A thimble of scotch, some medication, a hearty meal and a solid bowel movement all helped the Peanut fly comfortably on her maiden air voyage. Wait a sec! I take it all back. That wasn't her. It was me. I was the one who flew comfortably all the way from New York to Dallas. And do you know why, my friends? Because the Peanut proved to be a varsity traveller and COMPLETELY SLEPT THE ENTIRE WAY! I guess flying really is in her blood.
Now, while it may be true that God was Peanut's co-pilot on her virgin flight, I'm thinking that the Infant Tylenol didn't hurt either. Anyway, as it turns out, things really couldn't have gone more smoothly. In fact, the stress of the unknown turned out to be far worse than the actual experience. (Isn't that always the case?)
When we arrived at the airport, the Peanut smiled, cooed and charmed the ticket agent into getting us upgraded to First Class. My daughter's charm and powers of persuasion were quite admirable. However, they were also a little scary. Pretty soon, she'll be using these powers against me and I'm going to be taking out a second mortage in order to buy her a pony. Anyway, the upgrades to First Class seemed to be a good premonition of karmic harmony. Immediately, we were much more at ease about flying. After all, we figured that in a worst-case scenario, we'd only end up pissing off 10 people instead of 120. I liked our odds.3
Getting through security was semi-comical but generally painless. Thankfully, there were two couples ahead of us with newborn babies. We basically watched them and repeated their actions like French mimes on a Parisian street corner. The only slight glitch was when our carry-on bags went through the X-ray machine. Apparently, breast pumps look like H-bombs and need to be examined thoroughly. The lone female security officer came over to us and joked about how none of the male guards ever realize they're looking at a breast pump and always force the mothers to open their luggage. Once the guards realize what they're looking at, they get all embarassed, close the suitcases and sheepishly send the mothers on their way.
But once we got on the plane, everything went fine. We took all your advice to heart and it all worked out beautifully! Internet, you saved us once again. From the bottom of our hearts, the BossLady and I sincerely thank you sharing the sum total of your parenting experiences. We'll be asking for your help and relying on you again in the future (particularly during the Peanut's teenage years). Hope that's alright with you. Together, we all make great parents. I guess it really does take a village!
Hope you all had a great Christmas, Hannukah or Kwanzaa.