"I've been shot! Somebody give me some breast milk! Quick!"

The Peanut officially turned 8 weeks old yesterday!

So, being generous parents, how did we celebrate this auspicious occasion? Getting her a cake? Taking family photos? Buying her a special outfit? Nope, not us! We celebrated by taking the Peanut to the pediatrician so she could get stabbed in the leg with two large needles by a woman whose intentions to vaccinate our daughter were really masking her deep-seated sadistic tendencies!

Remember the scene in "Pulp Fiction" when John Travolta has to stab Uma Thurman in the chest with an adrenaline-filled needle in order to revive her? ("No, Vincent, you don't gotta stab her three times! You gotta stab her once, but it's gotta be hard enough to break through her breastplate into her heart, and then once you do that, you press down on the plunger.") Well, that's how I felt when they stuck the needle into Daddy's little girl. My fatherhood instincts took over immediately and I had to keep myself from knocking the nurse practitioner flat on her ass. It's amazing how protective I am of my daughter. I'm already feeling sorry for the first guy who tries to take her on a date.

Anyway...after I reined myself in and checked to make sure the BossLady was still on her feet (she faints when someone even mentions the word "needle"), I took a look over at the Peanut. Man, you should have seen her face. She was fucking pissed! She started looking around to see whose ass she should start kicking first when her eyes locked onto me. And let's just say that we'll score one more for Nature because apparently the KDS (Korean Death Stare) is passed on by genetic code. The Peanut's eyes were practically burning a hole through my head.

Of course, I immediately ran over to the Peanut and turned her head so that she was staring right at the nurse. And like a whimpering wuss, I started babbling, "it wasn't me, baby. I swear. It was HER! She's the evil mofo who stabbed you in the leg."

Thankfully, my precious daughter eventually stopped crying and calmed down. And like her mother and father, she dealt with the trauma by having a big dinner and crashing out early. Of course, most importantly, we were all extremely relieved to learn that Peanut didn't have any adverse reactions to the vaccinations. Not a single side effect at all! Or was there? Because although we're not sure whether it was related to the shots or not but our little 8-week old Peanut SLEPT 8 STRAIGHT HOURS LAST NIGHT! Woo hoo! (Her previous best was about 4.5 hours.)

Hopefully, this is the start of a new trend. Maybe she's turned the corner and will now be able to sleep peacefully throughout the entire night. How fantastic would that be? I think I'd jump for joy, skip to my lou, and pee in my pants! My beautiful daughter sleeping through the night would be the greatest Christmas present ever! (Shit! I just fucking jinxed myself, didn't I? Oh well.)

Meanwhile, in the process of giving Peanut her immunization shots, we also learned that she's almost 24" and is tipping in at a whopping 13 lbs, 6 oz. For a baby her age (8 weeks), this puts her close to the 90th and 97th percentiles, respectively. When I asked the doctor whether it was possible that I was being a little overindulgent in feeding the baby, she just smiled and told me that Peanut was fine and was "extremely healthy." Is this some sort of medical euphemism? In 10 years, is she going to tell me that our little butterball is just "big boned."

But you know what? Fuck it. Because I'm just grateful that the Peanut is healthy and can now sleep through the night. (Dammit. I just jinxed myself AGAIN!) And I'm also glad she's not pissed at me anymore ('cause she'll have plenty of time for that during her teenage years)

Happy 8-week old birthday, Peanut! See you in the morning!

Comments

[Suzanne]

I remember that well! That puzzled, pissed off look my son gave me, as he wondered what the heck it was that just poked him. Even that sad little hurt-feelings pout he got right before he started to cry. God I love my little punkin!!!
enjoy your blog...

[L.A. Daddy]

Did Peanut make it through the nite?

[don]

I wouldn't count on the sleeping through the night thing just yet. I'd give it say...2 more years.

The bad part is that you get so used to them waking up in the night that when they stop doing it, you wake up anyway and have a panic attack because they're not awake so something must be wrong. So you get up to check on them, and of course they're fine, but now you're out of bed anyway and in the dark you step on some happy meal toy or something and you can only curse under your breath or you might wake the kid up. Welcome to parenthood.

[Kim Voynar]

Let me let you in on a little secret, bud: they only sleep 8 hours at a stretch every now and then to LURE you into thinking that you're going to be getting a full night's sleep regularly again. Ask Jay how many full 8 hour nights we get around here....

[BossLady]

Thanks for jinxing us Metrodad. While YOU may slept through the night, Peanut was back to her usual self and woke me up at 5am. So glad it's the weekend when it's YOUR turn to do the 5am shift. xoxo.

[MetroDad]

Sorry, BossLady!

Didn't mean to jinx us. If it's any consolation, I promise to take care of Peanut all weekend so you can get some much-deserved Mommy rest. Before you go to bed, just leave your boobs near the fridge so I can feed Peanut the fresh stuff.

I love you, BossLady! You're the BREAST! (hahaha...still funny!)

Love,
MetroDad

[Terri]

Don't stress yourself too much, guys. She'll get to sleeping. You're just paying your dues like the rest of us in parentland have.

[Susan]

Korean Death Stare . . . bawhahahaha!!

[Kin]

On that note...is this not the coolest Halloween costume ever?
Uma

Oh yeah...shot's can make them sleepy, but they may end up crying for 5 hours straight to make up for it.

[Alison]

I love your blog!! Thanks for sharing, BossLady and MetroDad!!

[Big Mark]

Good job, thanks