August 7 from his Destination Anywhere CD...Dude It's an awesome song...Makes you very aware of the realities of kidnapping, but knowing the song is about a true story, I can't listen to it. I can't listen without picturing it happening to one of the Puffettes. I just don't know what I would do.

[Jim]

Yeah, I'm glad you clarified that, MD, on first reading I thought it was a slam against those of us who chose to not comment (per the trackback).

It's too bad it takes death and destruction to move people to give, though. It seems to me the true sign of abundance is not how much we have but how much we can share.

[Jumbo's Pop]

Great blog, MD, I feel ya.

A fellow NYC KA MD.

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