The Peanut officially turned 8 weeks old yesterday!
So, being generous parents, how did we celebrate this auspicious occasion? Getting her a cake? Taking family photos? Buying her a special outfit? Nope, not us! We celebrated by taking the Peanut to the pediatrician so she could get stabbed in the leg with two large needles by a woman whose intentions to vaccinate our daughter were really masking her deep-seated sadistic tendencies!
Remember the scene in "Pulp Fiction" when John Travolta has to stab Uma Thurman in the chest with an adrenaline-filled needle in order to revive her? ("No, Vincent, you don't gotta stab her three times! You gotta stab her once, but it's gotta be hard enough to break through her breastplate into her heart, and then once you do that, you press down on the plunger.") Well, that's how I felt when they stuck the needle into Daddy's little girl. My fatherhood instincts took over immediately and I had to keep myself from knocking the nurse practitioner flat on her ass. It's amazing how protective I am of my daughter. I'm already feeling sorry for the first guy who tries to take her on a date.
Anyway...after I reined myself in and checked to make sure the BossLady was still on her feet (she faints when someone even mentions the word "needle"), I took a look over at the Peanut. Man, you should have seen her face. She was fucking pissed! She started looking around to see whose ass she should start kicking first when her eyes locked onto me. And let's just say that we'll score one more for Nature because apparently the KDS (Korean Death Stare) is passed on by genetic code. The Peanut's eyes were practically burning a hole through my head.
Of course, I immediately ran over to the Peanut and turned her head so that she was staring right at the nurse. And like a whimpering wuss, I started babbling, "it wasn't me, baby. I swear. It was HER! She's the evil mofo who stabbed you in the leg."
Thankfully, my precious daughter eventually stopped crying and calmed down. And like her mother and father, she dealt with the trauma by having a big dinner and crashing out early. Of course, most importantly, we were all extremely relieved to learn that Peanut didn't have any adverse reactions to the vaccinations. Not a single side effect at all! Or was there? Because although we're not sure whether it was related to the shots or not but our little 8-week old Peanut SLEPT 8 STRAIGHT HOURS LAST NIGHT! Woo hoo! (Her previous best was about 4.5 hours.)
Hopefully, this is the start of a new trend. Maybe she's turned the corner and will now be able to sleep peacefully throughout the entire night. How fantastic would that be? I think I'd jump for joy, skip to my lou, and pee in my pants! My beautiful daughter sleeping through the night would be the greatest Christmas present ever! (Shit! I just fucking jinxed myself, didn't I? Oh well.)
Meanwhile, in the process of giving Peanut her immunization shots, we also learned that she's almost 24" and is tipping in at a whopping 13 lbs, 6 oz. For a baby her age (8 weeks), this puts her close to the 90th and 97th percentiles, respectively. When I asked the doctor whether it was possible that I was being a little overindulgent in feeding the baby, she just smiled and told me that Peanut was fine and was "extremely healthy." Is this some sort of medical euphemism? In 10 years, is she going to tell me that our little butterball is just "big boned."
But you know what? Fuck it. Because I'm just grateful that the Peanut is healthy and can now sleep through the night. (Dammit. I just jinxed myself AGAIN!) And I'm also glad she's not pissed at me anymore ('cause she'll have plenty of time for that during her teenage years)
Happy 8-week old birthday, Peanut! See you in the morning!