After 7 days of practice, I thought I was getting the hang of changing diapers. But today, Peanut's butt decided to stage her own version of Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory. The whole thing was a comedy of errors. In fact, I'm not even sure exactly what happened. It was like a drive-by shooting, the whole thing occured so quickly. I can't even figure out how best to explain the enormity of her bowel movements...poop per square meter, poop as a percentage of total body weight, poop as a measure of relative density. All I know is that the fucking poop was flying everywhere. And unfortunately, in today's episodic disaster, a lot of it ended up on my fingers.
It's only my extreme love for the Peanut that prevents me from being utterly disgusted. I've suffered Montezuma's revenge on every continent on the planet. I've had 2 dogs, a cat, a rabbit, multiple gerbils, a parrot, goldfish and guinea pig. But NEVER have I experienced ANY form of skin-to-feces contact.
And you know what? The funny thing is that I didn't mind at all. I just had to stop and laugh at myself. Just a year ago, BossLady and I were using miles to take spontaneous weekend trips to Paris so we could party with friends over there. Not too long ago, our favorite hobby was trying to sample every single sushi restaurant on the island of Manhattan. And it was only until very recently that bottle service didn't mean formula and expressed breast milk.
But standing there today in the baby room with pee on my face and shit all over my fingers, with my daughter looking up at me with a gigantic smile on her face...
I don't think I've ever been happier. Ever.
Awwww. Ha! It's good that you don't mind the poop because the alternative is no poop and that's way worse! At least you know you have a very regular Peanut.
Posted by: Kristie | October 15, 2004 at 09:32 AM
Congratulations. You've been annointed. Now you're a *real* parent! ;) (Oh, and Kudos to you for giving your lovely little Peanut "the good stuff"! Expressed or on tap, there's nothing better!)
Posted by: Misti | October 15, 2004 at 01:12 PM
Heh. Welcome to the world of parenthood, my friend. Congratualtions, you're officially a daddy now.
If only J. and I had a dollar for everytime one of us has had some type of bodily excrement on us, we could buy that horse farm I want now.
Posted by: Kim Voynar | October 16, 2004 at 09:10 AM
Today I got the leaky diaper. Peanut took a whiz while I was holding her and basically baptized my "transition" pants. Glad it wasn't the mustard custard!
Posted by: BossLady | October 18, 2004 at 05:06 PM
Luckily I can say I never got pooped on but I remember with our first the wife and I were arguing about the right way to change the diaper and of course left the penis exposed and the next thing I knew he was peeing all over me. From that day on, however I did the diaper was OK as long as the stuff stayed inside.
Posted by: Tom | October 21, 2004 at 10:44 AM
Yes I have definatley found that I am A LOT less fussy now that I have put two boys through nappies.
It used to be that a dropped fork on the floor would see me running to the cutlery draw but now it's a different story.
I believe having another human's crap and urine on your hands and sometimes clothes on a daily basis, makes you a lot more tolertant to the other grubby things you have to deal with in life.
Posted by: House Husband | October 22, 2004 at 05:00 AM
Good job, thanks
Posted by: Purtu Porti | April 19, 2005 at 05:48 AM
Nasty fucks
Posted by: | November 08, 2008 at 01:46 PM